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mountainfuncpl

What is the Lifestyle really about?

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This is a sincere question and I hope I don't offend anyone! We are just getting started and are very excited at all the fun possibilities that the Lifestyle presents. However, we have been reading through forums after forums, built an SLS profile and we started to recognize a pattern. Is SLS or even the Lifestyle itself, just about sex? What I mean by that, is that many of the SLS profiles show the couples naked or explicit sexual acts. I don't think I would call us prudish, but we look forward to seeing that other person or couple naked for the first time in person. Kinda like unwrapping that very special Christmas gift. Also, many of the profiles are very explicit in describing what they want, how they want it, what size they want, etc. I would assume that there are people that like the lifestyle for the connections that they make, just as, there are people that are in the lifestyle just for the sex. As we are just starting, basically, we are asking what should or can we expect when we approach others or are approached?

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First, I would like to welcome you to the forums! :)

 

Second, the Lifestyle incorporates many facets: those that are looking for sex only; those who want sex and friends; those who only want couple play; those who only want threesomes; those who want both couple and threesomes; those who are into hot wifing; cuckolding; BDSM; those who only swing at swinger clubs; those who only swing when traveling; those who swing in small exclusive groups; and many, many, many more ways. Every couple's swinging journey differs in what they want and how they want to go about it.

 

If you were to take a look at our profile, we don't do any naked or sexually explicit photos nor do we write specifics in what we want. Yes, there are some who are only looking for a certain experience but not everyone is like that.

 

As for what to expect when approaching others...I'm not sure exactly what you mean. Do you mean through email? In person at a club or M&G (meet and greet)?

 

If in person, it's just like any other vanilla interaction. You approach a couple, introduce yourselves and they will do the same. Then you two can get to know each other.

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First, mountainfuncpl, welcome to SwingersBoard! Good to have you here.

 

You've started right off with a great question. In our year of experience in the lifestyle, we have met all kinds of people- some who are more about the sex and less about the friendships, and others who are mostly-all about the friendships and can take or leave the sex; some who are always looking to meet new people and who get bored with repeat encounters, and others who seek a small circle of familiar lifestyle friends; some who like to push their sexual boundaries to the extreme with kinky play, and others who like simple, conventional, intense sex with people in addition to their spouse. There is room for all of these kinds of people in the lifestyle, and every imaginable combination, too!

 

Also, I should mention that the fact of having naked pics in one's profile does not necessarily tell you a lot about people's' preferences on the mainly-friends vs mainly-sex scale. I understand that people whose profile is all about their detailed, explicit sexual preferences may be more about the sex than building lasting friendships. But a lot of people have some naked pics in their profile, and I know for a fact that some of them are interested in friendships as well as the sex. We are one such example! We have some nekkid stuff in locked pics in our profiles, just for fun and to be playful with couples we like. But we tend toward the type who like to make friends along with the play, and have a nice circle of close friends that we like very much, and also have hot sex with!

 

So, I guess I'm saying that you can expect to find a wide range of different people in the lifestyle, and I bet that many of them will be just what you're looking for!

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Sunbuckus - Thank you for your reply, you have said what I figured but I was looking to hear it (read it) from someone. I guess just with the overwhelming amount of information that is on this site, SLS and others, what we are seeing wasn't as obvious right in front of us. As for the question of what we might expect, I guess I was meaning if we go to a club or meet someone are the first words going to be "hey wanna FC:##" Maybe as we become more experience that will work however right now we are just trying to wade in!

 

Thanks

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You are very welcome! And JAPrufrock and CoupleInMD79 also had great responses as well. :)

 

As for the question of what we might expect, I guess I was meaning if we go to a club or meet someone are the first words going to be "hey wanna FC:##" Maybe as we become more experience that will work however right now we are just trying to wade in!

 

I'm not going to lie...yes, there are people out there that will approach you and the first words out of their mouth will be, "Hey, do you two want to play?" And sometimes that will work if everyone is attracted to one another. One of the issues about this approach is that there isn't any time to confer with your partner about how they feel about the person(s) asking and you may have to defer the question and let them know that you two have to discuss it. Another issue is that you or your partner may prefer to get to know a person before jumping into bed with them. Some people might not like that approach to begin with so they will have to politely decline the play offer.

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I guess I was meaning if we go to a club or meet someone are the first words going to be "hey wanna FC:##"

 

We had that exact same kind of question one year ago, when we went to our first lifestyle meet-and-greet event. What we found was that the people we met were courteous and respectful, wanted us to be comfortable, understood that we were newbies (maybe it was the "deer in the headlights" look on our faces!), and were interested in getting to know us. At the end of the afternoon event, we were actually asked by one friendly couple if we wanted to come back to their home (we assumed for play). We stammered something incoherent, and I imagine that our new friends noted the bug-eyed looks of fright on our faces! So they quickly down-shifted to a dinner invitation, which we gratefully accepted. Al in all, we thought it was a great first time meeting people in the lifestyle!

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Yes, yours is a very well-considered and a very thought-provoking question. I could not possibly add more to the replies that you have received. I hope you continue to benefit from the discussions here and have fun with them.

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You guys rock Thank You so very much. This has helped us quite a bit with our discussions. We ASSUMEd but we all know what that does ;-).

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Welcome to the site!

 

That's a great question and you've received some great answers in return. If we had to boil it down to one word, that word would be fun. There are lots of ways to have fun, whether it's the hanging out with people you feel connected with since they are kindred spirits or of course there's the sexy fun too. We just try to keep fun as our goal, and then everything else just sort of follows along, whether it's making friends, sex, or whatever other aspect of the lifestyle that people find attractive.

 

In terms of what to expect, it seems like people with the same outlook on swinging just seem to naturally gravitate to each other. That's not to say that if you are a friends-first swinger that you won't ever interact with a once and done type swinger, or vice versa. But, it's all good. Everybody is looking for their thing, and if they don't find it one place, then that's ok, there are more fish in the sea. As a general rule though, likes attract, and I'll bet you will be surprised on how quickly you develop the skill of evaluating how alike you may be with someone and whether it would be a good match. It's possible to overthink it, but it really just comes naturally. It's what we do every day interacting with other people just going through life...some people you instantly like and feel connection with, others you instantly dislike, others may be neutral at first but then grow on you, some you know right away you can trust, while others put your defenses up. Most of the time though, people just naturally seem to find others like themselves, and so you go through life having a more or less positive view of humanity, at least your small corner of it. It's the same in swinging.

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I would agree with all that has been said.

 

I would also add that for me it's about being your genuine self and being with people who get you and where you are coming from. At first it was mainly about sex for us, the thrill and excitement of new people and places. Now it's more about friendships, conversation, connections and enjoying vanilla and sexy times together.

 

The lifestyle is about my husband and I growing closer, communicating better, seeing each other happy and being happy. It's fun we enjoy together and brings us closer. It makes us feel special that we've done so many cool things that other people can't even imagine.

 

It's also about facing fears, working on yourself and your self perceptions, having tough conversations, being disappointed, seeing people hurt or relationships struggle. It's not all roses, but the snags are worth it to me. I've grown personally and our relationship has grown.

 

A couple years ago my husband and I were in the hot tub at Desire. It had been a bit of a rough night for me. We were getting some mixed signals from good swing friends, my husband was annoyed with the whole thing, I was confused by our friends, annoyed by my husband... It started pouring rain, absolutely crazy rain. there was no place to go but stay in the hot tub. It gave me a chance to cry a little without anyone knowing. But, here I was in Mexico, surrounded by naked people with my husband. I thought, "Is this heaven or hell?" As soon as I thought it I kissed my husband and realized it was heaven. We were together having adventures, loving each other the best way we could imagine in the pouring rain. That is really what it's about to me. Ups and downs together, living life to the fullest.

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I agree there are too many nude pictures. We always have doubts about the couple when the first thing they send you are nude pictures. We know you have a penis, do you have a smile? So your wife will do this and that. We have seen all those pictures. Send us a picture of you as a couple. A selfie in the bathroom, No. Why do all these people have nudes but can't send you a normal picture clothed? We have been disappointed by too many picture senders.

Now we did start looking for sex not friends. My husband wanted to experience something I did before we met. We were going to give up and then we got a picture of a good looking couple clothed. When they sent a nude picture we figured another fake but they were real. We rushed the meeting figuring they wouldn't show. They did. One thing a picture doesn't show, personality. He was a jerk.

As far as unwrapping a Xmas gift, I agree. That is my secret want. I know many men like to undress the woman but I still get a thrill undressing him.

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Welcome! Sometimes you have to give everyone a couple of days to log on and see new posts, SB sometimes does not operate as fast as other forums.

 

All of the above posts are true. We have one thing to add;

 

Don’t take anything too seriously.

 

If someone says something you don’t like, keep going, if someone does something you don’t like, keep going. There are tons of us out there, don’t jump on the first thing you see, if you persevere, you will find a match.

 

This is about you guys, not about anyone else. YOU guys have fun, and don’t let these really small things ever bother you.

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Not a member of SLS or any other match site. For us we met a couple on vacation that we became friends with. We weren't looking for sex and it happened. I go back to a question, what is sexier, a clothed or nude person. we went to a nude beach. It was fun but I wondered what those people looked like dressed. I can't say I didn't look as I am sure others looked at me. We joked about the shapes and sizes and a handsome man is a handsome man. There just isn't anyway to hide a flaw when you are nude and we all have flaws. A nude beach isn't sexual but on vacation it had a sexual tone for us. A nude picture sent or posted is purely sexual and it is not meant to be looked at to make friends.

For the present unwrapping, we saw the couple in their birthday suits before the talk of switching partners was even a thought. We all disrobed or talk our bathing suits off when we got to the nude section. I hesitated and looked away from our new friends but sure I looked. Even after spending a day nude with him when the the real event happened it was like unwrapping a gift

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Welcome!! First off, the only bad question, is the unasked one.

For me, the swinging lifestyle is about positive adult interaction. It is a mindset that I feel is more honest and inclusive than vanilla life. Sure it's about sex, but it's also about social interaction with other adults, who may be of different backgrounds. Also, let me point out that there is no "right" way to swing or no "wrong" way. You will make it what you want it to be. Good Luck and have fun!!

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In truth, except for the sex thing, swingers are like pretty much every other adult social group. Think of it like an X rated version of the Rotary club, and you're close. The main trick (no pun intended) is to balance your expectations, with the reality of it.

My very first "meet and greet", I was expecting some combination of "Eyes Wide Shut" and "The Rape of the Sabine Women". What the reality was, that I entered a room with lots of people doing lots of talking and laughing. It was pretty tame, with a few noticeable differences. The hostess approached me with a plate of cookies (peanut butter, and very good they were), wearing a fire engine red teddy and spiked heels.) Little things like that, which made me realize that I wasn't in Kansas , anymore. But it was very interesting and fun and I learned a lot. Not only about sexuality, but about adult socializing.....and also a bit about myself. Altogether, a great experience, which I hope that you have, as well.

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There is nothing wrong with being honest about your expectations or "rules" in a public post. We prefer getting to know someone as friends first. It makes the sex so much better.

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