How do I bring up swinging to the wife???

Hello everyone. I am 41 years old and I have been happily married to my 39 year old wife for 12 years. I need some advice on how to bring up swinging to her. Here are some details that may help.

When we met, I was surprised at how asexually aggressive she was. With previous girlfriends, I was always the aggressor, I enjoyed this change of pace.

After we married two years, we started having kids and the pace slowed a bit, quite a but actually. In the last two years, the pace has picked back up. We now have naked Fridays, lingerie night, and are planning regular anytime fun in the fall once all of the kids are back in school. We have also started playing with a sex toy, The toy has been one of the most un things we have ever gotten into. It is a vibrator, similar to a rabbit, called a "waterproof aqua beaver." Which is similar to a rabbit.

The vibrator has allowed sessions neither of us thought were imagineable. We will typically have sex 1-2 times when we use it with probably another hour of direct stimulation of her with the vibrator causing at least 10 orgasms. Whenever we use it she always comments that she is sore the next day but calls it a "good sore." Is is not uncommon for her to tell me on 'date night' how much she loves what she calls the 'gizmo'.

Just a point on her personality, she picked out and purchased the vibrator on her own while attending a sex toy party with some girlfriends. She left asking me if I knew of anything she should get, and I responded with 'just get something that I can use on you'.

There have also been two instances where she made comments that made me wonder. First we were watching a tv show where a woman was talking about a failed relationship where she had sex with other men just to please her husband. I made a comment that that wasn't right and my wife asked me what I meant. I simply thought the woman's relationship was messed up because her husband pressed something she didn't want to do. I later though that might have been a probe of her own on the topic of sharing. She sailed and made no further comment but I felt I missed an opportunity.

A second instance occured about a month later. She had a few glasses of wine and made a comment about what I would do if I came home and there were a bunch of Harley's in the driveway. I almost commented that "it's cool as long as I get to watch" but I was too shocked by the comment to even respond. Lost opportunity number 2

Anyway, I want to bring up the topic. We were getting away from the kids for a wedding this weekend and I am hoping that the topic could come up. I know she has no interest in other women and honestly, I think the biggest turn on for we would be to watch her with another man, or multiple men. If anyone has any ideas or suggestions as to talking to her, please let me know.

Thanks in advance for all of your help and suggestions. Hopefully we will be having our first encounter soon.

This is an important question that every couple in the LS has to get to at some point. You have had a couple of exchanges already that lay a foundation for further conversation. What's important is that the next conversation be vertical, not horizontal. This could be on the drive up to the wedding, or when you're getting dressed for the rehearsal dinner or similar.

We used to periodically specify "safe haven rules", meaning that one of us was going to begin a conversation that might be sensitive and we needed the other one to hear us out. There would be no obligation to respond immediately, and reflection was always okay before responding. In exchange for that, we could say anything that was on our minds without worrying about reactive behavior. You might or might not have some similar 'safe space to talk' about important things in your marriage. Assuming you don't, the conversation might go something like this...

"Honey, I'm curious about something. I love you more than ever, we're closer than we've ever been, and we're having the best sex of our lives."

(pause. expect silence or a "go on")

"A few months back, we were watching TV and there was a show on about a woman who had sex with other men 'just to please her husband'. It didn't work out well for her."

"A couple of weeks later, you asked me how I would feel if I came home and found a bunch of Harleys in the driveway."

(expect silence)

"I thought about it a fair bit, and I'm actually turned on by the idea. But sex with other people would have to be something that excites you as well. Are you up to talking about what sex means to us and to our marriage? Safe haven rules--you can say anything you want and I am going to love you just as much. I really want to understand your feelings about this."

Thanks for the great response. This is definitely helpful.

We will have a lot of time alone this weekend. We will have about 5 hours alone in the car in the course of the weekend plus time alone dressing. We will see how it goes.

What you have to remember is this is an opportunity. Talking about swinging is more than just talking about having sex with others; it's about taking your communication to a whole new level. The honesty and openness to talk about swinging, in and of itself, is an accomplishment. Even if you two never see eye to eye on it. Don't look at this as maybe you will or maybe you won't swing but think about the possibilities you two can discover together if you can expand your boundaries of communication outside your comfort zones.

Good luck!

Thanks for the advice. I am new and like a sponge. Soaking it all up.

I can't improve on Fundamental Law's response, and it's the way I'd go too. Good luck.

All good stuff. Thanks

Let us know what happens.

I will probably be able to report something late on Saturday. I will be sure to let you all know. I am very excited with anticipation!

I want to add a few things if I may...

First, DigginIt is absolutely spot on; this is an opportunity...not so much about sex with other people, but to expand the open honesty, communication, and heartfelt support for your spouse to be everything they want to be. If that involves swinging, great, if it doesn't great. Some may say "being all you want to be shouldn't be having sex with people other than your spouse". They are welcome to their opinions of course, but that doesn't work for all couples any better than a fish needs a bicycle. It may work for you, for both of you to become closer, more bonded, more deeply into each other's hearts and minds.

Some people react to the question of swinging wondering if their spouse has ulterior motives, i.e. s/he secretly has someone in the wings, and wants permission to have sex with them. First steps in swinging usually don't involve so much of a discussion of who, as to you as in the two of you. Be honest, be open, be communicative, You have to set that basis and let her know you are an open book, there is nothing hidden, and the only thing you want is the best for the two of you together. Strong communication is crucial to providing a foundation on which a couple might begin to swing. You might also want to make it clear that you're not wanting to _do something right now_, but simply talk.

For some people, this takes time to digest. It is possible your wife has been digesting this for some time now, based on the two missed opportunities. It is also possible that she hasn't digested it at all. You can't assume she has.

If things go swimmingly, be careful to NOT suddenly go euphoric and go zero to 100 in 1.3 seconds. This is a journey for the two of you together. It is a good rule of thumb that things should proceed at the pace of the person who wants to go the slowest. Do NOT rush things, and always be sure the lines of communication are truly open, and you're getting a very good understanding of her feelings, her desires, and where she is in all of this. It may take time. Some couples go to a swing club the first weekend on which they've discussed swinging. Some couples taken 10+ years. Each couple is different. For my wife and I, it was four months. Five years down the road, and we're as happy and close as ever.

Also, being turned on at the thought of watching your wife have sex with another man it not at all unusual. You'd think that a man's favorite fantasy is FMF, two women with him. A poll some years back here showed that at least of the people here who responded, men far preferred MFMs by 2:1 over FMFs. It is highly erotic to watch your wife having sex with another man. I have held my wife in a deep passionate kiss while another man entered her. The muffled moan and tremble of her body was intensely erotic.

However, this feeling is not for everyone. You have to be careful. Sometimes a fantasy is best left as a fantasy. If your wife is interested in the possibility of swinging, and you find you can't talk about swinging except in the bedroom as bedroom fantasy, then there's a good chance it's best left as fantasy.

let us know how it goes!

Show her this ..

Again, thank you all for the very well thought out answers. I will certainly let all of you know how things go.

Everyone has been giving great advice on the topic.

Sometimes the discussion if an awkward one to bring up.

Have a look at this TV show Playboy TV Swing Season 3 | Preview Of Playboy TV Swing - YouTube

It shows newbies and their decision to enter the lifestyle. Perhaps you can watch it together and see how she feels about the subject. I think it helps piece together the picture perhaps she has in her mind of what it is. I also saw a documentary on discovery, Hidden in America - Swingers.

All the best

We er "met" two people that we found out were on that show (after we er "met" them )

Thank you everyone for all of the advice over the last few days.

Yesterday I brought the subject up during our 2 hour drive home from the beach. I used Fundamental Law's advice as a rough guideline. I was met with a simple "I didn't think you would be into that." Then silence and a complete topic change. During the ride home, about 11 hours after the initial conversation and after several glasses of wine, my wife told me she has always had the fantasy of being with more than one guy but never really let it out. I asked her what she specifically fantasizes about and she said "six or more men." Soon thereafter, she passed out (or faked being out to avoid further talk not he subject). Nothing else was said until an hour into our drive back this morning. I told her that I would love to help her with all of her fantasies and that it's my fantasy to watch her. I think she is slightly skeptical about my claim of no interest in other women, but we will see. Anyway, I asked her what she though and she told me to "look into it."

Now I guess the next step is to start inning suitable guys. I will get o a post on just how to do that, but I am open to any and all suggestions.

Not sure if a gangbang is the best way to start ones swinging adventures. Keep it simple to start.

I though of that myself. It's up to her and the conversation obviously has to go a bit deeper before we proceed.

With my wife, I knew she had a bit of a "kinky" side but didn't know how deep it went until we got a porno that started out with a MFM. I asked her if there were no negative repercussions if she would be interested in that kind of thing, and she gave her "maybe" that means "yes". We went from there.

Again, I need to talk in more detail with her. I did get the impression that she wants to try several.

You have the basis for further conversation. Leave it alone for a while and leave it until she is more sober.

Oh she was sober this morning. Tuesday, Wednesday, and thursday this coming week will give us another chance to talk.

I'm with the others. The subject has been brought up, and the communication lines are open. There are a 1,001 reasons not to try to rush things, and zero good reasons to rush them, so just keep talking and let it play out.

Do some more research here and you will find that private gangbangs are notoriously hard to set up and get to actually work out, and that is for experienced swingers. Gangbangs are one of those things that sound easy but really aren't. If something along those lines is really what she is interested in, then I would suggest a visit to an on-premise club might be a good way to go. Try to pick one that seems to have lots of public group play areas, and she can probably at least kind of see how it all works and maybe might even get sort of a mini-gangbang if you two play in the group area and make it known you aren't adverse to a few more roaming hands, etc. joining in. Honestly though, I'm guessing you both will be so overwhelmed the first time that watching and learning is about as far as it will go. Absolutely nothing wrong with that, it's actually the smart move in my opinion if you think swinging is something that you want to make an on-going thing and not just a one wild night can't believe we did that sort of thing.

Cplnuswing, You brought up a point I didn't consider. While I hope this wont be a one time thing, I don't think I made that clear to her. Thanks for helping us stay on the same page.

Hello all. I know it has been some time since I last posted but there are some exciting developments. Over the last few months, we have been looking to set up a gangbang situation for my wife. About a month ago, we found a lead about a group of men that are organized and can set things up. We met with the "organizer" about a month ago. It was simply a meet and greet to make sure we were all on the same page about what everyone wants to happen. We were very impress eye with him and we have our "party" with him arraigned for Friday, October 4th. We will let you know how things go. We are both very excited!

Thanks so much for the update. Good luck on your gangbang and please do let us know how it goes.

Well folks, we had our first experience last night. It was truely awesome for both of us and we can't wait to do it again.

Monica looked fantastic as we left our house. She was wearing a silk while blouse, black skirt and stockings, and heels. The ride to the hotel was about 30 minutes. We were both nervous, but excited about what was about to happen and the nerves were causing the car ride to be very quiet. At one point, I simply looked at her as said "excited?" She gave me a big smile and said "yes, are you?" We assured each other that we were cool with what would happen and we agreed that we could both throw in the towel at any point if something was not going as we liked.

Once we were in the parking lot, we sent a text to Pete, our "organizer" to let him know we were there. We wanted to make sure all the men were there before we went up to the room. He quickly replied to our text that the men were there and waiting. We then proceded up to the room.

During our discussions with Pete, we determined that the ideal number of men would be four. Pete agreed that that was a good number but he wanted to have some flexability to assure he could get four. Pete wanted to set a range of four to six so he could be sure of showing up. Pete also agreed that if playtime came and six was too many, he would exclude himself from play. Monica was shown pictures of about thirty men that she could choose from. She simply looked at the pictures, and told Pete that she had no objections and no preferences.

The hotel selected was a Hyatt Place which feature a large open floor plan, king bed, sofa with chase lounge, leather ottoman, and a desk.

Pete's selection of a hotel turned oiut to be perfect for group activity.

We knocked at the door and Pete answered and welcomed us in. We entered the room, and we noticed there were six men in the room including Pete. Pete introduced Monica to the guys and asked her if she was cool with the number. Monica said she was cool with it as long as she could put the red light on whenever she wanted. Pete told her everyone was briefed on the rules we set down and poured her a glass of wine which she finished rather quickly. After a couple sips of her next glass, she told us she wanted to get started before she lost her nerve. I took my place in the rooms office chair and told Monica and the men to act like I was not there.

The five men sat on the sofa and the ottoman, and I sat opposite them in the office chair. Pete and Monica stood facing the five men. Monica gave me once last glance to make sure I was ok with this and I nodded back and said "have fun." She smiled and faced the men. Pete then slowly started stripping my wife while the guys watched. Pete started by removing her blouse. He then had her turn around and he was teasing them by pulling her skirt up a few times before finally removing it. He then continuted until Monica was finally standing naked in the middle.

Once she was naked, Pete invited the men to "come check her out." The five men quickly had Monica surrounded and she had twelve hands attempting to caress her body. One of the men fingered her, felt her moistness and said "I think your enjoying this." She responded with "its awesome!" Then, Pete led Monica to the bed.

Monica laid down on the bed, and two other men followed into the room. Pete laid down beside her and began to play with her right breast and lick and suck her nipple. Another of the men did the same on the other side while a third began to perform cunnilingus on her. Monica then exclaimed "Oh my God, this is awesome." While these three were taking care of her orally, the other three were undressing.

It didnt take long to realise my wife was about to have her first orgasm of the night. Soon thereafter, the three men left her side where they were quickly replaced by the other three men. As the second group got Monica off for the second time orally, the first three undressed. After Monica's second orgasm, Pete led her by the hand back into the living room area.

Pete then stopped in the middle of the room where one of the men had placed the pillows from the sofa on the floor. Pete then told Monica "we enjoyed checking you out so we thought you might want to check us out." Monica got the 'hint' and got on her knees. She was quickly surrounded by the men and began to service all of them orally. Unfortunately, this was the one time of the night that I couldn't see very well since she was very tightly surrounded.

Monica made no effort to end the 'blowbang' part of the night, and the men were certainly enjoying her oral pleasure. After what I thought was a long time doing that, Pete again took the lead and led Monica back to the bedroom area. The two of them got on the bed, the other five men stood around the bed, and I continued to watch from a little further away. Pete then got on top of Monica and slid his cock inside her. I saw her get the "crazy" look she gets in her eyes when she first starts to fuck. Pete started to fuck her and quickly worked up a good pace. As she started to moan I heard one of the men say "fuck her!" Another said "give it to her!" I thought the men's comments were as hot as the action itself. Monica later told me she enjoyed that immensely.

Pete gave her a vigorous, but quick, fucking. After a few minutes, he was replaced by another of the men who did the same. This repeated until each man had at least one turn. Then, between men, Monica turned over and said "do me like this." The cylce then repeated itself with each man fucking her doggie style. The vigorous fucking made Monica cum hard, the fact that the men fucked for just a couple minutes at a time each allowed them to stay fresh to go again. The men and Monica changed it up several times between, doggy style, missionary, and her lying on her side. The fucking lasted an extremely (in my opinion) long time and I lost count of how many times she orgasmed. She told me on the way home that her orgasms were happening so close to one another that it was like a constant orgasm.

After what seemed like an hour, Pete again led Monica to the living room. He said, "Round Robin" to the men and the others immediately got in a circle around her. Pete told her to bend over and suck him while another stood behind her to fuck her. The men on the sides of her were caressing her breasts, legs and back. After another vigorous fuck, the men shifted do that she had another two in front and behind her.

I noticed that a couple of the men were taking condoms off after fucking her this way and as things continued, more came off. While I didn't expect it when we planned things, it was begoming obvious to me that the guys were planning on trying to do a bukkake on my wife. After Pete saw the last guy removed his condom, he told Monica to "kneel now" which she did on the pillows. Again, this was a point where I couldn't see as much detail as I would have liked. As soon as she was on the pillows, the men were in on her close. One of them quickly started to cum, and from the position, I knew she was taking it in the face. The other men quickly followed suit. By the time I saw Monica's face again, she was completely covered. Monica has reluctantly taken facials from me before but I know she is not really a fan. She was extremely into the moment and was willing to do it as a thnk you to Pete and the guys. Pete later told me that of the many gangbangs that the group did, that was their first successfull bukkake.

The night did not end there. We continued to hang out in the room. Throughout the night, Monica went back to the bed for one on one sex with each of the guys while the rest of us watched.

This on the way home, and this morning, Monica told me that was the best night of sex in her life. She told me that she was sore, but said it was a good sore. She and I are both looking forward to another encounter with Pete and company. We are also going to more agressively seek out opportunites to meet groups like Pete's as we have the opportunity to travel.

I also want to send out a thank you for all the advice we have recieved on the board. The advice I/we have recieved here. The board was instrumental in bringing our relationship to the point where we could talk openly with each other about our fantasies and desires.

I'm so glad this was such a positive experience for all. Thank you again for the update. I would also suggest that you add a preface to the post above, explaining that you had chosen a gangbang for your first swinging experience and post the combination in our Stories section. I imagine a lot of people will find this an enjoyable read for years to come.

Hello everyone, I am X53's wife, I just decided to have my own account on here. I just wanted to say hello and thank you all for the advice as well. We are looking forward to many new experiences!