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  1. #201

    Default Re: How long have you been thinking about/ discussing swinging?

    We have been involved in the LS for 5+ years. However, it really was not until we had been married for 22 years and in our early forties (yes, we married young)that we started the discussion on getting together with others. Actually, we both admit that we had been having thoughts on our own of what it would be like to have sex with others for a couple years. But,it was my wife that initiated things when she told me one day that she wondered what it would be like to have sex with another man after it had just been her and I for 20+ years. Needless to say, after all the years together, sex had started to become a little bit mundane and routine for us both. It was a bit of a surprise but it was the spark that started us on our journey over the past 6 years.

    At first, my wife started chatting with a guy from Australia on one of the chat sites. As the weeks went by, things between the two of them in chat got more heated and they started to sex chat, which in turn sparked a new flavour in sex between my wife an I. Normally, after chatting late at night she would come to bed and tell me about their sex talk and we would end up having incredible sex ourselves each time. This progressed with us discussing being with others while having sex and this even got things more stimulating between us. This "first step" continued for approximately 6 months.

    The next step happened when we decided to visit a LS club on a trip to Florida late that year. Even though we did not get involved with anyone at the club, we did meet a nice couple and had a great evening chatting, dancing, and enjoying drinks. Plus, the couple pointed us in the direction of signing up for an adult website in order to meet people. Needless to say, this sparked our curiosity for the remainder of our trip to Florida and left us having great sex and discussing naughty thoughts.

    Upon returning from our trip that year, we did join one of the adult websites and began chatting with some couples. Being totally green, we did not know what to expect. Unfortunately, our first meet was site unseen and turned out to be a bit of disaster. Even though we were a bit turned off from the first meet, we persevered and managed to have a great meet with our second couple.

    Up to this point, we have never looked back and have continued to enjoy ourselves and the dynamic of our own sex life with others. Yes, we have meet couples that we have not connected with or with who we never became involved with. But we have had some great experiences with couples and have realized that we really enjoy the MFM threesome as I enjoy sharing my wife with another guy, and my wife enjoys the attention of two guys.

    Even though we may have taken the cautious approach, we have enjoyed ourselves. We have even taken in a clothing optional resort as a different dynamic and are looking forward to doing it again.

    We continue to look forward to things developing from here.


  2. #202

    Default Re: How long have you been thinking about/ discussing swinging?

    I looking forward to this new adventure with my baby. I get bored easily and it takes a creative man to keep my interest. This by far tops the list right now. I'm a very outgoing flirt that loves exhibition that leads to hot sex. So from Dec. Of last year till now I've just been retaining all the knowledge that is available to me.

  3. #203

    Default Re: How long have you been thinking about/ discussing swinging?

    Is there any women from plymouth looking for some NSA fun I'm a 21 year old guy looking for a good time

  4. #204

    Default Re: How long have you been thinking about/ discussing swinging?

    For me, it was from day one when I met my husband-to-be David since I was still screwing my ex-fiance. David knew from day one.


    It took two years of me thinking about it (no talk) before I sprung another woman on hubby.

  5. #205

    Default Re: How long have you been thinking about/ discussing swinging?

    I thought about it near 2 years, before I tell my wife about it. She agreed to try and everything starts.

  6. #206

    Default Re: How long have you been thinking about/ discussing swinging?

    My wife has n agreed to swing with anyone else yet but she has agreed to go to a swinger club. I'm looking for a club in Indianapolis,In area. Can someone tell me what clubs are in that surrounding area preferably with an older crowd. Thanks Joe

  7. #207
    Stayingactive
    Guest Stayingactive's Avatar

    Default Re: How long have you been thinking about/ discussing swinging?

    We have been researching, learning about, listening to others and reading about the lifestyle for a couple years. We have met a couple couples out for dinner and had some great conversations as a group. We even had a second outing with another couple where the four of us visited an adult toy shop and had a great time perusing the store and discussing the toys and sexual likes and dislikes. We have had some electronic discussions with couples, single men and one single lady. Undortunately with the men we have come in contact with they all seem to struggle taking it easy, instead they become sexually aggressive quickly and that turns my wife off so we have not had a first experience with another couple yet. She is a very sensual woman and derives her excitement, arousal and pleasure from sexy erotic talk that builds her comfort & trust. These men start right in with how they want to deep throat her and all the things they want her to do to them vs how they could bring her pleasure too. She has even told them itís the sensual approach that gets her going but they canít seem to restrain themselves from taking the aggressive approach.

    We know not all men in the lifestyle are like that so we will keep looking for a good connection and fish in better waters. Just wanted to represent that is what has held us back from actually doing anything and give some advice to the men out there....listen to the wife of the other couple because many times she will give you the tips to get her aroused and attracted with you. Donít miss the cues gentleman.

  8. #208

    Default Re: How long have you been thinking about/ discussing swinging?

    She is a very sensual woman and derives her excitement, arousal and pleasure from sexy erotic talk that builds her comfort & trust.
    We wish you lived closer! The sex shop trip sounded HOT (we may have to try that)! It isn't always the destination...getting there should be just as much fun. Taking the time and enjoying the ride. Keep looking and stick to your guns, there's a couple out there for you. They might be hard to find, but it will be worth it once you do find them.

    These men start right in with how they want to deep throat her and all the things they want her
    Maybe we don't get it, but this is just rude. Not all women are into or able to deep throat and Mr. Gold would never ask (let alone tell) another woman that he wanted or expected this. We both accept what someone is willing to give and appreciate the gesture, and would NEVER TELL someone what is expected from them. Move on and find a better match. Let us know how things go for you and good luck!
    If you donít have to lie about sex, you donít have to lie about anything. - John Williamson

  9. #209
    Stayingactive
    Guest Stayingactive's Avatar

    Default Re: How long have you been thinking about/ discussing swinging?

    Thank you so much Mrs Gold. We appreciate the response and feedback. Sometimes I think it is me, Mrs Stayingactive here, and maybe the type of experience that would be a good fit for us isnít out there. Reading all the posts and hearing other peopleís great experience tells me itís our there and we do have to just keep looking.

    The toy store trip was fun. We go as a couple from time to time on our own and I have periodic ďbreakfast and toy store morningĒ with my best friend but going with someone in the lifestyle was fun. We enjoyed walking around and discussing the toys we all own and what our likes and dislikes are. Unfortunately at one point when the husband had me alone thatís when he showed me some type of numbing cream and explained I should get that and put it in my throat so he could deep throat me really hard. Thatís when my interest dropped and the sexiness of the date left. It was too bad as the wife was wonderful and there was a connection between her and I as well as her and my husband. But her husband had turned me off and my husband was not trusting of him after I told him the story. For us it is about a safe comfortable experience and a connection with the couple or singles. Weíd love to do a date like that again as over all it was a fun outing. :-)

    Sounds like Mr Gold is a respectful gentleman and we hope to find people like that someday. We know we will. Donít get me wrong, I love sex and when turned on will have some wonderful sexual experiences and I am not afraid of some exploration, but after I am turned on, and the path to turned on for me is sensual, erotic and respectful. That type of man will get my juices flowing every time. :-)

    Thank you so much for your words of affirmation and encouragement. We will keep looking and excited for the situation where we do find the right fit. Nice to meet you too.


  10. #210

    Default Re: How long have you been thinking about/ discussing swinging?

    The right couple is out there, they can just be hard to locate. Remember how hard it was to find another guy that you connected with? Now try and make that happen but in a four way match. Not easy, but when it does happen, it can be explosive! Just keep looking and if a couple isn't right, move on...don't waste more time hoping that they might someday be. Also know that there are still gentlemen in the world and Mr. Gold is definitely one of them. Not too many left, which is why I share with with others

    Love the avatar picture! We wish you success and hope you will let us know when you find it...and if you are ever out California way we need to do dinner.
    If you donít have to lie about sex, you donít have to lie about anything. - John Williamson

  11. #211

    Default Re: How long have you been thinking about/ discussing swinging?

    We talked about it from our first date. We had both been the single in threesomes. That was the extent that he had experience. İ on the other hand had been in a foursome and fivesome on a fairly regular basis. İ also made sure that he knew i was serious about it and i wanted to make sure he could handle it past the stage of only threesomes. On our second date i took him to a swingers club that of course he had no idea existed. On our first date it was a short, sweet kiss and that was it. On our second date when we walked in to the club the owner came and kissed me. He signed all of his membership papers, we took him on a tour of the club(he had never been in one). When we finished i excused myself to change. İ walked out with a thong and 6"stiletto's which made me over 6' tall. He was shocked. Then i got a full body painting done by an artist there. Made it into his portfolio too. Then my friend the owner and a really close friend tied me to the St. Andrew's Cross and both whipped me for about 30 minutes til the welt stage. İ was so relaxed after that and the others that had been watching were so worked up that everyone was fucking on the furniture right by us. İ gave both of my Dom's a kiss, took my date by the hand and brought him to a semi-private room(wasn't sure if he could handle people watching or not. Needless to say when we got to the room he was ready. Best sex of my life. We have been together every since. We have gone on trips all over the US to swingers clubs but our favorite is our local one ten minutes from our home. So we have been swingers from day one.

  12. #212

    Default Re: How long have you been thinking about/ discussing swinging?

    It's been a fantasy of mine for a long time & I never knew my partner was cool with it until yesterday. If anyone has suggestions on what the rules or boundaries are let me know,thanks

  13. #213

    Default Re: How long have you been thinking about/ discussing swinging?

    Read the forums and search (search is your friend) for 'rules'. There's plenty of threads talking about setting rules and boundaries.
    If you donít have to lie about sex, you donít have to lie about anything. - John Williamson

  14. #214

    Default Re: How long have you been thinking about/ discussing swinging?

    We've been together for over 25 years and we've been playing with the swinging/swapping fantasy in several forms for probably 18 years, although it has to be said that actually planning on doing it has only really evolved over the last 3 years?

  15. #215

    Default Re: How long have you been thinking about/ discussing swinging?

    We've been friends for 20 years and married for 17. We started exploring kink five years ago and had our first threesomes with another man three years ago. MFM has been our go to non-monogamy to date. Its only the last year we've discussed swinging with other couples, and only the past month or so that we've started actively looking.

  16. #216

    Default Re: How long have you been thinking about/ discussing swinging?

    4 days, lol

    Married young, and for a number of years and we were both virgins. Sex was good, but vanilla, not a very passionate marriage. I've been out of the marriage for a couple of years and don't know that I want to start dating yet, but man, I want to make up for 'lost time' so to speak.

    Had coffee recently with a friend, and mentioned I've been dreaming about making out with strangers, literally. That's when she suggested a swingers club. She explained the pros of it and the advantages of being a single female. Everything she said just made sense. Started researching and haven't stopped yet...

  17. #217

    Default Re: How long have you been thinking about/ discussing swinging?

    Unicorns don't exist

    (something more to research...)
    If you donít have to lie about sex, you donít have to lie about anything. - John Williamson


  18. #218

    Default Re: How long have you been thinking about/ discussing swinging?

    That's really cool. Also it's great to hear your wife survived breast cancer. My wife and I have also been discussing swinging for only a few months. It was really just sex tall but now we have been talking about it during the day with our cloths on lol.

  19. #219

    Default Re: How long have you been thinking about/ discussing swinging?

    I have a couple questions about how to get started. So. I havent asked my SO about playing around with another yet. But once we get past that step, how can we take the next? I personally wanted to invite a 3rd in (woman) and see where this leads from there. I prefer for it to be amiable but not a personal friend. How can you meet people willing to play? I know everyone says a club but we were thinking about someone somewhat local and not in another state. :/ Ideas?

  20. #220

    Default Re: How long have you been thinking about/ discussing swinging?

    Finding a woman in the L/S is not easy but no impossible (where finding a single guy is impossible to avoid even if you say you aren't looking for single guys). We also don't recommend friends since they usually aren't 'prepared' with the emotions and potential drama that could come from such an arrangement (some will tell you otherwise, but this is our beliefs). On line is probably the best place (see Find Swingers at top of page), but be prepared for some work. Single women in the L/S are called unicorns for a reason (unicorns are usually easier to find), finding a bisexual single woman...well they are called 'golden unicorns'. They ARE out there, but usually it is just easier to find another couple than finding a woman. Don't rule out clubs, though, you can use all the avenues you can find. If you are prepared to do the work and invest the time, you can find one, just realize that it is going to be a chore. Good luck
    If you donít have to lie about sex, you donít have to lie about anything. - John Williamson

  21. #221

    Default Re: How long have you been thinking about/ discussing swinging?

    There's a lot of interesting stories here.

    As to my wife and I, I think that we've actually been discussing it in code for the better part of our marriage (so, close to 20 years). As to discussing the idea in less abstract terms, well... it all started with me asking my wife what her deepest darkest sexual fantasies were. Upon being asked about her fantasies my wife basically gave a very generic "romantic sex" answer, but then insinuated that there may be more things but she was too embarrassed.

    I like writing, so I decided to write erotic literature for her, mainly to open up a surrogate dialog and help her not feel embarrassed. Basically I tried to guess at what her fantasies were and and wrote sort of scattershot, refining the stories with each "review" my wife gave. It quickly became very apparent that she had exhibitionist fantasies that slanted heavily towards gang bangs, light humiliation, putting on a show, and sex with strangers in unconventional places. So for fun I decided to write her a sexual questionnaire with 60+ multiple-choice questions, and then set aside some time to have a very frank very open conversation regarding her turn-ons. After the dust settled and all the cards were on the table we both realized that she had a wild exhibitionist kink, and I had a pretty substantial voyeuristic fetish... It was like two pieces just went click.

    The linchpin to the conversation was one single moment, where she looked at me and said "you don't really want to watch a stranger slide his cock in me do you?" She said it with a sort of wide-eyed look that said, and with a vernacular that said, if you say yes I'm going to confess everything that has ever turned me on. There was a long pause, and I scooted in close to her and told her if it turned her on I would absolutely watch her do that.

    And we were off to the races, she basically had to steady herself on the furniture in order to regain composure and continue the conversation

    A few of her more prevalent fantasies, meaning ones that she had given serious consideration making a reality (i.e. talking to me about the possibility of making it happen) where the mfm threesome, a gang bang situation, putting on a show with observers present, and more than a passing curiosity at goings-on in sex clubs and swinger parties. I was both floored and not surprised at the same time. Not surprised as I knew she definitely had a kinky streak, especially the things that she would talk about when she had been drinking. But floored at her frank honesty regarding being curious at the possibility of making these things a reality.

    Her main fear was that I would be angry and judgmental, as I tend to be a little judgmental sometimes. Or that confessing any of this would drive us apart in any way, as all her fantasies revolved around US, rather than just her (she wanted me to be into it)
    I basically told her in no uncertain terms that the idea of winding her up and watching her go was a massive turn on, and nothing that she had said was either shocking or upsetting.

    This conversation stands as probably one of the most amazingly erotic events of my life.

    Oh, and hilariously, I ended up compiling all of the short stories into a series of small books and started selling them on Amazon. Which added a nice exhibitionist turn on for my wife because they were all about her.

    I'm not sure that there is anything better than finding out that your partner is as kinky as you.

  22. #222

    Default Re: How long have you been thinking about/ discussing swinging?

    It's a man's world. That is what the swinging world is about. One sided as hell. Basically the women are selling the couple. Give me a break, we have evoluted down to this? What's in it for the females? We can get any guy age 20 and over why engage in this lifestyle?

  23. #223
    Swingers Board Guide SW_PA_Couple's Avatar
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    SW_PA_COUPLE

    Default Re: How long have you been thinking about/ discussing swinging?

    Quote Originally Posted by parabola View Post
    It's a man's world. That is what the swinging world is about. One sided as hell. Basically the women are selling the couple. Give me a break, we have evoluted down to this? What's in it for the females? We can get any guy age 20 and over why engage in this lifestyle?
    You situation is very apparently making you bitter. I do not know that it would make you feel any better for me to say that the world of swing in which my wife and I live is different from the world you describe.

    I have paid attention to your earlier posts. You need to straighten things with your husband.

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