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jp0317

Getting her to go that last step?

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I just confirmed our date to go to Hedo July 2017. My shy wife slowly changed since then. She is very open now to nudity (I got her not wear panties under her dress at home and even outside). She loves sex toys now especially the bbc dildo and recently I tried gangbang roleplay using dildos for dp and she absolutely loved it. Are we getting there yet? I mean I don't expect her to swing on her first Hedo trip but at least she is considering other men even if it is just fantasy. She is very open to exhibitionism and I'm sure she will be comfortable with us giving a show in Hedo but I want to see her take another cock badly. Any advice guys to nudge her towards the path?

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My advice is don't - meaning don't do any pushing and don't screw things up. Look at it this way, you are already ahead of about 99% of other guys. Many have mates not open to nudity, wouldn't think of leaving the house without panties, are embarrassed to even think about sex toys, bringing up even the idea of a dp role play would hurt them or piss them off, and the biggest one, they damn sure wouldn't consider a trip to a swinger resort!

 

So, with support and patience you both have made great progress together on overcoming shyness and opening up sexually with each other. It's working, so don't mess with it! Just keep going down that path and when she becomes comfortable with something else, it won't be a matter of you pushing her toward it, it may become a case of you being along for the ride with her leading the way.

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I agree with cplnuswing- you can make opportunities available, and be encouraging, of course. But if your wife feels like she is being pressed to do something she would not be willing to try on her own decision, she may resist and become less open to the possibilities.

 

If you've booked your trip for July 2017, you have lots of time to discuss things, and perhaps broaden your boundaries before the trip (if she is amenable to it). One thing that does concern me is the possibility of you pinning a lot of hopes on this one trip. That kind of lengthy buildup can lead, wittingly or unwittingly, to creating expectations in your mind. And that could lead to pressure in her mind!

 

All that said... You were asking for advice on "nudging her toward the path". My take is that the best approach includes lots of open, honest communication between you (when you two are clothed and not aroused, so you are both thinking clearly), creating a safe environment where she feels completely free to decline any activity at any time, and creating opportunities for gradual exposure to more adventurous sexual or clothing-optional experiences. Perhaps a visit to a nearby nudist resort (if there is one near you) might help her to be more comfortable, and a non-sexual nudist resort might help her to feel more safe and comfortable.

 

By the way, are you booked on the nude side at Hedo, or the prude side?

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Hi thank you so much for the advice. Yeah just got so excited with her recent change that I thought she is ready. You're right, I'll let her do her steps without pressure and I'll enjoy the ride. We booked prude side so we can extend the days we will be there for about 10 days. I'm just happy she is open now, a year ago she wouldn't even do blowjob, now she is talking of doing it in the open (nude pool/hot tub Hedo). hehe I can't even imagine that, but thank you so much I don't want to mess this up for her. By the way, I'm thinking of getting someone to massage and tease her when we are there, is that ok?

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by the way I'm thinking of getting someone to massage and tease her when we are there, is that ok?

That sounds like an excellent question to ask your wife! :)

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That might be something she would enjoy. Will she think she will enjoy it right now? Probably not. Will she think the same when you guys are actually at the resort and reveling in being on vacation and the atmosphere? I say the odds are her thoughts on that will have changed. So, just throw it out there now as an idea just like anytime ahead of a trip when you talk about different things you may want to do. Doesn't mean everything on the list ends up getting actually done, people always adjust on the fly, but no harm in talking about it now (and a lot of benefit actually).

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haha I'm afraid to ask.

If you two are contemplating swinging, you need to be able to be open and honest in conversation with each other. After all, if you can't ask your wife about getting a massage while on vacation, how can you expect to be able to discuss having sex with other people?

 

Perhaps considers this question to be good practice for you two!

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hehe im trying to be sneaky like il talk to someone and have him massage her she thinks a professional masseuse but il have it set up so he will seduce her. she is ok with the massage but do u think it is ok for me to kinda like trick her a little seduction to get her there? thanks for all the help

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Trickery and sneakiness are not appreciated by anyone I know. If you love your wife and want to stay married you are better off treating her with respect and talking openly.

 

Any man who is interested in participating in a scenario that is manipulative as you describe is not someone you want in your hotel room or having physical access to your wife. I can't imagine the person who is desperate enough for cash or sex or misogynist enough to agree to this.

 

I think you need to take a serious look at yourself and what you are considering and the harm your fantasies could cause.

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hehe im trying to be sneaky like il talk to someone and have him massage her she thinks a professional masseuse but il have it set up so he will seduce her. she is ok with the massage but do u think it is ok for me to kinda like trick her a little seduction to get her there? thanks for all the help

No, I do not think this is OK. Not even close to OK.

 

If you want the best chance for a good outcome, do not try to sneak or trick your wife into doing this! We are trying to help you to understand a very important, basic point here. Swinging can be a dangerous thing to do to a relationship. Swingers break society's rules by engaging in non-monogamy. They break what many people, and many cultures (including yours) consider a sacred vow of sexual fidelity to your spouse. You must both be ready, in the clear-eyed light of day, to do this. You must both want it. If you don't both feel that you are ready to break society's rules a little, and both feel that your relationship will survive the unique stresses and strains that swinging can place on it, then you are not ready to do it, and you should not try it.

 

Consider the scenario you are proposing, from her point of view. This masseur comes over and starts giving her a therapeutic massage, then he begins to seduce her. For all you know, she will feel like she's cheating on you if she allows this guy to make advances on her.

 

I don't want to sound discouraging to you. But if you and your wife cannot have a clear-eyed, sober, clothed conversation about having sex with other people, then you should definitely not try actually doing it! This sneaking and tricking approach is definitely not a good way to do this, and you run the risk of damaging your marriage.

 

Please just talk to her!

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haha I'm afraid to ask.

 

Until you can ask her, you will never be ready.

 

Communication is what you should be working on. Focus on that more than anything else, otherwise you are going to find you have a very unhappy woman on your hands when you surprise her at Hedo...

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thank you so much for the advice i will follow it and will try to talk to her prior to hedo. i pretty much know which is ok for her and its only the actual swapping that is in the gray area. an good update though is we had our third session of gangbang roleplay and she still absolutely love it i she specially love being dped by a big black dildo and her butplug (i told her to imagine she is being sandwiched by 2 black men) she came so hard. that is a huge improvement, about 2 years ago she is disgusted by porn, refused sex toys and we have sex once a week. i guess i better just take it slow and count my blessings. i like her wild side now so i think i will try to slowly open up the communication lines. forgive us, being asian our culture has pounded us that we should have conservative sex. my wife usually clams up after sex and were just not used to talking about it. we will take it slow we still have a year to lay out the rules(before hedo july2017) any other tips for us will be greatly appreciated.

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That's why communication is so important, especially about sex. You shouldn't even talk to her about this while in bed, it should be in a neutral environment so that it can't be confused with bedroom 'play'. Easiest way is to start talking about how hot and sexy she has become and then ask about her sexual fantasies. If she is hesitant, remind her that you are her husband for life and the two of you should be able to talk about anything and everything. I have some very limited experience working in the Asian culture so I can see where you are coming from, but let her know that its okay for her to be open and honest with you. Good luck.

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