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bmv2011

How to find the unicorn or g/g play?

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Hello everyone, I am 24 years old and have been married to my high school sweetheart for a little over 4 years. Our relationship was always very traditional until one night at a party, one of his female coworkers started kissing me after a conversation. Somehow this led to me telling her I was attracted to women. After the party we discussed threesomes and eventually decided we wanted to try it.

 

A few months later we took a vacation to visit one of our female friends from high school. After 5 awesome, but short days, it was ALMOST everything I had hoped for. However I was a little disappointed, because even though we had discussed everything prior to us visiting, she thought I would end up backing out so she barely touched me even after I did everything I could to break her out of her shell.

 

Since then she has gotten into a relationship and while her and her partner swing, my husband and I are not looking for other couples. Watching my husband be with her turned me on a lot more than I ever could have thought it would have, but he would never be able to handle another man touching his precious gemstone :)

 

We have talked about continuing on this adventure and have been diligently looking for a new friend. We have been having difficulties though because it is extremely hard to find someone online... I only have a handful of female friends that I am close to enough to ask... all of which have boyfriends or aren't interested in something like that. I am also very very shy and have a hard time meeting new people and making friends. We know that it makes the other woman more comfortable if its me that initiates things but I don't know where to start. I don't even know where to meet someone. So basically that is what brings me here... I need advice from people with more experience.

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Hello! Thanks for sharing a bit about you and your husband.I'm also very new to this site (brand new to this lifestyle) and it's quite exciting. I'm 26 and my wife 25. Finding another female to "play" with seems way harder than finding a male, but I know they are out there. I hope you find what you are looking for soon!

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Ah. The Elusive Unicorn. Welcome to the great conundrum of the vast majority of swingers. Finding a single female who is interested in the same things you are, who is mentally and emotionally stable and mature, and with whom you feel some chemistry is as rare as the aforementioned mythical beast. I'm sure they exist, but they're exceedingly rare. I got over my bi-curiosity and found out - nope - I much prefer the D. But during the discovery phase, we found ourselves soft-swinging with other couples. This means playing with our own partners in the same room, and girl-girl play. This is a very common situation, and is what most couples end up doing. I wouldn't write off playing with couples if I were you, especially more experienced couples. They know what they're doing, why they're doing it, and they are more likely to understand newbies' needs for boundaries. Our first experience was with a more experienced couple, and they were so relaxed and fun we found ourselves enjoying their company immensely.

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Welcome to the forum! Good advice there from Intuition - playing with couples is often the gateway to finding g/g play. Besides, people know other people :) It's good to make friends in the swing lifestyle and get invited to parties to meet more potential friends. Seems hard to break into if you're a bit introverted - but it's all about connections.

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Welcome, bmv2011. You've gotten great advice so far so I'll just say good luck on your search!

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Yes, it is quite common for two couples to get together and have the women enjoy each other and then finish things off with the man they came with. While the men only get to watch, I have yet to hear of any complaining about it :lol: This may be an easier path to find and follow...

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Welcome to the site! I think your best chance of finding the girl-girl play is with another couple. There are lots of permutations when four people are involved, some soft swapping, some full swapping, no swap being watched, girl-girl, etc. Working with other couples to find that right combination will probably be the most productive approach.

 

Then, there are swing clubs. The same thing applies, flexible couples are going to be much easier to find than single bi females, but the thing about clubs is there are a lot of swingers there all at the same place at the same time. That can cut the time involved down tremendously versus working through a list of potentials one by one online, so that might be something to consider too.

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Bmv2011, how goes your search for a new lady friend? Have you reconsidered couples at all?

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So our first two 'experiences' were basically woman only. That was where my wife was mentally, at the time.

 

The first was with a 'couple' but she was really only interested in finding another woman, pretty common we have since learned.

 

The second was a serious 'unicorn' I chatted up at a swing club. She was super sweet (great smile and I have always been a sucker for a pretty smile) and we had a great time. I am pretty convinced she went farther than she planned because she barely said good bye before she left. That was pretty crazy.

 

We have since been in contact with a number 'unicorns', both online and at clubs. I just really can't be bothered to chat them up, flirt with them, etc, and we are really into couples only thing right now. However, it is possible to meet and play with single women. As it's territory I have been through before in a lot of ways for me it's easier.

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I have said this various times before on this forum, but in my own personal experience I have found the easiest way to meet a women for a threesome is simply by asking a women in your everyday normal life without needing to involve swingers websites or swingers clubs. I find a lot of people have a misconception regarding this subject, they think that to meet a women for a threesome that you MUST use a swingers site or swingers styled sex club to meet them, that basically the ONLY PLACE a women will agree to a threesome is either a sex club or some kind of sexual website, but basically that just ins't true at all.

 

Firstly lets look at some of the facts.....

 

WOMEN ON WEBSITES: Okay so a "Single Women" decides to join a swingers website and usually within a single week of joining she has actually been messaged by virtually every single man, and half the couples within a 200 miles radius, that I have seen singles women's profiles receive over 5000 messages in a single weekend. Generally on swingers websites for every 1 single women there are 100 or even a 1000 men, so from a purely mathematical point of view the women is totally spoilt for choice, that within days of joining the site thousands of men, and generally hundreds of couples will message her meaning this women has offers from all sorts of people, and that your attempts to contact her can easily be missed or ignored.

 

You also have to remember that sure you might be a sexy clean couple, you might be a confident fun couple, you might be amazing in bed as a couple, but generally there is always going to be someone else who is making this single women a bigger better offer. You might be a great couple, but there will probably be another great couple messaging this women who lives closer, who shares more in common with her. You might be a very well hung man with a large penis, but generally there will be another guy messaging this women with a even bigger penis than yours.

 

In a lot of cases you can meet a women off the internet, you can speak with them for ages, you can have 1 or 2 social meets with them which go fantastically well, you can have a threesome with them, you can have amazing sex with them, you can have the best most exciting enjoyable threesome of your lives together, you can show this women friendship, respect, and treat her in a fun safe manor, you can roll out the red carpet for this women and offer her an amazing threesome opportunity that you all agree was fantastic :) THEN that women will go home after your wonderful threesome and will fire up the swinging sites and be sat there with another 2000 messages and often decides to try another couple or meet some single guy.

 

You also have to remember that on line there are a very large number of fake women's profiles, and a lot of inactive no longer used women's profiles, that actually if you imagine that 20% of single women's profiles are fake profiles set up by sad lonely guys to trick and play games with people, then about 50% of women's profiles are no longer been used, then actually only 30% of women's profiles are actually viable. Then factor in things such as location / age / weight / and what this women is looking for and suddenly that 30% of viable profiles might drop down to 5% of viable profiles.

 

That sure you might meet the perfect women for you on line but that's no good if she lives 400 miles away, you might find the perfect women's profile on line but that's no good if she is specifically looking for well hung black men and your not a well hung black man. That by the time you do discount the fake profiles, the inactive no longer used profiles, then factor in distance, age, what they are looking for, then sure you might be lucky to have 2 or 3 viable single females in your city, and those females are also getting hundreds of messages per day from every man and half the couples in a 200 mile radius if not more.

 

 

WOMEN IN SWINGING CLUBS: To be honest I don't think many women attend swingers clubs on their own, that they usually go with their friends / with their partner, and think any single women who does attend a swingers club will also find herself overrun with offers from every single man and half the couples in the club. That sure as a couple you are looking for a women to have a threesome WITH YOU. Where as a single women attending a swinging club on her own will most likely be having sex with whoever is at the club that week, that they won't be having a threesome WITH YOU, they will also be having threesomes, gang bangs, one on one sex with them, and them, and him, and that other couple, and so on.

 

Generally a single women who does attend such clubs will already have 2 or 3 different play friends and will always be looking for more, that the chances are this women is not going to settle down into a friendly threesome arrangement with just you, that again you could have the best threesome of your lives, you could roll out the red carpet for this women, you could offer her an amazing experience, but probably a few weeks later she will be back in the swingers club looking for other couples to fuck, that in a lot of cases your not going to find any kind of exclusive friendship with a women in a sex club. Sure I agree that in some cases people might have attended a club and found an amazing women to have a long threesome friendship with, but I think in a lot of cases that doesn't happen.

 

 

 

SO HOW TO MEET A WOMEN FOR A THREESOME?

 

 

Well like stated above in my experience the best way of meeting a women to have a threesome with you is simply by asking a women in real everyday life, that actually just about ANYONE on this planet will "Consider" having a threesome if they are asked. That you don't have to be on a swingers website or sex club to get a person to consider a threesome. That basically any single women will "Consider" the idea if asked correctly, and sure some of them will say "No" other will say "Hell No" and a good percent of them will say "Yes" its just about asking the right questions.

 

Over the years I have found the TRICK to asking a women for a threesome is to ask her for a threesome, WITHOUT ASKING HER FOR A THREESOME.

 

For example.....

 

 

Lets say you meet a women at a party / club / bar / on a train / in a shop / at an event and you begin a normal everyday conversation with her, that you make small talk with a stranger. Now it doesn't really matter where you meet this women, what matters is that you can approach her and begin a normal friendly conversation.

 

So lets say you meet in a bar or club, you could say things like....

 

"Hello are you having a nice night?"

"Do you like this style of music?"

"What do you think to this type of music?"

"So are you here with friends or your boyfriend perhaps?"

"What do you think of this club?"

"Was you born in this city or just visiting?"

"That's a nice jacket your wearing where did you get it?"

"So where is your boyfriend or husband tonight then, has he not come here with you?"

"What do you do for a living?"

"You have any favourite bands?"

ECT, ECT, ECT......

 

 

MY FIRST GOAL is simply to engage a women in small talk and to find out if she is currently single?

 

If I make small talk with a women and it turns out she has a boyfriend at home, or that she is married I can quickly break off the conversation by saying "Anyway it was nice to meet you but I better go and find my friends, I better go find my girlfriend, hope you have a nice night" I mean I'm not a cheating person and do not want to try and convince an attached or married women into a threesome, I also don't want her 6'5ft boyfriend and his friends turning up and finding me chatting up his girlfriend or wife, so sure my first priority is to simply find out if this women is single, and to engage her in everyday conversation.

 

Once I have a conversation going I will move on to STAGE TWO.

 

1: I have started a conversation with this women.

2: I have found out that she is single and not currently dating anyone.

3: I now move onto stage two.

 

 

STAGE TWO:

 

Is to simply ask this girl her OPINION about the threesome subject, to basically ask her for a threesome but without directly asking her to have a threesome with you, for example you could say something like...

 

 

1: "Hey I know this is a truly strange question, I mean hopefully you will not get offended by me asking this but I could really use a women's opinion about this subject. You see last week one of my best friends told me that him and his wife are considering having a threesome with someone and my friend asked me for advice, my friend asked me if I thought having a threesome would be okay. I mean obviously they didn't want a threesome with me but my friend was simply asking for my opinion, simply asking if I thought it was safe if him and his wife tried something like that? I didn't really know what to say, what do YOU think about the threesome subject? Do you think it could be fun? What would you have told my friend?"

 

2: "Hey I know this is a really bizarre comment but I was sat at home the other day watching some news program on TV and you never guess what they did, they ran a story about threesomes on day time TV. I was fairly shocked they would put something like that on day time TV, but my all accounts the threesome subject is really popular now, by all accounts loads of people are trying them. Guess I was just a bit taken by surprise by the subject, what do you think about the threesome subject? I mean sorry to ask such a strange question guess I'm just wondering what other peoples opinions are and was surprise to hear people talking about it on some news program"

 

 

NOW.......

 

From this stage there are generally on 2 different answers a women will give.

 

1: NEGATIVE: The women will say "Eeeewwwww NO WAY, I'd never have a threesome, having a threesome would be wrong, it would be bad, it would be disgusting, yuck threesomes would be dirty" and in this case you ALREADY KNOW there is no point asking this women to consider a threesome with you, her gut reaction about threesome was negative, she is against the idea.

 

2: POSITIVE: This really is the answer you are looking for and the women will say "Yeah I guess a threesome could be a lot of fun, I don't see a problem with people trying that, people are free to explore, I'd not be against such things" then you ALREADY KNOW this women is actually open minded to the idea of a threesome, that if asked for a threesome there is a good chance she will say yes.

 

 

There is a possible third answer which happens on very rare occasion.

 

3: ANGRY: If you are unlucky enough to have started a conversation with a total sexual prude, started a conversation with a uptight women who doesn't even like any sexual subject at all, then sure they can become very angry about you even mentioning the word threesome. They will reply by saying something like "What the fuck are you talking about, are you some kind of fucking pervert? Why the hell are you asking a stranger their opinions on some dirty sexual threesome idea? Are you some kind of weirdo?"

 

In response you can simply reply by saying "Hey I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to offend you, like stated a friend asked me about it the other week and I didn't know what to think, personally I AGREE WITH YOU I think threesomes are revolting, I think a threesome would be a terrible idea but I didn't want to say that to my friend, I'm glad other people agree with me, thank you for your opinion"

 

In general people find it really difficult to stay angry at you if you are agreeing with them, if a women becomes angry at you for mentioning the word "Threesome" then just back out by saying it was a friend who asked you and you also find the idea disgusting, that you was totally shocked by the news report about threesomes that you watched on some news channel and was thinking of complaining to the new channel about it but thought maybe you was been uptight but your glad she agrees with you, your glad that she also finds the threesome subject to be bad, that your glad its not just you who would be offended by it all.

 

In all honesty in years worth of using this tactic I have only ran into 1 women who has got really angry at me asking, and within 60 seconds I had defused the situation and quickly after left the conversation. The vast majority of women will simply give a positive or negative answer, they will let you know that threesomes are not for them, or that they are open minded about the idea, only a select few would get angry at you for asking an OPINION.

 

I mean remember you are NOT ASKING THEM FOR A THREESOME, you are simply asking their OPINION ON THE SUBJECT?

 

If a women gives a negative answer or did become angry about the word threesome, then sure I quickly end the conversation.

 

"Anyway its been nice meeting you but I better run off and find my friends, anyway its been nice meeting you but I need to run to the toilet, hope you have a nice night, bye"

 

That if a women gives an angry or negative response to me mentioning the word threesome then I quickly end the conversation and say thanks for chatting and wish them a goodnight.

 

 

HOWEVER.....

 

If a women does give a positive answer then sure I carry on the conversation, I have established that she is currently single, I have established that she is not against the general idea of a threesome, so from that point I talk with her more, try and make her laugh, try to make her feel more comfy with me. Then usually I will ask for her phone number, or perhaps ask for her email address, or to add her to Face Book. If the women asks why? I simply reply by saying "Well if its okay with you I'd like to chat with you more?" and in a lot of situation the women will give me her number or email, ECT.

 

Usually I will message that women either the same night to say thank you for chatting, or perhaps within the next few days. When messaging her I am a lot more open about my intentions, I will explain that I enjoyed meeting her, that I enjoyed chatting to her, that I thought she seemed like a really nice person, that I am also a clean safe and honest person. BUT that I'd like to speak with her about something a little strange, that actually I am in a relationship and that me and my girlfriend really like the idea of having a friendship and maybe a threesome with a girl, and just to be honest about it I really liked talking with her the other night and was wondering if she wanted to meet up as friends, to chat more, to maybe even consider trying a threesome with me as good friends.

 

I generally spend a few days chatting to this women but the basis of the conversation is usually telling her a lot of positive things about me / about my girlfriend / about the entire threesome subject, telling her that me and my girlfriend are safe people / that we are clean / honest / genuine / that we want a new friendship / we would appreciate her friendship / my girlfriend wouldn't be nasty or jealous / that if she is single at the moment then maybe a new threesome styled friendship would be better than been single / that I'm not expecting her to be a porn star / that really I just want to meet her a s friend and if we did have a threesome to just take things slow / don't have to rush in / ECT, ECT.

 

My main goal at this point is basically to say....

 

"Will you meet me for a coffee and hear what I have to say, then you can decide in your own time?"

 

If she agrees to meet me for a coffee, agrees to hear what I have to say then in 90% of cases about a week or two later I am pulling off her knickers whilst she kisses my girlfriend. That I arrive to meet her and will be honest. I will explain that I didn't mean to surprise her with some strange threesome offer, I will say lots and lots of positive things about the idea, lots and lots of positive things about me and my girlfriend, I will show her pictures of my girlfriend, I will reassure her that my girlfriend would be okay meeting her, that she would be safe, that we don't have to rush into anything, that really she is single at the moment and me and my girlfriend would love a new friendship in our lives and that I think she would be the perfect person to offer that friendship, that were not asking for a quick sexual fix, were more asking her to consider been our friend meaning she can come round to our home a lot, can hang round with us, can get to know us, can go out to events with us, and hopefully if we did get along she can share our bed in a happy safe friendly way.

 

I focus on the feelings of safety, comfort, friendship, us been clean and genuine, and give lots of positive answers after which I can chat with this girl more on line, from that point it takes me anywhere from 2 days to about 2 weeks to get this girl into bed with us both. I let her know that sure she can meet me and my girlfriend and if she doesn't like meeting us both then she doesn't have to meet us again, that sure she could try a threesome with us both and if she doesn't like it she doesn't have to meet us again, however if she did like it then she could meet us all she wanted.

 

 

Well you ALREADY KNOW this women gave you a positive answer about the threesome idea, you already know she is open minded to the idea, and really it just takes a weeks worth of chatting to ease some of her concerns and to arrange for her to meet you both and find out in person. The vast majority of my MFF threesomes have been met in this exact way.

 

Yes I agree it does take a little effort to achieve, I agree you don't win them all, but there is also a beauty about this approach because when you do meet a women in real everyday life, when you do convince this women to try a new friendship and threesome situation with you, then most of the time that women is not going home to a swingers sites with 5000 messages, she is not attending a swingers club every week. In a number of cases I have had MFF threesomes that last for months on end simply because I met the women using this method.

 

If I had met a girl from the internet then that girl would have gone home to find another 5000 messages from men and couples, if I had met a girl in a swing club then a few weeks later she would be back in that same swing club looking for the next hot single guy or couple. Meeting her in person basically means she is having a threesome with YOU, not with you and other people from the club or website, that she is a lot more exclusive to you.

 

If you can meet a girl using this method and then offer her a very regular friendship and a regular threesome situation then it can last months or even years, I have had a few MMF situations that have lasted a long time due to this method.

 

The simple trick is to ask a women her OPINION about threesomes, if its a positive answer then to ask her for a threesome after you know her views about it are positive.

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