What Are Your Rules When Swinging?

No kissing? No butt play ? I know every couple has their own. We are not swinging yet, but our would be no kissing for sure.

Before we started we thought we would set some rules. They went away with our first swap, all we did is ask each other if what was about to happen was O.K. with each other. We have had no issues.

Yes for condoms. No means no.

I'd say rules can change depending if your playing with a man or a women.

Some rules / ideas that spring to mind would be:

1. No Turning Up Without Been Invited

2. No Knocking On Our Door Without Been Invited

3. No Asking For Wife's Details (Phone Number / Email / Chat Programs / ECT)

4. No Turning Up At Our Work Places

5. No Gossip / Telling People

6. No Sex Unless They Are Clean (Fully Bathed / Showered / Groomed / ECT)

7. No Filming (Don't Want Films Been Shown To Others)

8. No Stalking Of Any Kind (It Won't Be Tolerated)

9. No Sexual Things That Someone Doesn't Like

10. No Breaking The Rules

Some other rules depending on your personal preferences could also be......

11. No Drug Taking

12. No Heavy Drinking

13. No Water Sports (Peeing / Pissing)

14. No Bondage / Pain

15. No Meeting Alone

One other rule I tend to follow is......

16. No Cumming Inside Of Other Women (Unless I Am 100% Sure Proper Contraception Is In Place)

In previous experiences when I have had MFF threesomes with two women I have asked the other women to get a hormone implant fitted. I simply do not trust a new women telling me she takes the pill or that she has injections. Personally I'd prefer to take the new girl to the clinic and KNOW she has a proper implant fitted, she can not forget to take an implant once its fitted.

WARNING:

I'd personally say its fairly VITAL to make your rules very clear with a new play partner.

It does not really matter if they are a couple, man, or a women, making your rules very clear and direct from the start is something you should do.

Lets say for example you play with another man, or a couple containing a male, well it's not unusual for them to.....

- Knock on your door uninvited, basically just turn up at your door with no warning. Often a single man, or even a cheating type man will turn up at your door when the husband is at work, they will try and arrive when the female is in the house alone which can be very disturbing, worrying, upsetting, and even scary.

- They will make up excuses such as "I think I dropped my wallet here when I came round the other day" or "I was just in the area and thought I'd drop in to say hello" in reality there intention is simply to catch the women in the house alone.

- In a lot of cases a man will try and find out personal information about the women, where she works, her phone number, her private email, what clubs or pubs she attends, Face Book details, where she went to school, what chat programs she uses and then using that information will stalk her online and try and speak with her in private.

- In extreme cases a person could turn up at your wife's work place hoping to talk her into having sex alone.

In my experience you have to be very careful when meeting single or cheating men, BUT I also find on some occasions meeting couples can also be tricky, some couples out there are basically just looking for a women to sleep with but when they run out of options or ideas on how to meet this women they instead try sleeping with other couples, once they have their foot in the door they begin a routine to pull the female half into playing with them alone.

There are posts in this forum where a couple has met another couple and within only weeks this new couple is asking to meet the women alone and giving her private alone party invites and so on.

If you are playing with another man then I can not express enough how vital it is to lay down the rules in a strong direct manor.

If you do not fully explain the rules to a person then they will happily do whatever they like and when questioned they will simply say.....

"Well you never said I couldn't ask your wife for a private affair"

"Well you never said I couldn't contact your partner alone"

"Well you never said I couldn't email her private sex requests"

If your meeting another man then I'd strongly suggest getting 2 or 3 pictures of them / full face pictures and saving them in a file on your computer along with their name and any details about them.

Make it clear if your privacy is put at risk, if your rules are broken, if your put in danger even for a second you will call the police.

Guess I sound a bit strong but please believe me the main goal for a lot of men out there is simply to f**k the women, a lot of guys out there would prefer it if the male part of the couple just vanished and they can have the women alone. Like stated above some couples often try and get other peoples wives / girlfriends into sexual threesomes without their husband or boyfriend present.

We thought about some rules before we jumped in. The no kissing rule was talked about, but we said to ourselves it's like going on a date if you like the person, the first base is the kiss. So why would we have that as a rule if we are ok with second or even home run (depending on your swing preference). So that was the first to go. After some more communication. We decided for the basic rules (in our opinion) and that's: same room, we always play together, and condoms are a must.

We believe the more rules you set yourselves, the more chances of braking them, and then you have something to hold against each other.

A note on the no kissing. We won't play with a couple with that rule. It's to easy to break in the heat of the moment, and we wouldn't want to be the cause of potential drama.

But by all means stay at your comfort level.

We also researched the LS for many years before jumping in.

Best of luck to you both.

Whatever rules you decide on, make sure you are ready to face each other after breaking them. No ultimatums. We found that in the heat of passion, under the influence of some wine, some pot and some heavy metal, rules started to seem unimportant. Fortunately for us, the next day was just a shrug and deletion of all the rules.

When we started we also had the no kissing rule...it was also the first rule to go. Originally we were both concerned as to how we would feel about seeing our SO kiss someone else, but when the opportunity finally came, we both didn't have a problem with it so it was the first to go. Imagine a 'no using your hands to touch rule'. Part of sex is touching, just like part of sex is kissing. Still, we felt we needed it at the start and it taught us that the 'rules' are fluid and ever changing. It now allows us to go back to our rules and revisit them once in awhile. You will probably find the same is true for you as well, but when starting these rules are important so keep it but remember to talk about it in the future as you progress.

These are the rules that I posted in another forum and I think that they cover most of the bases.

Love trust communication - you can't have too much of any of these. If you are not sure you do have enough of any one, then work on increasing that.

Set boundaries and do not exceed them until you have the chance to discuss them alone with your partner in a non-sexual situation.

Never move faster than the slowest member is comfortable with.

No means no. If one of you says no about something, then the answer for both of you is no.

Never take one for the team.

Enjoy the trip as much as the destination. Finding another couple where you all feel interest is HARD and will take work, but the payoff is worth everything that you put into it.

This is a team sport. It is something you do WITH your SO at all times. Go team!

Don't take 'rejection' personally. If another couple isn't interested in you, instead of worrying why they aren't, just move on. Sometimes (a great deal of the time) there just isn't a match from one of them. If they know that it isn't going to work for them, they are doing you a favor and saving you a bunch of time by letting you know (BTW, this is much easier said than done).

Have FUN.

And finally: Love trust communication - I started with this and I'm finishing with this. If you truly, deeply love each other then you will trust each other and continue to improve that trust. If you trust each other then you can (and should) talk about anything and everything. By communicating with each other it always leads to greater love for each other. It's a vicious circle...

Adding to this is condoms are required.

The men do most of the communicating between couples (the only exception is that the women are also allowed to contact each other). Neither man should ever try to contact the others woman unless permission has been granted by all four people (usually after two couples have been 'together' for awhile and trust between all four has been established).

Always ask permission if something 'new' is okay before just doing it.

Other than these things, I think that everything else is just common sense (of course, common sense seems to no longer be common). Good luck and let us know how things go for you.

If we know our friend very well anything goes as long she is relax and enjoy the time. Otherwise is a no go.

It was hard to watch them kissing. VERY passionately.

The less rules the more positive the experience will be.

My wife doesn't enjoy anal so I don't do it but if we play and the other goes to anal play she will let them play. I feel jealous when she seems to be enjoying it but I've let it be something special that happens when we play,

We had no warning our first time and hadn't even thought about swapping so we didn't have any rules. The first time was with friends and it involved everything.

But after that first time, and when we talked about repeating if opportunities were presented to us, we agreed on no intercourse. Everything up to penetration was OK though.

The fourth couple, also friends, we were with changed that. My wife liked the husband and simply led him down the hall to our bedroom and fucked him. I figured that's what was happening and the other wife and I simply continued soft play until they came back and gave us the sign that it was our turn!

My wife and I discussed our rules lots and we do not want too many rules to limit our fun or frustrate the other couple. We are going to start off with soft swinging (everything except penetration) and we must be in same room, and we only play if we both get to play so one person is not sitting out.

The late Mrs. Alura and I only had one rule, really. "Fuck, Don't Make Love." It was easy because "fun" was the reason we were there.

Oops! There was another. When the swapping was over, we would sleep in each others' arms as usual.

Generally, I think our only real rule is that condoms are required for penetration.

There are a lot of things we don't do... obviously no kids, no animals, nothing nonconsenual, etc but I don't consider those rules so much as basic ethics. These are things no one should do.

Other things we don't do are matters of preference, like my wife doesn't do anal or have sex with women because she those aren't things she enjoys. Again, I don't consider those rules, they're just matters of preference.

We talked about rules long before ever even making the first attempt of just going to a club. Kissing was one of the first things that was brought up. My wife wasn't sure she would be okay with watching me kiss another woman. My response is that we are both very passionate in our own sex life and kissing is an integral part of getting turned on but it doesn't have to necessarily mean we are crossing an intimacy boundary, we are just getting ourselves warmed up. She seemed to accept that answer and relax some. She loves being kissed so I think when she visualized it more as herself rather than me she understood better.

We agreed that kissing was OK but also agreed that if it made us uncomfortable we wouldn't stop it at the time but would revisit it at an appropriate time. Incidentally, A while back there were three couples sitting by us in the club. There was lots of kissing going on back and forth across couples as the night progressed. My wife was very observant of that.

Up to this point we had only played very lightly, not even really soft swap in the club, limiting any real play to just ourselves. After that last night we agreed we were ready to take another step if the opportunity presented itself. We talked about the rules and she mentioned kissing again but this time she said after watching the way those three couples interacted with playful kissing and how that was a turn on to watch she was more confident it would be OK.

Fast forward to our first swap. She was really into the kissing and actually made the first move on the other guy. It was passionate and enthusiastic. I could tell she enjoyed it and got turned on by it just by the way she leaned into him and grabbed the back of his neck the way she does with me. I have no problem with it and she doesn't now either.

To answer the original question.

1) Same room.

2) Condoms for penis/vagina penetration.

3) If anything happens that we aren't comfortable with or prepared for we have the right to stop it, no questions asked. However, we agree it's probably best to let it continue unless it's a health or safety thing and talk about it at a more appropriate time and adjust accordingly.

Things can happen and we can get caught up in a moment, perhaps one gets a little too romantic, passionate, animalistic, whatever, because we might be feeding from whoever we are with at the moment and it feels good. I'm not going to stop her in the middle of fucking just because she says, "Oh God, I love your big hard cock" and she's never said that to me before. I'm going to let her enjoy her big hard cock and later in the week bring it up in an adult way. Maybe I'd say something like "you might not even remember saying it but it was a little more than I was comfortable with hearing you tell Bob you loved his big hard cock". Just for the record I'd never say that because I loved hearing her say just that during our swap. It's just an example of how we have agreed to handle it. I made a point, on Wednesday, after our first swap on the previous Saturday to find some quiet time and ask if there was anything we needed to discuss about the weekend like adjusting our rules in any way or if something happened that she didn't want to happen again. Her first reaction was to ask, in a concerned tone, if there was something I needed to talk about. I told her absolutely not, I loved every second of it but it was a question that I felt would always need to be asked and she could count on it being asked again. That answer from me got me a nice blow job and a quickie:-) I figure it's a good idea to wait a few days to allow ourselves to digest the events, come down from the high or recover from the disappointment and know we are going to have some time to talk.

Sounds like you are on the right track. We have found that our lifestyle activities have enhanced our communication skills.

DC72 said:

No kissing? No butt play ? I know every couple has their own. We are not swinging yet, but our would be no kissing for sure.

We started out with quite a few rules, but pared them down over time. At this point, it's just a couple:

1. We're fucking not making love

2. Condoms for penetration

3. She's never alone with another man she doesn't know WELL (Angel totally zones out and can't remember what happened once she's aroused. It's for her safety).

4. No anal.

Quite frankly, if a couple has a "no kissing" rule, we generally pass. Too difficult not to break that one, and it's important to both of us. Angel often doesn't know if she wants to fuck a guy before she kisses him, and that may make or break it...

Our rule is that there is no rules. Of course no means no. That’s just common sense. Why have sex if you have to remember rules. We have both played alone before. The rules I had to abide by were my partners rules. I never felt comfortable with a woman who wouldn’t kiss. I think this is a ridiculous rule. Is kissing more intimate than everything else? I usually use common sense as a guide, not always. I expect my wife uses her common sense too. Let’s face it, we do this for fun and not to be held back.

Always condoms for penetration. We had a rule about not meeting play partners separately, but that's changing.

Simple rules:

no smokers

no anal (although a d/p remains her fantasy so that isn't carved in stone)

No 'no kissing" rule

no single males (but that isn't carved in stone either)

no BBC (or BWC for that matter)

no hard drugs

no hall passes (except with a few really select friends under very limited circumstances)

A few preferences:

we prefer same room (initially)

we prefer bareback with select friends (condoms at swingers clubs for penetration)

we prefer married or long term couples

we prefer couples within 10 years age wise ( but that's not carved in stone either)

we prefer social drinkers (but are open to a bit of 420)

we prefer people who see swinging as a hobby not a lifestyle

we prefer 2 or more naked couples in a big pile of bodies

Only one rule, No playing with someone who is married unless the spouse knows and approves. We don't want to have to testify in divorce court.

I thoroughly explored this topic on a blog on NovelTrove

https://noveltrove.com/the-rules-of-swinging-part-1

and

https://noveltrove.com/the-rules-of-swinging-part-2