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Bashbro2844

Mfm advice - alone time for wife with our third

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Me and my gf have discussed having a mfm threesome. It's my fantasy not hers. We have decided on someone we don't know but she wants to have him alone first to get comfortable then have me come in the room a little later. I'm totally ok with it but honestly would prefer to watch. Any input on this would be great!

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First, welcome to the forum.

 

Second, I would wait until she she is interested in having a threesome. Her desire to play alone is probably due to her own discomfort in having you there, watching or joining in. If you want this to be something you two do together, I would suggest waiting.

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Welcome!

 

If you choose not to wait, you're wise to want to meet someone you both don't know. If things go awry, then at least you don't have to see the guy again.

 

As far as her wanting to be alone with him first, I totally understand. It can be easier to get things going and for them to get familiar with each other if they are alone. However, you are part of this decision too. I'd continue to talk to her and express your desires and find a compromise you both are happy with.

 

You have to ask yourself if this is something both of you really want of is she just going along to please you.

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It is for me I don't really have to see her have sex with the other man it's really just the messing around and Oral and I would have sex with her. She an all or nothing kinda girl so this is where our talks have lead. We have both played a little in our pasts but nothing besides a sex club a few times together.

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I agree with Sun. I think you'd be going down a road you might not want to travel if you start out with her playing without you. There are big safety concerns and emotional risks.

 

My husband would not want me to go alone with a stranger for safety reasons.

 

It might be ok at a club where there is security and other people in hearing distance if she were going to a room alone with a single guy. Although, once my husband went to a room at the club with a single girl without me (with my ok) and his wallet disappeared...

 

You would definitely want to meet the person together in a public place or a swing club first. Thoroughly and convincingly explain what you are looking for and your expectations for further contact. Will he have her cell #? Can he text? Does he seem to respect you?

 

There are guys who like to play "the bull" (a man who sleeps with a married woman usually with some humiliation to the husband). It's a game, a role play and they understand that they are not really going take away the wife. They will be happy to send text photos or leave their phone on so you can hear what is happening. If you are not going to be there you might consider that. The unknown is scary. What if they are professing their love? What if she wants to stop and he's not? If you can listen in or get photos in real time, I would think that would be reassuring.

 

I'm not sure your age, but we find that younger single guys (less than 35 or so) are more likely to not understand the lifestyle. They think couples seek out singles because the husband is not competent or endowed. They say things like, "I'll fuck you like you've never been fucked before," and on and on. These guys are trouble. They're kind of the opposite of bulls, who know their role and know they're playing. Many are also looking for a girlfriend and are not afraid to go after women in committed relationships.

 

I also understand Angel's (and your girlfriend's) perspective. It is much easier to play one on one with someone. Threesomes can be amazing fun, but they can be awkward and difficult to navigate in bed. Attention is divided, there's a lot going on. She'll be trying to enjoy herself, but also worrying about your feelings and how you are doing.

 

I think though, the risks of single guy play alone for a first experience outweighs the negatives of you being there. I would keep talking until you are both comfortable doing it together. The exception would be if you are interested in polyamory and would be ok with her having another boyfriend.

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We would have them over to our house so I would just be in the living room or kitchen waiting not sending her out alone somewhere. She just wants to get warmed up comfortably and I understand that but isn't exactly what I want but if after 5-10 min I get to join I'm fine.thanks for the responses were in no hurry and want to make sure we are making the right moves as newbies

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I would keep talking. Does she say she just needs five minutes alone? If she wants time to develop chemistry and get to know him alone sexually, five or ten minutes of alone time is not realistic. If you say, "Call me in in 10 minutes," that won't happen. Most people lose all track of time in a sexual situation. If you just walk in as they are making out/undressing, it will probably be awkward and you might end up just watching, not joining.

 

This is just me talking as a woman. I've played alone with guys and in threesomes. Honestly, if I start alone with someone, it's hard for me to switch gears and I will kind of barrel ahead with all my attention on that person. This does not result in happiness for my husband because he feels left out. It's an excuse, but things are different in the "heat of passion" you lose a little bit of control of your mind. If we all start together then things go smoother in my opinion.

 

I also wouldn't bring a stranger to my home the first time. I don't want a single person I've just fucked to be able to drive past anytime. Once we get to know someone, and know they are not overly attached or stalkery, we are ok with them knowing where we live. You could get a hotel suite with a sitting area for you to hang out in?

 

Keep us posted!

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Thanks! Yes I've thought about the bringing to the house vs hotel it's all a senario right now. And haven't put a time limit on getting to know him. I'm just trying to be flexible so she will be comfortable I'd prefer to watch so they might would do the deal get acquainted then have me come in for the 3way. It's all new to us and we have lots of talks and are very open with each other

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We play with a couple of guys and I always believe in letting my wife have a bit of alone time with our male playmates when we have a threesomes. I do believe that the the two of them should have some alone time to interact without me.

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Do you let them have alone time before or after the threesome and do you watch or leave the room? Thanks for your input on this!

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I understand how you feel. I would be going crazy wondering what was going on and I would want to watch her having her first experience.

 

It's a good thing for you that she is willing to try it and she said you could come in later after things got started.

 

I've had experiences where the other guy was having trouble getting it up and I've left the room hoping things would be better without me. It usually was.

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Do you let them have alone time before or after the threesome and do you watch or leave the room? Thanks for your input on this!

 

It can be either before or after, but in most cases it is after I have cum and the other guy hasn't yet. I always leave the bedroom and go into the living room which is very close. I can still hear, but leaving the room seems to help if the other guy is having trouble finishing up.

 

The main guy we play with is our best friend. We have known him since the early 80s and my wife has played with him very many times over the years. He and his first wife were the ones who introduced us to swinging. After that initial experience, he and my wife played a lot alone since my wife didn't work and he worked nights. It was easier for them to get together during the day since their and our kids were in school then. At other times they would get together for a quickie in a park or other outdoor place.

 

As the years passed, we started gravitating toward threesomes with him. We have been doing that for years now, but it is still nice for he and my wife to have some alone time in bed, even if it is only me going to another room.

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After would be fine with me, we had some good talks this weekend possibly do a hot tub after party so everyone can get compahrtable. I'm just glad wanting alone time is somewhat normal as we are new to this and still learning!

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I think it shows trust and it's heathy for your relationships. My wife not only has alone time while we are entertaining as a couple, she has also spent time with him when i was away on business. I can tell you it has made her a better lover.

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Should we warm up to a full fledge threesome, or just go for it? Should I allow her to play alone and watch then maybe next time join in?

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I always find it hard to answer such questions, because I'm not you. It is up to you two (and others) to see what fits best. At the other hand, don't over-plan all this. Maybe best is going with the flow and see what happens. Most important as always but especially when you go with the flow: keep honest to yourself and each other and speak up when it does not feel right.

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Should we warm up to a full fledge threesome, or just go for it? Should I allow her to play alone and watch then maybe next time join in?

 

I'll agree with MrDiscover but I will also share with you how we first started swinging. Before we did anything or even talked about swinging, I had always been interested in having MFMs and gangbangs. A few months before we entered the LS, a man I knew expressed interest in having sex with me. I brought it up to Mr. Sun and we started sharing fantasies. Mr. Sun was surprised that I had wanted to engage in MFMs and gangbangs and said that he was game for a threesome. However, the other male said he wished to do a one-on-one with me prior to a threesome and Mr. Sun said, "No, it has to be with us together." Then Mr. Sun asked me if I would be interested in swinging, which lead to researching online, and brought me to this site. I read and thought it all. I came to the conclusion that I was definitely interested in swinging and that we would do this together...not separately. We would move slowly and make sure we communicate and reevaluate boundaries.

 

The reason I shared this with you is because it's normal to want to have one-on-one sex with someone...it's what we're used to. Having sex with someone else while your partner is there is different, especially for the first time. There can be a lot of "What will s/he think of me when I do this or make this sound with this other person?" Or "Is what I'm doing upsetting him?" Or just being self-conscious if their partner is just watching instead of joining in. These could be reasons why your girlfriend wants to play alone. There could also be other reasons that only she knows.

 

Do I regret passing up on playing with that male one-on-one and then moving onto a MFM? No. We went onto having experiences together that we both could share in. We can fondly remember walking nervously into a swingers club together. We can fondly think back to our first full swap, holding hands at times and looking at each other as we were both having sex with other people. Those are experiences and memories that I wouldn't take back. And those are memories we wouldn't have together if I had one-on-one sex with that male. Our swinging journey may have ended up quite different if we had started with me having one-on-one sex with that male.

 

I wanted to share this new hobby and our experiences with Mr. Sun. Playing one-on-one doesn't allow that for me. For others, they say that they recount the experience to their partner and it's like they share it but it's not the same. Both of you need to sit and talk about whether this is something you want to share together or do separately.

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We always play together whether its MFM or couples swaps, etc. But once, on a second visit, we met at a hotel bar and when we were all ready to go up to the room, the guy asked if it could be just he and I for the first 20 minutes or so. We had originally met him with his wife in Key West, spent a couple evenings out at the bars with them before he came to town for our first MFM experience. I was reluctant but hubby said sure, go ahead. The only thing I really noticed is that there was more kissing and cuddling to get started than when the three of us were together and he spend more time going down on me then previously. Hubby came in after about 20 or 30 minutes, watched us for a while and then joined in. It was kind of nice.

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After long talks we have decided to take baby steps at this and she wants to just give park to our third (naked of course) and have me watch and then we could go from there!

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