Getting wife into the Lifestyle

I’ve tried for a while to her to swing. We’ve come extremely close; last week, we almost made it happen. I would love for a hot, sexy and fun couple to help me, help her cross over!

It needs to be her decision. I suggest both of you read more here, talk and ask.

I agree with the above. Communication is the key. Can’t force it. Be patient. Took us almost 3 years until she was ready. But now it’s amazing. Looking back, wouldn’t change a thing.

 

P.S. there’s a lot of fun/good times that happens between stages. Baby steps, try to enjoy each moment as she gains confidence.

Many couples think they want to try something new. We have found it is many times the husband who is pushing the subject. There is a huge difference in being curious and acting it out. As others have said communication is the biggest step. Discuss the real reason each of you want to swing. You might have different reasons.

 

You started the thread by saying you tried. I wish you started with “we tried”. We had fun finding our first couple. Finding the right first is not easy. I don’t know how you are looking and if both of you are looking together. Are you on a swinger site? If you make contact with a couple make sure all four of you are on the same page. Some couples may look better than they really are. Meet them first. I can tell you are more eager than your wife, let her take the lead when meeting. Don’t push her to do things outside her comfort zone.

 

We have met a number of newbies. Almost 100% of the time the wife is more nervous. My wife is very good in calming down an over eager husband. We always let the wife go at her speed. We have watched husbands push way too hard for their wives to do things they aren’t comfortable with.

 

Go forward with respect.

What exactly did you almost make happen? A full swap, soft swap, MFM, a bi experience for her? What is the goal for you? I'm not sure the goal you have is the one you should have. It's not about you making any one thing in particular happen. It's about building your own relationship first and then things happening because you are in a place where it is right for both of you. The only thing that is going to help her cross over, as you put it, is her wanting to cross over. Throw out the goals and enjoy the ride. Once you remove the pressure of any goals she'll feel like she's a part of a team and then you can work on what you want together.

I’ve tried for a while....

Through a mention of it on this BBS, I found and started watching some episodes on the "Playboy Swing" show. Many episodes are available for "free". If it helps, I have used xnxx.com without any problems, but I run Linux, so I cannot speak for all the Windoze users out there.

 

What the people say is for sure the bigger "tell" about the "Lifestyle" (LS, or Swinger Lifestyle). The visual aspect can be fun too. :-)

 

Maybe that is something you can watch with your wife. It may bring up some good questions y'all can discuss... and maybe lead to some sexy fun as well.

 

Patience & Preparation (education) will likely be your best tools for success.

 

;-)

Thank you for your very insightful input. We have been out with other couples, dancing and flirting. Even making out with each other. When we are not in the heat of the moment, she says she doesn’t want anything to do with that, but when we are out and things like that are taking place it is a totally different story. Last weekend we came also close, but the couple we were into was there with others and they left together. I know with certainty it will happen with the right couple, talking to her, she puts up a false face from a place of insecurity.

Your wife may also be genuinely hesitant. Usually the men are rarin’ to go. Go as slow as your slowest partner.

There are more chances you get hit by a car than convincing your wife to swing with not communication before hand.so talk talk talk and more talk cause you want your wife with a lot of resentment and regret afterwards.

 

Communication is the key and it is something that MUST be done beforehand. Talk with her...don't know where to start then start with telling each other your fantasies. Maybe even try to make a few come true. This (trying to get her to swing), however, cannot be just dropped on her. Even if it were to happen, without the communication and trust required between the two of you, it can still cause a bad outcome (her feeling remorse, regret, betrayed, embarrassed, etc). Take the time and do it right rather than run the risk that she does something 'spur of the moment' and then is upset afterwards. That will guarantee that it will be a one time happening (if at all). Talk...

... I would love for a hot, sexy and fun couple to help me, help her cross over!

Maybe the first step isn't a couple - let her choose: MFM, FFM or even her playing alone. I would have never considered swapping at first, but my husband (boyfriend at the time) just let me enjoy having sex with my ex-fiance. Things don't have to be symmetric between you two when moving down the path.

We had another couple invite us to join them. That started our discussion, it took several weeks. Initially, we told them no, primarily because they had indicated she is bi, he is not. I had never thought about or fantasized about having sex with another woman. I told hubby that on the other hand, I would have no trouble playing with Dennis, the male half of the group. In a later discussion, I repeated the same and added that I would have no problem doing Dennis and hubby as an MFM. Well, that became our starting point but it was only through several long discussions with hubby exploring or forcing me to explorer various aspects of swinging, what might be acceptable to me and what wouldn’t. It’s always hard for men to give up the image of the in the middle of a hot FMF.

I see trouble. I think before you go out and hope something happens, the two of you really need to discuss this out and figure out what each of you wants. Heat-of-the-moment decisions are rarely good ones.

Make it about her first and you will be rewarded. She may not want to have a couples swap, maybe an MFM with you or an FFM without you or just fuck some guy (woman) she's had her eye on. Make it clear it's her choice and don't pressure her to do your fantasy. Make up your mind that whatever she chooses, you'll enjoy it.