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  1. #1

    Default Not your average, average guy

    So I dont know where to put this or if it's allowed so admins if it breaks rules or causes drama delete it as this is not my intention at all. Ok here goes... Soa few years ago I had all the confidence in the world. I have a fairly mellow personality down to earth 6ft tall about 230lbs and in shape (gym rat). That confidence went away when my ex wife cheated repeatedly and would tell me how much better they were because they were much bigger down stairs than I am. (Right about 5inches erect) This crushed me psychologically, emotionally and almost spiritually. I left her and have moved on to the love of my life (grade school crush) and we're set to get married next year! Occasionally I struggle with the memories of my past because I never wanna experience that again. I've perfected my craft (of working with what I have more than just my junk) and my fiance tells me she loves me and "it" almost daily if not multiple times in the day which is nice. This has done great things for my confidence!! Here's the dilemma... The one thing I left out is that im a black man. I'm not small in any other way besides downstairs which is COMPLETELY opposite of the stereotype. I don't want to get into this and someone see me wanting to experience their first BBC and I let them sending me right back down that ranbit hole I came from. Am I over thinking this? Has anyone experinced this before if so what did you do and how did you get past it


  2. #2
    Swingers Board Addict Fi86's Avatar
    Status
    Single female

    Default Re: Not your average, average guy

    In my experience the decision to have sex is almost always made on personality and compatibility. Body type, penis size, etc are much less important, if relevant at all. If a woman likes you enough to swap then penis size won't come into it. You're an average size anyway, it won't be an issue.

    Huge cocks can cause problems anyway.

    Relax and have fun.

  3. #3

    Default Re: Not your average, average guy

    Thank you!I hope that holds true I just don't want people to get caught up in my first impression because it really doesn't add up to the certain part of my body.I care more a out the connection personally than just going around and sleeping with as many women as possible, but there are women that only care about that (nothing wrong with that). I guess my question should have been if a couple is looking for that BBC experience how do I kindly let them know that "as cool as I am you still wont get that experience with me"? If that makes sense.

  4. #4
    Swingers Board Addict Fi86's Avatar
    Status
    Single female

    Default Re: Not your average, average guy

    Size doesn't just mean length hun, many people forget that. For vaginal sex girth is more important, a thick cock makes for a far better feeling than a long one. Many women can't take more than 6-7 inches fully inserted anyway, so at 7-8 inches (usually about an inch at the base doesn't actually get inserted) cocks can get uncomfortable or painful. For anal the opposite is true.

    When getting to know a girl who you want to swing with I'd just ask what she's looking for, the conversation should go in that direction anyway. I doubt the answer will usually be BBC anyway but if it is just say you're average in size, no shame in that!

    BTW I also prefer well endowed men, 7-8 and very thick (6"+ preferably), but I'd never be disappointed or think twice about having sex with a guy that's 5". I've slept with guys more like 4".

  5. #5

    Default Re: Not your average, average guy

    This makes me feel even better thank you so much for the reassurance. I'm excited to try things and explore, and now that I've kind of regained my confidence I'm Leary or risking it. This group is awesome!

  6. #6

    Default Re: Not your average, average guy

    Lots of kind things will be said and hopefully all will go well. I was in a situation where I thought I was past the size issue. I was going to be having sex with a guy and his wife. He and I had been friends with benefits for several months and he finally talked me into a 3way. On the big day, when I dropped my pants, all ready to go, she says 'wow, that's really small'.
    So shit happens, some people speak without thinking about others feelings or have no idea how to treat a man's ego. So go forth, but be prepared for some ignorant 'lady' to do a few years psychological damage.
    The 3 of us had an affair that lasted 2 years. She got past the size issue once she learned how much 2 average size dicks can do to one woman. I will say though that her opening comments had a major affect on how I felt about her from the very beginning. I felt nothing for her feelings and if she was liking or wanted whatever we were doing to her. This is what she wanted though, to be treated like a total slut. So I guess it worked, in some sordid manner.
    This lifestyle can lead to some odd situations.

  7. #7

    Default Re: Not your average, average guy

    Doc I can’t imagine she left you because you didn’t measure up. After reading on this forum and many others, it is usually men who write about size. I can tell you first handed, you can also google it, that the average is much smaller than you see in porn. 5 inches is normal. I know you are black and maybe the average is larger. Let me give some advice, you have what you have. Obsessing over it doesn’t make it 10 inches. I have been with men smaller than you and had fun. 5in doesn’t feel much different than 6 or 7. When it comes to bigger men, which isn’t as common as you may think, it is more of a holy shit moment. I won’t say playing with one isn’t exciting. The actual sex isn’t necessarily better.

  8. #8

    Default Re: Not your average, average guy

    JandKinBoise I can only imagine how that felt youre a better person than me I probably would have just left the whole situation alone and moved on. But thanks for the heads up I'm taking all experiences and advice as we enter this lifestyle

  9. #9

    Default Re: Not your average, average guy

    Quote Originally Posted by TricianMike View Post
    Doc I can’t imagine she left you because you didn’t measure up. After reading on this forum and many others, it is usually men who write about size. I can tell you first handed, you can also google it, that the average is much smaller than you see in porn. 5 inches is normal. I know you are black and maybe the average is larger. Let me give some advice, you have what you have. Obsessing over it doesn’t make it 10 inches. I have been with men smaller than you and had fun. 5in doesn’t feel much different than 6 or 7. When it comes to bigger men, which isn’t as common as you may think, it is more of a holy shit moment. I won’t say playing with one isn’t exciting. The actual sex isn’t necessarily better.
    You're very right she eventually told me she cheated because when I left for overseas she felt abandoned and when came back from overseas she felt like I didnt talk to her (which I didn't talk to anyone really) which hurt her so she said shed hurt me by doing that then telling about it and sending pictures smh. I have no clue what the average is for black guys but based on the stereotype I'm not there which is fine with me now I just don't want to under-deliver for someone that may think I'm,one way then I start this self-hate thinking all,over again.


  10. #10

    Default Re: Not your average, average guy

    Last I checked 5" is considered normal...nothing wrong with being normal. In our experience, most 'well endowed' men have no skill. Their size is all that matters so they just slam it in over and over until they are done (how was that for you, sugar?). A little skill and effort can easily outperform them. Remember it's the skill of the magician, not the size of his wand...
    If you donít have to lie about sex, you donít have to lie about anything. - John Williamson

  11. #11

    Default Re: Not your average, average guy

    Quote Originally Posted by GoldCoCouple View Post
    Last I checked 5" is considered normal...nothing wrong with being normal. In our experience, most 'well endowed' men have no skill. Their size is all that matters so they just slam it in over and over until they are done (how was that for you, sugar?). A little skill and effort can easily outperform them. Remember it's the skill of the magician, not the size of his wand...
    I agree absolutely. That's why I have worked on being exceptional in every other area that I can, so that whoever I was with can look past the average part if that makes sense.

  12. #12

    Default Re: Not your average, average guy

    First I find the term BBC dehumanizing. I don't like being identified by my body parts. I am turned off by men who advertise themselves by their endowments or brag about their skills. If there is chemistry and we are having fun I would have no problem taking a ride on average, with your wife's permission and perhaps her participation.

  13. #13

    Default Re: Not your average, average guy

    Yeah I see where you're coming from but I'm fairly easy going I look at as just a term people say so it's less awkward than just bluntly speaking their minds. My better half has mentioned seeing me with other women so perhaps she'd be okay with it�� all joking aside thank you for the reassurance.

  14. #14
    Swingers Board Addict padoc's Avatar
    Status
    couple
    SLS Profile
    padoc

    Default Re: Not your average, average guy

    We've found that being around most bbc's has not been enjoyable. Mrs Doc refers to that subset as walking penises. Many bring no finesse, no class and few skills to the party, just their dick. Plus, she says there is a blood volume issue. Most human, she posits, haven't enough blood to maintain that huge erection and higher thought processes simultaneously (this applies to bwc as well). We would find the OP and his fiancť to be a much more attractive option than the standard BBC because he sounds like a caring and gentle man which to her means he's much more than the sum of his dick length and skin color. We had friends and playmates early on that, over time and moves, we lost track of. He was a C-5 pilot, a Major and was an average sized black man in all aspects and she was a petite, white Captain in the USAF. We had wonderful, fun loving and highly erotic evenings with them over three years. We both wish we hadn't lost track of them and we hope they think of us as fondly as we do them. Dick size and skin color hadn't a damned thing to do with it.

  15. #15

    Default Re: Not your average, average guy

    Guess what: your wife knows just how big you are and yet she still stays with you. You must be good at something else since size doesn't matter (to her).
    If you donít have to lie about sex, you donít have to lie about anything. - John Williamson

  16. #16

    Default Re: Not your average, average guy

    That makes total sense to me. because of how I was brought, up race doesn't really play too big of a factor in things I choose to do or not do;but to hear a first world experience from someone that's been swinging before is very comforting so thank you for youe response.

  17. #17

    Default Re: Not your average, average guy

    Quote Originally Posted by GoldCoCouple View Post
    Guess what: your wife knows just how big you are and yet she still stays with you. You must be good at something else since size doesn't matter (to her).
    Youve got that right. She's talked to me about her partners before us and most of them were bigger than me,however she's explained she enjoys our intimacy because while I may not be able to provide that "full feeling" I focus on everything else that I can.


  18. #18

    Default Re: Not your average, average guy

    Funny: it seems like the men always worry about not being big enough compared to other men while the women worry about being too big compared to other women
    If you donít have to lie about sex, you donít have to lie about anything. - John Williamson

  19. #19

    Default Re: Not your average, average guy

    Well what i want to know is what kind of spam filter does nature have,
    i mean it still makes around 85% of us males average size - 5 to 7 inches

    now the spam i get tells me this is not good and i should be bigger, the inter net says the same and a lot of posts here tell me that its best to be bigger.( well not directly - you just don't see many post about how great it is screwing your average husband compared to " i love big cock on some other guy and .... lol )
    But still nature does what it thinks is best - WTF doesn't it ever get the messages i and the other 85% do!!!

    lol ok - so your fine and all is well - if your girl is happy with you then who cares what others think.

  20. #20

    Default Re: Not your average, average guy

    Goldcocouple it's ironic aint it haha

  21. #21

    Default Re: Not your average, average guy

    Quote Originally Posted by luvin eye full View Post
    Well what i want to know is what kind of spam filter does nature have,
    i mean it still makes around 85% of us males average size - 5 to 7 inches

    now the spam i get tells me this is not good and i should be bigger, the inter net says the same and a lot of posts here tell me that its best to be bigger.( well not directly - you just don't see many post about how great it is screwing your average husband compared to " i love big cock on some other guy and .... lol )
    But still nature does what it thinks is best - WTF doesn't it ever get the messages i and the other 85% do!!!

    lol ok - so your fine and all is well - if your girl is happy with you then who cares what others think.
    You're right about that for sure I told my lady the other day in grateful that I have one that works when i want it to and keeps working as long as I need it to but I'd sure be happy if I was proportioned betterhHaha. She's content with what I have and shes very reassuring of such but deep down sometimes I feel she misses being with someone packing a little more than me.

  22. #22

    Default Re: Not your average, average guy

    Please, a big dick isn't everything! My ex-husband had one but he wasn't a great kisser. As the marriage was failing I had no desire for him, preferred playing with myself. Ironically my first lover post divorce had a small penis (less than 5") but he gave me the best sex ever at the time (just keeps getting better). You can get a dildo or vibrator to play with your wife with.

  23. #23

    Default Re: Not your average, average guy

    Quote Originally Posted by Jane1902 View Post
    Please, a big dick isn't everything! My ex-husband had one but he wasn't a great kisser. As the marriage was failing I had no desire for him, preferred playing with myself. Ironically my first lover post divorce had a small penis (less than 5") but he gave me the best sex ever at the time (just keeps getting better). You can get a dildo or vibrator to play with your wife with.
    Makes sense to me. It doesn't bother me so much anymore I look at as if someone wanted a guy that was 6'5"... Theres nothing I can do for them I just dont have those genetics to be that tall and dick size is the same, but in regards to her I want HER to have it all. This post was in general, how do I handle not meeting the expectations another couple may have based on what I look like.

  24. #24

    Default Re: Not your average, average guy

    I hope that you don't worry so much that you can't rise to the occasion. Are you so big otherwise that perhaps proportionally you feel off? Going bald makes it look bigger. Please don't get a lack of confidence that gets the best of you

  25. #25

    Default Re: Not your average, average guy

    Quote Originally Posted by doc_oso View Post
    Makes sense to me. It doesn't bother me so much anymore I look at as if someone wanted a guy that was 6'5"... Theres nothing I can do for them I just dont have those genetics to be that tall and dick size is the same, but in regards to her I want HER to have it all. This post was in general, how do I handle not meeting the expectations another couple may have based on what I look like.
    lol if you get to that point with a couple then your dick size will not be a problem - Because what you look like has already been taken into account ( over all looks )

    Also you Wife will never "have it all" because there are billions of men out there and what ever 15% is of that is still millions - are you wanting her to screw them all? lol ( if you mean having it all is bigger cocks that is )

    Better would be to give your wife everything you can - mind body and soul. sex with others is just a novelty remember that.


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