Am I in the right place? - new couple interested in only watching others

My wife and I were discussing fantasies and I am here trying to find out if what she asked for is something out there and if it would fall into the swinging lifestyle.

She asked me to find out if there is a way in which we as a couple could watch another couple have sex. She said the first time she would want us to stay clothed and watch another couple. She admitted that if she liked it she could see being naked and possibly having sex in the same room, but strickly no touching between couples.

Please no harsh responses. It is a real question and actually a very big step for us.

Thanks

First, welcome Bristol65. Very glad you are here Of course there are ways in which to watch and not play. Everyone enters this lifestyle in different ways and dipping your toes in rather than jumping in head first is not uncommon. A club I attend has several "voyeur rooms" meant for exactly that. Couples or playmates can enter and enjoy themselves and enjoy being watched from windows along the room. Going to a club would not mean you were obligated to join in, but might give you the experience you are looking for. I know of several couples who attend clubs regularly just to socialize, watch others and then in a private room (or even go home) and enjoy each other. What you described next is a soft swingers experience, in which you have same room sex with another couple with no exchange of partners. Very many people are comfortable with this arrangement as it lends an element of newness without crossing boundaries set by the couples.

Best to you in your discovery process!

We are not here for harsh responses and you'll find most here to be quite encouraging and the advise very helpful

We're a friendly bunch here, so there's no reason to worry you'll receive harsh responses.

There are a couple of different ways I can think of without straining that you can do to make this happen. You could join a swinger hook up site like SLS, fill out a profile and be clear that you just want to watch. You could visit a club that allows the clothed to observe the naked. You could talk to a couple you're friends with and enist them for your fantasy. You could go where it's legal and see a live sex show. Finally, you could watch amateur porn.

It might actually not be too difficult to find a couple for this, because exhibitionism isn't uncommon, but if you want to also find them attractive that might require some work on your part.

Glad to have you here with us!

What you are wanting isn't unusual at all, and as others have mentioned, there are several ways to make it happen. I'm a firm believer in if you want to find swingers, then go where the swingers go, so a club would be my first choice. All clubs are configured a little bit differently when it comes to the play areas, so just do some research and find one that is set up to be conducive to what you are after. The only thing I might add is to be prepared to politely decline and explain what your boundaries are if you are approached. I don't say that to at all mean you should expect a problem with aggressive people, since most swingers are very respectful of others and have a knack for reading people even without discussing in detail what they are up for, but you are in a swingers club after all so don't freak out if someone is flirting or extends an invitation to play. Just explain what you are after, and you'll most likely get a that's great, we like to do that too sometimes, and maybe even you will have met some new friends to help make it happen for you.

Hello, bristol65. WELCOME to The Swingersboard. I hope you find it all to be both fun and informative.

As has already pointed out, many swingers' clubs have rooms with windows or large rooms designed for watching or being watched. Not an unusual question.

Hello and welcome!! Seems you already have some great advice to consider:) Let us know if you have more questions...

I spoke with my wife at dinner tonight and thought I replied using the iphone. Guess not, I'll try again.

My wife was very shocked that what she asked me to investigate was actually considered part of the swinging lifestyle. I think that we both had negative connotations with the word "swinging" and she did not seem very interested in visiting a swinging club or taking a personal ad out. She did continue and ask some questions that I did not have answers to, so I would like to ask a few more questions from our conversation. This is why I tried to post from the iphone, I think I might have forgotten some of what we discussed. I'll do the best I can.

- What is a club experience like? What kind of people would you meet and talk to? Do you show up at a house? Is it fairly discreet?

- Are there primarily single men that go to the clubs? Are there couples only clubs that would fit into what I described earlier?

- Are there any websites, videos, or movies that are close to demonstrating what a real experience might be like? (Every Google search seems to take me to what seems like staged porn)

- How would we be able to discern what club would be best for us? Obviously were looking for a more mild club that has voyeur rooms that would be ok if we remained clothed at least the first time.

If you cannot tell, we are leaning to not visiting a club at this time, but we would like to make an informed decision and not one just on ignorance and fear.

Thanks again.

- What is a club experience like? What kind of people would you meet and talk to? Do you show up at a house? Is it fairly discreet?

I have only visited two clubs, but the two are vastly different (and in different cities/states). The first club we went to was a social club. Very laid back, lots of conversation, great people to get to know. The second club is more of a dance club where sex is allowed, too. It is very loud, lots of drinking, and not nearly as much getting to know people. It's fun, and great if you're interested in watching people, but not a great place to talk and see if you click with people - it's more physically based. Clubs aren't the same as house parties, so when you're heading to a club you are not showing up at a house. I've never had a discretion issue or heard of one in either of the areas I have visited clubs. Everyone is there for the same reason (sexual stimulation of some sort) and since most people are pretty discreet, I personally am not worried about it. House parties can be a bit more risky (from what I've read, anyway - I've only been to one) because of the legal issues - generally clubs are more careful about zoning laws, membership/fees, etc (I hope, anyway!). So if you are thinking about a house party, I would recommend making sure the host is reliable.

- Are there primarily single men that go to the clubs? Are there couples only clubs that would fit into what I described earlier?

Club #1 is couples only. Club #2 limits the number of single men to a specific ratio while single women are encouraged. The couples only club was very laid back and everyone was so friendly and understanding of various limits and desires. Depending on the night, you would find a ton of couples who would be interested in performing for you or doing same room sex, but on other nights you might find the club full of couples that just want to swap or be part of groups - it varies. The second club is full of people putting on shows, who don't even really notice if people are watching or not. It is much more anonymous, so more than likely you would be able to watch and have sex just the two of you without anyone caring.

- Are there any websites, videos, or movies that are close to demonstrating what a real experience might be like? (Every Google search seems to take me to what seems like staged porn)

Not that I'm aware of - I'd love to see it, though! Most clubs and parties don't allow photography or video (okay, all clubs that I know of and the only parties that make exceptions are the ones that are for specific groups that plays together regularly).

- How would we be able to discern what club would be best for us? Obviously were looking for a more mild club that has voyeur rooms that would be ok if we remained clothed at least the first time.

There is a clubs listing/reviews section on the board; I'd recommend checking there. Other than that, search "swing clubs in (your city)." Swinglifestyle.com also has a clubs listing, and some clubs post special event/theme nights on that site as well. If you can't find anything using either of those methods, I would try posting an ad on craigslist asking for information to see if anyone will help you. Sometimes the clubs are so stealthy you can only find out about them from word of mouth!

If you cannot tell, we are leaning to not visiting a club at this time, but we would like to make an informed decision and not one just on ignorance and fear.

Thanks again.

I think it's awesome that you two are talking this through and asking questions. Even if clubs aren't for you, it's neat to hear about the atmosphere, I think.

Every club has a different feel. Some are in private homes, others in much larger spaces. Some have been around for more than 30 years and others just opened this past spring. They all have a few common rules, mostly around "no means no," and you meet a wide variety of people there. We all generally look refreshingly normal, although some of the clothing can be a bit racy. We're your neighbors, maybe your friends and it's rarely possible to tell by looking who is and who is not a swinger. We are doctors, nurses, carpenters, teachers, personal trainers, boat captains, CPAs, investment bankers, engineers.

Clubs generally offer spaces in which to socialize, often a pool or hot tub, playrooms, some private, some public. The one we attend serves a fairly fancy dinner as well as appetizers and a midnight snack. Alcohol is usually limited to beer and wine in ours, others have a BYOB policy and still others have bartenders and a cash bar.

The clubs in private houses aren't particularly discreet, because there generally are neighbors, but each club is different. Ours has a giant walled parking lot and locking gates, so it's quite private.

There are clubs that only cater to couples and single women, others that limit single men, and still others who admit everyone. Your best bet for locating a club that suits you is to research all in your area and then email them with just a few questions about whether you can remain clothed while engaging your desire to be voyeurs. Swing club owners and managers, so long as you don't send in dozens of questions, are happy to help. In terms of mildness vs. wildness, except for public sex and open nudity, swing clubs are a whole lot less wild than some bars I've been to, so long as you avoid the big parties like Halloween and New Year's Eve.

I'm not a big fan of porn, but RedTube does have a subcategory for amateur porn and that's probably a good place to start. Also, I just checked Babeland's website (their reviews are pretty trustworthy) and they have a film called "Feeling It! Not Faking It" that they recommend.

Swinging isn't for everyone, so if you never visit a club it'll still be fine. There are other ways to explore your fantasy.

- What is a club experience like? What kind of people would you meet and talk to? Do you show up at a house? Is it fairly discreet?

- Are there primarily single men that go to the clubs? Are there couples only clubs that would fit into what I described earlier?

- Are there any websites, videos, or movies that are close to demonstrating what a real experience might be like? (Every Google search seems to take me to what seems like staged porn)

- How would we be able to discern what club would be best for us? Obviously were looking for a more mild club that has voyeur rooms that would be ok if we remained clothed at least the first time.

The clubs we go to are basically sexy dance clubs with a dance floor surrounded by tables in one part of the club, and play areas in another part. The experience is what you make of it. If first time out, you want to just find a dark corner table and keep to yourselves to just watch and get a feel for things, then you probably could go all night without speaking to anyone other than each other if that is what you want. The level of interaction with others is for the most part up to you. If you do choose to spend some time introducing yourselves and talking to others, you'll probably be surprised to find out how exceedingly normal most swingers are with jobs, kids, mortgages to pay, etc. just like everyone else. The big clubs that have been around for a while are a business and are run as such, so you can count on them to be just more professionally operated in general. House parties are the only part of swinging we haven't experienced yet, so no direct experience there to share, but along with the good of kind of being more casual run affairs come some potential bad too.

Single males are handled differently at each club. One we go to allows single males, but only in certain limited common areas, and to get beyond that they have to be escorted by a couple. Another we go to is couples only on certain nights of the week, say Saturdays.

Not that I know of on the websites. Search "swinger porn" or whatever and 99+% of what you see is just your run of the mill amateur porn. Occasionally you might see a pic or something that the experienced eye will recognize as probably the real deal, but for most swingers, cameras aren't something they want to have anywhere around where they are playing, so most of it is fake.

What club is best? Just take all the input you have received and develop a filter and start researching clubs online and that should narrow it down to a good fit, maybe more than one.

All clubs are slightly different. We've been to 3 in Ohio and one in Pennsylvania. Most are like dance clubs where nudity and sex are allowed. Except for one club that was quite seedy, we encounter very few single guys. The clubs we go to would be very easy for you to fulfill your fantasy of watching people have sex while you keep your clothes on. People at swing clubs are just like everyone else you encounter in day to day life. All ages and body types. Most of us are just normal people with extraordinary marriages who like to have fun.

You could post your location in the clubs and resorts section and people will tell you about clubs they know there.

We have watched some swinger porn. It is not very realistic, because it is sex for the camera, not sex for pleasure like our friends and us enjoy.

I absolutely love going to the club! It is such a fun, adult time. You should consider going a couple times and to different clubs in your area if that's an option. The first one we went to was not so great. It took a year before we went to another. I'm so glad we tried again and sorry we waited so long, because the second club was great for us. Evenso, the first time is kind of nerve-wracking and it can be hard to talk to people. So, try again before you make a final decision on whether clubs are right for you. We've met a lot of nice people and have had great sex by ourselves and with friends there. We almost always play in the open areas, so if you came to our club you could watch us with your clothes on and we wouldn't mind a bit.

Thanks for your good questions! Look forward to hearing more from you!

We have discussed it and we are not going to be visiting a club at this time. We're just not ready to take the next step, yet. Even though, we are looking for clubs that would at least limit single males, have something like a voyeur room, and allows watching while remaining clothed just in case we feel differently later. We have been searching the websites mentioned on this thread, the club section, and the Internet but we can't seem to determine if a club is for us. Are the replying posters allowed to recommend clubs to newbies like us? We live in Upland, Ca. She is mid thirties and I just turned 40. We might prefer to travel just out of our community for our first time, but not for hours. We also might be in Vegas this Winter if that is a better option for us.

Thanks again for all the helpful information.

Welcome. We are a couple from Long Beach. Don't know of anything local, but you are not too far from Vegas (your location said you were in the IE) you can try the Red Rooster there. There you can watch, be watched, or share (if you find the right couple) Friday and Saturday nights are best.

Good luck, and lets the board know about your success or failure in your adventure.

- What is a club experience like? What kind of people would you meet and talk to? Do you show up at a house? Is it fairly discreet?

- Are there primarily single men that go to the clubs? Are there couples only clubs that would fit into what I described earlier?

- Are there any websites, videos, or movies that are close to demonstrating what a real experience might be like? (Every Google search seems to take me to what seems like staged porn)

- How would we be able to discern what club would be best for us? Obviously were looking for a more mild club that has voyeur rooms that would be ok if we remained clothed at least the first time.

clubs are different and different even on different nights, simple because different people are there. Unless you find a hotties only, you will see the same people you see in a mall without anyone under 21. Most are at houses but a few are not. One north of San Bernardino is big but not anyones home. Most are discreet.

There are clubs that allow pretty close to unlimited single guys, others that limit the number and many that allow no single men in the door. couples only or couples and single ladies only. Many of the clubs do not allow street clothes past a certain point although some do, you will have to read their web sites and ask that question when you call to talk about going to a party.

websites: look at the clubs links here or at a hook up site like swinglifestyle. Some have pics, some don't.

Let the hosts know you want to stay dressed. They may say they allow it or you have have to wear something else. Ask about a voyeur room.

Oh and welcome!

our first step into swinging was to visit a club a couple hours from home, just to see what swingers were like, and hopefully not run into anyone we knew.

the club we visited was an off premises club meaning it was primarily set up to meet people, dance and have a good time but if you find a cple to play with, you would go elsewhere or get a hotel room to play and you only do what you are ready for. The club we visited did everything possible to ensure you had a safe and fun evening whether you play or not. If you can contact the club owners ahead of time they will let you know pretty much what you can expect and what rules they have.

What we discovered, most swingers are pretty normal couples with no crazy attitudes. There are a few very wild cples out there but most are pretty easy going and willing to work with what you are okay with.

I have a perfect solution for you... well except it is in Miami. LOL

MV has the red room, fully clothed and people play and watch. We personally like the private rooms but if you want to watch 70% of the people there are clothed and watching.

You should go on a night with an expected large crowd to ensure the room is active, also if you are concerned about SM go when it is couple only.

Long drive for you though. LOL If you go there are tons of ways to get free membership for club and very low door entry.