Chances or possible to talk my wife into being with a woman

When we first started dating thirteen years ago this is what my wife told me. That she dreamt of oral sex being performed on her sometimes by women. That a woman offered her sex and she wished she let the woman perform oral. It was however when she wasn’t getting sex at all from hubby. My question would be does it sound like she might entertain the idea? How do I bring it up? I wouldn’t want to join in but I would want to watch.

Holy Toledo! OK, sorry, couldn't resist. But in answer to your question, it does sound like she was running the possibility by you back then.

Now it might be a bit weird but you might just bring it back up. Start out by reminiscing about those dating years. You know, vanilla stuff. Then chuckle and remind her about what she'd said about sex with a woman, and how it excited you, and then ask her if she still has those dreams.

Talk about fantasies, yours and hers, and see if it comes back up.

You aren't going to talk her into anything so get out of that mindset.

Just bring it up. You could say something like "Back when we were dating you mentioned having a dream about being with another woman. You also told me that you had an opportunity for that to actually happen and at the time it seemed as if you regretted that you didn't pursue it. Is that something that you still have thoughts about? I think about it and I can tell you it turns me on to think about you with another woman."

See where it leads but keep this advice in mind. Don't push it. She actually planted that seed 13 years ago and you are just now getting around to responding. Don't get discouraged or worse, get pissed because she doesn't respond favorably right away. It may be something she has given up on and might need some time to rekindle that flame inside her. If she wants to talk about it she may ask you what turns you on about it. Be honest about that and let the discussion go where it goes.

She may say she doesn't want to do that now for whatever reason. Are you OK with getting that answer? If you aren't then don't bring it up. If you aren't comfortable putting it that succinctly to her or you are concerned about how she might react then you probably have a long road ahead building the skills necessary to communicate on that level.

If she wants to do it she will let you know.

You aren't going to talk her into anything so get out of that mindset.

 

Just bring it up. You could say something like "Back when we were dating you mentioned having a dream about being with another woman. You also told me that you had an opportunity for that to actually happen and at the time it seemed as if you regretted that you didn't pursue it. Is that something that you still have thoughts about? I think about it and I can tell you it turns me on to think about you with another woman."

 

See where it leads but keep this advice in mind. Don't push it. She actually planted that seed 13 years ago and you are just now getting around to responding. Don't get discouraged or worse, get pissed because she doesn't respond favorably right away. It may be something she has given up on and might need some time to rekindle that flame inside her. If she wants to talk about it she may ask you what turns you on about it. Be honest about that and let the discussion go where it goes.

 

She may say she doesn't want to do that now for whatever reason. Are you OK with getting that answer? If you aren't then don't bring it up. If you aren't comfortable putting it that succinctly to her or you are concerned about how she might react then you probably have a long road ahead building the skills necessary to communicate on that level.

Yeah I’m OK with that. It’s just a thought. I’m not trying to push and wouldn’t get pissed off. I would honestly be OK if she just told me about the dreams. It’s something I would ease into. And except if she doesn’t want to. Honestly My fear in bringing it up is she will think that I want to be with another woman or am using it as an excuse for such. That’s not what I want I don’t even want to touch the other woman. A year after we were married which would be about three years after she told me about the dream, This woman who I didn’t find attractive was playing with my wife’s hair and accidentally brushed her boob. I found that hot even though I didn’t find the woman attractive. Also I don’t know if I said this in my original post but a woman had offered her sex years before we met and she was in a sexless marriage at the time. She told me she wished she took the woman up on the offer.

Yeah I’m OK with that. It’s just a thought. I’m not trying to push and wouldn’t get pissed off. I would honestly be OK if she just told me about the dreams. It’s something I would ease into. And except if she doesn’t want to. Honestly My fear in bringing it up is she will think that I want to be with another woman or am using it as an excuse for such. That’s not what I want I don’t even want to touch the other woman. A year after we were married which would be about three years after she told me about the dream, This woman who I didn’t find attractive was playing with my wife’s hair and accidentally brushed her boob. I found that hot even though I didn’t find the woman attractive. Also I don’t know if I said this in my original post but a woman had offered her sex years before we met and she was in a sexless marriage at the time. She told me she wished she took the woman up on the offer.

Unless she trusts what you say completely there is a better than average chance that her mind may go exactly where you fear. The only way you'll know for sure is to talk about it though and if she is receptive but hesitant for that reason all you can do is keep reassuring her. The bigger problem is going to be finding that unicorn for her anyway. One who is willing to just let you watch. I still see a long road so have some patience.

Good luck.