First Time Couple Anxious About Swinging

Hi...I would like everyone’s feedback on their first time and if they or their SO had anxiety about it.

My SO and I are new to this...it started with me stating I like the dirty talk...he said one time he wanted to watch me with a guy...after the fact I asked if he meant it. SO does have a fantasy of watch me have sex...which lead us to talking and now here

We are both interested and just discussing it turns us on. I have some anxiety (from a previous relationship that really ruined my confidence) and while my SO is extremely supportive and allows me to over analyze the situation....I just want to know if anyone else had anxiety about it.

My anxiety is that I won’t be good enough, and I am concerned about my reaction with seeing him with another female. Like I have said...we have discussed this so much and I have be reassured that it’s something we will do together...I just can’t get my irrational voice to shut up and let me enjoy this process and exploring ( bc I do really enjoy it and really want to try!!)

We are out of central CT...looking for any input on a club or party we can go to that I can watch and see how we each react and hopefully maybe start to progress further!

Any insight or guidance is much welcomed!!!

A club is a good way to just get used to the idea of sex with other people involved. You are under no obligation to play with others or with each other or at all. Just get used to the vibe of open and respectful sexuality. A same room, full swap might be too intense and distracting. Soft swap is a great way to warm into the Lifestyle and to make friends.

Anxiety is a normal part of it. We all have mechanisms built in to our mental and physical make up that protect us from harming ourselves. In the case of swinging most of us have been led to believe that anything other than a completely monogamous relationship is dangerous and so we should protect our relationship by keeping it monogamous. Your previous relationship that was not 100% supportive reinforced the idea that relationships are fragile. Instead of you learning to lean on your partner for emotional support you probably learned to close off and not express who you really were. I've been there.

A club is a great 1st step. It will be full of like minded people who, for the most part, aren't pushy or judgmental. You're all there for the same sexually charged atmosphere and they will respect whatever your boundaries are. Maybe the best thing is the confidence boost you'll get from it. Before you go treat yourself to something that makes you feel sexy. Take that confidence through the door and you'll be surprised what a magnet it is. The peacocking and cattiness that you'd find in a vanilla setting is almost non-existent so women aren't threatened by another hot woman. The one thing a club is not lacking on is compliments from men and women alike.

As Sawman said. Just go and absorb the atmosphere. I would suggest even going the first time with an agreement that no play with others will take place. See what it's all about. Meet some people, watch others, let others watch you if it feels right then go home and digest it all. Discuss what you liked, what you didn't and modify your boundaries if you are both comfortable with it. There doesn't ever have to be a checklist of things you have to do or a sprint to the finish. There should be a discussion of what you are interested in doing and how you might get there. Take baby steps and keep communicating.

JennyB904 said:

Hi...I would like everyone’s feedback on their first time and if they or their SO had anxiety about it.

 

My SO and I are new to this...it started with me stating I like the dirty talk...he said one time he wanted to watch me with a guy...after the fact I asked if he meant it. SO does have a fantasy of watch me have sex...which lead us to talking and now here

 

We are both interested and just discussing it turns us on. I have some anxiety (from a previous relationship that really ruined my confidence) and while my SO is extremely supportive and allows me to over analyze the situation....I just want to know if anyone else had anxiety about it.

 

My anxiety is that I won’t be good enough, and I am concerned about my reaction with seeing him with another female. Like I have said...we have discussed this so much and I have be reassured that it’s something we will do together...I just can’t get my irrational voice to shut up and let me enjoy this process and exploring ( bc I do really enjoy it and really want to try!!)

 

We are out of central CT...looking for any input on a club or party we can go to that I can watch and see how we each react and hopefully maybe start to progress further!

 

Any insight or guidance is much welcomed!!!

Hi JennyB, and welcome.

Your feelings are normal is this activity. I have just posted a story on this site relating to a first encounter. (It should be up in a day or so.) I tend to get a little detailed into feelings and emotions in my stories so you might find areas striking a cord.

If you get the chance give it a read, and let me know what you think. I don’t know if it will answer any questions or result in even more. But in your stage of the game, you might find it interesting.

I would love to read the story! Where could I find it!

JennyB904 said:

Hi...I would like everyone’s feedback on their first time and if they or their SO had anxiety about it....

While you are gathering more information on this, you may want to check out "Playboy Swing".

While maybe not a 100% definitive look at the Lifestyle (not that any one show could likely do this effectively, as the LS is just too diverse), it will probably give you some insight into your question, as many of the guests are newbies, or even first-timers. There is a sort of "therapy" session at the end of each episode that can be helpful as well.

Not all of them were great, but several really gave me something to think about and consider, in one way or another.

Sometimes it is surprising to see who balks, and who dives in. A few are fraught with drama... it all can happen.

The better prepared you are, the better your chances are for success. But in the end, you just have to put yourself out there and give it a go... to really find out how you will react.

Swinging is entirely built upon love trust and communication. If any of those three are weak or lacking, then jealousy, lies and deception is given the change to undermine the foundation. The better the relationship: the better the love, trust and communication are, the less the anxiety will be. Talk with your SO, determine your rules and limits, STICK TO THEM, and then go visit a club...you'll find out that you are more than good enough. I'm sorry that another man damaged you the way he did, but in all seriousness, this will help repair some of that. Beauty is only skin deep, sexiness comes from deep within and has nothing to do with beauty. Without ever even seeing you, we can tell that you have that sexiness inside. Time to let it back out. Let us know how things progress.

Thank you all for the kind words and encouragement!!

It’s truly helping us on this journey

I’ll post updates as we progress!

Hey Everyone!

Small update We’ve been chatting with a few couples and met one for drinks last night. We agreed prior that we would not go home with them.

Butbdinner was great! A lot of my anxiety has subsided (at least for now) I really enjoyed myself and SO enjoyed the dinner and me.

We are planning on going on another date with this couple and see where things lead us....also have plans to visit the club!

Thanks again!