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shywife

I feel left out - I seem to be an unimportant factor

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Hubby was interested in swinging... I SLOWLY came around, believing that if this was something we shared TOGETHER COMPETELY, then it was really about us having an erotic encounter TOGETHER that could not be achieved any other way, instead of being about the two of us screwing other people.

 

Hubby seems content cruising the sites and fantasizing without sharing this info with me. What I mean by that is that yes, I know he's on the board, but I do not know when, for how long, what he does while there, etc. He does not share any of this unless I SPECIFICALLY ask. When I do ask, he mostly says he "can't remember" any posts, etc. He did recently volunteer that he read a story on one of the sites that got him "hot," but he didn't elaborate or share anything more than that. I feel left out - I seem to be an unimportant factor in the equation.

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Before you became interested in swinging, he was probably still browsing sites and fantasizing. I do plenty of stuff online (like responding to this post) that I probably won't tell my hubby about. Not because I'm hiding something from him, but it's something I'm doing on my time that doesn't really affect him and really doesn't affect me. Kind of like checking my email, I just do it. Now if I were talking to a couple we could meet, I would tell him about that because it would affect both of us. It seems you are still new to the idea of swinging and he may not be sure what you are comfortable talking about, or he may simply be used to not talking about it and not know how to verbalize his fantasies. The more my hubby and I experience sexually, the easier it is becoming for us to talk about what we like, what we don't, and what we fantasize about. Before he wasn't even comfortable watching porn in the same room as me, now we sleep with other couples and talk about who did what well.

 

If you're uncomfortable with what your husband is doing, tell him so. He probably doesn't realize that you want to be included or that you feel that the relationship is between him and the computer, instead of the three of you.

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Guest Fringeswinger

I'm confused (not unusual). In another post you said you have swung with him in MFM several times. Did he just quit on you and now only wants to read and post to the board?

 

If it was early in the game and you were just starting to talk about it I would say he is still a little shy and embarrassed about his desires (like me). But if you have done several threesomes before, I can't understand why he would all of a sudden regress. I mean, after you go all the way like that, what is there left to hide??? With the little info I have, something doesn't sound right. please explain.

 

Bill

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This is a very interesting observation. The original post could very closely describe the communication patterns between my wife and me. I enjoy the email flirting and cybersex. And while the pleasure for me is very real, it's also very short-term - there's no desire to remember anything other than the smiles. The next cyber-encounter will bring a fresh smile.

 

As a side note - for me, movies (DVD or at the theater) also get the short-term memory effect. I think it makes the movie more enjoyable enjoyable the next time I see it.

 

Make a date to sit in his lap and read the emails together - we've had some fun with that.

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shywife,

Talk to him. Let him know that the 'togetherness' aspect of play starts with the surfing, and tell him you're feeling a little left out. I expect he's getting some short-term pleasure from the computer foreplay, and might be a little embarrassed. Or he may not realize it counts as part of play, at least for you. The two of you need to have a conversation around how you're feeling, and his desires. Then perhaps you can get a point where you're sitting in his lap and you're reading the emails or watching porn together. I hope everything works out.

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I'd offer a suggestion that its best not to worry too much about it. If you look around the forum you'll notice a common thread that comes up pertains to Husbands trying to get their wives more involved. There are a lot of men that fantasize about taking part in the lifestyle. Some lurk, some take part in the conversations, some try to make friends, and its doubtful that they think too much about sharing everything with their spouses. Some most likely have been given the role of doing the "net scouting" by their spouse as well. Chances are his time on here was actually pretty innocuous and he meant no harm to you.

 

Surfing the net for info is a good way to start and talking to him to let him know you want to be involved is probably the best suggestion any of us can make. :)

 

Good luck!

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Yes, I am still pretty new to all of this, but we have had a couple of MFM's and both enjoyed them. What made me comfortable with the concept of "swinging," be it threesomes with another man to full blown swapping with another couple, was the idea that this was about US and an erotic experience that we would share TOGETHER, as well as the honest and open communication we once had that included everything, even the seemingly insignificant.

 

My husband has been very open about his fantasies - we seem to be able to talk about all that just fine. However, when it comes to the websites, there is no communication unless I specifically ask, and again, I get the "I don't remember" statement. When I have been on the sites, I have always told him and shared things I read or whether I chatted, etc. I have asked - repeatedly - for him to do the same, but his response is that I should just assume he's on everyday. Again, that's not "sharing" the experience - that's him doing his thing without regard for me and my desire to be included. And yes, I have repeatedly told him I feel left out and unimportant.

 

I do not understand his desire to be on the boards fantasizing about all of this, but then have such a reluctance (and at this point, almost a defiant refusal) to communicate his activities. I am not asking for anything other than communication - but for some reason that seems to be an unreasonable request.

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I don't think you're being unreasonable at all; based on what you've said so far, it sounds like you've tried everything to open some communication on this. Unfortunately I don't have any great ideas for you, other than to let him know (yet again) that he's disrespecting you and your relationship by not sharing his activities.

 

My ex-girlfriend and I had a similar situation, where I would spend time online and not really share the experience with her. Not that I was withholding anything, just that I was unaware of her desire to be included. Once she told me she felt excluded, I did everything I could to make sure she was part of the experience. Because our timing for this wasn't always in sync, surfing together was usually not possible. So I relayed stories I liked, kept chat logs if I was talking to anyone, and kept a list of interesting profiles - she did the same for me.

 

If he's truly interested in your play being a 'together' experience, then these compromises shouldn't be a big sacrifice. If he's not, and is more focused on what he can get out of it, then I would question whether he's ready for play at all.

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I am not asking for anything other than communication - but for some reason that seems to be an unreasonable request.

 

Not to make lite of your problem but... it appears that you have taken MY husband home by mistake. Perhaps it is simply a problem of 2 different communication styles.

 

It is well know through our family that my husband will tell me nothing unless I ask and then it's like pulling teeth to get information.

It is not uncommon for him to speak to his parents for hours. When I ask him what was said in the conversation his response is "nothing". To him this means that there wasn't anything of any real importance that he thinks I need to know about. To me it's a pain in the A**! When I show up at family functions and had no idea I was supposed to bring the buns because that was in the "nothing" conversation, I get a bit peeved.

 

My style is more that I tell him everything to the point of him asking "why do I need to know this"? Usually he doesn't but I like to share and have conversation.

 

Just so you know, you're not alone. I just don't think men & women communicate the same way.

 

MSbhaven

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In our relationship, I ( the female) do most of the surfing and than speak to my fiance about things that I find interesting. I think that your husband is just trying to better educate himself in the life-style. Even though you guys have talked about swinging, it is hard to get over some things that being in the life-style requires. If he thinks that you know he has some jealousy issues, he may think that you may not want to continue on. He knows you and may also be looking for issue that may concern you both.

 

So let him surf and he'll speak to you on his own time. I'm sure he will come around when he is more comfortable with himself and the idea of you guys being in the life-style. I swear he sounds like myself,someone who wants to, but want to know all the do's, dont's, how to, and hear advice from other swinger who has been in the life-style for a long time and get some advise. I know that what made me become part of the board.

 

The best of luck and have patience with him. :)

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Welcome to the board! :)

 

It sounds like you two just need to find some middle ground. Your Mr. has a lackadaisical attitude that needs to tighten up a bit, and perhaps you could ease off on the reins a bit.

 

First of all, what is it that you're afraid you're missing? Try pinning down specific fears. Are you afraid of growing apart? Him finding someone else? Him becoming obsessed to the point of sickness? Are you afraid that he secretly wants someone else more than you? Are you afraid that his reluctance to talk about his online adventures will lead to him getting sneaky? I mean really really get specific. Get a piece of paper and a pen and make a list if you have to. Then look at your list, sum it up into a sentence or two (the main theme of your fears) and let your hubby know about it. "THIS is why I'm so focused on your online activities." Guys like it when we're specific. Vagueness and generalities fly right over their heads and through their ears, usually. They just want to know what our point is so that they can fix whatever the problem is. So give him a problem to fix. If his silence feels like secrecy or sneakiness, let him know. It may just be two different ways of interpreting a situation.

 

Maybe his meanderings are just a pleasant pastime and as such are, in his opinion, not worth mentioning because they're exactly the same each time. Describing them may seem redundant to him. I have no idea who your husband is. I'm assuming you know his handle on here, though. If that's the case, and he's not hiding this from you, chances are his activity here is on the up and up. If you don't have his handle/nickname and he won't give it to you, I'd question that.

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No, I do not look at his online activities as "sneaky," I don't think he's necessarily trying to hide anything, etc. He seems comfortable with swinging - this was his idea in the first place. My attitude about the lifestyle is that it is about US doing things TOGETHER. Literally everything I have ever read on any of these boards all emphasize COMMUNICATON, COMMUNICATION, COMMUNICATION. That's all I have asked for, and quite frankly, if this is something that is truly about us, then I think it is reasonable to conclude that communcation would be forthcoming, not something I have to beg for.

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What are the chances of his intrepeting your begging for communication, regarding websites, as nagging (without regard to right or wrong)?

 

My intent is not to be rude nor disrespectful, but rather to ask the blunt question.

 

I say this because if I was asked what I read on the errornet on a regular basis after the first few times I would probally give VERY similar answers that he has given you--and the more I am asked the more I would push back. Not becuase I was hiding anything but for the simple fact not only am I reading repetative topics, but I am also being asked to discuss those same topics on a frequent basis and if there is marginal interest in some of those, the conversation goes downhill that much faster. Sped anytime here (and elsewhere on the 'net) and you will soon see the topics rarely change, just the names and places. I can only read about creampies, dp, shaving. bbw/skinny, cock size, et al so many times before I roll my eyes and mutter same old crap. If he finds something of interest I would bet my paycheck you will be the first to know.

 

All that being said, I must say I do recognize a distinction between reading the boards/stories and 'net activities that are aligned with the intention of leading to the possible playtime. Entertainment/research v. pursuit if you will. Pursuit requires the utmost in communication, entertainment or research (in our house) not so much.

 

Intuituion is dead on when she talks about vagueness versus specifics. If you ask me a general vague question about a subject I am interested in you will get a specific detailed in depth answer, whereas if you ask the same question about something I am not interested in, more than likely you will get some half assed shot from the hip reply. Converesly (for me) specific questions get specific answers--it's the way I am wired

 

That's my two cents worth, although at times I think a couple squares of Charmin has more value............... :eek:

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Lots of good perspectives here.

 

Shywife, have a google look at "Transaction Analysis Theory" - we all know it's more important "how" the question is delivered. Maybe try roll-playing some of his fantasies to open the lines of real communication.

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Socolais and Angedky, no disrespect to either of you, but if I am willing to open myself and my marriage up to swinging, then I do believe my husband should at least respect me enough to honor my request for this comunication. Afterall, I have let him know that this is important to me, and I do believe my feelings/beliefs on the subject should count for something. I mean, swinging is apparently important to him, and I developed an interest on his behalf, so surely he cares enough about me to give me the communication I have requested.

 

Hmmm, asking for him to communicate with me could be construed as "nagging?" Well, if that's the case, all he had to do was communicate in the first place and I would't have to ask repeatedly, now would I? :EG:

 

Again, all I have asked for is communication - it is important to me... surely I matter enough in this equation for him to honor such a simple request.

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I can see this from both sides.

 

I am not very good with details-if something happens when my honey is not there-all he wants is to know what heppened because he thinks (and I quote) 'it's hot'.

 

But I am the worlds WORST detail person. I can give a generalization about how I had a good time & didn't have to buy any drinks or blah blah......but he wants to hear about how when I was singing karaoke a guy I thought was really hot came up behind me & grabbed my ass while whispering in my ear what he wanted to do to me later.

 

I have a mental block.

 

I TRULY cannot relate this kind of stuff.

 

I have found that if I come home(on a night he DIDN't go out with me-and btw, he is usually there) I compromise by immediatly picking up the laptop & blogging about the nights adventure. The night is still fresh in my mind & I'm not getting interrupted & I can say exactly what I'm remembering.

 

I know that is not the same as purposfully withholding what we are doing-we both have internet accounts & we have the same passwords on all boards.........so if we decide to see what we've been 'missing out on' we can. Hence no secrets. My parents 30+ year marriage was RUINED by secrets & as far as I'm concerned secrets are cheating.

 

*disclaimer-secrets being cheating is MY OPINION and does not in any way pass judgement on couples who do not see this as a problem*

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Again, all I have asked for is communication - it is important to me... surely I matter enough in this equation for him to honor such a simple request.

 

What exactly are you asking him to communicate to you?

 

I know he's on the board, but I do not know when, for how long, what he does while there, etc.

 

I'm going with intuition on this one...What are you afraid of?

 

It obviously bothers you a lot that he doesn't tell you ever little bitty thing he does...but why?

 

Chances are he probably doesn't really remember every place he went, every thing he read or even everyone he might have chatted with and the conversation he had.

 

I chat with a LOT of people at times and as soon as the chat is over, I couldn't tell you who it was or what it was about to save my life. If Ted got upset every time I forgot to mention I had chatted to some random guy, he'd be upset all the damn time.

 

There is also no way in the world I'd ever be able to tell him everything I read on here or any other site. No one can remember every little detail of what they see, read or do.

 

Just because he clicks around to different web sites and doesn't tell you every minute detail of what he did or what he read, does not mean that swinging isn't all about both of you.

 

 

Teresa

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I am not "afraid" of anything in particular. The point of my original post was that I have asked my husband to communicate with me. He does not. This makes me feel left out of something that I thought was about US and something we were going to share TOGETHER. Period.

 

The communication I have asked for is important to me - so surely that should mean something, considering the subject matter. He doesn't have to share every detail about every detail, but I would hope that in sharing generalities, deeper, more detailed conversations would follow. Let me pose this question:

 

If your spouse tells you that something in paricular is important to them in this lifestyle, do you respect their request/position, or do you ignore/disregard the info?

 

Remember folks, we are still new to all this, with only a couple of experiences. We haven't been doing this for years, nor is it what we do on a regular basis such as every weekend. Maybe as the years go by and we become "seasoned," this issue won't be as big a deal, but for now, it's important to me, and my feelings either matter, or they don't.

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Men and women have different ways of communicating. Men tend to not need to know every detail, and because of that, will forget minor details. Women, on the other hand, love information and remember every detail.

 

Example: A man and woman take a walk together around the block. If you ask the man what he did, he will say he walked around the block. If you then ask the woman what she did, she will tell you about everything she saw/heard/felt/smelled while taking that walk. Maybe you would get a more detailed explaination from the man if they witnessed a car crash while walking. Unless something important or really out of place happened, it won't register as something that needs to be talked about to men. (Exclaimer: This is all a sweeping generalization and my own opinion.)

 

When it comes to lifestyle activities online, what works best for my husband and I is that we do all lifestyle communication through a shared account with logs of everything. That way, I can read what happened without having to ask him. (If i asked him he would say nothing important was discussed.) He will ask me if he needs to know anything, and I will tell him everything I remember. If he still feels like he needs to know more, he can easily look at the chat/email logs. That way, I don't have to pull teeth to find out person X's favorite color is red, and he doesn't have to read hours worth of idle chatting to find out we will be having couple Y over for a campfire.

 

I suggest adopting the same system. He probably isn't trying to hide anything from you, and honestly doesn't remember anything he thinks you need to know (ex: person Z likes sushi). If he is reluctant to share accounts with you and user names and passwords to sites he uses, then I would suggest a long talk about trust and being open.

 

I hope this helped a little and I didn't ruffle any feathers.

N-Mrs.

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I am not "afraid" of anything in particular. The point of my original post was that I have asked my husband to communicate with me. He does not. This makes me feel left out of something that I thought was about US and something we were going to share TOGETHER. Period.

 

The communication I have asked for is important to me - so surely that should mean something, considering the subject matter. He doesn't have to share every detail about every detail, but I would hope that in sharing generalities, deeper, more detailed conversations would follow.

 

No one is implying that your feelings are not worth respecting. I guess the question should be why you feel that this issue in particular is so important an example of a shared experience? Has he given you a reason why he does not wish to share these things with you? Have you explained to him exactly why you feel it is important?

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I agree that men and women communicate in different ways and what you may think is important and would like for him to relay to you may not even be a blip on his radar.

 

With that said, you can see some of what he has been doing on a web browser by checking the history. Or does he erase it? Now if he cruises newsgroups in a reader, unless you know what groups he's in, it's a little harder to tell....unless settings are changed, most browsers and chat programs do keep a log/history of events.

 

What you want from him is not unreasonable...but maybe just asking for a specific event (ie: "did you see anyone on SLS that you would like to send a message to?")...because even though I am a stickler for details...even I would be at a loss to account for every little thing I did in a day.

 

I mean, does he seem reluctant to share what he's been up to? OTOH, you may end up with someone who overshares or tells you every little thing on their mind.

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I think communication issues are among the most difficult to define and resolve - we rarely exercise our communication skills effectively about communication concerns. You're close to the problem, perhaps too close to see the obvious solution. I encourage you to discover the root problem as best you can and take the corrective action you feel is appropriate. You may not nail the root cause on the first attempt, but you'll probably be close enough to observe a behavior change in the positive direction. Think in terms of successive approximation where each new effort gets both of you closer to a lasting solution. It may help to approact the concern from different directions or even apply a temporary "work around".

 

Communication is fundamental to the success of any group effort - especially when that "group" is composed of a swinging couple. I'm confident you'll find an effective solution, because you sound like the kind of person that wont stop looking until the issue is resolved.

 

Keep us posted on your progress...

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Shywife,

 

Your feelings of being left out and ignored are very valid and your husband's reluctance to acknowledge them or address them is a distressing sign that he is either selfishly pursuing his online activities for his own pleasure or has interests about which he feels you can't be allowed to find out (like cross-dressing, male bisexuality, etc). In either instance, he is being immature and potentially abusive to shut you out, to some extent having used you to indulge or enrichen his online fantasy life. That you have been a willing and enthusiastic partner with him in some MFM's play and have accepted the lifestyle as an acceptable and positive indulgence for the two of you puts you heads and shoulders above all of the wives and women who's upbringing or otherwise developed sense of fun don't allow them this type of fun. It sounds as if he is really risking losing his partner in the lifestyle if he continues to ignore your desires to join him in his online life, either through actually being there with him or having him be a little more forthcoming about what all he's experiencing. You can assure him that whatever he's doing is completely fine with you (as long as it doesn't involve anything illegal or with minors) and even if it involves fantsy meetings with others or realtime conversations with others or video-camming with others, it will end up turing you on or becoming part of your togetherness... The lifestyle is about togetherness and sharing an awesome part of a relationship in a way that is enhancing and additive to what exists between you and your spouse. If there are elements damaging your relationship, then you both need to stop and spend the time and attention to thoroughly work things out. If you wanted to start an exercise between the two of you, have him write out a response to your post here online and then you can delve into what he is thinking. Maybe he could post his own online question from his perspective and see what kinds of answers he gets to the situation.

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This is the Mrs...

 

The first thing I thought when I read this thread was, "This is one of those deals where you have to decide whether it's more important to be happy, or to be right."

 

I know it's not that simple, and this doesn't mean I don't honor your feelings, ShyWife. 30 years ago I felt this way about Mr. R looking at porn. What I did was start looking at what he was looking at, at least a little bit, and making sure he knew I was looking. At that point, we never really talked about it, but what I saw what he seemed to be a lot less interested in porn, and both of us were more interested in screwing each other.

 

So I am not exactly sure how this translates to your sistuation, Shy, but if *I* were in this situation, I would make sure that I took every possible opportunity to invite him to look at sites together with you. I am not saying this is what you should do, I am just trying to share my experience.

 

Cheers, Mrs. R

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HEY everyone. Here's an update to Shywife's thread. I am her husband, or rather, I was engaged to her when we were in high school and after 20 years of her having married someone else we restarted our relationship. She told me that she never really loved the good man she is currently married to (although she crushed my heart when she left me to marry him), and that her husband couldn't get an erection and thus they hadn't had sex for years. I "married" her in my heart and even gave her a ring to show it. Re-read all of the posts by Shywife, above, they are talking about me. Well, she found another man and never let me know about it. Suddenly she cut off communication with me and would refuse to speak with me on the phone (she only allowed ocassional text messages). Apparently she found her new man on SLS and now my heart, as it was the first time she left me to marry her current husband, is torn from my body. I do no know where she is and her married husband does not know either. I have cried until my body was literally exhausted from crying, and then I cried some more. I do not know where life will lead Shywife, but I love her after leaving me for another twice in two decades. Oh and the story about her married husband being unable to get an erection--all part of the lie.

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HEY everyone. Here's an update to Shywife's thread. I am her husband, or rather, I was engaged to her when we were in high school and after 20 years of her having married someone else we restarted our relationship. She told me that she never really loved the good man she is currently married to (although she crushed my heart when she left me to marry him), and that her husband couldn't get an erection and thus they hadn't had sex for years. I "married" her in my heart and even gave her a ring to show it. Re-read all of the posts by Shywife, above, they are talking about me. Well, she found another man and never let me know about it. Suddenly she cut off communication with me and would refuse to speak with me on the phone (she only allowed ocassional text messages). Apparently she found her new man on SLS and now my heart, as it was the first time she left me to marry her current husband, is torn from my body. I do no know where she is and her married husband does not know either. I have cried until my body was literally exhausted from crying, and then I cried some more. I do not know where life will lead Shywife, but I love her after leaving me for another twice in two decades. Oh and the story about her married husband being unable to get an erection--all part of the lie.

 

O.k....... I wasn't expecting this information.

 

Hearing it was "all part of the lie" is confusing as hell :confused: It sounds like she was authentically wanting to connect about something....

 

I have to ask, why didn't you just let her check all the history archives and give her the communication she asked for ? I know I cant remember all the porno sites I visit some days. Mrs fun could follow my trail any day :EG:

 

We do that. We keep the history and archives as a general way we communicate sometimes. We don't always get to shoulder surf together.

 

Heck, we even send each other nasty mails occasionally we know the other will find, from our own account on sls. (if ya didn't know ya could do that :D)

We kinda have the computer as a relationship tool somedays....... with each other.

 

You seem a level headed man..... How did you miss this ?

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There is no greater joy than soaring high on the wings of your dreams, except maybe the joy of watching a dreamer who has nowhere to land but in the ocean of reality.

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Really, my heart is too broken to fix here. It never occurred to me to let her see the history but I certainly would have had she asked. She never did. Understand, our relationship started four years ago after a 25 year gap when she cheated on me back in the 1980s and then married a 3rd guy. This time around she swore that she was a changed person and was committed to the truth--and boy did it look like she tried. I'm not so sure now. But she has now contacted the police to inform me not to attempt any other calls or texts (and I don't know where she lives right now). I pray to God that I can stand, just for a minute, in front of her as ask: "K, was it all a lie? Did you ever really love me?" And ask "at what point in our marriage did you start seeing other men?" I feel that she kept me in her life just long enough to find another "man-bridge" to cross and when that bridge was completed, she cut off all communications and crossed. God, is dishonesty the worest sin of all.

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Obviously, she's not a person who commits to anything.

 

Seek counseling to regain your belief in YOU and move on.

 

Good luck!

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The 25 year gap isn't stringing you along. And getting some kind of protection order is pretty much "stay out of my life". Time to move on. It was an engagement for you not a marriage or husband as you like saying (as stated in your previous post here on this thread).

 

No means no.

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The 25 year gap isn't stringing you along. And getting some kind of protection order is pretty much "stay out of my life". Time to move on. It was an engagement for you not a marriage or husband as you like saying (as stated in your previous post here on this thread).

 

No means no.

 

No, the 25 years isn't stringing me a long, but the last 4 years appears to be so. She followed me relentlessly: at my work; near my house; when I went shopping, etc., etc., etc. When I found out, I only wanted to have her confess to me, but she cut me off. Instead, she only wanted me to talk to her current husband and lie about our relationship. She cut off communication when she felt that I was no longer buying it. There is something in her personality which prevents her from actually saying "I made a mistake." I just wanted to hear it from her lips. I know that she's got a new man now and refuses to tell me or her other "loved ones" that she's got him--but I know her. As for the protection order threat. It came by text from her current husband who, as I did 25 years earlier, thinks that he can patch this up and get back together with her. I was wrong then, and he's wrong now. As the earlier post said, she cannot commit to anything for a long period of time.

 

I would have given up the world for her, and I love her still.

 

Goodbye Shywife.

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