Hubby and I are total newbies

Hi all.

We are empty nesters, in our early 50s, and are total newbies. We want to test the waters very slowly.

I like to be watched, and my husband likes it when other men notice that I am not wearing a bra when we go out to dinner, etc. We bought tickets to a local lifestyle club for their Halloween Party. We want to take that to the next level and be exhibitionists/voyeurs at this party. I already have a sexy mesh kitty cat costume that I bought just for the occasion.

As of now, we have no desire to swap. Will that come across as rude at this party, or will people understand? I am excited and nervous at the same time.

Thanks,

Ellie

. . . Will that come across as rude at this party, . . .

Will not seem out-of-place. Go for it.

Thank you. It seems silly, but this makes me a little nervous.

Everybody starts somewhere. You two have set your limits between you. Go, wear your costume, and have fun. People will look, they'll watch and you'll have a blast which will fuel your sex life at home for weeks to follow.

Baby steps!

Thank you for the encouragement!

The nerves are part of what makes it all exciting. Be clear with yourselves and others as to what your boundaries are and those boundaries will be respected. Lots of fun to be had even if it doesn't include direct contact with other people. This is what you make of it. Enjoy the ride with no regrets.

Oh Ellie, just don't worry about a thing. And remember that everyone at that event started out just like you two. Just have fun and come home with some great memories. Oh, and don't forget, there's a place on this site to post pics! LOL!

Welcome to a place you can feel completely comfortable asking anything.

Congratulations! And welcome. I and my wife started when we were in our early 50's, you won't have any problems fitting in. Just know that at Swing clubs, special event parties have a totally different vibe than a 'normal' night. It may be more crowded, harder to move around. There *may* be pushier people there, but don't worry, they shouldn't be rude or anything. Just be nice to them and move away if necessary.

Have fun, see what it's like, then afterwards enjoy the sexual feelings this will probably bring out in you and your spouse. Then make plans for where you'd like to go next.

Some may ask if they can play as well, but a nice 'not right now' will take care of that. We all started somewhere, go, have fun (and let us know how things went).

Personal limits are important for you as a couple. We all have them. As long as you and your husband stick to your boundaries, experienced swingers will respect them.

Swingers are not cheaters and we are not predators . Those are common misconceptions people not in the lifestyle have. We don't force ourselves on anyone.

As long as you and your husband stick to your boundaries, experienced swingers will respect them.

 

Swingers are not cheaters and [swingers]are not predators.

Please read and re-read what CandDinCo stated. Embedded are the values of honesty and of honor. It may seem odd to newbies to mention these values; they are constant among those who embrace the lifestyle. You will be asked for permission to be touched, kissed, and to play. Different from the vanilla world where rejection is something to be feared, in the LS it is something that is honored. This is not mere etiquette--it is the foundation of the LS.

Joining the LS involves a conscious decision to be vulnerable--but not in the way most vanillas think. Ask a vanilla what s/he thinks the LS is about, the conception almost always begins with sex with near-random partners and the vulnerability has to do with being compelled to have sex when you don't really want to. Ask an experienced LS person what s/he thinks the LS is about, the conception almost always begins with a different framework for relating to others and the vulnerability has to do with being told "no" and having to accept that decision immediately and without explanation.

That is the foundation of the LS: no one will think less of you for saying "No", no one will pressure you to say "Yes". The social grace of "No thank you" is always appreciated, but a simple "no" is sufficient.

Now here is the surprise. Once you get used to the fact that "no" is never questioned, it feels a lot safer to say "yes". This is why experienced LS people always advise newbies to discuss their boundaries and to respect their own boundaries. We know that those boundaries will likely change with time. What matters is that you (plural, as a couple) check in with one another about those shifting boundaries.

Now here is the second surprise. As those boundaries change, you will see each other through new eyes. How you respond when you see others are attracted to your partner is up to you. For those of us who remain in the LS, padoc is right on target: the attention of others will "amp up" your marital sex life in ways that keep you grinning for weeks to come.

Thank you all for the advice and encouragement. I will report back on how things go.

Ellie

HotEllie,

Best of luck. My wife and I are total newbies as well. We attended a club party a few weeks ago for the first time. We were very nervous, and had the same concerns you shared in your post. We had a great time. We went in knowing that for our first dip into the lifestyle we weren’t going to swap with any couples, and just try and have fun. Meet people, dance, and take a dip in their huge hot tub. If there is one thing we learned from our first experience is be sure to communicate with your partner, and be clear what your rules are for yourselves and when chatting with other couples.

We are going back to the club this Friday for their costume party. Not sure what we are going to wear yet. If you are going to TJs we might just see you there.

Hubby and I had been in a few MFM before we first ventured into a couples club. I was dressed sexually and once there, we talked to several couples but then ventured up to the play room, watched others and restricted our play to just the two of us while, assumably others watched. All was well. We went back a few weeks later and did our first swap.

Recommend you start out however you both are comfortable. For our first visit to a swing club we agreed on just soft swap, no penetration. We had a great time watching, listening, and playing with two couples that night. Two weeks later we returned to the club with the same agreed upon rules. But, we met a very nice, compatible couple, started soft play with them, and after about 45 minutes the guy asked my gal if he could fuck her. She looked at me and raised her eyebrows, passing the question to me. After a thousand thoughts went quickly through my head, I nodded, "Yes," and she grabbed his shoulders, pulling him into her. That was ten years ago. No regrets!

Just curious if there is an update - how'd it go?

midlifecrisis said:

Just curious if there is an update - how'd it go?

It was interesting.

https://www.swingersboard.com/forums/topic/61764-our-first-club-experience-i-got-caught-unprepared/