Curious, but is swinging right for us?

New, not sure where to begin.

Mr Hitch would like a MMF threesome to maybe check out his bi-side. He's not bi, actually, more Kinsey 2.5, if you will.

He's wanted to give a blow job and try being a bottom. I'm dying to watch...

This leads me to my bi side, just curious as to what it might be like to taste another woman...

This would probably lead to us doing a full swap...which is why I am here...

Questions about after...In my life I've always needed to be everything to him, but I'm now thinking that it's not always about being everything.

In reality, I want to experience other people, men and women. We've been married over 20 years. I've forgotten what new and strange feel like.

What happens if either of you suddenly regret what you just did? What if seeing him with another woman makes me feel bad (fantasy says I always love it, but after the climax, will I feel the same)? What if seeing me enjoy another man makes him feel bad?

We are firmly in middle age, he's 50+ and I'm tagging along right behind. Is this a bit old to be just joining?

There are two clubs in the Denver area, neither get great reviews. CL is not the ideal place to find someone to sit and talk with about it all.

Has anyone dealt with regret after? Even with firm communication, you can't really know how you'll feel until after.

Thoughts?

Thanks!

. . . Even with firm communication, you can't really know how you'll feel until after. . .

WELCOME to Swingersboard.

Hi!

First of all:

Welcome to this board, I found it an excellent place to gain information and insights, so I'm happy to see you have found us *and* ask your questions here.

What happens if either of you suddenly regret what you just did? What if seeing him with another woman makes me feel bad (fantasy says I always love it, but after the climax, will I feel the same)? What if seeing me enjoy another man makes him feel bad? (...) Has anyone dealt with regret after? Even with firm communication, you can't really know how you'll feel until after.

There is no good way to prevent this from happening, I'm afraid. We have dealt with it after our first date. In fact, it was the main reason for joining this board. :-) I have written down what happened as detailed as I could at our journey into swinging, but in short MsDiscover stumbled over too high expectations and a deadline she established. In her eyes she emotionally invested in our first date with a couple. She opened up herself and was vulnerable in front of relative strangers and she expected much in return. Mind blowing sex and incredible highs with people she was 100% attracted to. And it had to be successful as she saw this date as our last chance in swinging.

In reality, it was just good fun, nice exploring sex with nice friendly and nice looking people.

To be short, there was like a 70% match and she expected nothing less then 100%. Perfect instead of nice.

And so she regretted she had invested herself in the date and said right after the date she would never date again.

With lots of talks, insights from this board, talks with the other couple and simply time going by, this view on dating is changed and I'm happy to report we are still dating sometimes and with a more realistic mindset it proved to be successful for everyone involved.

We are firmly in middle age, he's 50+ and I'm tagging along right behind. Is this a bit old to be just joining?

No. It's just a number. I think there are board members here 70+ with active swinger lives, so you have many adventures ahead of you. Besides, swinging requires a solid foundation and life experience is a part of such foundation.

There are two clubs in the Denver area, neither get great reviews. CL is not the ideal place to find someone to sit and talk with about it all.

I'm sorry, we are living at the other side of the globe so I'm afraid I can't help you with info on that. But I'm sure other board members can.

What happens if either of you suddenly regret what you just did? What if seeing him with another woman makes me feel bad (fantasy says I always love it, but after the climax, will I feel the same)? What if seeing me enjoy another man makes him feel bad?

 

... Has anyone dealt with regret after? Even with firm communication, you can't really know how you'll feel until after.

Good communication can't always prevent an issue before it happens but it can resolve an issue after it happens. Even after swinging for years, my wife and I have still occasionally had encounters which one or even both of us regretted afterward, for one reason or another. We get through it by talking about it, by being honest and open with each other and with ourselves.

We are firmly in middle age, he's 50+ and I'm tagging along right behind. Is this a bit old to be just joining?

Nah, that's just slightly on the high side of median age for swingers in my experience. And honestly, most people I know aren't all that good at judging age anymore. With 30 year-olds playing teenagers on TV and 60 year-old action heroes in our movies, I know I can't tell how old someone is just by looking at them anymore.

Welcome to SwingersBoard, Hitch! Mr. CoupleInMD79 here.

There's no doubt that entering the lifestyle requires something of a leap of faith. As you said, you do your best to communicate openly and honestly with Mr. Hitch, sharing not only your desires and fantasies, but also your fears and insecurities. Hopefully you both honestly reach the conclusion that you think you will enjoy having sex with someone else, AND that you will enjoy watching your spouse with someone else. But as you also said, you can never really KNOW until you are right there in that moment. That's where the leap of faith comes in. You have to trust each other to honestly express your feelings in that moment, agree (along with the other couple) to put a stop to the encounter if anybody decides that they don't like what's happening, and to not hold it against the other if something goes beyond someone's comfort zone before it's stopped.

A note about being everything to Mr. Hitch... In my opinion, you are continuing to be everything to him by giving him the chance to explore the pleasures of sexual play with other people, just as he is being everything to you by allowing you to do the same. In a sense, it's an expression of love that goes beyond what monogamous couples do, because the level of trust is higher. When I see (and hear) my wife's world being rocked by another guy, it's not only a turn-on- it also makes me happy for her because she's having a fun time, and proud of her for being bold enough to engage in this adventurous lifestyle. And if the guy gets her to make a new noise, I'll definitely being comparing notes with him afterwards, so I can try whatever he did myself! And not for nothing, but whatever happens during a fun playtime, my sexy and desireable wife is coming home with ME!

Clubs are certainly one way to meet other couples. You might give one of your local clubs a try, despite the less-than-glowing reviews. If you don't like it, you can make a quick exit and never return! If you like the sexy vibe there, but are not quite ready to have sex with others, you can always go into a room play with each other! And if you're feeling adventurous, maybe find a place to play where others can see what you're doing.

Another option for meeting people is to join a swinger "dating" site, like swinglifestyle.com (SLS), altplayground.net (APG), or kasidie.com (Kasidie). If you put up an interesting profile and a few good-looking pics of the two of you, you will hopefully be able to make some connections. We found those sites to be a very good way of meeting new people!

I saved your question about bi activity for last. You both should feel free to explore your desire for bi experimentation. F-F bi activity is welcome and encouraged in the lifestyle! We guys love to watch that stuff. And many women in the lifestyle (though by no means all) seem to be down for bi play. So you should not have too much trouble finding a woman to help you to explore. The case for Mr. Hitch is a little more dicey. I would say that male bisexuality is still a topic in the swinger world that is kept on the down-low, and is sometimes discouraged. For example, there are many guys who, in their online profiles, do not admit to any level of bi-curiosity, even though they are in fact curious, because of a concern that their profile may be seen negatively. All that said, I'm here to tell you that the opportunities for Mr. Hitch to explore his curiosity are out there. You may find, as we have, that once in a while, after you get to know a couple, played a few times, and are very comfortable with them, that the guy will express his open-mindedness for bi play. Or, you might even find a "bi-friendly" party that is advertised as such. We also know that there are groups on those Web sites I mentioned for bi-curious people.

Oh, one last thing. Do NOT worry about being too old to dive in! We started in this lifestyle a little over a year ago, when we were 53 and 54. We found many sexy people in our age range to have fun with! And we've also enjoyed spending time with some younger and older than us!

I hope you and Mr. Hitch have fun, keep talking, and share some sexy adventures together!

I would suggest you do a bit more research on the subject. There are a lot of things involved. I just finished reading THe SWinger manual by Just ask Julie. (amazon) I think that will be a very good starting point. It explains many things and brings up many things to think about and discuss.

Too Old - Not hardly.

Have fun with it.

Welcome from Oklahoma, Mrs. Hitch! We're glad you've joined us!

I, too, recommend Julie's book. It will answer many questions for y'all.

So far, so good!

I downloaded Julie's book and though I have not started reading, I have been reading around here and I'm getting some amazing information, thank you!

Mr. Hitch and I spoke several times and he is all for it. Not overly enthusiastic, not telling me to hurry and find a couple, but is looking forward to trying.

Allowing me to take the lead, starting to set rules and boundaries, he's waiting for me to change my mind and doesn't want to get caught in crosshairs should things change.

I actually can't wait to see him surrounded by women. He never even knows when females are flirting, doesn't seem to see it. He's smart and handsome and we're in decent shape. I think he will be well received. And I can't wait to watch.