So confused

T and I have known each other for 21 years. We dated for 6 yrs was separated for 10 and have been back together for 5 years now. We have a long distance relationship (1,100 miles physically separate us). Our sex life has always been like our initials TnT(pure dynamite). This past January he brought up the subject of swinging after watching some porn. Me being curious about everything suggested that we take a mini-vacation and hit up a club. We decided to hit up Collette in New Orleans for a Saturday night. 3 weeks after the suggestion and research we hit the club up with hopes of just watching and getting a feel for what this was all about. There wasn't much to see other than a few couples having oral sex in the theater room and one couple in the semi-private room which we could really only hear because there was a crowd blocking the limited view. So I decided to perform oral sex on him in the public area. After finishing we decided to return to our room and entertain each other. This was the first time in 20 years he's cum 3 times in less than 24 hours. Just the excitement of being watched and the thought of watching others heighten our sexuality. So we plan to attend another club in the future.

We've always talked about threesomes and I have insecurity issues and don't think I could handle seeing him with someone else. Many years ago while were broken up I had an experience where a friend and I was with a guy. I didn't handle that too well and I didn't love him nearly as much as I love my T. However this guy was all about self unlike T. T understands that I'm curious and want to experiment and has expressed whatever I want to do he's fine with it but he believes as long as we're open minded and on the same page no matter what we'll be ok. He's expressed he doesn't want to do anything that's going to cause problems in our relationship. Honestly he's not even asking to bring another person in other than someone to please me and he's excited at the thought of watching me with another woman. I have never been with another woman in any type of way. The earlier experience was the guy sexing me while she watched and then him sexing her while I watched.

I wouldn't even know how to go about inviting some woman to join us and explain we're just being selfish. He's going to watch you do things to me and it's nothing really in return for you. I've never had the desire to have another woman touch me however this entire subject started after me telling him about a dream I had recently about being with a woman. I want to please him and he wants to please me and I'm just so confused on what I want to do.

Don't worry, you're not alone. A lot of people are confused and uncertain when they're just starting out. It's ok. The important thing is to ask questions - both asking others, include your guy, and asking yourself.

The key to successful swinging is open, honest communication. That means being able to talk honestly about anything and everything. To use part of your post as an example: if you really aren't interested in being with another woman sexually, you need to be honest with your partner about that. Saying that you are interested - when you're not - just to please him, isn't being honest. It's lying and in the end it will be likely cause far more harm than good. On the other hand, if there is something that you really are interested in doing, but worry how he might react to it, talk to him about it.

Be open and honest with yourself. Be open and honest with him. Communicate, communicate, communicate.

Thanks Lionheart72 that's really reassuring to know I'm not alone in this process. We have been talking about this and talking and talking we have a open and honest communication so it feels like we're on the right track. He is willing to take my lead and as he puts it "Whatever floats your boat". I'm open and curious about being with another woman but I don't think I'm ready to give. I'm willing to receive if it happens. I'm just not ready for him to have sex with another woman at least not yet and he knows that and respects that. If I was to give in at this point it would be definitely be to please him he doesn't want me to do anything just to please him. I definitely have to be 100% sure I can handle that before giving in on that one. He's ok with it either way and has assured me he would find it more erotic watching another woman please me. Thanks again

Honestly, you're going to struggle, single women are hard to find in the lifestyle, and the ones there are have their pick of couples, they're highly unlikely to give you a freebie with no chance of reciprocation when they have 10 other couples lined up with bi women and men who are able to fuck them. I'm sorry, but what you're looking for is going to be next to impossible to find.

You might consider hiring a sex worker. That way you can get the experience you want.

You won't find a single woman in the lifestyle who is interested in the scenario you described. There are women who enjoy fulfilling couples' fantasies as part of their job.

Maybe it would be easier to find another couple and agree on both men watching , but yeah it's going to be pretty hard if you're planning on just being a pillow princess

Welcome TnT. I'm sure the comments have you pretty discouraged. It's better to hear it straight though.

You seem to speak of a 3way as 2 women. If it's all about pleasing you, why not another guy? Does he have the same feelings as you if you were to invite a man? Finding a guy is almost the opposite of finding a woman in the level of ease and choice.

To be successful you need three things. Communication has already been mentioned. Work on communicating more and better. The second (actually the first) is love...I'm assuming you already have that. The final thing is trust.

We've always talked about threesomes and I have insecurity issues and don't think I could handle seeing him with someone else.

Trust is what can take care of the jealousy part. If you love and trust each other then it usually isn't a problem. The way to increase the love and trust is via communication. Keep talking about things and understand that you end up wherever you end up. Just don't do anything that you feel pressured to do (pressure destroys trust).

T understands that I'm curious and want to experiment and has expressed whatever I want to do he's fine with it but he believes as long as we're open minded and on the same page no matter what we'll be ok.

This should be about the TWO of you having a great time. If you aren't enjoying it or only doing it for him, don't be surprised to find things not working. Tat you even visited a club puts the two of you WAY ahead of most couples. But if he is 'fine with' whatever you do, he should also be fine with not doing anything (if that is what you choose to do). The standard 'rules' apply here: never move faster than the slowest person is comfortable with. Never 'take one for the team'. There shouldn't be any rush, if you choose to move forward, enjoy the trip, not just the destination.