Is this the first step?

This looks to be a memorable Halloween for us. After many years of chatting about it and role playing about my wife being with another, a yes was given! We will be dipping our toe into the pool at a lifestyle club at the end of the month.

Mrs. Tigger decided to say yes to the club to see what it's all about. She isn’t ready to dive into the lifestyle but does want to be more adventurous. Mr. Tigger (me) has brought this up over the years but always met with a resounding “no”. I take this as a step in the right direction. We have our costumes already and I definitely can’t wait to see her amazing warrior costume!

I will be looking throughout the site in how to best approach the situation so I don’t blow it. Lots to learn about on the site and need to make sure I cover the basics. Going in with no expectations for the night other than having a good time with her. Will have to admit, I rather like the idea of her even dancing with another. Just have to figure out how to get her comfortable with saying yes to that.

I look forward to learning more from those on the site.

I hope you'll give us your impressions from your club experience. How did you happen to find our Web site? Glad you did.

Thank you for the welcome. I have been surfing the net a lot more the last couple of weeks looking for info now that she is willing to visit a club. My guess would be be googling Swingers Forum.

The wonderful thing about tiggers is a very wonderful thing...

Let us know if you have any questions.

I do have many questions and would welcome any advice .

A couple top of mind would be:

- given that she is still apprehensive, what should we continue to talk to about in prep for going to the club?

- any advice for what to expect and what to bring to a club for the first time?

- I am sure we will both be nervous, what tips do you have for breaking the ice with others? Don't want to sit in the corner for the night.

The Tiggers

Easy answers:

Yes talk! Discuss expectations. Most importantly, agree before hand what you two are willing to do that first night AND STICK TO IT!!!

Bring your alcohol, if there is a theme, dress for it, if not she should dress comfortably sexy and he should be dressed casually. At some clubs, the women bring a couple of outfits that are progressively more suggestive and sexy as the evening goes on. If she is comfortable doing that, it adds even more spice to the night.

Expect nothing. Swingers clubs are like nothing you've ever experienced if you have led a strictly vanilla life. There will be subdued lighting, a bar, a dance floor, mostly contemporary music which gets louder as the night goes on, and hopefully a play area. No one will drag you into a room and ravage you.

Swingers are generally among the most polite and friendly couples you'll ever meet. Most are NOT pushy so I would suggest that your Mrs breaks the ice with another woman. Ask questions, let her know it's your 1st visit and let the conversation flow. You'll learn a little with each conversation and will likely be introduced to other couples through those 1st few conversations.

Later, walk through the play area. Watch, listen and enjoy the erotic atmosphere. Our 1st club visit, we walked through, saw things we'd never seen before and were so turned on that we found a room by ourselves, locked the door and banged like bunnies. Afterwards, Mrs Doc got up to go to the bathroom and brazenly walked out and back naked saying, "we're going to do it again, why get dressed".

Remember that this is about YOU two. You owe no one anything and are under no obligation to do anything. Dance, flirt, tease, touch even if you're both comfortable with that but don't think that because you danced with someone or some guy got a hard on while dancing with Mrs Tig that she has to blow him. You two proceed at your own pace and don't forget that this does not have to be a once and done thing. The club or others like it will be there and you can go back and explore again and again.

Above all, enjoy the evening. This is something completely outside a normal couples box. Have Fun.

That is some excellent advise! I believe that is something to follow. We have been talking about it.

At this point her largest concern is me, she doesn't feel ready to watch me play with another. I was able to take this step by indicating to Mrs Tigger that this is all about her and her pleasure. Sounds a bit more like hotwife but this did help move things forward. I am more than happy to wait in the wings. How would others in the club receive this play style request?

Hello, Tiggers, and welcome to SwingersBoard!

I get the sense from your posts that Mrs. Tigger is maybe not as enthusiastic about this as you are. While it's a great thing that she has agreed to come out to a club with you, it sounds like you are running the risk of hardening her "no" position if you push her to accept any more than she already has at this point. My advice is to relax, set no expectations, lower your hopes, and let this first experience happen without any pressure or plans.

Have a good night at the club, perhaps have some friendly conversation, and take your wife back to the playroom for fun, just the two of you. If she is feeling adventurous (and I advise letting her take the lead on this, rather than "getting her to agree to it"), she might want to play with you while others watch.

Most of all, though, have fun and have sexy evening together!

What you said is true. She is still unsure of the whole thing but thinks it could be a fun weekend. I absolutely agree that there should be no expectations. Let's just go enjoy ourselves. The guidance I have received has been great. I definitely plan on her taking the lead and becoming comfortable in the environment. Who knows, maybe when I see someone actually starting to play with Mrs Tigger, it might not be what I can handle. Need to communicate as we progress.

Listen to what Padoc said.

- given that she is still apprehensive, what should we continue to talk to about in prep for going to the club?

Set your rules and boundaries and do not exceed them (even if you want to) unless you have a chance to talk about it in private, outside of the event (like the next morning). She needs to know that you will stick by what you said and will shelter her while you are there. Go with no expectations other than having a good time and enjoy yourselves.

- any advice for what to expect and what to bring to a club for the first time?

Contact the club and ask them what you should bring. They will have the best knowledge on this.

- I am sure we will both be nervous, what tips do you have for breaking the ice with others? Don't want to sit in the corner for the night.

Let the club owner know that you are new and that this is your first visit. Usually, they will give you a tour and (might) pass you off on another couple or individual who will make sure that you are not sitting in a corner (not meaning that the other couple will be making you do anything other than maybe introducing you around). NOTHING is expected by anyone who will be there so don't worry about that. The owner usually wants to make sure that you enjoyed yourself so that you will come back. As for breaking the ice, just say hello to whoever you happen to be next to. Tell them that this is your first visit and ask them about their experience. Look at this as a night out with your wife and just have a good time with her before you go home and have smokin' hot sex with each other (this IS what usually happens afterwards after spending a night in a sexually charged atmosphere full of naked people having sex).

Good luck and we wish you the best...don't forget to report back!

My wife and I are doing pretty much the same thing for Halloween. Taking some wine and dressing up in costume. We want to see how the flow of the evening goes. It will be our first time going to a swinger club so it should be fun. Hope you both enjoy your time too.

That's great to hear! Sounds like a great idea to have a drink while getting ready. I will make sure to give an update after the party, hope you do as well.

Well, we are only a few days away from our first event. Our costumes are ready & travel arrangements made and now just the waiting game. I did receive an email last night and thought I would ask my question here. They mentioned that for first timers to feel free to take part in some of the social games. They used the example of spin to win and games tables. Can anyone provide some examples of what these games would be from your experience?

Another update is that we have chatted more about it and keeping the expectations very low. Only expecting to dance and have fun with each other.

I will make sure to give you a report back after the weekend!

So how did it go?

We are also thinking about visiting a club, our biggest worry is that we will see someone we know (silly I know).

Not really worried about crossing boundaries and stuff as we are very clear with each other that there will be no swapping on our first outing, except for dancing.

The big Halloween party did come for us and wow, was it amazing. Before we get to the ending, lets take a look at what happened leading up to the nights events.

The day started out like any other day when we travel to the city (the party wasn’t in our city as it is too small to host an event like this and it cuts down on the chance of being recognized). We took advantage of all the shopping available to us at the malls and different stores. I was trying my best not to think about it all day long. As always, we had a good time visiting the city.

We took our time until about 8 pm when we decided it was time to start getting ready for the big club party. We had everything needed for our costumes since we started prepping at the beginning of October. Started out helping her get her eye lash extensions on, that was quite a feat! But in the end and almost an hour later we had our costumes on. Mine took 10 mins and hers the 40 mins. Once we were ready to go we walked over to the club since the hotel was so close. Was surprised to see there was already a line up by 9:30.

Before heading to the club I asked that the first time there she not full swap. Wasn’t sure how I would be in the situation now that it was real.

As we waited to get in to the club we were able to introduce ourselves to others in the line. Everyone was so nice and friendly, definitely nicer than a regular club. As with all first timers, we got a tour of the club, explained the rules and a free shot at the end.

We had an absolutely great time at the club. We haven’t danced like that for a long time and until that early in the morning. We did venture to back rooms a couple of times and it was quite surprising to actually see someone doing it right in front of you. We did get hit on a couple of times (mainly her) when dancing but they weren’t our types.

As the night was getting late we went back to the other rooms and wandered around a bit. Lots of others going at it around us. Thankfully, my wife made us do it when she found a sex swing. I did close the door behind us as it was a bit awkward using it for the first time. I ended up being the more shy one, who would have thought. But we had a great time at it!!! After that, we walked around for a few more minutes before heading out for the night.

We both agreed it was an incredibly “interesting” night and are already planning to head back for the Valentine’s Day party. This time though, we will get it going out in the public areas!

The next day we chatted and we both felt like none jumped out at us that she would want to play with. They all just didn’t seem good enough for her, from my point of view. Once again, I didn’t think that is how it would play out. I am sure I am not the first one who felt that going to a club for the first time. Yet, even now I still think about her having fun with another.

All I can say is go for it. Everyone is super nice, dancing is great and who knows, maybe you will do something you have never done before!

Let me know if you have any other questions.

Well that sounds like a great way to get into it , I'd like to think we would handle ourselves in a similar way, my wife wasn't up for a club at all about a month ago but since I explained to her that you don't have to do anything you don't want to and that we could agree a no swap rule for the first few visits she completely changed her opinion on it.

Thanks for the response it will definitely help us.

I am happy for you two and I thank you for sharing the experience. If you like to dance, most swingers' clubs are good for that.

Great to hear that you had a good time and a positive experience. See, it hardly hurt at all. Maybe next time you will find another couple that you 'click' better with...or maybe you won't. It's all still ok. Just knowing that something MIGHT happen usually is energizing enough for more than a few nights of post-party sex. Thanks for reporting back and good luck this valentines day. We expect (hope) to hear back then as well.