How big is TOO BIG (male obesity)

Hi Everyone. SOOO glad I found this forum. I have taken a LOT of great advice from here.

So, here goes, my first foray into what is going on inside my head.

I see a lot of people talking abut being overweight and the lifestyle. Now, I have heard people complain when they put on an extra ten pounds, or even 30-40 pounds.

How about 160+ pounds extra? I am 6 foot, 384 pounds as of today. I am not all "jelly" as would be expected. I have had a very physical working life and do have some decent muscle definition on my arms and calves. The rest of me is a dumpster fire (physically). My wife and I have youthful faces, which helps, and my personality a warm, humorous with a sharp, quick sarcastic slant. I have no problem making friends with people wherever I go(smile, be friendly, and take an interest in the other person).

As for the swinging, the thought of meeting other people, and having good laughs, and getting to know one another sounds golden to me. The though of taking my clothes off in front of strangers scares the hell out of me. I am embarrassed to get undressed in front of my loving and beautiful wife of 30 years, and while she says I am sexy and loving.. I just don't know how "others" would feel about having a man of such large proportions.

I feel this is the one hang-up I have to being a carefree swinger. My wife says personality and intellect are huge turn-ons for a woman. But at some point, the physical has to kick in for them, like the men, right?

Thanks in advance for any insight, info and help.

There are overweight people, and then there's me. Is there a place for a "morbidly obese, charming, funny, sincere, swinger" in the world"

I think there is a place for a good guy in the lifestyle, regardless of size. But I think opinions from some women here might be more inspiring then mine!

We have one couple who we like, who are plus sized. The Mrs. told me after one play session with them at the local club that the guy was kinda smothering her during play. This was the second time they had played, and she had not had that observation after the first time. The upshot of this was that it would be good if the plus-sized guy had a repertoire of sexual positions that were well-suited to his size, and fun and comfortable for the woman!

Sex, recreational sex in particular, is visual as well as tactile for us. We like subdued lighting but like to see whats happening, we like to stay in the same room and the same bed if possible and we both enjoy offering our spouse to a new partner and watching as we explore. That being said, neither of us are attracted to obese people. We work hard at being HWP and even though we've added a few lbs since our 30's, neither of us would be considered overweight. When contacted on SLS, APG or SDC, we make sure the other couple is hwp. Mrs Doc does not want to move someone's belly to find his penis. We have friends where one or the other is quite large and while we'll have a drink or chat with them a swinger events, getting naked is just out of the question.

Thank you Padoc for the blunt honesty. I seriously appreciate your insight, as much as it hurts me to hear. I figured there would be some resistance to my size (which I am OK with). Of all the people we have met, it hasn't been an issue (so far). I was trying to point out the difference between a few pounds overweight, 20 to 30 pounds overweight to severely overweight, as there isn't much distinction between them all, yet, there is a HUGE difference.

Hope you have an AWESOME summer!!

Well, My wife and I attended a hotel take-over where we had only chatted a few times with two other couples. and the admins for the group about the event. Within an hour, we had met three couples and a handful of single women that jut hung out it us by the bar. Three hours later, we are in the hotel room with the admins and another couple, laughing, talking and getting to know each other. We didn't play, but my obvious obesity was overshadowed by my personality and my eagerness to be outgoing and meet people. Being a drummer for a band for many years, I know how to get people talking and having a good time. By the next morning, the Admins and a few other couples couple we hadn't me were calling us by our first names and talking like we have been friends for years.

So, YES, Body size is important, but Personality seems to be the BIGGEST attractor of others.

I am OK with what I look like. If people only see my size, sucks to be them, because it WILL be fun and full of laughter and good times.

I still want to lose the weight for health reasons, and to up my stock with others even more!

I guess my wife was right all along.

 

I guess my wife was right all along.

My wife is truly an angel among the saints. her patience, compassion, and kindness to others is second to none.

She has encouraged me when I am feeling down, and is truly a beacon in the storm of life to me. She was able to prove me wrong about my self image by attending that event.

thank you all for the honest replies!!

Another Hotel take-over on May 21st. Maybe we play with those we have met... I will update as needed.

If I was a nerd card game character, I would be body image= poor, Personality+48. lol.

I imagine for a primary relationship, your personality matters much more than for people you're engaged in strictly play relationships. I'm not as interested in your personality and sense of humor if I'm simply fucking you.

At 6', I'd probably draw the line somewhere around 25% bodyfat for men, so likely somewhere around 200 pounds, depending on body composition. I don't mind some softness, in that I don't need a visible set of abs... but I am visual, and an obese man is not one I am viscerally attracted to.