New couple looking for advice

Hey everyone! My wife and I are new here and not in the LS persay. We have no experience with other couples other than a drunken night camping when we had sex in the same tent as our friends while they were having sex also. We have talked about this for a long time and we are wanting to venture out to try new things. We’re going on a cruise next month (May ‘19) and we’re thinking about trying to find another female or couple to play with, soft swap etc. Does anyone have any advice on ways to spot other LS couples, and to subtly bring up the topic? We will be going with another married couple but they are vanilla (I’ve learned many new terms browsing these threads lol). Any info is helpful. Thanks in advance!

Vanilla cruises are among the worst spots to find LS partners. Plenty of advice around if you search for it.

Agree with adamgunn. You are unlikely to meet a lifestyle couple on a vanilla cruise and if you try to recruit a vanilla couple into the lifestyle, you may wind up overboard.

Better idea is to join your best local LS website like SLS or SDC. Look for a meet and greet or similar activity and see how it goes.

Next time, book a lifestyle cruise... a target rich area! But you will have to plan out as they fill as much as a year in advance. Many are sold out for 2020 now.

Before you book the LS cruise I recommend either a visit to a club or start looking for matches on swinger sites. Subscribe to the site for three months and see who might fit particularly someone local. After correspondence and even some phone or online calls, schedule a coffee or a adult beverage—one hour. If things click you can schedule a real date for soft swap, full, same room swap, separate room swap, whatever.

At a club go just to see and meet, not to party. See how the vibe and the people fit.

The thing about a LS cruise for rookies is that if there are any bumps the ship can be very tiny.

Also, chat with folks here and read up. Talk through things and set boundaries such as contact with other players between dates, play without your spouse.

Thank y’all for the advice! We obviously didn’t book the cruise to meet other LS couples, but we’re maybe hoping to meet other couples like us that were curious or even newbies in the LS scene.

I agree wholeheartedly about trying local clubs first, and that is something we’ve talked about as well. Being new though it still is a bit scary to actually go to a club and meet other couples.

Like I said, I greatly appreciate everyone’s advice and input, it has not fallen on deaf ears. Thanks again!

We were on a vanilla cruise and never in a million years were we looking to do anything like this. We did know that one of the ports had a nude beach and figured we would go as we didn’t know anyone who would be there. We had met people on the cruise and a few of us agreed to go to the nude beach together. If you ever went to a nude beach you know, we didn’t, that it’s not a sexy place. I don’t want to imply we are the hottest people on the beach. The people we went with were complete strangers to us before the cruise. Aside from getting a new sunburn and worrying about my body it was just going to be a bucket list thing.

Later, back on the ship, dinner then drinks with our new friends, one of the couples joked about swapping spouses. To this day I still blame it on the tequila.

I think most people remember firsts in their lives. Not all sexual firsts are great experiences, at least for me. I truly love my husband even though our first time together was not that memorable, he was just a date that ended in bed. I joke that we didn’t make love our first time.

Where was I ? Oh, meeting swingers on a ship. I don’t know how we got there or why. Just happy that we did. It was a first I will always remember.

Shore2Please, thanks for the reply! I honestly feel like this is the way it would happen, if anything does in fact happen. (Meet people on the ship/excursions, hang out have drinks, and someone “jokingly” brings it up) As for the nude beach, I didn’t look into that but that may be a good place to visit. At least you know you will be around other laid back people.

Shore2Please, thanks for the reply! I honestly feel like this is the way it would happen, if anything does in fact happen. (Meet people on the ship/excursions, hang out have drinks, and someone “jokingly” brings it up) As for the nude beach, I didn’t look into that but that may be a good place to visit. At least you know you will be around other laid back people.

Want to reiterate, we were not looking for this. The nude beach ended up being the catalyst. We did not bring the subject of swapping up, they did. I thought they were joking with us. Not only wasn’t I looking to jump in bed with another man, I was for sure not looking to see my husband in bed with another woman. We did swap separately in different cabins. I had great night. Heading back to my cabin my heart sank seeing seeing a nude woman in bed with my husband. I knew what they did, just ready to see it.

Looking back my night was fantastic.

If you want to catch fish, start fishing in a pond that you know already has fish in it. If you start fishing in a pet store, while there's ALWAYS a chance you may catch a fish, you probably won't catch the kind of fish you are looking for.

They might not be as "vanilla" as you think:) Some people do things on vacation that they might not do at home.

Just be friendly and smile. A smile goes a long way. A mile? A smile is a conversation starter. You can "test the waters" by introducing bits of conversation that might give you an idea if they might be open to the idea. As i said before, people will do things away from home that they might normally do.

"Some people do things on vacation that they might not do at home."

True, but . . . when on vacation, particularly when under the influence of alcohol or drugs, stuff happens and then feelings can get hurt. Drama! Tread carefully.

Hi

Find a local club and check it out......a night out just to observe, watch people, etc. If you have talked about this, given it some real thought, a night of observing can really help. If you are approached, better yet, talk things out and away you go....

Want to reiterate, we were not looking for this. The nude beach ended up being the catalyst. We did not bring the subject of swapping up, they did. I thought they were joking with us. Not only wasn’t I looking to jump in bed with another man, I was for sure not looking to see my husband in bed with another woman. We did swap separately in different cabins. I had great night. Heading back to my cabin my heart sank seeing seeing a nude woman in bed with my husband. I knew what they did, just ready to see it.

Looking back my night was fantastic.

Topless sunbathing has been a successful fishing lure with Mrs. E in the past. Seeing what happens when we're out and about out of town is a fun hobby, but I agree with the consensus that it's not very efficient. We'd be lucky to get the chemistry right for one encounter out of ten weekends partying.

I think for some people there's a line between "meeting strangers to have sex" and "going to a club that is designed for strangers to have sex".

.. Heading back to my cabin my heart sank seeing seeing a nude woman in bed with my husband..

Join a local swingers group, or a web based group, circulate, communicate with others on the site or members of the club, step by step and you will be at a point to decide what direction you want to go in

Join a site like SLS. Put some thought into your profile--it is your last chance to make a first impression. Be candid as you write--not only with the profile, but with each other. Refining what you put in, how you present yourselves, is a huge first step for both of you. Shameless plug next--we wrote an essay a few years back that reviews a bit of our thinking. If you are long term marrieds, you might find it useful to read and discuss between yourselves. See https://www.swingersboard.com/forums/topic/60722-swinging-consensual-non-monogamy-within-marriage/ Feel free to PM us--we got our start when we lived in STL.

Before you book the LS cruise I recommend either a visit to a club or start looking for matches on swinger sites. Subscribe to the site for three months and see who might fit particularly someone local. After correspondence and even some phone or online calls, schedule a coffee or a adult beverage—one hour. If things click you can schedule a real date for soft swap, full, same room swap, separate room swap, whatever.

 

At a club go just to see and meet, not to party. See how the vibe and the people fit.

 

The thing about a LS cruise for rookies is that if there are any bumps the ship can be very tiny.

 

Also, chat with folks here and read up. Talk through things and set boundaries such as contact with other players between dates, play without your spouse.

All of this is awesome advice. We haven't been on a Lifestyle cruise, but it's on our bucket list for someday, but I can totally see the point about that ship getting really small if it turns out it's not for you but venturing out of your cabin puts you right in the middle of something you don't want to be in.

Clubs and off-premise meet and greets are great for getting started swinging. SLS or one of the other personals sites is the best way to find events in your area. All clubs and events are not created equal though, so research a few to see which you think is the best fit, or even try out a few. Go with no expectation other than having a fun night out together. Do that and you can't go wrong!