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NY girl trying to convince my husband!

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Hello everyone. So far, I like what I see on this website. I am 37yo and after many years of marriage, I recently realized that I had this experimental sexual side of me. My husband does seem intrigued by the idea, however, I don't think he is ready to share me with another man yet (a woman, yes!). I am trying to figure out how to ease him into this without having him regret it. I think that getting started with just another woman first may be our best approach. If he enjoys it so much, perhaps he will let me experiment as well. I also think we should try going to a swingers club to meet and talk with other couples. Does anyone have any thoughts or ideas to share?

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I am one of those men whose wife brought the idea of swinging to me. The feeling that I might be jealous did not occur to me: not at first, anyway. The Green Monster appeared when I developed the perception that she was having more fun than I was having. Then I started thinking, "she did this just for herself and isn't even thinking of me." A newly-found male acquaintance put me straight on this point. He said he was watching me and I wasn't even trying: girls are not going to just jump into my lap, he says to me.

 

Once I was put onto the straight path, I was having as much fun as she was having and my jealous feeling subsided. So to your question, starting with one girl between the two of you would be a step in the wrong direction if what you really want is to meet boys. If this is true, tell him you want the attentions of men and deal with any reaction early. Assure him that it will be OK if he wants to pursue girls.

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If you want to arrange an FMF as a way to manipulate your husband into allowing you the freedom to have sex with boys (as SW_PA_Couple so astutely mentioned), it really is the wrong direction. If, instead, you both recognize the need to go slowly, and start with less challenging types of activities like exhibitionism or g/g play or whatever, that's a different sort of thing. The difference comes in being honest about what you want, while allowing your husband to also be honest about what he doesn't want and then discovering what the two of you can both do together.

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:Welcome: from Oklahoma, GettingStarted! We're glad you've joined us.

 

I'd suggest that you bring your husband to this board and read together. Choose the forums you both find interesting and learn. Then talk a lot with each other.

 

Good luck!

 

Alura

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Guest

Thanks for the advice everyone. I actually am interested in being with both males and females (have never been with a female before but I want to try it), therefore I thought it might be easier on my husband to have me with a female first. I could be wrong, according to the responses I am getting. This is all so new to us that I really don't know where to start. I think it might be a good idea to try a club first to meet other couples and just talk or observe.

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I believe the most important thing y'all need to do is develop your ability to talk to each other without fearing the other's reaction. My late wife and I accomplished this by agreeing to never become angry because a question was asked and to always answer it thoughtfully and as completely as possible. From that day on we were never afraid to ask any question.

 

Alura

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agreeing to never become angry because a question was asked and to always answer it thoughtfully and as completely as possible. From that day on we were never afraid to ask any question.

 

Alura

 

Thanks for the great advice.

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Guest

We are going to our first ever swinger's club tonight...SexxyMofo in Manhattan!! I can't wait. Not sure what will happen yet...probably just mingle and meet new people. I hope we both enjoy it!

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Good luck!!

 

Remember don't feel pressured to do anything that the two of haven't agreed to before you go. The club will still be there to take things further in the future.

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First off, :Welcome:.

 

I think it's important to not go into swinging with the idea that you are doing x in hopes to get to y. If you are simply sticking to the idea of bringing in another woman in hopes that once he gets what he wants he'll give you what you want, you may likely end up disappointed and resentful. That said, if bringing in another woman is an idea that you are just as into as he is, and you are ok with that being the limit of how far things go... then go for it and enjoy it. It's not impossible that he may not change his mind down the road, but it's just as likely that he won't. Also, remember that a swinging relationship requires an even higher level of communication and honesty than any other relationship, so be honest with him about your desires.

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Guest

I am definitely into being with a girl!! So, last night was fun...our first swinger party (off premise). We didn't meet anyone but it was nice to observe and have fun. I am looking forward to doing it again, except I would like to try an on premise party. It would be such a turn on to watch another sexy couple devouring each other! I did meet a couple online on a website who wants me to send some facial pics and meet for drinks. I will consider it but not sure if we will participate or not, depending how comfortable we feel with them. This is so new and exciting. My husband seems more open to trying new things, especially after visiting the club last night.

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Welcome. This Board is a great resource for you and him both.

 

But , your problem is not what it seems on the surface. The important prerequisite is comunication, and trust. Both of you need to freely communicate things you are interested in exploring , what you enjoy , what you're unsure about , and what totally skeeves . And all of those thing are constantly in flux , and need to be talked about before , after , and during if need be during and foray either playing , or in a club environment.

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Well, we had our first experience and loved it. We were both relaxed and comfortable. We cannot wait to try it again!

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Well, we had our first experience and loved it. We were both relaxed and comfortable. We cannot wait to try it again!

 

What happened? Tell us about it, please.

 

Alura

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