Where to begin...

Hello all,

The Mrs and I have begun researching clubs and we have one in MD picked out based on reviews and proximity.

We have not registered yet but we had some questions/concerns in general from the community. We are both interested in the experience (likely same room or private room being watched). The first trip we've decided primarily to just check the scene out however timing for subsequent trips is limited by life's schedule.

We do have some quesfions/concerns. Primarily is safety. I've read several threads commenting how, typically single males, will stay nearby play areas and either try to interact or grab ass. Im not talking about penetration. I understand this is hardly indicative of the community as a whole but the act of isolated individuals bit ultimate unwanted contacted in that manner is sexual assualt. Im sure most people arr polite and ask but honestly how prevalent is this behavior? I'm sure it varies by club but those people are out there all over and a club may eject the person but that doesn't eliminate what happened. Even if it's just one idiot who happens to do it, that would cause my wife all sorts of problems.

Secondly on a more pleasant topic, what are good protocols? As I stated we are primarily going to check the scene, but if the sex gods smile upon us and the opportunity to play even by ourselves presents, how is that handled, assuming it's in a designated play area? For instance I read about the newer couples going to see and end up just watching. I get it that could be creepy. Do you stay put side the room, do you enter the room, assuming it's not a private room?if you enter do you interrupt the festivities to announce yourself and ask if it's ok to watch? That extends to same room if in, I guess the couples or group room? Or in those rooms do you just sit down by yourselves and get to what you're going to get to (as a couple with no swap)?

Thirdly, we both tend to be shy (ironic since we're considering having sex in front of others...), and I understand this is a social experience but I don't know, I guess are there tips for shy people to still engage?

Lastly, and I realize this could be club by club, but we, well, both have body image issues and would rather not fully disrobe in the event of playing. Is this acceptable as far as etiquette? Are there other etiquette issues newbies should be aware of?

Sorry for the long post. Im sure I or the Mrs will have additional questions later. I appreciate any feedback.

I understand your nervousness, your questions. It's normal when you're entering an environment you've not been in before. (Heading to Yosemite? How concerned should you be about bears?)

My first suggestion to you is 'relax.' You're handling it right by thinking you'll only check out the place the first time, see how the land lies. You'll immediately become more comfortable. (Unless the club is a real dump, then you'll want to run screaming away. If that happens, run screaming away!) Most clubs I've been to control the environment very well. Even if you choose to have sex in an open environment, people usually will only touch you if invited to. If something does happen that's against the club rules (such as uninvited touching,) simply say 'no' very firmly. If he persists, alert club management.

If you do decide to become invited with another couple at their invitation, the 'protocol' will sort of look out for itself. Have fun, be respectful, don't worry about it.

If people are having sex where other people can easily watch them, they expect to be observed. Watch what other people are doing, mimic them. No worries. At our club, if the door to a private room is open, it's considered polite to stand by the doorway and observe. (Don't ever open a closed door!)

Shyness is an issue, all introverts have trouble with it. Suck it up, smile and talk nicely to other people. They won't bite, I promise. If you don't, you'll probably spend the whole night by yourselves.

About your body issues. Everybody's got body issues, even if you'd think they were a 10. If you want to keep your clothes on while you're having sex, go ahead. But I think you'll find it's not a big concern.

If you still have questions about your specific club, pick up the telephone and call them. We did it before we went to our club for the first time, the owner listened to us, was quite kind in explaining all our issues.

The very best of luck to you.

What club are you looking at?

If you are thinking about going to TPA, you couldn't have picked a better club in the northeast for your first exposure to swinging. It was our playtime home for over 10 years and we still plan a club night every time we go back to Pa. Single males are permitted entry on some sort of couple to singles ratio, it may be 10:1. The place is never crawling with single males and many that are there are regulars. We found that the vast majority were very well behaved and on the rare occasions that a guy got out of hand, he was quickly removed and never permitted to return. The club is clean, full of friendly and welcoming couples and totally no pressure. First time guests are given a private tour by a volunteer host couple who will not only show you around and explain the club rules but will also answer ANY questions that you may have. Its BYOB, so have a drink (not too much tho)look around, listen to music, dance if you wish, make eye contact with couples and enjoy the atmosphere. Some of our most fun nights started when we were approached by a new couple who said, "hi, this is our first time here, can we ask….etc". Swingers are generally very friendly but polite and most will not attempt an approach if a couple doesn't appear open to one. It took us several visits before we had the nerve to talk to people. What we learned is that a conversation is not an invitation to boink but generally speaking if you don't talk to couples, swingers will courteously keep their distance.

At TPA, there are rooms with windows where you can be watched, there is a glory hole room (Mrs Doc LOVES that)single bed rooms, rooms with 2 or more beds and some open play areas. All the rooms have doors with locks and a closed door is, in effect, a do not enter sign. We went in cold our first time and we had no idea what

to expect. That night, after hours of visual stimulation and her elbow in my ribs multiple times ("look at that dress honey", "damn, her tits are out", "OMG, is she blowing him"?)we ended up in a room by ourselves and screwed our brains out by ourselves. As we were getting in the car at the end of the night, Mrs Doc said, "that was fun honey, can we come back tomorrow"? It took us months to ease into playing and finally to swapping but we had a hell of a good time each step of the way. A side benefit is that each week we would talk about what we had seen on Saturday and then what we had done and shared and we found that we were stimulated and horny all over again. If you go, do write again and tell us the story of your first night. We'd tell you to have fun but that's a no brainer, you'll have an evening that you'll talk about for weeks.

Thank you for the assurances everyone. We were in fact looking at TPA over Tabu. The PA clubs are a little far and would take a greater investment with requiring a hotel.

Another concern of the Mrs, is the possibility of running into someone. I've tried to ease her concerns by saying they are there too and now there is something else in common. Like I said before we are working on overcoming past social biases.

Padoc, do you have any additional tips specific to TPA?

Wow, I really should have proofread my post. Didn't realize there were so many typos!

Don't know about all the other clubs out there, but the one we attend sounds very much like TPA.

The advice adamgunn gave was spot on. Take you time, one step at a time. Set your rules up ahead of time. How far are you willing to go the first time? Much will depend on who you meet that interests you. I would suggest that you agree before hand that you will stay together as a team. If you don't both have green lights then nothing more happens. You both have veto authority.

Dan

MD couple, I think we covered it. It really is a wonderful place to dip your toes into swinging. Body image stuff, Mrs Doc says of clubs and our nude beach here in Fla that, "there will always be someone older, fatter and grayer than we are". Go to the club with an open mind, meet people, talk, relax and play within your comfort level. While it is unlikely that you'd run into someone you know at the club, if your do, be bold, offer them a drink and act as if this stuff happens every day. I am currently in education administration . We ran into one of my teachers and his wife at a swinger m&g in Sarasota and for a moment, it was a bit uncomfortable but WTF, we weren't at work, our wives liked each other and we had a pleasant evening (no sex). Its like running into a coworker at Walmart only with boobs. For us, it was not a big deal. Try not to worry too much about "what if's" and simply enjoy the moment, the atmosphere and the possibilities.

Several people have told how they did not have sex at all the first time they went to a club. They just watched, toured, & discussed it with each other. Second time they did the same & enjoyed a round of love making with each other in one of the rooms. Third or fourth time at the club they had met and chatted up enough people they felt comfortable playing with another couple.

While I'm not familiar with the club you're stating as my wife and I are Canadian, I can share both your concerns as well as your curiosities as we are also new to the scene. If you want some advice; make friends with the staff. They won't steer you wrong, because they're interested in both happy customers as well as return customers. Tip the bartender a little extra and socialize. Also, for an added benefit, flirting practice on the staff is probably a lot safer as I assume they aren't encouraged to play.

The single guys comment was funny; as although the wife and I haven't done anything but play with each other at the clubs, but I want having a little bit of "bend the wife over in a private booth" time and had a woman come in and grab my ass mid-coitus. Flattering, but distracting to say the least!