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verycautious

Nervous just posting this.. never mind trying swinging... :)

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Me: 50, in good shape, in gym 5days a week for 35 yrs..

She: 45, still gets stared at everywhere we go, even by 25 y.o...

We have sex at least daily, most days 2x a day. She can cum 5 times (used to be 10 :)..

Together for 25 yrs, 100% loyal.. BUT.. :)

She has had this fantasy, since early adolescence.. w. her and many guys.. forget psychoanalysis.. lets talk sex..

 

For me.. it's also a draw, it always has been my favorite porn to watch.. mfm or mmmmmfmmmmm.. the more mmm the better..

But since she told me about this fantasy, almost after we met.. it's kind of a masochistic painful jealous thing for me.. Im very possessive.. but the thought is exciting.. So I guess thats a definition of masochism?

 

So anyway.. we talk about the gangbang fantasy, before sex to charge us up, sometimes during sex.. if I give her oral.. (makes it hard for me to tell her the stories tho' :).. and it always makes her cum.

And I am pretty sure she's hot to trot, for real.. but I doubt I really want to do it.. it'll be just too damaging for me..

But I do get excited seeing what it does to her..

When I am away she sends me her solo porn. HOT!! She gets hot making it, sometimes cums while taping ..

Last time I lied and said I showed her porn to these 2 guys I work with that she knows.. and sent a (fake) pics of their hardons as a 'proof' that I showed it.. She got so HOT.. sent me more vids.. another 5 levels hotter.

And said,.. fuck it, Im ready.. bring them home ..

SO I got jealous, told her it was a lie.. she was of course pissed..

 

But anyway.. why am I writing all this?.. not sure.. I guess looking for a guy or a girl who knows what I am going through.. anyway.. thanks for your ear..

:)

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:Welcome: from Oklahoma, Verycautious! We're glad you've joined us and hope you find some answers here. There is a big difference between "fucking for fun" and "making love." It's important that y'all learn to separate the two. Thanks for joining us!
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Me: 50, in good shape, in gym 5days a week for 35 yrs..

She: 45, still gets stared at everywhere we go, even by 25 y.o...

We have sex at least daily, most days 2x a day. She can cum 5 times (used to be 10 :)..

Together for 25 yrs, 100% loyal.. BUT.. :)

She has had this fantasy, since early adolescence.. w. her and many guys.. forget psychoanalysis.. lets talk sex..

 

For me.. it's also a draw, it always has been my favorite porn to watch.. mfm or mmmmmfmmmmm.. the more mmm the better..

But since she told me about this fantasy, almost after we met.. it's kind of a masochistic painful jealous thing for me.. Im very possessive.. but the thought is exciting.. So I guess thats a definition of masochism?

 

So anyway.. we talk about the gangbang fantasy, before sex to charge us up, sometimes during sex.. if I give her oral.. (makes it hard for me to tell her the stories tho' :).. and it always makes her cum.

And I am pretty sure she's hot to trot, for real.. but I doubt I really want to do it.. it'll be just too damaging for me..

But I do get excited seeing what it does to her..

When I am away she sends me her solo porn. HOT!! She gets hot making it, sometimes cums while taping ..

Last time I lied and said I showed her porn to these 2 guys I work with that she knows.. and sent a (fake) pics of their hardons as a 'proof' that I showed it.. She got so HOT.. sent me more vids.. another 5 levels hotter.

And said,.. fuck it, Im ready.. bring them home ..

SO I got jealous, told her it was a lie.. she was of course pissed..

 

But anyway.. why am I writing all this?.. not sure.. I guess looking for a guy or a girl who knows what I am going through.. anyway.. thanks for your ear..

:)

 

 

 

So.. as I look around here.. I see it's a very common thing for a guy to be excited about his wife in a gang-bang.. or at least w. another guy... Can you guys share.. what is it for you? pure fun, or some twinges of pain w. excitement?? Im trying to figure it out..

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That one's easy...seeing her happy and having fun, and I can honestly say I've never felt the first twinge of pain. Swinging is one of those things that works best for you when you make sure it is working best for someone else. By that I mean, don't worry about yourself, worry about the other one, and good things will come to you.

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Hi, verycautious!

 

The Mrs. and I have been married for 21 years, and friends for 15 years before that. So we have a high level of comfort with, and trust in, each other.

 

So, before the Mrs. and I had had our first swinger experience, we talked A LOT about how we thought we would feel seeing each other having sex with someone else. We felt like we would be OK with it, and would not have any pangs of jealousy. But we honestly admitted to each other that we couldn't really KNOW for sure how we would react until we were in the thick of the situation.

 

When we finally had our first real live swinging experience (in our case it was a full swap, intercourse with another couple), we had plenty of nerves going in. But we both ended up really enjoying the experience! Of course it was hot to watch, but we had an added reaction that we didn't expect. We each found that we were happy for our spouse, seeing and hearing them experiencing pleasure. And we were also proud of each other for being so bold and adventurous.

 

So, as I'm sure you've gleaned from reading other threads that great communication is a hallmark of healthy swinging relationships. It's important for you two to set a precedent for complete openness and honesty. Share your fantasies and hot dreams, but also your concerns and fears. No more deception! Building that foundation of trust will make it easier for both of you to be comfortable with the situations that you encounter. And the great thing about swinging is that you may have fun for the evening with others, but you go home with your spouse!

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Hi verycautious, welcome to the board!

 

I think it's great that you and your wife are open with one another about fantasies. From the sound of things, though, you're wise to hold off on actually acting on them until you have really chewed through all the negative feelings you're having, and found ways to bridge those gaps. Plus, once it's done, it's done. You can't unring a bell. You might not be okay with 1) the fact that your wife can't be unfucked by some other man (or men), 2) that she loved it, and 3) that she wants to do it again.

 

Mr. intuition and I gave up on jealousy years ago. I don't want to own/possess him. I like being wanted, but I don't want to be needed; swinging reminds me that I am unnecessary for him to be whole and complete and functional. I don't want him to give up anything of himself for my sake. It's the guilt you'd feel when taking a wild animal out of its natural habitat and domesticating it, training it to do tricks to make you happy, all the while knowing deep down that you've taken something beautiful and degraded it because of your stupid ego. I'd rather leave him as I found him, and give him his liberty. I'm fully okay with him having sex with other women. I guess they call it compersion. Likewise, he wants the same thing for me: to be fulfilled and happy, and have the opportunity to experience all the good things life has to offer...and that includes sex.

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What a wonderful thoughtful post. Thanks for your opinion.

I think you are right.. at least for me.. I know I am possessive (but I am faithful.. so it seems fair :). She is also very possessive, if I slipped up she'd leave me. So for me swapping is indeed laden with possibly painful emotions.. And also, since for her it's been a fantasy since childhood, its quite possible it's rooted in something bad that happened to her, at least she thinks so... so maybe actually fulfilling it is the wrong thing to do..

So we'll keep the Pandora's box closed. for now.. You said it exactly as I think.. 'she cant unfuck a guy' if I decide it's too painful to think about.

So we'll keep talking about it in fantasies, and maybe Ill keep teasing her by (pretend) showing her porn to friends.. Or maybe for real? :) any takers?! ...

 

 

Hi verycautious, welcome to the board!

 

I think it's great that you and your wife are open with one another about fantasies. From the sound of things, though, you're wise to hold off on actually acting on them until you have really chewed through all the negative feelings you're having, and found ways to bridge those gaps. Plus, once it's done, it's done. You can't unring a bell. You might not be okay with 1) the fact that your wife can't be unfucked by some other man (or men), 2) that she loved it, and 3) that she wants to do it again.

 

Mr. intuition and I gave up on jealousy years ago. I don't want to own/possess him. I like being wanted, but I don't want to be needed; swinging reminds me that I am unnecessary for him to be whole and complete and functional. I don't want him to give up anything of himself for my sake. It's the guilt you'd feel when taking a wild animal out of its natural habitat and domesticating it, training it to do tricks to make you happy, all the while knowing deep down that you've taken something beautiful and degraded it because of your stupid ego. I'd rather leave him as I found him, and give him his liberty. I'm fully okay with him having sex with other women. I guess they call it compersion. Likewise, he wants the same thing for me: to be fulfilled and happy, and have the opportunity to experience all the good things life has to offer...and that includes sex.

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So we'll keep the Pandora's box closed. for now.. You said it exactly as I think.. 'she cant unfuck a guy' if I decide it's too painful to think about.

So we'll keep talking about it in fantasies, and maybe Ill keep teasing her by (pretend) showing her porn to friends.. Or maybe for real? :) any takers?! ...

 

If you've got porn, I'm sure there's an audience out there for it!! Go to any chat room and fire up the webcam. If your wife likes to put on a show, she could have dozens of guys glued to their monitors, dicks in hand, watching her. But I know what you mean about showing it to close friends of yours; there's something naughty about them looking at your wife in a totally different way, watching them having to struggle with the "appropriateness" of it. LOL

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verycautious, your plan sounds good for you two for now. The only thing I would add is to be very careful to be completely honest with her, and don't do anything that takes her beyond her (or your) limits. Operating in this way will built up the trust between you, and ensured that you both feel safe while you push your boundaries together.

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If you've got porn, I'm sure there's an audience out there for it!! Go to any chat room and fire up the webcam. If your wife likes to put on a show, she could have dozens of guys glued to their monitors, dicks in hand, watching her. But I know what you mean about showing it to close friends of yours; there's something naughty about them looking at your wife in a totally different way, watching them having to struggle with the "appropriateness" of it. LOL

 

 

You seem to know what I am thinking about very well.. Glad to have your audience :)

So for the last 2 trips abroad she's been making me solo porn, no toys.. just her and hands.. she's very sensuous.. And she's getting better and better at it.. :) She cums sometimes doing it because she knows what Im thinking, and I know what she's thinking, and I write her dirty little gangbang stories , to get her going..

So the last time, she said something like 'oh you're crazy.. nobody else would care abt an old lady porn'.. she's mid 40s. So I did something stupid I think.. I lied and said I showed her porn to my 2 friends at work, one guy she knows and thinks hes hot (and i told her an independently confirmed fact that he's a size of 2 coke cans end to end.. that fucker!!). She didnt believe me , so I found 2 solo pics of dudes w. nice pieces and sent to her, as if their token of appreciation and proof. The next series of vids she sent were hotter than ever.. she was buzzing .. I could tell.. She was showing off to the 3 of us. Then she said 'fuck it, im ready lets do it'.. so at that point of course i freaked out and got hurt and told her i lied.

She was angry.. but now we're ok. So the point is.. I dont think she'd get off on some anonymous ugly dudes jerking off to her. She wants some studs she knows to be hot for her.. You are right on the money there..

anyway... yes for now at least we're staying 'monogamish'.. cheers.. :)

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It's funny how 'older' women don't think that men still lust for them. In my case, I'm not interested in 20YO babies. I LIKE women my age, I LIKE women with some curves especially, and I know that I'm not alone, either here or out in the real world. There are plenty of websites where you can post amateur pictures and/or videos and receive feedback on them (heck, you can do it even here: see PICTURES on top nav bar). Maybe this could be the next step you (together as a couple) decide to take (most likely without her face being included). If you do decide to try this, please let us know where we can find it and we'll (me and the Ms.) let you both know our feedback (we both enjoy looking a beautiful mature women). Take small steps...there's no reason you should need to line up a gang bang for her yet (and you may never get to this place), but here's a chance for both you you to connect better and start talking more about your fantasies (and/or just opening up and talking again).

 

I would caution you from thinking about bringing anyone you know home to share with her. This can end up with some awkward times at work and can cause other problems. Men (or couples) you meet on a swingers site usually know that what is happening is 'just sex', people from the vanilla world can easily not understand what is going on and that can leave to 'drama'.

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IMG_0314s.jpg

 

 

and she's a freak in bed.. 2x a day.. loves to please.. any wonder Im posessive and dont want to share? :)

Hmm maybe my motivation is not at all to learn to share.. but to brag? :) an interesting thought..

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If you've got porn, I'm sure there's an audience out there for it!! Go to any chat room and fire up the webcam. If your wife likes to put on a show, she could have dozens of guys glued to their monitors, dicks in hand, watching her. But I know what you mean about showing it to close friends of yours; there's something naughty about them looking at your wife in a totally different way, watching them having to struggle with the "appropriateness" of it. LOL

 

Haha..

So we got a really nice toy, and just played out the 2 guy scenario.. She was just going crazy.. I found myself jealous of a (rather large and pretty) piece of rubber!! I really dont think Im cut out for swinging.. :)

Maybe just exchange porn with people .. she gets a thrill also, and its something I can live with..

Thanks again for your thoughtful advice .. cheers..

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So.. as I look around here.. I see it's a very common thing for a guy to be excited about his wife in a gang-bang.. or at least w. another guy... Can you guys share.. what is it for you? pure fun, or some twinges of pain w. excitement?? Im trying to figure it out..

 

It's about letting a partner feel good. Any group of guys who would gangbang service your wife physically would/will never love her like you do mentally and spiritually.

 

If you're looking to just post up pictures of her for comments for you two to read and guys to tribute to, I know a couple of the golden oldies of rolling picture posting websites are wifelovers and wifeposters both of the .com variety. Good luck with it!

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