Jump to content
Mbgdallas

Disappointed my wife is not interested in swinging

Recommended Posts

It's been a week since my wife just flat out said she wasn't interested in bringing anything else into our life. Not interested in swinging. Not interested in going to a club. Not interested in being watched. Not interested in watching. Not interested in even discussing. Not interested in exploring at all. Not interested in learning about swinging at all. Not interested in coming to this web site to read and learn. Not interested in making any changes.

 

I had such high hopes that we could explore together... Even if we never swapped partners, watched anybody, had anyone watch us. Just hoped we could take the journey together to decide. That is not going to happen.

 

We need something... What in particular I don't know. It has become painfully, to me, obvious that the something is not going to happen.

 

I had to get this off my chest. Thank you for listening.

Share this post


Link to post

If it can make you feel better, there are many, many, many people in your case. I've been lucky that my wife had fantasies and curiosity before she met me.

 

Over the years I've encountered on the internet so many men for example that have the fantasy of their wives having sex with another guy. They talked to their wives about it if they find the courage, she says no and they live their all life after that, hoping it will happen, hoping the wife will change. In most case nothing change and it is annoying for both parts of the couple and very destructive.

 

I've seen people that would never swing, not want to hear about it as a taboo, that had affairs, cheated, lied. For most people, the idea of swinging is just alien and wrong and there is no way, even with the best arguments, settings, moments, you will change them. That's hardcore and I imagine how hard it is for you. She might suffers too to see you having that kind of ideas.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post

I'm sorry you're disappointed right now. Your wife might not be ready or interested right now in her life. Ten...even five years ago, I wasn't ready for swinging. I probably didn't even want to entertain the thought because I was still under the assumption that marriage = monogamy and anything less was wrong. As long as you love your wife and desire to be with her even though you two have different (non)interests in swinging, then you never know...maybe she'll come around to being interested. Or not. But the question for you is how important your wife is in relation to your interest in swinging? For some, swinging is a much lower priority than their spouse while for others, swinging is more of a lifestyle than a hobby.

 

Only you can make that decision for yourself in what is most important in your life and stick by it.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post

You got to make the call on that one, which I can appreciate is rough. Is your wife interested in anything you want to do or are you living two separate lives under one roof? Are there other problems with your relationship or is this it? Does she want to explore other types of kink, or is she shut off? Do you guys have sex? How often?

 

Like I said there are a lot of questions there that need answers.

 

GLHF

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post

Swinging is not a cure-all or fix-all. If you come into it in a relationship that has problems, it will just magnify those problems (but if you come in with a great relationship, it will also magnify that as well). It sounds like your relationship already has problems...this will not fix them. You need to fix the problems BEFORE you start on this. Start by working on your communication...and then keep working on your communication (there's no such thing as too much or too good when it comes to communication). Then work on the other two parts of a great relationship: love and trust. All of this needs to be done before you start or it will just hasten the end. Sorry you are having problems, but better to find out now than be blindsided later.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post

I can't give you very good advice how to handle this situation. I'm in the same boat, in my case after a year of successful dating. There is no good way to meet each other half way, it's a matter of you putting it back in the box and try to come to terms with it. I'm afraid the ball is at your side now. Whatever you do, don't try to fix the other side and push or whine to force her into it. That won't work. Try to keep you emotions within boundaries. Otherwise it might hurt your relationship itself. Don't throw away 23 years of marriage because of it. Just try to mirror her feelings: how hard it must be for her too.

 

I was wondering: what do you mean with 'we need something'?

Share this post


Link to post

Thank you everyone for your suggestions. It means a lot.

 

To fill in the blanks... We are attempting to get a sex life back... Or at least I am... I get the overall feeling she is not interested even though she will go along if I ask. That's not much fun.

 

It had been a long while since we had any kind of sex. I will say mostly my fault due to medical issues. I got tired of it... Don't want to wake up at 65 and say "I wish I would have...". I have fixed my medical issues and get on with life.

 

We need something. Some spark to make sex fun. Again. I don't know what it is and don't really care what it is as long as it sparks.

 

We have been married 23 years and I have no intention of leaving her. I love her. The rest of our life is good and headed to great. This is just one of those roads that I have to cross together with her. It is t about me... It's about us.

Share this post


Link to post

With that new information, I'd have to say that GoldCo said it best then. Swinging isn't the way to fix a stagnant sex life. If her libido is flagging, it could be a bevy of reasons. Hormonal, stress, body image, self-esteem, possible depression, etc. If she's willing to figure out what is going on, then that's great! If not, then it's a tough situation for you. If you're asking for sex and she's not interested...she might construe your asking as nagging. That leaves you frustrated and resentful. Your willingness to help can only go so far...it's up to the person to decide that there is something that needs to be done in order for change to occur.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Life is too short to be married to the wrong person.

 

Agree. You need to have a sit down talk with your wife about where your marriage is, what your desires are, what hers are, and what you two are or are not going to do. When I say "talk," I don't mean sex, or at least just sex. You both need to make an assessment of your lives separately and together and decide where you are headed, separately or together.

 

I would make the only condition, the only deal-breaker the response: "I'm just not going to talk about it." If the attitude is that bad, I would be planning my way out.

 

I forget the song, but the lyrics go "The strong give up and move on, the weak give up and stay."

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Agree. You need to have a sit down talk with your wife about where your marriage is, what your desires are, what her's are, and what you two are or are not going to do. When I say "talk," I don't mean sex, or at least just sex. You both need to make an assessment of your lives separately and together and decide where you are headed, separately or together.

 

I would make the only condition, the only deal-breaker the response: "I'm just not going to talk about it." If the attitude is that bad, I would be planning my way out.

 

I forget the song, but the lyrics go "The strong give up and move on, the weak give up and stay."

 

We have been talking about it for about 6 months and thought we were making progress. That is why I hit the wall so hard. Just to be clear if I wasn't earlier... I don't know and don't care if swinging is the answer... I wanted the journey of exploring it together... Which may or may not end in participating. It was the strong no all of a sudden after what I thought would be the exploration. Hell, I don't know if I could ever actually swing... I just wanted to explore and learn about the lifestyle more... With my wife... Not on my own. That is not participating and actually swinging.

Share this post


Link to post

IMO you two do not need and should not even consider swinging in your lives! I don't see it having any positive results for you at all in the current state you describe your lives together. It is not something for people to use to try to fix something that is clearly broken.

 

If I had the answer to how to do that with someone who was unresponsive to making that work I would give it to you, but I don't. Never could figure it out in the 16 years I was married to my ex. Did figure out that a relationship without good two way communication and a healthy sex life was not for me. Thankfully when I meet Ms Enhancer I did get to find out what it is like to be with someone who feels the same way.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post

I think you have the right attitude about trying to make your relationship work. I can understand about feeling like you slammed into a wall. That's rough. Even if nothing was going to happen, just having the exploration of the idea was tantalizing. To suddenly have all momentum come to a slamming halt...hard to take.

 

Feel free to vent. I think you can see from the posts here that we're happy to be an ear and offer what advice we can.

Share this post


Link to post

Ok Since swinging is off the table, it time to reestablish the relationship. Time to go courting again. Yes, you have been married for a long time, so what. Time to really work on the relationship. I am going from memory here so I may make a few mistakes.

 

With everything she has been pushed by the side between work and medical issues. So you get to bring her back in. Yes, she will wonder what is going on. Just explain that she has been left out and supporting for along time and now it's time for some payback. If you are still traveling and she is off then take her with you. If that is not possible and you are out over the weekend then fly her out. Take her to dinner on a weeknight (not Friday), SEND HER FLOWERS. Lots of flowers. Give her a back rub - I know of no woman who will turn that down. Go out and have fun. Make her know she is important to you.

 

Go learn the technique at rebootyoursexlife.com for the orgasm, My wife loves it. I have been a bad boy and done it to her while she is standing, she gets so weak in the knees I am holding her up and she is cumming. It is fun to do and watch.

 

When you put your finger in her vagina feel towards the pubic bone and rub the area from just inside the vagina to about two inches in, use lubrication. The area will feel like it has a rough patch of wrinkles.. Apply varying amounts of pressure trying to lift your finger up through the pubic bone. It may take two fingers in the vagina to get the effect.

 

And of course actually communicate with her. And Actively listen to her, watch body language and see if they agree.

 

Ask her if the pants make your butt look big? She will most likely go, "What?" Take her shopping for you and her. She will love it.

 

Do a fast weekend in Houston, San Antonio, Vegas, where ever. Camping. You get the idea.

 

Spend time with her NOT at home in bed. Get that sense of accomplishment in a WE project.

 

Pay very strict attention to nutrition, the older we get the better the nutrition needs to be.

 

 

I think by now you are getting the feeling for where this is going. Swinging may not happen, but if this relationship is repaired so what?

 

Have fun and let us know how it goes.

 

Be prepared for a long trip and take some time.

Share this post


Link to post

Ask yourself "what DID I do when we started dating?". Surprise her and take her out for dinner or a movie or anything. Bring her little gifts. Get back into the habit of thinking her for the little things that she does for you and telling her you care for her. Approach this as if you were dating her for the first time all over again. We have a tendency to get comfortable in a relationship, especially after twenty plus years and take things for granted. Stop doing that. If it feels uncomfortable to tell her you care for her YOU need to work on fixing that. TALK! It won't be easy and will take time, but you have time right now. Take it slow and don't push or pressure her, but work on fixing the things you can fix and let her know how much she means to you...and talk some more. Become a team again, do things together even if they aren't the most enjoyable thing for you...even better if you can do things together that you both really enjoy. Become young again and do silly things. Laugh, play, joke, and love her. Take the first step and make things better. We wish you the best.

Share this post


Link to post
Ask yourself "What DID I do when we started dating?". Surprise her and take her out for dinner or a movie or anything. Bring her little gifts. Get back into the habit of thinking her for the little things that she does for you and telling her you care for her. Approach this as if you were dating her for the first time all over again. We have a tendency to get comfortable in a relationship, especially after 20+ years and take things for granted. Stop doing that. If it feels uncomfortable to tell her you care for her YOU need to work on fixing that. TALK! It won't be easy and will take time, but you have time right now. Take it slow and don't push or pressure her, but work on fixing the things you can fix and let her know how much she means to you...and talk some more. Become a team again, do things together even if they aren't the most enjoyable thing for you...even better if you can do things together that you both really enjoy. Become young again and do silly things. Laugh, play, joke, and love her. Take the first step and make things better. We wish you the best.

 

We have been doing all of these things for the last six months as we were working on our relationship. The issue is not a relationship issue. We are all good. We do talk and communicate all the time. Hope I didn't lead anybody astray on that thought. If we hadn't been talking and communicating with a lot of trust built in our relationship the idea of swinging would never have come up.

 

This is purely a disappointment on my part that she has announced that she is not interested in swinging or any facet of the LS... whether it be just learning more all the way to full participation. Things have been going great with everything but the sex. She just isn't that interested. That is just part of life and marriage that i will have to accept.

 

Also, have the rebootyoursexlife stuff. It is great. Hope that we get a chance to work on it soon.

Share this post


Link to post

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...