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J&Kliketoplay

Wow, we're doing this... Nervous!

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Hello everyone. I have a few questions and want to voice some of the nervousness I've been feeling now that we are starting to enter the swinging scene.

 

About us, I'm 40 and she's 35. We've been married for 14 amazing years. We are parents, professionals, etc., etc. we've always been adventurous and early on in our marriage we had a couple threesomes with other women. They were great for both of us but then with kids and careers, etc., etc., we didn't do anything like that for a solid decade. However we talked about it A LOT and always talked about next time having a man or a couple join us.

 

A few months ago my wife's coworker and us got drunk and ended up in the sack. It was amazing. She was great and we go together 5 or 6 times in a span of two weeks. However my wife pretty much said, you know, that's 3 women and 0 men. It was time for a man. I was nervous but agreed (not pressured as this has truly been a fantasy of mine too) and booked a trip to Vegas and found a gentleman on Craigslist and arranged to meet. I was so nervous. I wanted to do it but the thoughts and nerves were just crippling. Anyways, long story short, he showed up to our hotel, we had a drink in the room and while he was nice enough, something just wasn't right. I really wasn't feeling it. I couldn't explain it at the time but I just felt "off" about the whole thing. We went for it anyways as my thought was, it would get better once we started. NOPE. I felt like I was going to have an anxiety attack. 10 minutes into it and my wife realized it wasn't working for me and basically stopped everything. We apologized to the guy and he left. I felt terrible. Am I really so insecure and selfish that I could do this 3 times with another women and enjoy it but not let her have her fantasy fulfilled too?

 

So we get back home and I told her I felt it needed to be someone I was more comfortable with. Someone I knew and liked. So we recently decided to ask a friend of ours to join us for some "soft fun". I basically explained that I wanted to give her an early birthday present and fulfill her fantasy of getting a full body massage from two men. We went out for drinks, came home and did just that. And more. He gave her oral, basically we did everything except penetration from him. We had agreed to take it slower and not go all the way beforehand and talk about it after. It was perfect! I was so comfortable in the situation and seeing her have so much fun was amazing. Now we are inviting him over this weekend again and we all plan to do "everything" this time. We are even planning on taking a vacation this winter to a swinging resort... We are in! Well, except, I still have some nerves.

 

This is embarrassing to talk about but I hope perhaps someone can understand, help me sort through these nerves. My main fear is...

 

My wife is ridiculously gorgeous. Way hotter than me. She's always been beautiful but got into bodybuilding a few years ago and now looks amazing. I'm nervous that the disparity in our attractiveness levels will lead to awkward situations where maybe some couple and us hookup but they are both way more excited about her than me. It end up feeling as sort of "well, you got to take him too if you want her" type situation.

 

Any advice?

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Welcome! I'm glad you're here and it sounds like things are going quite well for you.

 

I would continue following the advice you've given yourselves, taking things slow and trusting your feelings. You will find lots of great couples, I'm sure.

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We often joke that Mrs Doc is "bait". Not to say that I'm some kind of troll, but she is beautiful AND sexy and that's just a fact. Another fact is that we have never played with a couple where I didn't think the other woman was beautiful and sexy too. What you are beginning to discover is that this hobby really is about the women. Most couples we know, the woman holds ultimate veto power to play or not and think about it from your experience from just about your first erection...all you ever wanted to do was put it somewhere, preferably warm and wet. Has that changed all that much? It's a good thing that you recognize that your wife is amazing, she is her gift to you and your gift to the other people with whom you play. If you remember that, you'll also recognize that the women who play with you are a gift as well and you'll treat them that way.

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We often joke that Mrs Doc is "bait". Not to say that I'm some kind of troll, but she is beautiful AND sexy and that's just a fact. Another fact is that we have never played with a couple where I didn't think the other woman was beautiful and sexy too. What you are beginning to discover is that this hobby really is about the women. Most couples we know, the woman holds ultimate veto power to play or not and think about it from your experience from just about your first erection...all you ever wanted to do was put it somewhere, preferably warm and wet. Has that changed all that much? It's a good thing that you recognize that your wife is amazing, she is her gift to you and your gift to the other people with whom you play. If you remember that, you'll also recognize that the women who play with you are a gift as well and you'll treat them that way.

 

Wow, you summed it up perfectly. I'm understanding exactly that. My wife, who is the "doc" in our relationship probably will always be the main attraction here and that's not such a bad thing. I love and respect women and will always treat them as such and perhaps, as you mention, having a woman who is the main "catch" will make me realize that the couple we are with feels the same way and thus the same appreciation should be shown from me.

 

Thanks again!

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It's great that you are comfortable with the fact of having a smokin hot wife! But don't sell yourself short. Guys who are classy, engaging, interesting, funny, sensitive, and respectful can go far in the lifestyle, whether or not they have model looks.

 

So, I feel I must offer at least a word of caution about hooking up with friends. Some people here may disagree with me, but I think it can be risky to hook up with your current vanilla friends. There is a risk, if things don't work out, of damaging your friendship. There is a lot more at stake, and a more valuable thing to lose, when you try to turn an existing friendship into a sexual relationship. Now, I completely understand your desire to feel comfortable and right about a play situation with anybody- guy, woman, or couple- and that desire is reasonable and quite sensible. But I feel that you can reach a good level of comfort by spending some time with a new person before you hop in the sack. You can set a policy of not playing on a first get-together, so that everybody understands that you want to take some time to get to know each other and develop some comfort and chemistry. All that said, it's worth noting that you can really like a person, be they an old friend or a new friend, and still find that things just don't click sexually. And that, of course, is something that you won't be able to know for sure until you try it!

 

Also, you can do better than Craigslist for meeting people! Sites like SLS, SDC,SZC, Swingtowns, APG, Kasidie, or Quiver are more oriented toward swinging, and you're more likely to find genuine people there.

 

Good luck, have fun, and keep talking!

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