The Trouble With Tri... err... Women

Joined this site so I could get some insight from other guys and couples.

My wife and I "got our feet wet" in this lifestyle about 15 years ago. We had lots of fun with a couple male friends, lots of teasing, pictures, etc. We were able to get some good chemistry there for a while as well. My one and only hang-up has always been that it's always been about her. Always a guy who's interested (and the one female in the far reaches would still be all about my wife)

I mean, nobody would say either of us are bad looking. I've always been more the oblivious type though and the few and far between friends I have are either not of the female variety or not of the same mindset. This doesn't mean I don't want the situation to ever happen, but I'm at a loss as to how it ever will.

Also, finding a woman that has that chemistry just doesn't seem possible. I don't want a relationship, not like that anyhow. My wife doesn't either. It just seems that that is always a risk and I don't think either of us can figure out how to test out potential friends for their thoughts on it... without restraining orders being filed afterwards at least!

Guys, on the other hand, are almost always much too willing. That's an entirely different story though!

So what experiences, thought, advice etc. do any of you have for a relatively anti-social, oblivious geek and his equally geeky wife in finding another female willing to participate in some friendly get-togethers??

Join the crowd bud. If I/we were willing to "settle" for a MFM all the time we would be busy every weekend. Still waiting on that couple that we "click with."

Go out to clubs and meet and greets that are couples focused. Talk to other couples together. Flirt and dance as a foursome. There are lots of great couples out there. We know tons of smart/kind of nerdy people who swing. Just work together and you'll find them.

I have a whole group of people that I tease about assigning roles from Star Trek TNG for my fantasy orgy. I include a quote from the Hitchhiker's Guide on every swinger pool party invite. I slept with a friend just because they recognized the quote immediately. I'm confident you can find women you'll click with.

? . . So what experiences, thought, advice etc. do any of you have for a relatively anti-social, oblivious geek and his equally geeky wife in finding another female willing to participate in some friendly get-togethers??

I have a whole group of people that I tease about assigning roles from Star Trek TNG for my fantasy orgy.

Mrs FL has a signed action photo of Patrick Stewart in the role of Jean-Luc Picard and has advised me if Stewart/Picard ever comes to the house to pick her up on a date, not to bother waiting up..

I include a quote from the Hitchhiker's Guide on every swinger pool party invite.

Makes sense, don't panic and always know where your towel is.

Hang in there. You would be surprised with what you can find.

Willing guys, just like tribbles, are just too easy to find. Willing women are much harder to find. Bottom line, you can keep looking (effort on your part), take what you have (effort on others part), or just give up (no effort required). Scotty, beam me up...

Meeting a single women who will play with you is more about meeting A FRIEND.

If your not attending clubs or parties then in my experience the best way to meet a women is by simply meeting a women in real everyday life and getting to know them a little.

For example you could be at a bar / night club / sat waiting for a train / sat on a bus / eating a meal / basically could be anywhere, in fact a good place to meet women can be at organised events, charity days, sports days, gyms, swimming pools and so on.

If you can simply talk to a women in a friendly way, to simply strike up a normal conversation then you can find out a little about them,, your main goal is simply to find out if they are single?

I often do this by saying something like...

“So are you here with your boyfriend / husband today then?”

If they reply no they do not have a husband or boyfriend then great.

If they reply by saying yes, or no he is at home I would say something like.

“Yeah my girlfriend is at home as well, wish she could have come she would enjoy today”

I then do not press forward with asking her about swinging.

If on the other hand she says she is single then I'd usually ask her if she fancies getting to know each other, fancies as coffee sometime just as friends and offer her my number.

If the conversation is going well enough then I'd ask the golden question, which is something like.

“Last time I was here a guy asked me to consider a threesome with him and his wife, what do you think of that kind of thing?”

“The other day I watching a program on TV all about swingers apparently is the new trend, what's your opinion on such things?”

“Got to say I'm a bit confused today someone at my work was talking about threesomes yesterday which was really weird what do you think about that stuff?”

You are basically asking them if they would ever consider a threesome but WITHOUT asking them directly. Then I simply watch their response, for example.

If they say...

“Eeeeerrrr NO WAY that is disgusting, I'd never do that at all”

Then I know asking them is not wise.

If on the other hand they say...

“Yeah it sounds fairly cool, I think maybe it could work with the right people”

Then I know I can follow up with more questions.

I would not push too hard, I'd not ask them straight away but instead I'd try an arrange a coffee or drink date with them. Not a sexual date just a “Can we meet again” like date, at which point I'd tell them a lot more about threesomes and my / our desire to try them with someone like her.

In many cases I have just been honest with the women and said things like...

“I know this is fairly weird but basically I do have a girlfriend, and yes it is a little strange but we really like the idea of trying a threesome and becoming good friends with someone, hopefully we would love to build a really nice fun friendship, not really all about sex but a friendship where we could chat, laugh, hang out, get to know each other, take things very slowly, all try out new things. My wife / girlfriend likes the idea and fully agrees, she isn't a porn star she is just a normal fun person and guess we could do with more friendship in our lives”

The key thing is to simply find a girl / women who likes you, a single women who at that moment doesn't have much other options. One good tactic is to ask a lot of questions about their relationship past, for example ask what happened in their last relationship, ask what happened in their longest relationship, ask about if they have children, if they like relationships, if they have ever had any one night stands because really the more you talk about them and sexual based subjects the better,, it will help open them up to the idea of been sexual with you as a friend, or at least in some cases.

I suppose the keys things are to quickly identify if the women is single, to quickly gage their feelings about things like threesomes, and to find a women who is initially attracted to you or seems willing to meet again as friends and then to bring up the subject in a honest friendly way.

One thing I have noticed is a lot of people freak out if you speak about swinging in a very public place, speaking about it in a busy bar is not always best, your probably best meeting them somewhere quiet such as an empty bar room where you can sit away from people.

One other good tactic is to get their details such as an email address or face book details then you can message them about things. Often a single women will be very reluctant and a little scared to try this situation especially if they have not met your wife before so in a lot of cases they require some promises and talking around to the subject.

Promises that your wife is fine with the idea, that she won't be upset at her, that it would be perfectly fine to have a meal together and just meet at least and so on.

One of the best ways to meet a single women however is if your wife / girlfriend is willing then get them to ask. In many cases a man asking about threesomes comes over as sleazy where a women asking another women comes over as a nice surprise or more acceptable thing. For example the single women knows your wife / girlfriend is okay about it all if she is the one who asks them.

However in my experience it always ends up been me (the man) who does the asking.

In my life there has been a fair few times where I have met a women in everyday life, just began a brief conversation with them, flirted a little, found out if they are interested in me and if they are I ask for some details and then simply ask them about the threesome subject when we next meet or via internet messages and within a week or two I'm undressing her in bed with my girlfriend.

You know a lot of people would try this, its a growing fantasy now, its something people know more about, its an idea a lot of people would like to try at least once. One of the things that has helped me is that I have met single women and simply explained such a friendship now whilst they are single is better than just been single, that its a very friendly stop gap between relationships.

Just speaking honestly I do not like meeting women from swing sites or nightclubs, whilst some of them are amazing some of them get far too much attention for my liking, I have chatted with women online who are sleeping with 6 or 7 different men and hardly even have time to have a friendship with us as a couple. Where the nice single girl you meet in real life doesn't perhaps have as many lovers, if any at all meaning they do have time to have a friendship with you.

Guess my best bit of advice is to simply to gage what a women thinks about swinging really quickly, to ask a simple question (without asking them directly) like stated above pretend you watched a program about it, pretend someone spoke about it at work and your curious what to think about them, say something that will gage their general response and if their response is bad then don't ask them, if their response is okay or even good then ask away.

Good luck.