Newbies - wife wants to watch

For many months, we have been debating attending a private swingers party and are finally ready to do it. However, my wife wants to watch me with another woman/submissive (and direct the action to some extent) and/or watch me in a MFM threesome/spit roast. She does not want to be w/ any other man and we do not want a soft swap. However, she wants to fuck me at some point in the evening and has no reservations about being in front of others doing the same. Is this acceptable or will she be expected to be with someone else? It's a deal breaker for both of us...

Also, how does it work when you arrive and "begin"? Does everyone walk around naked once the evening gets going or are there bathrobes one can put on from time to time? We just want to know what to expect....

Hello, mingfinn1, and welcome to SwingersBoard!

It sounds like you two have been thinking and talking about this for a while. Hopefully you've talked through the possible feelings that could emerge when your wife sees you having sex with another woman. I trust that you will be ready to handle any unexpected things that might happen, changes of heart, unplanned things said or done, etc. Be ready to be sensitive to each other, and to communicate honestly and openly. Don't be afraid to call a pause or a halt to the proceedings if either of you are uncomfortable or needs a moment to discuss something.

As long as you are clear and up-front about your wishes, preferences, and limits, you should be all right. I'm not saying there might not be some people who might pass on playing with you if they can't swap with you. But sometimes couples will play individually at parties, not requiring a swap situation.

As to how to begin, I advise that you arrive ready to be friendly and socialize, and see how the evening progresses. Often a house party will start with everyone talking, getting a drink or a bite to eat, and catching up with friends they know there. You might use this time to relax and start conversing with some friendly fellow guests. Let them know you arenew to all this- it might help folks to be extra sensitive and considerate with you if they understand that you haven't done this before. It might also result in your meeting people who are very good with newbies! Once you see that people are heading up to play, you might simply ask someone who has caught your eye if they'd like to play, and describe what you have in mind.

In my experience, different parties have different social norms about dress. Oftentimes, though, people may walk around in a state of semi-to-total undress after they have been upstairs for their first round of play. Other times, people will put something on after a round of playing before returning to the socializing.

The most important piece of advice I can give you is to go to this party without expectations for how the evening might play out. Coming in with big expectations invites disappointment and hurt feelings if the evening happens not to unfold as you had expected. You can probably figure on being able to play with each other, probably with an audience if that is something you want! But beyond that, you can never tell for sure whether you will happen to click with anyone at the party. Approach the evening as a new adventure, without a script or agenda, and you are more likely to enjoy yourselves!

Good luck and have fun!

Great advice above. The more rules and limitations you have, the less likely it is that you will find people to play with. Our motto is "Whatever we think is going to happen is not what happens."

To some couples in a party environment the fact that you want to boink someone else's wife but yours "does not want" to play with another man" is a red flag. Swinging generally involves sharing partners and play time. It sounds like you want to share someone else's wife but are unwilling to share yours. Most parties we've attended, the couples are all in and want to play. What you are describing may be seen simply as you using your wife's presence as your ticket to get in and get laid. If that's the case, reconsider. Swingers will figure that out fairly quickly and you'll not be welcome again.

To Clarify, it's my wife who doesn't want to be with anyone else...

Which makes my point.

If you want to go to a picnic, you have to bring your own ham sandwich. You can't just eat everyone else's lunch and not contribute. -old lifestyle proverb.

The others are right and it's good advice, it maybe better to look on this and other sites for some one that wants the same kind of thing you do or has no problem with your wife not playing ( but being there )

I think if you go to a club or party you may get lucky once or twice but you soon will become a single guy in the eyes of everyone because your partner does not play.

I hope you find what you two like and it goes well for you. also like others have told you unintentional things can and do happen from time to time and i think you guys should have a way of letting the other know something is wrong or feelings are over taking one of you, so that you can regroup and work out stuff as you go.

Regards

Interested in knowing how this works the other way round ... my wife would certainly not want me to be with another woman, although I think could be encouraged towards MFM ... so how would it work if we attended a party, just looking to play with each other and possibly invite another guy or two to enjoy my wife in some way - e.g. groping, sucking tits, possibly even screwing her?

I know the green eyed monster won't allow her to see me with another woman ...

Surely you two couples are the perfect match, problem solved

Scaredstiff

Agreed - lol

You have heard from a number of people who think that you are going to be unwelcome because you do not both play. I agree that there will be some people for whom this would not work. But I tend to disagree with the thought that you will somehow be shunned or ostracized by everyone. You do need to be honest and upfront about what you want. But if you do that, I'm not thinking that you will be automatically disinvited. At parties, it is not uncommon at all for people to play in ways other than straight swapping.

Surely you two couples are the perfect match, problem solved

hahaha - that made me chuckle and would be perfect if we lived on the same side of the atlantic, Ming!

I don't suppose you'd fancy flying to the other side of the ocean, ming?

Every different private house party has a different character. Will you have a chance to talk to the party hosts?

My wife and I host parties and on those occasions when we have new guests who seem completely surprised by what they see or experience we comment to each other, "Jeez, do you think they could have taken advantage of our offer to call and ask questions?"

thinking a more public party/venue might be best for us first, just to check things out and see how comfortable we are in the whole situation/environment. that way, we can watch and participate if we feel comfortable. i think meeting a couple right off the bat, might be too much pressure...thoughts on that? thank you all for your input!