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I am Bi, why do straight guys contact me?

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OK, I’m not really ‘Bi’, but I am curious and it says so in my profile. I even go so far as to explain that it’s situational, and I am really wanting to see what it’s like to handle, fondle, and suck another guy in front of my wife. She wants to see it too. We are looking for someone to experience that with. It may turn out that I hate it, and will never do it again. I doubt it though. It’s far too intriguing to me to be a one time thing.

 

But every single person that has contacted us has labeled himself ‘straight’. Some even say ‘very straight’. Then why are you contacting me/us? If you’re curious, at least say so in the e-mail.

 

Does this happen to everyone? Or just me/us?

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A lot of "straight" guys are lying on their profile. I'm listed straight and I still get "straight" guys asking if I'm into guys, so it's going to be worse for you.

 

Also I think some guys are so hard up for sex they would have sex with you if it meant sex with your wife too. I was once offered directly "I will suck your dick if I can fuck your wife".

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As Chicup stated, a lot of guys who list themselves as "straight" are fronting, mostly because of the stigma even in the LS of Bi or Bi-curious guys.

 

I find that even if you see a male listed as straight in the top, you have to read through the entire profile and 9 times out of 10 if they are being deceptive, there will be hints that things might not be as they appear. One example, the most common one I see, might be the couple emphasizes again elsewhere that the male is straight, but then adds he is "open-minded" or maybe "not closed-minded". Another interpretation I think might be "He is straight, but not homophobic" (I mean why even add that as anyone willing to be doing sex acts in a room with other naked men is going to be comfortable being around other dicks even if they have no interest in interacting with said genitals?).

 

I list my status as straight and that is the only way I will conduct myself with other men, yet at the same time I have no problem being with a couple where the male is listed as Bi as long as he understands my status is not subject to exceptions. This has not always worked out in the past, as we had to break it off with one couple because the guy, I guess figuring that the our willingness to play with a bi-male somehow really meant I was not completely straight, kept trying to push his luck and as a result got neither me, of course, or the full swap he wanted from Mrs. Fours.

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Mr. Doe lists himself as bi-curious/bi-comfortable on the two profiles we have and the majority of contacts have been from straight man/bi woman couples. It may be a regional thing, but in all but one instance they've been honest about their orientation and have no interest in m/m play.

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We are not bi...but we are bi comfortable. I should double check our profile and see if that is on there. We played with a couple over a year and found out that he was bi. Word got around and some people mistook us as being bi as well and it created some funny moments in the bedroom. People assume if you played as a straight couple with a bi couple you are then by default a bi couple. We are listed as straight on our profile and get straight and bi guys propositioning us. The harder part I think is for my wife. She is Way to Good looking for her own good. It's the bi women that really have to be beat off with a stick sometimes. We have our opening conversation where we say," Misses is straight and does not play with other women. Ever." Bi women in a couple seem to be the more aggressive sexually of the species.

 

I think that to many people checking our your profile is a good thing.

 

In fact my wife takes the singles men and helps them with their profiles some times. She will tell them how to set up a profile that is attractive to couples and women. I am surprised that so many men do not see themselves how they are really coming off.

 

I think it is good that you are talking about it.

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I don't have to act on my desires. I'm not always in a bi mood. We've had several 3-ways and swaps and nothing has ever been done that way. But now, after a shot hiatus and a lot of talking, the topic has come up and we are ready.

 

I'm not a top, or bottom, and that doesn't really even interest me right now. But my wife has always enjoyed sucking cock, and she makes it look so good I just want to try it. But not with someone that doesn't want it.

 

We'll still play without it, but are really looking forward to it.

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there will be hints that things might not be as they appear. One example, the most common one I see, might be the couple emphasizes again elsewhere that the male is straight, but then adds he is "open-minded" or maybe "not closed-minded". Another interpretation I think might be "He is straight, but not homophobic" (I mean why even add that as anyone willing to be doing sex acts in a room with other naked men is going to be comfortable being around other dicks even if they have no interest in interacting with said genitals?).

 

I think you're reading too much into this. I say the same thing and am totally straight. It just means I'm not going to freak out if we happen to touch while crawling around the same bed and woman. Don't forget we don't know the personalities of the people we're talking to and sometimes you have to reassure them you're not going to go postal on them for the slightest infraction.

 

With regards to straight guys contacting bi guys I have considered it even though I am straight....for another reason. I would love to give my wife the experience of being licked while getting it from behind. Obviously for a straight guy that's a little too close for comfort and I thought perhaps getting a bi guy involved would alleviate that.

 

I would have told him why I was contacting him however to prevent any misunderstandings right up front.

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And some guys call themselves "straight" but like to play with other guys. They often seek bi or gay guys for fun. I've played with one and read an article about it too. The guy I played with said He was without a doubt straight, 100% but enjoyed casual sex with guys "when he felt like it and needed to get off good". He viewed our play time as just sex, in fact he said that us being guys, it was our nature to need to get off a lot and only other guys knew this, much more so than women (particularly his GF).

 

In my humble opinion I believe there's a ton of straight labeled guys out there that are indeed a little more than curious.

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It's important to accept that self descriptions have to come from the self. There are more than a few males who feel themselves to be straight who also feel that does not rule out finding out what it feels like to suck cock. There are those who feel they are more straight than bi even though they've enjoyed sucking a cock.

 

I label myself bi and my wife and I enjoy threesomes with another man. My wife particularly enjoys being aroused by male cocksucking. She rarely just watches, but she does love to watch even if she's joining the sucking. We've met more than a few straight men who are willing to arouse her by being sucked by both of us (many) and sucking me alongside her (more than a few).

 

Some feel that as soon as a man's lips have touched a cock they must be labeled bi. I can fully understand a man feeling he is straight, that the only honest label for him is straight, even though he has favored a very hot women with her request. Or even if he actually enjoyed sucking.

 

Sexual acts are not gay, bi, or straight. People are. A straight person can enjoy any sexual act he or she wishes. The act doesn't make him gay, bi, or straight. Those labels refer to orientation. It's up to each person to label his own orientation.

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I'm confused how you can consider yourself straight if you are doing gay/bi activity. I think that is being deceiving.

 

Once we started I was listed as straight, because I have never had interaction, interest or sexual thoughts about a woman. I have always been able to see attractiveness (i.e. finding someone good looking but not desiring anything further) in both sexes. We met this couple with an aggressively bi female, she's beautiful and passionate, understood I never played with a female before and asked if I would let her please me. I was open to it and thoroughly enjoyed, she asked if i wanted to try, I felt like why not. (My personality is to try and the decide if not for me) I did and enjoyed it, soon after I changed my profile to bi. Had I not enjoyed that experience I would have remained as straight. I don't intend to play with any females going forward but it is an option if the attraction is there.

 

I really feel like everyone should be up front and honest about themselves and what they are looking for. Just my 2 cents.

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I've talked about this topic on other forums and it tends to get heated.

There are so many variations yet few "tags".

As a couple we both list as bi. And in our case if we were asked to expand on it would be for me, I am "situationally orally bi flexible"

 

What the heck does that mean?

Well that means that I live a straight lifestyle. My primary play is MF. But if I'm in a situation that ends up with some oral play with the guys, I can play along and enjoy that too. It's not required and not something I would even think of initiating.

 

The problem however, and the reason why men list as straight, is there are quite a lot of couples and events that very specifically say NO BI MALES. And I'm sure many couples that in their search select "straight" for their criteria.

 

So if a guy is like me, just flexible in the situation but primarily interested in straight play, they will automatically be excluded.

 

So they list as straight but then when talking to bi couples, they let them know they're flexible on that. It keeps all doors open.

 

I used to get irritated about that and for years excluded them because I saw it as lying.

 

My experience as a couple who both list as bi and looking for couples or single males is 9 out 10 profiles that contact us are listed as straight but really aren't.

 

The part of this topic that gets heated is when I say this part.....

 

To my surprise, I discovered that it seems very few men are 100% straight. Or at least ones on swinger sites.

 

Our profiles have always said with couples we like straight or bi play. Doesn't matter which. But with single males we do want someone who plays bi as well. Since there are so many, might as well have one that can offer everything.

 

So it's right out there that if you're a single guy....bi play will happen.

 

After a short time, Doing a search for single men in our area, I realized very very few men had not already emailed us. Dozens and dozens of straight male profiles with everyone saying...."it says straight.....but...".

 

It was also very rare to have someone actually say, "no M-M play"

 

It was very eye opening as I had thought that bi males were the minority but come to find out they were the overwhelming majority.

 

I came to the conclusion, in my opinion, that while certainly not everyone is bi, males do still feel it needs to be kept quiet.

 

Even my experience with couples is the same both as a couple and a single.

 

When I had a single bi male profile....the majority of people contacting me were the male half of straight couple profiles....looking to play alone....many were active as a couple...and quite a few had statements in their profiles "Straight men only" or similar....

When I'd ask about it, it was always that the male was shy to even open up to his wife about it.

 

With all that said....in summary....from only my experience....I believe male bisexuality is the most common, but most hidden secret in swinging.

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To me the difference is much more profound. I am bi, To me that means I am open to having a RELATIONSHIP with either a man or a woman. If I were only interested in having a relationship with a man, but was open to having sex with a woman, then I would state I was straight and would state in my profile that I was open to sex with women... I guess "bi-friendly" would be the closest I've seen to a short description. I do not like the label "bi-curious" however, although it is commonly understood in this LS as being open to having sex with a same sex partner, anywhere else it would be understood as being curious about being in a relationship with a same sex partner. We all have our labels though and the most common understanding is the most accepted.

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Forget the stupid labels. They are labels and practically meaningless. Read the profile. You'll find little enough information there.

 

This anger about "lying" is silly. Many men who think of themselves as straight will allow another man to suck his cock, or even suck another man's cock. His focus may be on women and rightfully think of himself as straight. It's not for any other person to tell him how he should think of himself.

 

I label myself as bi because I do enjoy sucking cock and having mine sucked. I mean really enjoy. Yet I have never felt I could have a mate type relationship with a man. And I'm attracted to women, body and soul, where I am not attracted to men in the same way.

 

For so many men their sexuality and sexual boundaries are a work in progress. For many women also. Getting angry over a man thinking himself straight yet slowly opening to having a cock in his mouth is unfair. Celebrate those who are learning about their own sexuality. I certainly hope I never stop learning about mine.

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I've seen a lot of called straight guys that love a finger up their ass and many times don't care whose finger it is.

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Sucking a cock...is that gay, straight, or bi? Gay men do it so it's gay. But gay women don't do it, so it's not gay. Women do it so it's straight, but bi guys do it too, so it's bi.

 

The action isn't orientation. People are gay, bi, or straight, or any of the million flavors between.

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Guest AigeanandEmber

This is one of those things that drives me batty. So many guys will put "straight" on their profiles and then proposition men for sex. Look, if you are a man, and you like cock, you are not straight. You might not be 50-50 bisexual or 100% homo, but you are definitely NOT straight.

 

Now, I am able to step back and think about all the work I had to do for myself to accept myself and my bisexuality AND my kinkyness. It was considerable because my parents and community said that liking 'deviant' sex was a sin, or bad, or shameful or (insert negative phrase here). But I was fortunate to have the opportunities to do a lot of work on accepting myself and today I have no worries about being bi and kinky. And I have a wife who accepts me with all my deviant behavior (although some of that might be because she is a deviant too).

 

BUT, men still seem to go to great lengths to purport themselves to be something they are not and it grinds my gears. I have no judgment on sexuality. Just on lying. So, be truthful to yourself and your playmates and then let's have some fun!

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This is one of those things that drives me batty. So many guys will put "straight" on their profiles and then proposition men for sex. Look, if you are a man, and you like cock, you are not straight. You might not be 50-50 bisexual or 100% homo, but you are definitely NOT straight.

 

Now, I am able to step back and think about all the work I had to do for myself to accept myself and my bisexuality AND my kinkyness. It was considerable because my parents and community said that liking 'deviant' sex was a sin, or bad, or shameful or (insert negative phrase here). But I was fortunate to have the opportunities to do a lot of work on accepting myself and today I have no worries about being bi and kinky. And I have a wife who accepts me with all my deviant behavior (although some of that might be because she is a deviant too).

 

BUT, men still seem to go to great lengths to purport themselves to be something they are not and it grinds my gears. I have no judgment on sexuality. Just on lying. So, be truthful to yourself and your playmates and then let's have some fun!

 

It's unfortunate, but true, that there is a bisexual male stigma in the lifestyle. You'd think we were the most accepting group out there, but damn-it, there's still that homophobe factor.

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I've been contacted several times by single guys on my SLS profile, and it doesn't bother me at all. I'm more than a little curious, so I answer them back, only to never hear from them again. Is it me, or a case of them "jumping the gun" when contacting people?

 

"Hey, want to meet up before I go to work today?"

 

"Sure, give me an hour."

 

 

POOF! Nothing back from them ever again, not even a 'sorry, dude, something came up'.

 

 

 

Oh, well, I guess I'm not the only noob to bi-play.

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Get that all the time. Cold feet from so many guys....

 

Cmon man, nice blowjob after work....

 

Gone

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About 40 years ago I read a book when I was a teenager, and I don't remember the name of the book, but I do remember one line from it.

 

"I'm not homosexual. But I'm not heterosexual either. Let's just say I'm sexual."

 

That's me.

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What I find sad and quite irritating is someone trying to tell me whether I am bi or not. If you have the belief that if I suck cock I'm bi, that's your belief, not mine. Don't impose your belief on me. If I believe I'm straight, that's my belief, not yours. I'm the one who writes my profile, not you.

 

If you read this thread there are those who feel you have to be able to consider a relationship with the same sex as well as the opposite sex in order to actually be bi. There is some merit to that argument. We label ourselves both as bi mainly because we want to eliminate homophobes quickly. I think of my self as omnisexual, which could be shortened simply to sexual. Those people who can enjoy sexual pleasures with only the opposite sex OR the same sex might more accurately be labeled partially sexual.

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What I find sad and quite irritating is someone trying to tell me whether I am bi or not. If you have the belief that if I suck cock I'm bi, that's your belief, not mine.

 

'I didn't event English'...great but obscure Archer line...I mean you can be upset about it, but the term is there for everybody to understand...guess your not flying your rainbow flag?

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Because they're not straight. I get it all the time. Married men with profiles that say they're straight then the next thing is they're telling me they're not.

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Bottom line is there is not a lot of good social capital you are going to get from being a Bi guy. A Bi girl, woohoo, what party do you want to got to, a bi guy, meh.

 

I keep myself on the DL, I just don't list my sexual orientation in ads, not that I really use them anyway.

 

I am also not really seeking men, but hey if a good one comes along why not! ;-)

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The term is not understood by everyone, that's the whole point. If you read this entire thread, it's clear different people have different meanings for the term bi. It is probably one of the least understood sexual terms, though it has plenty of competition in not well understood sexual terms. So if there are many different meanings for this term bi, why not pay attention to what the person says they mean by bi rather than telling us what everyone SHOULD mean by bi???

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Maybe I'm not Bi. Maybe I'm bi-curious. Maybe I'm really a straight guy that wonders what it's like to have a dick in my mouth. I'm not really sure. I'll just wait and see. I'll respond to everyone that contacts me and find out when the time comes. I guess I just don't understand why the attitude toward Bi men is as it is.

 

Maybe I'll change my heading in my profile. Fortunately my desires don't change with the profile.

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The term is not understood by everyone, that's the whole point. If you read this entire thread, it's clear different people have different meanings for the term bi. It is probably one of the least understood sexual terms, though it has plenty of competition in not well understood sexual terms. So if there are many different meanings for this term bi, why not pay attention to what the person says they mean by bi rather than telling us what everyone SHOULD mean by bi???

 

Good point.

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Bottom line is there is not a lot of good social capital you are going to get from being a Bi guy. A Bi girl, woohoo, what party do you want to got to, a bi guy, meh.

 

 

I found there is. Am approached by couples who want a bi male to share, & occasional single women who enjoy seeing & participating in m/m sexuality. Were I 42 or 52 vs 62 I suspect a lot more couples would be inviting me, & probably if I had a regular female partner for these soirees.

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I get straight guys contacting me A LOT! Married, single, those with girlfriends. I think there's tons of guys looking to explore out there but are afraid given the negative stigma people place on bi or bicurious men(they're closet gay gays, etc)

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Our profile lists us both as been "Bi-Curious" and preferably we would like to meet other Bi-Curious / Bisexual people which is for a variety of reasons, we clearly state in our profile that we would like to meet other Bi-Curious / Bisexual people but straight men message us ALL THE TIME.

 

Perhaps the biggest reason I don't like playing with straight men is that I had a rather nasty experience with a straight male which happened some years ago now. Me and my girlfriend at the time met a straight guy and decided to give a MFM threesome a try with him and basically by the word "Straight" he actually meant massively homophobic / scared of been near another naked man / not wanting to be in the same room as another naked man / not wanting to share anything whatsoever with another man / and you could also add rude, offensive, and dangerous on top of that list.

 

Me and my girlfriend invited him into bed and he was nervous / on edge / paranoid because I was there (another man) then once we did start playing it just became stupidly impossible because he said:

 

"I'm not kissing HER now, because you have kissed her, I don't want to touch the lips where another mans lips have been"

 

"I'm not touching HER vagina because you have put your dick in there"

 

"I am not giving HER oral sex because your lips have touched her vagina"

 

This other man didn't even want me there at all, all he actually wanted was to fuck my girlfriend and he would have been happier if I suddenly fell off the planet just so he could have his sex.

 

He then proceeded to stalk my girlfriend and try and steal her form me which turned into her been stalked for over 2 months.

 

Some years later we also had a very brief encounter with another straight male and he was very similar, he refused to give my girlfriend oral sex because I had given her oral sex first, he then totally refused to try DP because he didn't was his dick to be anywhere near mine.

 

In my experience "Straight Men" trying to explore MFM situations is just awkward, but sure straight men bombard us with messages despite us asking to meet Bi / Bi Curious people.

 

 

ONE WARNING I DO HAVE IS.......

 

Be careful when so called bi-curious / bisexual men message you because I have noticed a LOT of straight men read our profile and notice were looking for Bi-Curious / Bisexual people and they then change their profile to say they are bisexual. They then send us a message so we read their profile as "Bisexual" then if we don't answer about 2 or 3 days later they change their profile back to straight.

 

I find a lot of straight men LIE about been bisexual just so they can sleep with a someones girlfriend or wife, that they advertise themselves as been bisexual and then when you do meet them and get naked in bed they suddenly become 100% straight.

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Shot in the dark: "Roman bias." In ancient Rome being the penetrator is relations with another man was "manly," but being the penetratee was considered "effeminate" and worthy of derision. Likewise, in much of modern America the pejorative "cocksucker" remains a direct insult / challenge to a man's masculinity. No one yells "cocksuckee!" as an insult. I suspect these men have absorbed some one-sided notions (prejudices) about same-sex male interactions and have a psychological bias against admitting they are bi-curious. They may be thinking "if I'm getting a blowjob or I'm the one doing the penetrating, I'm still a manly man straight guy, right?" I've met some hypermasculine gay men (often clad in leather) in life, so I don't think of gay men as automatically "effeminate," but the prejudice runs deep. Summation: they are lying to themselves.

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      “Of course not, not at all. You’re not in the mood?”
       
      “Oh, I’m in the mood all right, just not with Ed.”
       
      “Something wrong with him?” I asked.
       
      “I tried to get him interested,” Mary revealed, “but his kiss was a little cold, indifferent. I put my hand on his leg, he was too busy watching you and Marilyn, he never responded. My guess is that if we went into a room, he’d be watching you two, I’m not even sure he’d get hard for me.” It was a reasonable thought, it had happened to us a couple times before. “Hope you don’t mind, bet she’d have been a firecracker.”
       
      “Maybe. But you’re a firecracker too.”
       
      We headed back to the dance floor, in search of another couple.
    • By Beaverbumper
      Where are the swinger sites for those of us that are 55 and over? We may be as they say over the hill but we sure as hell ain't under it...so come on all you older swingers, let's form a website of our own.
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