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  1. #1

    Default Is it possible or are we looking at a pipe dream

    My wife and I tried the lifestyle several years ago, and had a couple of odd experiences which ultimately turned us away. We are rethinking the idea now. Is it possible within the lifestyle to find true single bi men, or married couple with the male being bi? We agree that my wife and I would really like to be able to enjoy another male together. If it was a couple, the wife is curious, but I am definitely bi. Are we looking for something that could be a reality or are we just looking for something that is a pipe dream. Your views will possible help us to make our decision to try the lifestyle again or not.

  2. #2

    Default Re: Is it possible or are we looking at a pipe dream

    Yes, we have met a few very nice single and married hi men. We go with the Life on the Swingset podcast group to Desire resort. Bi men are welcome there. You should check out the trip.
    Go TeamFun! Read my novella, Rock Hard in the 80's on Kindle or in paperback! Click here to check it out on Amazon

  3. #3

    Default Re: Is it possible or are we looking at a pipe dream

    Welcome! I hope you find the site interesting and educational.
    What you are looking for really isn't all that rare, just hard to find. The problem we found when looking for a single bi male was the number of straight guys lying to get access to the wife.
    One couple I knew had a good method. He would hunt for guys on line for man to man sex. After he verified they were fun, bi, available and sane, he'd invite them to meet the wife. That system was great for the wife as she knew any guy he brought home had already been vetted and was going to be a good lover for them. It was a good system for him as it allowed him some man to man time and the adventure of the hunt.
    Good luck, keep us posted on your journey.

  4. #4

    Default Re: Is it possible or are we looking at a pipe dream

    There's the odd couple on SLS that lists the man as being bi. But if you put a profile up there and say that you are looking for couples with bi-men, my guess is you'll get some responses where the man is identified as straight.

    And there are plenty of bi male singles who are looking for a threesome.

    Put an honest profile out there and I'll bet you get your share of responses.

  5. #5

    Default Re: Is it possible or are we looking at a pipe dream

    I'm a firm believer in no matter what you are looking for, there are others out there looking for the same thing. The less common what you are searching for is, the more patience and hard work it will take to find it since the odds are lower, but give it time and it will happen. The scenario you describe while not the most common certainly isn't the least common either, so I wouldn't let that keep me out of giving swinging another try.
    Not all those who wander are lost

  6. #6

    Default Re: Is it possible or are we looking at a pipe dream

    It's not a pipe dream. It's less common than women being bi, but it is out there. You just need to look.

    A passage from your post perked my interest; noting that you had "a couple of odd experiences which ultimately turned [you] away". My wife and I talked about this possibility years ago, just before we got into swinging. We agreed that it was possibly unlikely that our first ever experience was going to be everything we wanted it to be. We agreed we'd keep at it for a while, try other people, and if after a fair bit of trying it was still not the feeling we wanted, we'd stop. So, we tried. The first several experiences weren't stellar. Ok, but not great. Then...

    Some while after we got into swinging, we had a play night with two other guys, myself, and her. So, an MMFM. It was fantastic! It wasn't the number of guys, but the vibe was perfect and she had an absolutely fantastic time. It was hours of sex with her as the center of attention, and she came away with an amazing grin on her face that couldn't be described. Shortly after we got on the road for home, she turned to me and said "Ok, now I'm swinger!"

    I'll venture to guess that you and/or your wife have had relationships that were just so-so sexually. Not bad, not great, just kinda "meh". Same thing happens in swinging. If you find the right partner (or couple), your opinion of it all may dramatically change.

  7. #7

    Default Re: Is it possible or are we looking at a pipe dream

    Communication is the number one top priority! Honesty is a part of that communication. Communication is one person talking and the other listening. If you are thinking of a retort you are not listening! When you are done talking listen to what your partner is saying! Remember thinking of a retort is not listening. If you cant communicate it is a pipe dream. If you can communicate it is a worldly dream.

  8. #8
    Don't Forget to Smile!! kikonkrome's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is it possible or are we looking at a pipe dream

    We have had trouble with bi men and couples. It's kinda hard to explain but we have had odd experiences as well. I do not really have a great explanation for it myself.

    The guys don't really want to chat, or get competitive or something. Really hard for me to put me finger on. We go to a party where everybody needs to be at least comfortable with male/male contact and the vibe can really turn me off.

    We keep looking as well although I do not really look as hard these days.
    'Don't Dream It, Be It' - Rocky Horror Picture Show

  9. #9

    Default Re: Is it possible or are we looking at a pipe dream

    For a second, I though I posted this

    I wouldn't classify me as truly "bi". I don't necessarily go out seeking men, but there definitely has to be chemistry present and a very open mindset.

    My wife and I had this same trouble and also had some setbacks that turned us off for a while. Lots of straight guys seem too insecure around other guys to really let loose and have the full potential for fun set in. My thoughts were, if a guy were bi, or at least open minded, there would be a lot more enjoyment all around.

    Never found that.

  10. #10

    Default Re: Is it possible or are we looking at a pipe dream

    Hi everyone, first time posting! I am a truly bi male and I have had equal difficulty finding a couple that is looking for a bi male and is serious about meeting. I only had one experience with one couple, it was his first time with a guy and it was great for all 3 of us. His wife really enjoyed watching us together. But haven't had any luck since then.

  11. #11
    Swingers Board Guide SW_PA_Couple's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is it possible or are we looking at a pipe dream

    Quote Originally Posted by rndm27 View Post
    Hi everyone, first time posting! . . .
    WELCOME to Swingersboard.
    ~Richard Linklater

  12. #12

    Default Re: Is it possible or are we looking at a pipe dream

    Quote Originally Posted by SW_PA_Couple View Post
    WELCOME to Swingersboard.
    Thank you!

  13. #13

    Default Re: Is it possible or are we looking at a pipe dream

    No its not a pipe dream.

    Yes there are plenty of bisexual / bi-curious guys out there.

    BUT - You need to be prepared to deal with a lot of idiots before you find the right guy who even ticks half your boxes.

    I have had a fair share of experience in MMF threesomes and also class myself as bisexual.

    Perhaps the best worded bit of advice I have seen regarding meeting other men is.....

    "Remember with swinging single men often have entirely different goals to couples"

    For example a lot of couples get into swinging because they want a fun friendly social experience that improves their sex lives, they want a shared experience that will bring them excitement, thrills, new friends, company, expand their sexual horizons. You could say a good percent of couples are looking for a clean safe friendly play partner who treats them with respect and friendship, they are looking for someone who doesn't break the rules, who respects their relationship, a play partner who wants to see them, wants to spend time with them, wants to explore this entire lifestyle with them in a great fun way.

    Men however / single men basically just want to f**k, their ENTIRE REASON for getting into swinging is usually:

    A: They are cheating on their wife or girlfriend and swinging is a easy way to get sex.

    B: They just want to have sex, usually with the female of the couple.

    What does all that mean? Well it means most single guys actually have NO interest in treating you with respect, they have no interest in becoming friends, they have no interest in you as people, they have little interest in talking about this lifestyle, basically the only thing on their minds is shoving their head between your wife's legs and shoving their penis inside her.

    In most cases I have found single men basically want to treat you like a blow up sex doll, that men are actually really bad at processing sex and friendship at the same time, lets face it to most men / in most situations your either a friend OR your a sex partner, men have great difficulty doing both at the same time. This basically means that a couple might want to meet this nice friendly respectful man that ticks all their boxes, but that's the point the couple is looking for friendship, respect, normal decency and honesty in a situation that the man views as been SEXUAL and little else.

    Some examples of this are how men will ask you for sex without even introducing themselves, will ask you for sex without even asking your names, will ask you deeply personal sexual questions without even asking how your days been, will ask you truly dirty forward questions without even asking once if you have any desires or rules.

    I find when you meet a man they will arrive to meet you with one thing on their mind "SEX, SEX, SEX" and its on their mind SO MUCH that they can hardly process anything else. Perhaps a good example would be, the man arrives to meet you and the couple sits down and relaxes, the couple is thinking about what questions to ask / what rules to put in place / what guidance to give / what general friendly chats to have / how to make sure they are respected / how to make sure this man understands their desires.

    The man however is usually sat on the edge of their seat looking on edge, in their mind all they are thinking is....

    "When does the sex start. I want sex. I want my dick sucking. I want to cum in that women's pussy. Are we having sex yet"

    This creates a situation where most guys just want to f**k the girl, drop their loads and then get out of there as fast as possible.

    In years past I have had a fair few meets with men who have had sex and the second they have cum they stand up and start getting dressed and are heading to the door seconds later. The couple is expecting this friendly, nice, respectful man who wishes to explore this deep fantasy and friendship like deal, where actually all they get is a man who wants to bang the women's pussy and leave.

    It honestly does seem with about 90% of men if you involve sex into the mix they can not process anything else at all. For example if you meet a man at a bar just as friends, then sure just as friends that man will ask how you are, will ask what you do for a living, will make fun small talk, will generally be polite, will usually respect your relationship, will ask the normal questions such as what hobbies you like, if you have children, how long you have been married, they may even ask other off beat questions like what is your favourite sport, who is your favourite actor, what is your favourite film.

    The moment you involve sex it seems the vast majority of that normal decency just goes out the window, they are not meeting you for friendship, they are not meeting you for small talk, they are not meeting you for some wonderful shared experience or to follow rules and desires, they are meeting you because they want SEX.

    That often creates a situation where the couple wants fun, friendship, respect, exploration, talking, honesty, safety, some form of loyalty, where actually the man just wants sex.

    You see it all over mans profiles, words like....

    Discreet / No Strings / Good Sex / Clean Body / Groomed / Trimmed / Big Dick / Heavy Cummer / Loves Oral Sex / Good Stamina / and so on....

    Their entire profiles are geared up JUST about sex, there is hardly any mention of respect, friendship, chatting, shared experiences, honesty, which basically means most single men are looking for something very different to a lot of couples. In most cases the hey words men are looking for is discreet no strings sex. Yes I agree many couples also want discreet no strings attached sex but they also want some elements of friendship, respect, safety, honesty, sharing and most guys are not geared up to offer those things.

    So firstly what couples want often differs greatly to what singles guys are actually looking for. That for me has been a massive upset when trying to meet a nice single man, most of them simply want to treat you like a no string blow up sex doll who they can visit once in a while when their penis is feeling like sex. Rather than just treating you like normal people, rather than treating you with every normal decency they simply barrage you wish sex questions and treat you like sex toys to please their penis.


    Regarding bisexual men, well this again is a difficult situation.

    Be warned an awful lot of guys will PRETEND to be bisexual simply so they get a chance to sleep with you wife. In years past I have had 3 or 4 MMF threesomes with men who claim to be bisexual or bi-curious and when your all in bed and naked they suddenly become straight and even homophobic. However for those men who are actually bisexual or bi-curious there are different levels, for example some men might only be orally bisexual, some men are fully bisexual, other men are bisexual but feel weird doing it in front of a women, there is even the entire opposite where a man states he is bisexual but all of his actions point towards him been gay.

    Perhaps the biggest thing I have found regarding bi men is that a lot of them probably are bisexual, a lot of them probably wouldn't mind some light play with another man, that sure in private there are a lot of guys who would let another man suck their dicks, but when there is a naked women in bed with them they feel embarrassed to do that stuff and all the attention is aimed at the women instead. They may feel okay about some mild bisexual things such as touching / sucking but wouldn't have full sex with another man ect.

    In some respects its a numbers game, for example there are only so many bisexual men in your city / area, out of those men you generally have to find one who likes the idea of swinging, then you have to find one you find attractive enough, then you have to find one who's hygiene matches your expectations, then you have to find one who likes both you and your partner enough to play, then you have to find one who you think will be a safe enough match, then you have to find one who can meet you enough, then you have to account for all the personal tastes such as some people don't like men with long hair, some people don't like men with tattoos, some people don't like large men, some people don't like short men.

    So lets say all of the bisexual men in your area are 100% of the bisexual men, by the time you account for all of the variables then your pool of choices might actually be 1% of those men. Kind of like saying there might be 10 guys in your entire city that would really tick every box. Like saying 99% of men won't be right for you as a couple, 1% of them will be very right.

    Its not actually that easy to do but perhaps a good thing to try would simply be meeting loads of men for social meetings and ask deep enough questions to find the best ones, then perhaps try playing with a few of the better options and picking the best of the bunch for you. Another could tactic to find truly bisexual guys is ask if they are willing to meet the male of the couple alone, that you like the sound of them, perhaps wouldn't mind a light play and see if they will meet the man on his own, man on man. If they agree then you as a man can vet them, see how they act, speak to them about what your looking for as a couple and so on.

    I think in a lot of cases one of the biggest differences between single guys and couples is that the couple often see's swinging as this special / risky / exciting / fun shared event, they see it as been a special thing and want to find a single man who has some kind of commitment towards them, that they want to find that "One Special Guy" that guy who will see them a lot, that guy who will treat them safely and with respect and friendship. Where actually to most single guys its not special at all, its just them achieving their goal of getting sex.

    Perhaps a good example is when you meet a single guy and have a great threesome, he cums 3 or 4 times, you give him super long blow jobs, he pounds your wife all over the bedroom, he gets all the sex and naughty things he wants, he probably gets more sex that night than he has had in weeks, he maybe even has full on bare back sex with your partner, he gets the full works, he gets oral sex, he gets vaginal sex, he gets anal sex and gets to f**k a clean sexy new women, it is a great night. Then the single man goes straight home and posts on a swing site asking if anyone else wants to meet him the next day.

    In my experience men are always looking for the NEXT BEST MEET it doesn't matter how well you get on, its doesn't matter how great the sex is the man is still looking for the next women to sleep with which can shatter a lot of couples vision of this one special guy kind of thing.

    I'm not saying its hopeless but the couple often needs to identify what they really want, do they just want total sex and nothing else at all, or do they want friendship, respect, company, trust and so on. I generally find most men are just looking to sleep with as many women as possible, you as a couple are not special just another vagina in which to push their penis.

    You will also see it one men's profiles a fair bit where they write "Not into endless chats" in other words they are directly saying they are not bothered about talking, not bothered about rules, not bothered about treating you as human they just want to bang the women. If all you want is sex then swing sites are great for that, if you want a friendship, that one special guy type of thing then such guys often don't use swing sites.

    I'm not perfect, I'm not saying I know everything, yes there are some wonderful guys out there but overall my experience of single guys isn't good, most of them are on swing sites are cheating, the other are just after sex, a very small amount of men are actually single and willing to have a good friendship on a regular on going basis.

    Good luck.

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