Jump to content
Nwhappy2

We've received hits on our profile. What's next?

Recommended Posts

Ok so we have our SLS profile up and going with a few pics, that were so much fun to take, and we've tweaked our profile a bit. We've had some really awesome sex with each other throughout all this and we've already had a few messages from other couples and the butterflies in our stomachs will not stop flying. Both of us seem to really be nervous about what's acceptable and what's not as far as us being ok with doing certain things to our playmates. I'm sure all these things will be discussed with our couples date??? Is this the etiquette?? We are so nervous!! Both of us... but also very excited... no dates are set up yet but I feel as though it might be soon. Another question, at what point is the swap to take place?? How does that usually come about? Is it a go with the flow moment???

Share this post


Link to post

In our twenty-seven year marriage the late Mrs. Alura and I had only one rule: "Don't make love with anybody else." That turned out to be quite easy, since we didn't love anybody else.

 

We also discussed various scenarios and whether or not we were interested in trying them. My guess is y'all are doing this. Those talks led to hot sex together.

 

For our first meeting with a couple, we liked to meet in the afternoon for coffee in a book store, which provided an easy escape if needed. Our second meeting, by which time we had decided whether or not we wanted to swap with them, we usually met for dinner and often went to our place (or theirs, depending on where the kids were) afterward.

 

Seating is critical. At a square table, arrange it so the men are across from each other and the women likewise, to make easier communication with the other wife or husband. American couples often sit with the other wives and husbands across from them, which discourages interaction with the person you hope to experience in bed.

 

If we got on well at dinner, we'd switch spouses for the ride to where we were going, "so nobody got lost." Stops at traffic lights provided opportunities for that all-important first kiss.

 

If, at the end of dinner, no decision had been made, Mrs. Alura would suggest we swap goodnight kisses. Kisses are a great way to measure interest.

 

Always let your wife suggest escalations. When it's done by a man, it seems more threatening.

 

Good Luck!

Alura

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post

That was an excellent reply and thank you! I would like to hear what others have to say about this because this is the one thing we are really unsure about. When do we split at what my husband calls the "Y"? Not sure I'm comfortable with separate ride to venue but that's just me at least right now but good idea.

Share this post


Link to post

I have no advice for when you get to the actual swapping but, I would mention that it's probably a good idea for you and your husband to have talked through beforehand what your rules and limitations are as far as you both go. In the discussions I've had with possible playmates, rules inevitably come up. Whoever is asked gives their response, and then the other couple reciprocates with their own rules. It sounds black and white, but we've found that it actually flows pretty well. It just depends on who you're talking to.

 

Also, we've always asked via mail or text before meeting in person. No point in wasting a babysitter if we're a same room, condom only, soft-swap couple and they want separate room, full-swap, bareback only play. :)

Share this post


Link to post
That was an excellent reply and thank you! I would like to hear what others have to say about this because this is the one thing we are really unsure about. When do we split at what my husband calls the "Y"? Not sure I'm comfortable with separate ride to venue but that's just me at least right now but good idea.

 

Thank you! Very good point, Mrs. Nwhappy2! It's necessary to evaluate your prospective playmates and decide how comfortable y'all are with them. Of course, if you have misgivings about your safety, never, ever, swap for the ride to the venue. In that case, I feel certain you'd be headed home. Again, the wife should make suggestions for any escalations.

 

I'm not sure what you mean by "When do we split at what my husband calls the 'y'?" Is "the Y" a choice to go one way or another?

 

 

Alura

Share this post


Link to post

The "Y" is when we swap. If we swap. When we decided to try this I had no idea how many questions we would have. Even though we haven't met any couples yet it sure has been a fun time so far. I think the hubby and I are making sure we don't hurt the other in any kind of way..

Share this post


Link to post

Hello, Nwhappy2! Sounds like you two have a lot of questions flying around in your heads! You've already gotten some great advice.

 

When we find a couple that we think we might like to meet on a site like SLS (or they find us there), we will generally try to set up a dinner date with them. We say in our profile that we rarely play on the first meeting, so nobody comes in with any expectations of play. Now if everybody hits it off really well, and are comfortable, we do not rule out playing at the end of a first dinner date- but that is not commonly how we do things. BTW, in your case, as first-timers, I would recommend that you DEFINITELY not play on a first meeting. You two will need to talk through the date together afterwards, to see how you each felt about the couple, and gauge your comfort levels for playing with them.

 

You also need to talk over with each other what you think are comfortable doing with a couple at this point in your swinging experience. Do you want to restrict things to playing with each other in the same room with the other couple? Soft swap? Full swap? Swapping in separate rooms (which I do not recommend for your first time)? While it's a fact that you cannot know for sure how you each will react when you see your spouse kissing, fondling, or having sex with someone else, you can try to play that movie in your heads, talk about your turn-ons and your fears, and try to get to some kind of comfort level at least in terms of being willing to try it.

 

What we like to do is to go to dinner with another couple. We may sit "swapped" with them in a booth, or at least sit boy-girl-boy-girl around a table. We like to get to know them, find out what they're about, and decided if we like them with our clothes on! If we do like them, and we sense some chemistry developing, we might turn the conversation to lifestyle topics. I'm sure you two will have a ton of questions for your dinner dates about the lifestyle, so there should be no problem turning the conversation in that direction!

 

In terms of body language, if we are interested in the other couple, we might punctuate a joke with extended eye contact and a touch on the shoulder or arm, which might linger a bit as the evening progresses. Sometimes we see the conversation splitting off briefly into two conversations, between each of us and our possible play partners. As I mentioned earlier, we usually wrap up the evening without play, but with all of us having a pretty good idea whether we'd like to play together. A lingering good-zinger kiss sends that signal pretty clearly!

 

I will have to come back to talk about a second date, and turning from vanilla conversation to naked fun! Work calls!

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post

Wow thank you for your advice We will honestly take all in consideration and yes right now I'm not comfortable with separate room swap but I can understand why some prefer. Anyway I look forward to reading your input for second date. CoupleInMD79

Share this post


Link to post

I'm probably repeating some things that have already been said since there has already been some great advice given.

 

First: Talk with your SO and set your rules and boundaries. What is allowed and what isn't. There should be NO grey zones here, if there are you need to talk more...do not 'gloss' over anything. Say you both agree on (and this is just an example) same room sex with the women being able to play but the men only playing with the partner they came with. Stick to that rule until you BOTH decide to change it OUTSIDE of an encounter (don't change the rules while you are with another couple...one person may only be saying it's okay because they don't want to cause problems or are caught up in the heat of an encounter). Realize that your rules will evolve and most likely be changed as you become more comfortable with things, but don't break a rule without prior discussion. You may both feel comfortable with full swap right off the bat, but most couples start off slow until they are comfortable with how things are progressing.

 

Second: Never move faster than the slowest person is comfortable with. No pressure and no expectations. Don't make one person do something that they are not ready for until they are ready. This is not a race. Trust is VERY important here and you don't want to do anything that can damage that trust. Enjoy the ride and remember that this is a team sport. You are both in this as a team.

 

Third: First meeting should be in a public place with the understanding that all that will happen is a meeting. Emails and texting is great, but you will learn more in 5 minutes in person with another couple than you will in a month of emails and texts. Either you will all click or you won't. Worst thing that happens is you meet some new people and have a sexy dinner. If everyone knows that the first meeting is just going to be a meeting, then there is no pressure or expectations on anyone. If, after the meeting, you want to see them again, then great, set something up. Don't be surprised or disappointed if the other couple isn't interested even if you are. Remember how hard it was to find a match when you were looking for your SO...this is harder since four people all need to feel a connection. Don't take it personally and move on to the next couple (easy to say, hard to actually do).

 

Forth: Make sure that everyone understands what the limits are and honor everyone's wishes. Short version here is just be respectful of everyone involved and don't break rule #2.

 

Have FUN. Enjoy every aspect of this journey. The increased communication between you and your SO. The sexy feelings you both are experiencing. Meeting couples that you just might see naked. Watching a real live porno as you watch another couple have sex LIVE right next to you. Watching your SO play with someone else. Too many people focus on the finish line, but there IS no finish line here...just whatever you two want to experience and however far you wish to take this. If the both of you are not enjoying this, then don't be afraid to walk away. While both me and my SO enjoy doing this, I would walk away without a second thought if she asked me to (but would take some AWESOME memories with me).

 

Let us know if there is anything else we can do to help and we hope you have a great time on your trip in this LS.

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post

Nwhappy2, first I want to correct my earlier post. I was not in fact recommending a good-zinger kiss, but rather a good-night kiss. Auto-correct fail there...

 

So for the Mrs. and me, after our dinner with a new couple, we will talk things over to see whether we think there's a four-way match. We have a pretty good idea during dinner, but we talk it over just to be sure. If we both like both of them, we will make another date. At that point, I think people might generally figure that playing is a real possibility. We might arrange to meet them at a club or house party, but we have also had second dinner dates. We will be more flirty on this second date, with arms around and more touching generally, assuming everybody is OK with that. The conversation will meander to play topics, where we will talk over the other couple's play preferences and our play preferences. If we did a second dinner date, we will offer to take the evening to a more comfortable place, and suggest a nearby hotel or two. Once we get to the room (or if we are at a club with them), we may make a little small talk if people seem nervous, but we will probably be kissing them pretty soon, and we feel like things pretty well take off from there of their own accord!

 

There was a brief time in the spring when we were hosting couples in our house sometimes. I wanted to mention this because it seemed to us like this was the most potentially awkward scenario for moving things from talking about kids and jobs, to taking off clothes and playing. We would sometimes play a recording of a TV show that we like called Swing, which is relevant to us because that TV show has a lot to do with why we are swingers. By the way, the show is about swingers, and usually has some hot sex scenes in it! Well, that is usually enough to get people kissing, fondling, shedding clothes, and generally heading for the bedroom!

 

So that is our experience nowadays with play dates. Our first play date was oh-so-very-not-smooth, but we have gotten more relaxed and comfortable since then. Hope this helps!

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...