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  1. #1
    Swingers Board Addict Emt's Avatar
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    Married Male
    Last night, my wife and I spoke at length about swinging. We both discussed our thoughts, desires, and rules/boundaries. To my surprise, we matched up perfectly and are on the exact same page! We agreed to take it slow and just feel things out initially but are both open to soft and full swaps only in same room with condoms for penetration being required. She also said she doesn't want other males cumming in her mouth and I explained she needed to be up front about that.

    We also watched an episode of the Playboy Swing reality show, together, which REALLY turned us on. We had some of the best sex we had in a while after watching that, talking about swinging, and imagining ourselves doing it. Who's to say what actually happens the first time I see my wife penetrated or the first time she watches me with another woman. But so far, so good. We'll also be constantly checking in and communicating before, during, and after we do anything.

    We both agreed we are going to drop a little weight before trying it. I'm 5'8" ~205 and she's 5'10" ~240.

    I'm going to keep learning here and trying to start dialogue with local clubs so we can familiarize ourselves.


  2. #2
    Swingers Board Addict CB&DD's Avatar
    Status
    couple
    SLS Profile
    CBandDD
    Nice, sounds like you two are off to a good start. Good luck and enjoy the adventure.

  3. #3
    Sounds like an excellent plan. Regarding planned weight loss--the decision to swing is often accompanied by a lot of 'lifestyle decisions'--grooming, fitness, wardrobe, weight change and so on. One of the most important steps in setting achievable-yet-stretch goals and encouraging each other along the way. This will vary for every couple, and yet working through these decisions and towards goals was an important step for us--and for others.

  4. #4
    Swingers Board Addict njbm's Avatar
    Status
    couple
    SLS Profile
    Scarletknight29
    I am currently on Jenny Craig. Lost 4 lbs. the first week.Not a difficult diet. Just follow directions. Having a better weight helps attract people and it helps performance and agility.

    We saw the comedian Martin Short recently. He said he’s been on Jenny Craig more often than Mr. Craig.

  5. #5
    You are smart to take it slowly. Once you've crossed the line you just can't go back. Now, nothing wrong with crossing the line but the talk, as you already know, is sure sexy too. As you're finding out, opening up a marriage to the possibility of others, turns a spouse into also a best friend.

  6. #6
    Swingers Board Addict Emt's Avatar
    Status
    Married Male
    Quote Originally Posted by Fundamental Law View Post
    Sounds like an excellent plan. Regarding planned weight loss--the decision to swing is often accompanied by a lot of 'lifestyle decisions'--grooming, fitness, wardrobe, weight change and so on. One of the most important steps in setting achievable-yet-stretch goals and encouraging each other along the way. This will vary for every couple, and yet working through these decisions and towards goals was an important step for us--and for others.
    This is my hope, that we'll make positive changes for ourselves that are LONG overdue, but have been delayed previously due to life stressors. We are now at a point where we can splurge on the fun stuff without it affecting much.

    Still curious to see what the local clubs are about and how people dress/present themselves. We shall see!

    Thanks!

  7. #7
    Take your time, enjoy the journey and not just the destination, stick to your rules and limits, and go for it!
    If you donít have to lie about sex, you donít have to lie about anything. - John Williamson

  8. #8
    It sounds very much like you're on the right path. The way you are starting out sounds very similar to the way many couples that had success in the lifestyle started out, including our own.

    Keep discussion open, honest, and non-judgmental. Everything is fair play. Always remember that you need to move at the pace of the slower of the two of you in going into the lifestyle. Each person is different, and one partner might be so excited they want to swing this weekend, while the other might want to take some months to mentally sort through it. You sound like you're on the same page. Make sure it stays that way.

    If you keep on as you are, and keep those lines of communication completely open, I think you will find the first time filled with nerves, but in a good way. Speaking as a guy, I think you will find it incredibly erotic and very satisfying watch your wife having sex with another man. Hopefully your wife will feel likewise about you with another woman.

    It's a good idea to lose weight in general, but keep in mind your own impressions of yourselves are very often wrong. People getting into lifestyle (forgive me ladies), especially women, have sometimes intense self doubt about their appearance, as if no one will find them attractive. Unless you're just hideous and/or have done nothing to put your best foot forward, then you will find couples to play with. That's the thing; act like you have self respect with your manner of dress, how you present yourself, how you eat. Others will pick up on it. This is true in life in general, and true in swinging. As a guy, if I were looking at two identical twins, and purely from a visual aspect, I would be far more drawn to the one in a dress, heels, hair nicely done, than the one in beaten up sneakers, dirty jeans, and unkempt hair.

  9. #9
    Swingers Board Addict Emt's Avatar
    Status
    Married Male
    Quote Originally Posted by bbarnsworth View Post
    It sounds very much like you're on the right path. The way you are starting out sounds very similar to the way many couples that had success in the lifestyle started out, including our own.

    Keep discussion open, honest, and non-judgmental. Everything is fair play. Always remember that you need to move at the pace of the slower of the two of you in going into the lifestyle. Each person is different, and one partner might be so excited they want to swing this weekend, while the other might want to take some months to mentally sort through it. You sound like you're on the same page. Make sure it stays that way.

    If you keep on as you are, and keep those lines of communication completely open, I think you will find the first time filled with nerves, but in a good way. Speaking as a guy, I think you will find it incredibly erotic and very satisfying watch your wife having sex with another man. Hopefully your wife will feel likewise about you with another woman.

    It's a good idea to lose weight in general, but keep in mind your own impressions of yourselves are very often wrong. People getting into lifestyle (forgive me ladies), especially women, have sometimes intense self doubt about their appearance, as if no one will find them attractive. Unless you're just hideous and/or have done nothing to put your best foot forward, then you will find couples to play with. That's the thing; act like you have self respect with your manner of dress, how you present yourself, how you eat. Others will pick up on it. This is true in life in general, and true in swinging. As a guy, if I were looking at two identical twins, and purely from a visual aspect, I would be far more drawn to the one in a dress, heels, hair nicely done, than the one in beaten up sneakers, dirty jeans, and unkempt hair.
    Thanks for sharing.

    Yes, we are definitely steam rolling right ahead with excellent honest and open communication. Once we get in a few more overnights with our son at grandma's house, then we'll feel comfortable going away until early the next morning or spending the night in a hotel by ourselves.

    I see what you mean about being hard on ourselves. We went to IKEA today and my wife and I were looking around at the other couples. I think we look good and I'm confident we'll find another couple to chat and hopefully play with.


  10. #10
    We tried after just 2 weeks of talking about it. Did just about everything wrong you could do. Our very stable and loving relationship took a hit, this is something she has wanted for a long time and just brought it to my attention. She said it was done, never again, etc. I told her I wanted to try it with her and talked it over. After 6 or 8 weeks of full discussions, what went wrong, how we feel, what we want and expect, what to do, not to do, safe touch, safe words, and so on, we tried again. We have 2 couples we play with regularly, one of them we hang out with as friends now, without playing as well(not everyone's cup of tea, but we enjoy it and the friendship) Everything has gone smooth, and with the help of others here, our communication is excellent (thank you GoldCoCouple for the advice) so when there is a "bump" we bring it up after the experience and adjust our rules and boundaries. Make sure you both know what you are getting into and the first time, at least for us, is not what you expect. Hell, sometimes with our regulars it isn't what we expected, we just make a point to have fun and keep to our rules. Best of luck!
    Mr. Dazed

  11. #11
    Swingers Board Addict Emt's Avatar
    Status
    Married Male
    Quote Originally Posted by dazanconfsd View Post
    We tried after just 2 weeks of talking about it. Did just about everything wrong you could do. Our very stable and loving relationship took a hit, this is something she has wanted for a long time and just brought it to my attention. She said it was done, never again, etc. I told her I wanted to try it with her and talked it over. After 6 or 8 weeks of full discussions, what went wrong, how we feel, what we want and expect, what to do, not to do, safe touch, safe words, and so on, we tried again. We have 2 couples we play with regularly, one of them we hang out with as friends now, without playing as well(not everyone's cup of tea, but we enjoy it and the friendship) Everything has gone smooth, and with the help of others here, our communication is excellent (thank you GoldCoCouple for the advice) so when there is a "bump" we bring it up after the experience and adjust our rules and boundaries. Make sure you both know what you are getting into and the first time, at least for us, is not what you expect. Hell, sometimes with our regulars it isn't what we expected, we just make a point to have fun and keep to our rules. Best of luck!
    Mr. Dazed
    I appreciate you sharing your experience with us! We're pretty confident in our relationship and the foundation it's built on. But who's to say what happens that first time I see my wife penetrated or her response to me having sex with a woman we just met. But without that initial experience, we can't grow. So I can understand how you were able to grow from that struggle.

    We definitely would love to develop friendships. Not sure how quickly that happens in the lifestyle but we'll find out!!

    Thanks again!!

  12. #12
    Liking It Here MrandMrsA's Avatar
    Status
    Male of Married Couple
    Do you listen to podcasts? I highly recommend the "We Gotta Thing" podcast. Kind of a how to about swinging and relationships in general. It has sparked many hours of conversation between me and SO.
    "Not everything you want is everything you really need." - Shaggy

  13. #13
    Swingers Board Addict Emt's Avatar
    Status
    Married Male
    I wanted to give another update. My wife and I are seriously increasing our dialogue about the LS and peeling back previous limitations on a consistent basis. Today it was gang-bangs. While I have no clue how the logistics work at a party/club, I asked her how she felt about me participating in one if invited. She encouraged it! I stopped at that point to check in with her about how she really felt and assured her it was safe to share concerns/discomfort. Nope! She said she loves all the things we've been talking about doing! We hugged each other and both shared how happy we were that the desires and dialogue have been so positive!

    No clue how things will actually unfold in person, but we're gonna start crossing some bridges when we come to them, that's for damned sure!!

    EDIT: We also set up a joint email account for the LS. We've had a joint checking for years, but an email we both monitor....for social and sexual purposes...this is new.

  14. #14
    I think it's about time to set up a trip to a club...not for anything to happen, just to watch. I think you'll both have a great time. Keep leaving updates!
    If you donít have to lie about sex, you donít have to lie about anything. - John Williamson

  15. #15
    EMT

    EDIT: We also set up a joint email account for the LS. We've had a joint checking for years, but an email we both monitor....for social and sexual purposes...this is new.
    That never occurred to me. I think this is a great idea. Thanks.

  16. #16
    Swingers Board Addict Emt's Avatar
    Status
    Married Male
    Quote Originally Posted by GoldCoCouple View Post
    I think it's about time to set up a trip to a club...not for anything to happen, just to watch. I think you'll both have a great time. Keep leaving updates!
    Unfortunately we have a VERY busy life. We've scheduled our club visit for May 4th.

    However, this weekend I suggested dinner out, she suggested a strip club for dessert. So that works to wet the appetite a bit.

  17. #17
    Swingers Board Addict Emt's Avatar
    Status
    Married Male
    Quote Originally Posted by lovefest04 View Post
    EMT

    EDIT: We also set up a joint email account for the LS. We've had a joint checking for years, but an email we both monitor....for social and sexual purposes...this is new.
    That never occurred to me. I think this is a great idea. Thanks.

    Well we agreed to be 100% open and have no secrets...this helps to ensure that. Plus there's both of us checking it so whoever emails us gets a prompter response.


  18. #18
    Liking It Here MrandMrsA's Avatar
    Status
    Male of Married Couple
    Quote Originally Posted by Emt View Post
    We've scheduled our club visit for May 4th.
    May the fourth be with you. 😁
    "Not everything you want is everything you really need." - Shaggy

  19. #19
    Swingers Board Addict Emt's Avatar
    Status
    Married Male
    Quote Originally Posted by MrandMrsA View Post
    May the fourth be with you. ��
    Not sure if this is a universal club/party theme in the LS but yes...that's actually the theme of the night according to the club owner. Neither of us are Star Wars fans although my son is a fan. Maybe we'll carry around a couple of expandable light sabers and fight each other on the dance floor.

  20. #20
    Swingers Board Addict adamgunn's Avatar
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    Couple.
    SLS Profile
    sextiescouple
    A Princess Leia costume could be good - and the cinnamon buns could be used as a snack after sex!

  21. #21
    Swingers Board Addict Emt's Avatar
    Status
    Married Male
    Quote Originally Posted by adamgunn View Post
    A Princess Leia costume could be good - and the cinnamon buns could be used as a snack after sex!
    I just talked to the club owner. She said about have the people dress up and it's one of the biggest parties they throw so we're fine not to dress up. I like knowing it'll be a big party though... increases the likelihood of us finding people we can connect with. Not exactly sure how the approach works. But I figure we'll see people we find attractive, go over and talk to them, if we hit it off keep going and if not move on to another couple after 5-10min of chatting.

  22. #22
    A little glow in the dark paint and may the schwartz be with you!

    https://zippy.gfycat.com/VengefulBowedDunlin.webm
    If you donít have to lie about sex, you donít have to lie about anything. - John Williamson

  23. #23
    Swingers Board Addict njbm's Avatar
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    couple
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    Scarletknight29
    Make sure that your light saber works. I bought generic Viagra for $3 a pill (100mg) yesterday. 50mg is enough for me, so I will use a pill splitter.

  24. #24
    Swingers Board Addict adamgunn's Avatar
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    Couple.
    SLS Profile
    sextiescouple
    "I like knowing it'll be a big party though... increases the likelihood of us finding people we can connect with"

    Actually, it might have the opposite effect. There will be so many people, so much excitement that you may have trouble winnowing the chaff. Not to worry though, go, have fun, it will be what it will be. Don't overthink.

  25. #25
    Swingers Board Addict Emt's Avatar
    Status
    Married Male
    Quote Originally Posted by njbm View Post
    Make sure that your light saber works. I bought generic Viagra for $3 a pill (100mg) yesterday. 50mg is enough for me, so I will use a pill splitter.
    I have a fresh bottle of 30 100mg.

    I'm actually testing a half of one tomorrow night because, while I'm in my mid-30's now...I haven't taken any since I was in my early 20's. Want to see if I still just get a stiff cock and stuffy nose. If so, we're good to go!

    And definitely use GoodRX for scrips. That was even cheaper than my insurance. I got the bottle of 30 for under $40.

    Thanks!


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