My wife loves to flash, but unwilling to swing

Hi everyone - we are a couple in our early 50's, not in the lifestyle - although I'd like to be. My wife and I have talked about various fantasies, and she is not necessarily turned off by the idea of swinging, but as of yet she is unwilling to go there. (And I am ok with that - I'm not pressuring her at all).

She is, however, into flashing. Specifically when we travel, she'll do a strip tease in front of our hotel window, and we'll end up having sex in front of the window and talking about people that may be watching.

This is VERY enjoyable for me, and I am not complaining at all, but I'm also confused about why she would be unwilling to go to a swing club and do the same thing, or even take the next step and have someone join us.

To me it seems like a logical connection, but obviously I am missing something.

To all those with experience - is flashing like that a "first step?" Like the gateway to something more? Or is it just her kink, and that's that.

Just curious if anyone else has flashing experience that has led to something else.

Thank you!

For her exhibitionism is swinging and that's fine. It gives her pleasure, it gives you pleasure, and it gives the observers' pleasure. You will find that this community is very serious about agency, that is, complete informed consent. If you are very fortunate you and your wife will be in complete alignment as to your desires and fantasies. In this case you desire more to non-monogamy that she does. As you communicate and as both of you grow the non-monogamy can grow too. Just be clear to her what your desires are and let her grow to meet them. As someone once said, you may never get to the mountaintop.

Many couples take incremental steps into swinging. Some go the full route and end up with full swaps. Others will not go beyond the first step which is their comfort level. We know some couples that like to get with other couples for sexy fun but don't exchange partners nor allow kissing of others. And another couple that we met and became good friends with. But she would not play in the same room we were in because she "knew" us. And yet, she will go to a club and have her husband screw her brains out while others watch because they are all strangers.

My point is, take it to where you and her are both comfortable with. And be glad she feels adventurous enough to do what she does. There are so many other couples out there that would gladly trade their pure vanilla life for a little of what you two do together. It may never go further than that or she may surprise you some day. Mine surprised me on one trip and said she was ready for full swap. We have never looked back...that was a couple of years ago.

My current comfort level is much like your wife's. I started out wearing sexy clothes when hubby and I would go out, and over a few years that progressed to me wearing very revealing outfits that might "accidentally" result in a flash (no bra or panties, etc). Frankly, I get a bit of a sexual charge from other men noticing, and so does my husband.

We also vacation in the Caribbean where topless beaches are the norm. It took me a little while to get up the nerve to go topless with a regular bikini, and now I have a couple of Wicked Weasel barely there bottoms that I wear. It is sexy and fun for us.

Now that we are dipping our toes into the lifestyle, we are still discussing limits with which we both agree. I have gotten to the point where I am bi-curious, and would love to be with a woman while being watched. It hasn't happened yet, but we went to one club party so far, and enjoyed the vibe.

We are taking it slowly. Your wife may be doing the same. It does seem to be an evolutionary process for some.

I was kind of the same way. Would flash a bit, my boobs. Got comfy going topless at topless beaches. I think the real “break through” was when I went into a roof top bar in Key West where patrons danced topless, even naked. I tried it and I like it. The freedom, the male approval. At first it was just topless when I danced, then I just left it down, even got so I would go over to the bar and chat that way. After several visits over a few years, I was there one night my dress worked its way up over my behind and up over my girl parts, and bf told me to leave it like that. That was it, I was showing it all and loved it. Wasn’t much later and I was in my first MFM.

She enjoys having other people appreciate her body but without the risk of thinking she might lose you. It's a big step for some people to go from an innocent Flash 2 allowing their partner permission to touch another person. Start by talking more and work on improving the trust the two of you share. She needs to know that you aren't looking for another woman you're fine with the one you have. Maybe try going to a strip club together and work your way towards going to a swingers club but with a very clear understanding of what is and isn't allowed between the two of you. As the trust is built the barriers usually come down. A swingers club is somewhere you can both go and have everyone check her out without anything else necessarily happening. The limits are up to the two of you. She may never necessarily want to swing, but she might be willing to go for the voyeur aspect. The only way you'll ever find out is to take your time and try. Good luck and let us know how things progress.