New here, wife with questions

My husband approached me and wants to swing. I have never thought of it/been interested. Still leaning towards not interested, but I’m trying to be more open minded. I joined to find advice/information. Or maybe find someone in a similar situation that decided to go for it and how they were able to get to that point.

Your first step is a step in the right direction -- you are conducting research. Very few people are able to make an accurate guess as to what swing is all about. If you husband has never actively participated, anything that he imagines will not be correct. There is no one path into swing and active swingers define swing in different ways. My wife and I have been active for thirteen years and we hold the conventional view: going as a couple to private house parties or swinger-club parties where we are free to make hookup-ups with friends or find new sex partners. But you will read here about many other ways that people have encounters. Some, after gaining a clear view of what swing is, decide that they would not enjoy it at all.

If you have any questions, do not hesitate to ask. This is a friendly place.

I think it's very open minded of you to look into the prospect, rather then the just saying no, as most wives do when this subject is broached. Your answer may still be no, but you will probably have some reasons.

There is a LOT of information here aimed at making entrance to the LS less frightening. You both should explore this site together and at least get an idea of what you are getting into. As stated above, the reality rarely mirrors the fantasy. It's not easy to find a couple you get along with much less well enough to have sex. If you go into the LS, be ready to thicken your skin and develop patience, and learn a little about human nature. It's not all easy and fun and games, but it does remind you that you are alive!

You know your husband. Swinging won't change him but may bring out some emotions you knew were there but not an issue. The biggest reason I see for women not agreeing to this is out of protecting the marriage and the husband from himself. We are a self destructive bunch.

Enjoy!

Do your exploration together, but he should understand that you still might not be interested and he will need to accept your answer and not pursue this any further. Some people (most) are not 'wired' for this, and that's fine. I appreciate your willingness to do the research before making your final decision, but your husband needs to know that it is YOUR decision and honor it whatever it may be. We have met a couple couples where the wife wasn't on board or interested (or seemingly just didn't know) and I'm sure that they didn't have a very pretty conversation on the way home. Please, feel free to ask questions and let us know what you both decide.

Welcome! You are doing the right thing by researching and looking before you leap. Some good advice above already, and there is plenty more here too.

I firmly believe that successful swingers are the ones willing to do their homework, whether that's researching things and seeking advice from others who have been in the same place at some point, or, taking the time to find truly compatible playmates. Swinging can be an awesome experience, but it does take work. Shortcuts and hoping for the best usually just lead to disappointment, or even worse, jealousy and arguments. Like most things in life, you can't ever really totally eliminate the potential for the bad no matter how much planning or work you do up front, but you sure can minimize the chances of them happening.

If you've made it to this point I think you need to admit to yourself you at least have a curiosity in what it could be. You obviously have trepidations and probably preconceived notions. I suggest you temper those concerns and do some inner soul searching. Is it something that intrigues you... enough to discuss it with your partner? Is there any scenario that you can see you and your husband in. Talk about it and consider the possibilities if you have the kind of relationship that allows for open communication without judgement.

If it is something you might have an interest in exploring within strict boundaries explain your comfort level and don't compromise on it. Approach the ensuing activities with an open mind but expect him to respect and enforce you values and boundaries with impunity. Your first experience will likely be very trying of your emotions. Allow yourself space to work through those emotions and evaluate how you feel. If it feels right to move forward move at the pace of the slowest partner. Enjoy the ride, communicate at all times and adjust your expectations in what you want. Swinging is a very fluid experience, we regularly move from spectators to performers to participants in many forms which are all accepted and respected within the community.

This board is an excellent forum for advice and even venting when things go wrong. Take advantage of the years of experience available here.

A key issue in the decision is not just if you are going to swing but what aspect of it most interests you. Most or at least many husbands see swinging totally as FMF. Others just want to see their wives in FF play. Initially, I was concerned about my jealousy of him with another woman. Thus, I expressed that I would give it a try (the topic came up when a couple asked us to join them of foursome play)but I wanted the first experiences to be MFM. We did, I was more than comfortable with it, did several and then tried swaps and found myself comfortable with that as well. We have progressed since then but, as in the beginning, I still have no interest in female bi play. But we do quite well with that limitation.

Great advice above, we've got a lot of great people who give wonderful advice.

The book "The Ethical Slut" might be good for you; it's available in many places, including Amazon.

Much of the terrific advice above, and elsewhere on this friendly site, is geared to warnings and watchout and recognizing the potential lack of success. Mostly left out is the exhilaration, the incredible boost in the quality of your primary relationship, especially as it concerns your sex life. The positives are why we do it. We don't practice this life style to avoid making the inevitable mistakes.

Yes, there are pitfalls, and finding the ideal foursome is just as difficult or more so than finding someone to seriously date. Read some of the stories, though, and see how uplifting it is.

Good luck.

Consider just flirting with men, for example, at a bar, with your husband present. You agree that nothing will happen, but get used to the image of a real man in an intimate situation. Go home, talk to your husband about your feelings and then f*** your brains out. Expand the experience to meet and greet with a stranger he or you find at a subscription dating site. The meeting is limited to one hour with no obligation. Go home, talk, leave your brains on the floor. The experience might never go beyond the flirting, but talking to and seeing a possible partner in the context of something intimate will be a journey.

Meeting a couple can be handled the same way although you are unlikely to meet swingers in a bar. Go to a club or meet and greet someone you find online. Again, no obligation. See how it feels and talk about it.

Good communication is the ultimate intimacy.

Start with baby steps, watch your own reactions as well as that of the other. Ask your inner self - do you like variety in other things in life - like, different food, different clothes, different places. So what is the issue about different people for sex. Does that make you feel guilty, envious. Everything that you have been taught about morality will go out of the window, as long as it is ethical. You may read more in my blogs a to how I became an ethical slut.