confused, need some help please

hi,

I have conflicting emotions about swinging. conflicting thoughts. I discovered swinging when I wanted to broaden my horizon from BDSM but did not like it since it did not have the structure & accountability seen in BDSM. I also discovered Libchrist. read the literature & eventually gave everything up. maybe its an itch but whatever it is, I am back, looking again. I was determined to test the waters this time but after reading the stories of a particular polyamory group who separated after 20 years & ended up being monogamous. I was stumped. do I stay in my safe, albeit boring marriage or do I risk STD's, possible loss of my marriage & go out there> what to do? what to do?

Stay in your marriage but try to improve it. Swinging won't help at this point.

have, any ideas? I am really struggling here. thanks for the response

Basically, I'd say if you're concerned that swinging could cost you your marriage, than your marriage is not in a place where swinging is a good idea.

I'm curious - what is that attracts you to swinging as an idea? What do you feel swinging will bring to relationship?

Also, I wonder why you feel swinging has less "structure and accountability" then BDSM. I ask because that has not been my experience... though everyone's experiences are different.

Swinging is a magnifying glass: It will make a really great relationship even larger, but it will show the small flaws and eventually burn you if the relationship is not rock solid. Since it sounds like your relationship is less than solid, you need to take a pass at this time.

I’d suggest maybe trying as a couple MDMA. And set up video cameras. The truth of your relationship will pour out, your most carnal desires, unfiltered for you and your partner. Then revisit this

I had to look it up, but there could be something to that:

https://www.google.com/search?q=MDMA+couple+therapy

However, I am inclined to agree with the earlier suggestions of, for the moment, focusing on the marriage more, and swinging less. Start with working on the basics (rock-solid mutual trust and love), and go from there. Y'all can then decide together where you want to go. In the long-run, complete honesty will generally get you a higher level of happiness. Denial can selfishly help an individual, but tends to spoil it for everyone else in close proximity.

:-|

If you cannot be completely honest with your partner (without the help of drugs or alcohol) then you are not ready. Improved communication will lead to greater trust which increases the love...its a vicious upward spiral that only leads to a better relationship.

hi,

I have conflicting emotions about swinging. conflicting thoughts. I discovered swinging when I wanted to broaden my horizon from BDSM but did not like it since it did not have the structure & accountability seen in BDSM. I also discovered Libchrist. read the literature & eventually gave everything up. maybe its an itch but whatever it is, I am back, looking again. I was determined to test the waters this time but after reading the stories of a particular polyamory group who separated after 20 years & ended up being monogamous. I was stumped. do I stay in my safe, albeit boring marriage or do I risk STD's, possible loss of my marriage & go out there> what to do? what to do?

Don't go outside your marriage unless you are certain that you don't wish to be married any longer. İf you get caught that's likely going to be the outcome. As one half of an experienced swinging couple i can tell you that we would never put ourselves in a situation where we played with a single male nor female behind the spouses back. The other partner doesn't have to participate but what we do is meet with both and find out their boundaries for each other and we would never cross those boundaries. Not everyone has the same standards as we do but we believe in 100% transparency in our encounters. We believe in the sanctity of marriage. Swinging is lots of great fun as long as everyone is respecting boundaries and each others relationships.

İ agree with Lionheart on this. Not sure how much swinging you have done but every swinging couple has boundaries and is looking for an added spice in their relationship. People who are new to the lifestyle usually enter it thinking how much sex with strangers they will get to enjoy but those of us that are experienced enjoy the sex with others but none of it can hold a candle to the sex we have with our partner after we have been with another couple. For my husband and İ we already have mind blowing sex, it's nowhere near as good with someone else because we know exactly what each other wants, likes nd needs without saying a word and we share the bond of love when we have sex. With anyone else it's just sex, no feelings whatsoever. FYİ:İ am heavily into BDSM and my husband isn't into it as much as İ am i look for an experienced DOM. You can't really compare a straight BDSM experience with swinging unless the person or person's you are with is looking for that in particular.

I'm a little confused - does your partner know about the BDSM - if did they join in?