New to the lifestyle....

we both are completely new to the swinger lifestyle but really curious! BUT.. we are kind of not that young anymore.. although we are absolutely young in mind!!

Basically, we are searching for a woman who joins us for an ongoing relationship inside and outside the bedroom.. but we also consider a couple for having fun with.

Does anyone have experiences or even advice for us... not in terms of how to handle it in our relationship.. but how to find our unicorn(s)...

I see that this is your first post, so I want to welcome you to Swingersboard. I hope that you enjoy the time that you spend here.

You do not find a unicorn; she finds you. The most effective strategy is to get out of the house, see, and be seen at swingers' meet-n-greet events or at swinger-club parties. Information about these kinds of social events can be found at swinger hook-up Web sites. You will see on-line profiles for single women at these Web sites but do not expect to receive a message from any of these profiles -- that almost never happens.

Thank you for your advice... I guess we will try this weekend the most effective strategy... go out of the house... !!

If your specifically looking for another women to join you for a threesome and friendship situation then please remember that.....

You DON'T HAVE to meet that women on a swingers website, or swingers club, or any other kind of sexual dating service, in my experience any single women will "consider" having a friendship and threesome, if you ask them in the correct way. That in my experience its a lot easier to meet a women to join you simply by talking to that women in real life.

Who could you ask?

Well basically any women who is single and that your strike up a friendly conversation with.

Some examples would include:

1. Perhaps you and your wife start a new social hobby such as attending a new social club, or attending a gym, games clubs, dancing club, ECT. During your visits you get talking to another women around your age range, you make light talk, you have friendly conversation, during which you can identify if she is single.

2. Perhaps you and your wife attend a new local bar / pub and again meet another women around your age, and again strike up normal friendly conversation.

That really you could meet a single women at the gym / swimming baths / bingo club / dancing club / social groups / weight loss groups / in bar / in a night club / even walking the dog in the park, and really all you need to do is.....

A) Be able to strike up a friendly conversation with this women.

B) To identify if she is single.

Its fairly easy to identify if a women's single simply by saying something like....

"So does your husband / partner not attend this club with you?"

"So does your husband / partner not come swimming with you then?"

If the women replies by saying "No my husband / partner stays at home" then you know she is not single.

If the women replies by saying "I haven't got a partner or husband at the moment" then you know she is single.

Basically the entire aim is simply to chat with single women.

Once you have built up some comfort or a fairly decent conversation with this single women then you can very easily ASK HER what she thinks about threesomes / swinging without even asking her for a threesome.

You can simply say something like.....

"This is a bit of a strange conversation topic but I don't really know who to speak with about it. Basically last week a friend of mine said him and his wife was considering having a threesome with a friend they have known for some years. What is your opinion about threesomes? Do you think they should be against that subject?"

Another example would be....

"You know I watched a really strange TV program the other week, it was all about people who have threesomes, I didn't think they was allowed to show such things on TV? What is your opinion about threesomes? Do you think such people are bad? I just found it funny they made an entire TV program about it, what do you think?"

Another example would be.....

"Well me and my partner use to attend one of the gyms or clubs in town but one of the people there kept flirting with my wife and asked us if we wanted a threesome, guess we felt a bit confused and strange about the entire thing so we found a different club. What is your opinion on threesomes, what would you do if someone asked about that, do you think its wrong or bad?"

Basically you are NOT ASKING this women to have a threesome with you, however YOU ARE simply asking this women what her base opinions about threesomes are?

You are NOT asking to have a threesome with you, instead your just asking what she THINKS about the threesome subject?

You will find the women will give ONE of TWO possible answers.

1. HATE THE IDEA: The women will say "Eeewww that is disgusting, such people are disgusting, that is weird, bad, strange, unholy, I'd never have a threesome, such people a perverts, and so on"

If the women does hate the idea or becomes upsets with you for mentioning the subject you can very quickly remind her that "Hey I wasn't asking anything like that, was just wondering about peoples opinions"

That remember you only asked her opinion because a few weeks ago a friend asked your opinion, or because a few weeks ago you watched a TV program and read a magazine article about threesomes. You were NOT actually asking her to have a threesome.

If a women does respond in this negative / hostile way then you already know SHE would NOT be interested in a threesome, she has very strong feelings against the subject.

2. OPEN TO THE IDEA: If however the women says "I think the idea of having a threesome sounds fairly cool, it sounds fun I guess, that I guess people are allowed to do what they want" then that women has given a much more positive answer and will probably be open minded to the idea if you asked her.

OVERALL:

Its actually fairly simple.

Step 1: Meet a women and start a friendly conversation, if possible get to know her a little over an evening, or few evenings.

Step 2: Quickly identify if she is single.

Step 3: Ask about her opinions regarding threesomes, remember your not asking her for a threesome, your just asking what her opinions are.

Step 4: If the women is dead against the idea of threesomes then DON'T ask her anything else about the subject. If the women is more open minded about the idea then DO ask her more about the subject and perhaps even ask her to consider trying it with you and your partner.

If you do meet a women who seems open minded about the idea of threesomes, a women who gives a more positive and open minded answer about the subject, then a good place to start would be for you and your partner to invite that women for a meal / drinks / social event / to try and begin some light friendship with that women at which point you can suggest trying a threesome and friendship together.

I have had my fair share of threesomes with women and honestly I have NEVER met a women from a swingers website / sex website, all the women I have had threesomes with have been women I have met in real everyday life. I simply chat with them, drop the threesome subject into conversation, gauge their response about the subject, and sure if they respond well about the subject, if they sound open minded about the subject, then I will invite them for drinks a few days later, or will try to begin a new friendship with that women, then over the following days or weeks I meet the women and ask her to consider a threesome with us.

In most cases you will need to talk the women around to the idea, will need to give her some good reasons to say yes.

She is single and perhaps a little lonely.

You as a couple could do with some new friendship and company.

Would she rather be single and lonely, or would it be better to be with you as a couple.

Remind her your not just wanting sex, but also want a fun friendship, conversation, evenings in the house together, evenings out the house together.

That you want her to come to your house for dinner / BBQ / to be friends, and maybe a little more than just friends in the safety and privacy of your own homes.

Remind her that it would be a 100% private thing, that you would not tell anyone, that you could do it all in privacy and safety.

In a lot of cases if the women was already open minded to the idea of threesomes and then you add the prospect of friendship, fun, safety, privacy, then a lot of the time they will say OKAY THEN.

WHAT TO REMEMBER?

The best thing to remember is that if you mention the subject of threesomes to a women and that women becomes upset / offended / hostile then remember you WAS NOT asking her for a threesome. You only mentioned the subject because a friend you know is considering it and you needed other peoples opinions before you gave your friend advice. You only mentioned the subject because you watched a TV program about it or read an article in some magazine that was on some waiting room table somewhere.

If a women does become angry / upset / offended / hostile about you mentioning the threesome subject then the best policy is usually agree with her, for example if the women says....

"Eeewww that is totally disgusting, I can not believe your friend asked you about such a horrible thing, are you a pervert, why have you asked me about this, its vile, its horrible, I'd never do that"

Then you can reply by saying...

"I only mentioned it because a friend asked my opinion the other week, but I agree with you 100% its disgusting, its bad, its vile, I just don't know how to tell my friend that opinion"

Remember asking someones opinions about threesomes, asking someone what they think about the threesome subject, is NOT actually asking them to have a threesome with you.

The big trick here is simply to ask a women if she would be open minded to the idea of a threesome, but without actually asking her for a threesome.

If she is dead against the idea you know her answer would be NO.

If she is open minded to the idea then their is a good chance her answer would be YES.

By all means you can try swinging websites to meet a single women interested in joining you but in my experience single women who do use sexual websites are bombarded with sexual options and sexual offers, some women on swinging sites receive hundreds of messages per week. For every 1 single women using such websites there are 10'000 men and maybe 1'000 couples all looking to sleep with that 1 women.

In my experience the bad thing about the internet is that its a hotbed for "Cheating Men" that married men sign up in their thousands and will totally 100% bombard every single women they can find hoping to find an easy sexual affair. It can be very difficult indeed for a honest couple to meet a genuine single women on a website, for every 1 message you send to that women about 1'000 men will also message her.

In my experience its far easier to meet a single women in real life and simply figure out if she would be open to the idea of a threesome, and if she is then ask her for a threesome.