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JAPrufrock

Dealing with a husband who has a hall pass

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Hi guys. So, we've been feeling fairly frustrated with everything lately. We can't seem to find the right couple, and the singles we've talked to just don't seem to get the couple dynamic. Recently, we were contacted by a couple online. The wife (presumably) wrote us to say that her husband recently got a job that will take him to our area frequently, and that they were looking for friends for him. She mentioned that they're used to doing their separate things as their schedule doesn't normally allow for them to play together, and that they're both 100% ok with this. She also mentioned the fact that they are normally full swap, but understand that we're new and he is willing to go with whatever makes us comfortable (just watching, soft playing, etc...)

 

So. I am hesitant because of the situation we had with the non-communication couple. How do you go about verifying a hall pass? Ideally, we'd love to meet both of them, and heck, if we all click, play with them both first, instead of just the husband, but they live out of state (about 3.5 hours). I just don't want things to end badly, and we have no idea what to do in a hall pass situation. That's where you all come in! How would you all handle this situation?

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Unless we already know a couple it's assumed that all messages are sent by the male regardless of who he claims to be. If you are interested in playing with him you can always ask if you can call his wife(voice) and verify his hall pass. Don't be surprised if you never hear from him again or he tells you that she is out of town, etc. Most of the couples who contact us disappear as soon as we tell the them (him) that we require voice verifying with the female.

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The voice verification is a good idea. They may very well be on the up and up, or maybe not, and talking to her is the most direct route to trying to answer that question. N&G is right too on don't be too generous with how much time you give him/them either. Sure, everyone is busy, so maybe won't be able to do a brief phone call that same evening, but it shouldn't take days to set it up either. If they are what they say they are, they will know the game and she can find the time to talk to you in fairly short order.

 

Not directly related to your question, but just more of a comment related to how you opened your post. When you are new but have decided you definitely want to try out swinging, that urge to just get the first one under your belt can start to build to where it gets pretty strong. So strong, it can lead to that overcoming your better judgment on chemistry and potential playmates. It's hard to be patient, but in the long run, it will be better that way...voice of experience ;).

 

We are of the swinging school that likes to get to know people at least a little bit before the clothes hit the floor. We started out that way too, and I think it does make things more difficult, especially at first. Sometimes I wonder if the best way to break the ice and get that first one out of the way isn't just to go to a club, go in the play area, walk up to the first person that catches and pleases your eye who isn't otherwise occupied at the moment, and just say "hi, want to have sex?" It might take several tries, but not too many. Will it be great? No, probably not, but it will be over and done and then having lifted that burden from yourself, then you can start working toward finding the great.

 

Yeah, that contradicts what I just said in the previous paragraph...but I do wonder that sometimes :confused:

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My wife and I have some experience with this.

 

1. Best way to verify hall pass is to meet both of them for coffee.

2. Second best way is that the on-line profile has a list of certifications longer than your arm.

 

Editorial comment: You two are much too new in the lifestyle to be considering a hall-pass guy, legitimate or not legitimate.

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Our rule is we don't play with one half of a couple with hall pass unless we have played with both of them first. It's a bit strict but makes us more at ease. Next best thing is a vanilla meeting with both, and maybe voice verification. Perhaps a skype call with both of them is more convenient with the long distance. That way you can also see a bit of their dynamic as a couple.

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Trust your instincts... and it sounds like your instincts are saying that you're not comfortable with the situation. If you're not comfortable with a situation, for any reason or no reason at all, I say pass. Better to wait for the right couple that get burned by the wrong one.

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We recently have met a man with a hall pass. His wife has no interest in swinging (or sex) but for personal/medical reasons she is ok with it. It is she who makes almost all his profile pictures, for instance, and she has access to the whatsapp group the man and we use for naughty chats etc. We briefly exchanged views on swinging with her, so it feels okay for us now. Otherwise, contact with the wife would be necessary because we are not comfortable with playing with a cheating single. Doesn't have to be drinks, just a call or email exchange would do.

 

Since we also have given each other hall passes recently, in that whatsapp group I have said that I'm okay if MsD and he go further than just going to the sauna with each other. I felt it was important for them two (and the reading wife) to know to, upfront and very clear, what the boundaries are (none).

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Sometimes I wonder if the best way to break the ice and get that first one out of the way isn't just to go to a club, go in the play area, walk up to the first person that catches and pleases your eye who isn't otherwise occupied at the moment, and just say "hi, want to have sex?" It might take several tries, but not too many. Will it be great? No, probably not, but it will be over and done and then having lifted that burden from yourself, then you can start working toward finding the great.

 

So we basically did something like this. The first couple we full swapped with picked us up at a swing club. We chatted for like five minutes before the clothes came of. Basically enough to know there would be no drama and everybody was into it. It was really great!! In fact I would say it was certainly how our first five or six encounters went. We still enjoy/look forward to a moments notice fling, they are pretty exciting!!

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