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I'm not sure if I want to get involved with a open marriage. I think I would prefer swinging. Do you have any input?

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First of all....:welcome3:

 

Wanting to start with an open marriage right from the get go leads me to think there are other motives to think about. I suggest you talk about this together for a while. Most swingers start with "baby steps", and leave the open marriage, polyamory, separate room stuff for later on.

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Welcome to the site!

 

I agree, moving straight into an open marriage seems like a dangerous approach. We look at swinging as something we are totally together on. We do play separately on occasion, but even then, we are still together and in sync on it even though only one is actually physically present. It took us a while to get to that point, and I think that's for the better - save that stuff for when you have some experience under your belt.

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Thats what i told her last night when we were talking about this. Something happened about a month ago, she told me she hasn't cheated on me that she has only been chatting and talking on the phone to a man. A month ago things got strange she was spending a lot of time On the computer. One night she went out with her girlfriends from work and i started going through the computer i found a hidden file, it was full of pictures and videos, all of woman being tied up and having things done to them. All of the files where zip files with a guys name to my wifes name and sayings like " this is how you need to be". And there would be movies or pictures but all BDSM stuff, there were a couple with interracial stuff too. I told her that she left the file open on the computer and i saw some of it and she got really nervous and then said a girlfriend from work sent it to her. Any way when i asked her about the guy she has been chatting with she told me he is 54 years old and a nice guy, he also has the same name as the guy on the zip files.

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:redflag:

This doesn't sound like anything to do with an open marriage or swinging. This sounds like TROUBLE. You two need to sit down and have a good, non-threatening discussion about this. What if she IS interested in BDSM? Are you willing to help her explore this? No matter what, you both need to talk and find out what is going on. We both wish you luck with this...

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Files found on a computer's hard drive are not evidence of a crime. Almost certainly evidence of a curiosity. This will require patience, understand and some frank discussion. I will not quibble over the definitions of words and phrases like swing or open marriage. I have a suspicion that few people could define them with complete accuracy.

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I think I can speak for all of us here and say that we're all hoping you two can work through this together! I hope you are willing to keep us updated on how things go.

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I just wanted to let you all know that we have been talking and we are working everything out. As for me going into the computer, this isn't her personal computer, it belongs to both of us it is set up in our den down stairs. She does have her own laptop and a tablet. Those i have never even tried to look at. The file didn't have a password to protect it either.

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