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  • Review of "The Game" and "Rules of the Game" by Neil Strauss

    The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pick-Up Artists and Rules of the Game are two books by author and journalist Neil Strauss, based on his experience with the pick-up artist community. The Game is his story as he explored the community falling head first into the deep end, while Rules of the Game is more of the how-to manual written after he went from novice to expert.

    The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pick-Up Artists is a true story of the "pick-up artist" community, written by a journalist who found himself immersed in the community. He wanted to learn how to approach women, so he explored this society meeting various "experts" within it and learning all he could about each of their styles. Each "expert" had their own unique way of "picking up" women and Neil's goal became to learn as much as he could and take what he felt applied to him and apply it to himself. In doing so, he became an expert himself, going on to co-teach seminars in the subject, as well as to write this book.

    The Game is not a how-to manual, but there is plenty of advice that can be gleaned from it. The Game is more of a biography of his experiences within this society and those that he met while exploring it. Reading it, as a swinger, you can't help but think about how some of the same ideas that are being used in the "pick-up" community can be applied to swinging. You also realize as you read it that it's not nearly so much about "hey baby wanna fuck?" as it is about the simple art of communication, and building your confidence so that you can approach and talk to strangers, anywhere, anytime for any reason.

    Rules of the Game is the "how-to" manual that Strauss wrote as a follow-up. It takes the whole process and breaks it down into a thirty day program, from the basics of taking control of your appearance in order to improve confidence to baby steps of talking to strangers in various situations, and moving onto more advanced concepts like reading and giving IOIs (Indicators of Interest), how to "open" groups of two or more people, and so on. The idea is to do follow this manual on a daily basis, doing each day in order and not doing the next until you've completed the previous. Interspersed throughout the book are "homework" readings on various topics like psychology, body language, confidence, etc all that apply to the individual assignments for that day.

    Overall, both of these books contain a great amount of real information that can be applied to the swinger lifestyle and to moving yourself from the situation of being unconfident and uncomfortable, hugging the walls in social settings, to the ability to approach anyone anywhere. These are real steps, that are valid and relevant. It's not a "game" that you read through and think that it's too silly to bother with. Reading The Game actually gives you a very different outlook on the "pick-up artist" subculture than you likely had prior to picking up the book, much in the same way that your opinion about swinging likely changed after you started exploring it. Reading Rules of the Game gives you the guidance to take the next steps so that you can confidently approach people, even if you aren't interested in hooking up with them.

    Both books are well worth the read for anyone who swings, and even more so for anyone trying to get a better idea of how to comfortably talk to strangers, in a swinging environment or not. The books are entertaining, and informative and well worth the price.
    Comments 10 Comments
    1. NealnAnji's Avatar
      NealnAnji -
      Sounds like as swingers these are book all of us can use to approach a woman and seduce her into playing with you to have sex. Once the female is on board it should be easy to get her hubby on board to do a full swing for all sexual activities, up to, and, including intercourse with each other's mate.

      Let us see if we can find these books in our public library.
    1. JustAskJulie's Avatar
      JustAskJulie -
      I think seduce is really the wrong word in many contexts. The books have a lot of info that would be helpful for anyone approaching anyone (male, female, groups), a good bit of psychology, body language, group dynamics and a lot more. The whole concept behind the books is much deeper than one would think from the stereotype of "pick-up artist".
    1. Chicup's Avatar
      Chicup -
      I read most of The Game, and it's pretty interesting. I think I applies to swinging but less then the "open" market.

      In a lot of ways it's a way to teach dorky guys to act less like a dork

      I'll also be reading The Rules of the Game, so thanks for reminding me, just downloaded it
    1. Chicup's Avatar
      Chicup -
      Ok I just read The Rules of the Game, and did it of course against the "rules" by reading the whole thing.

      I think for swinging there is a good deal of useful information. It is based really on taking a complete sad sack and making them date-able, so a lot of it won't apply. The swinging dynamic is such that what works for dating where the woman is looking for a relationship is going to be a bit different in swinging.

      For example, the day where he talks about when you say X the women is thinking you want to give her the dick. In swinging, ideally, that's exactly what she will be thinking and it's not a negative reaction.

      It's still useful though.
    1. JustAskJulie's Avatar
      JustAskJulie -
      I never said it was 100%! Obviously it's not written for stingers but I think with an open mind there's a lot of applicable material or material that can be used in different ways. I also read "rules" straight through. I don't think most stingers need to try to do the day by day reading as instructed, but it might be helpful for those with the worst cases of social phobia and awkwardness.
    1. Chicup's Avatar
      Chicup -
      Quote Originally Posted by JustAskJulie View Post
      I never said it was 100%! Obviously it's not written for stingers but I think with an open mind there's a lot of applicable material or material that can be used in different ways. I also read "rules" straight through. I don't think most stingers need to try to do the day by day reading as instructed, but it might be helpful for those with the worst cases of social phobia and awkwardness.
      Oh I know, and I got some useful tricks out of the game I read right before our second swingers cruise and I used some of them. I can't say if they helped or not but they didn't hurt.

      I think the best take home message for guys in the books is to examine your behavior, understand how the "other side" sees you, and understand you can change your behavior and still be yourself. You don't need to lie about what you do, to impress women.
    1. NealnAnji's Avatar
      NealnAnji -
      Quote Originally Posted by JustAskJulie View Post
      I think seduce is really the wrong word in many contexts. The books have a lot of info that would be helpful for anyone approaching anyone (male, female, groups), a good bit of psychology, body language, group dynamics and a lot more. The whole concept behind the books is much deeper than one would think from the stereotype of "pick-up artist".
      Julie:

      Almost finished reading "The Game" and quickly browsed through "The Rules of the Game". The Game is really a fascinating book. It is about human relationships, psychology, meeting strangers and much more. At the same time it is a fascinating story about the author's journey into the pickup community to learn and then become an expert in picking up numerous women at will, and, then having sex with every one of them. As young men in college, and, then into the real world, we have (and we presume most of the members of the Board) have used similar techniques to pick up girls, play with, and, then have sex with the girls. By comparison, our techniques were very rudimentary but did produce results, i.e., we were able to pick up, date and fuck most of the girls that were willing, and, were open to and eager to have sex. As the author says, looks, money, fancy cars are of secondary importance. Very true. Some of those in the lifestyle community might object to the techniques used by the pick-up artists as devious. However, to our mind all the techniques used by the PUA's to lure the female are above-board with no deception is involved. And, as the author implies the male is not deceiving the female into having sex with him. It is the female who wants to have sex with the guy in the first place. PUA is just the facilitator in the game.

      All in all, the book is a must read for everyone whether you are into swinging or not. If you are into swinging, it will facilitate finding other couples to play with and also finding the unattached females to have sex with, the elusive Unicorn. All in all, if you follow, and, appropriately modify the techniques used by the author and other PUA's you will be able to enrich your social life and perhaps facilitate having sex with another woman regardless of whether or not she is young, old, married or single.
    1. kikonkrome's Avatar
      kikonkrome -
      So I read 'The Game' years ago. I also kicked around the PUA community for a while. I certainly used some of the rudimentary techniques before I met my wife (with success). I am pretty slowly working on the 'Rules of the Game' as a lot of it I have already heard/read. I definitely use their basic techniques now (mostly for my self psychology). I have definitely used their techniques in my marriage. We have had a few unicorn experiences and are working on some other experiences. I really don't see what the big deal is with the unicorn thing, but maybe it because I read this stuff and made it a part of myself. It's really hard to define what is 'just for swinging' and what is not. Some of it is DEFINITELY NOT for swinging. Still I would highly recommend the read for any couple.
    1. SwingAcademic's Avatar
      SwingAcademic -
      Can someone elaborate on what sorts of things make "The Game" and "The Rules of the Game" better than other PUA materials? I personally have trouble reading PUA stuff without getting severely annoyed, because it all seems to be geared towards how to turn men into better liars. Then the woman sleeps with one of these liars or gets into a relationship with him, things inevitably go wrong, and then not only is she mad at the liar, she's mad at honest, decent men as well.
    1. kikonkrome's Avatar
      kikonkrome -
      Quote Originally Posted by SwingAcademic View Post
      Can someone elaborate on what sorts of things make "The Game" and "The Rules of the Game" better than other PUA materials? I personally have trouble reading PUA stuff without getting severely annoyed, because it all seems to be geared towards how to turn men into better liars. Then the woman sleeps with one of these liars or gets into a relationship with him, things inevitably go wrong, and then not only is she mad at the liar, she's mad at honest, decent men as well.
      I don't really understand why you have that view. Why do you have to lie? Why are they liars? All the PUA stuff I have ever read has stressed don't bother lying. I agree with that. It does stress changing yourself for the better.it also stresses taking control over your own life and results, and I will admit a lot of people are not in a good place for that.
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