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curious24

Are 20-somethings only wanting females or couples?

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Maybe I've asked this question before but I don't remember so I'm going to ask it for the first time or again :)

 

Something that I think I have noticed is that the 20 something couples out there seem to want to find either other couples or another women to join them. I never see any 20 something couples looking for a single male to join them.

 

My question is why is this? Does it have to do with their age? Society? I just don't get it. :confused:

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Guest Mr&Mrs-naughty
I never see any 20 something couples looking for a single male to join them.

 

You have now :)

 

Although I am now 31 Mrs naughty is still in her 20s and we had are first MFM experiences when we were both in our 20s.

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We can’t say we’ve noticed that trend. Then again, we are a couples-only couple that is well past our 20’s, so we are well out of that social circle. Still, we have a theory; perhaps many younger men have not developed enough confidence to be able to share their partners with other men without expecting to “get some” in return. It may take a few years of maturing to get to that point.

 

Another theory: perhaps many of the older men who share their partners do so only because age has reduced their sexual desire and their ability to perform. Thus they settle for sharing their partners, whereas younger men won’t settle for having anything less than another woman to play with.

 

DISCLAIMER: These theories are not intended to offend those younger men who do share their partners, or older men with strong sex drives who still perform well. These are merely generalizations which might explain curious24’s observation, and we would love to hear alternative theories.

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Greg & Sheryl

 

We enjoy the MFM, but not because I have a decreased drive... Of course, I'm 35... That may be it for some, but not for us. I am a machine unto myself ;)

 

I think you hit it on the head with the maturity aspect. I know that will ruffle a few feathers, but I think men are probably not as secure yet - and women are probably even less, so they go with another woman to please their man.

 

Of course - it is just conjecture and generalizations are always bound to lead to someone being upset, so I will co-opt your disclaimer and say that I seriously hope I haven't offended anyone. Just thinking out loud. There are always exceptions - especially since my theory is anything but a rule.

 

I do maintain that swinging is a sport for the middle aged...

 

;)

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thanks for all the great replies :)

 

but if only 9 replies out of everyone here i think that would tell me that a lot of people in their 20's aren't really interested in single men?? maybe? hmm ...

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David and I are currently looking solely for a bifem ATM simply b/c we are very new (haven't had our first experience yet, actually) and as David is not sure yet as to his bi status yet(he thinks he may possibly be, but was raised VERY repressed sexually and up until our relationship had been with very allaboutme women so just since we've been together, and with a lot of love and patience and lots of questions asked of me he has learned that it is perfectly okay to unearth and examine that part of his life.. it's been beautiful to see him blossom.. :)) a single man is something we are not ready to explore, and likely won't be for quite a while. A couple is something we are looking for after a few encounters, possibly as our first encounter if it is the right one.... that's our reasoning... :)

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We are still considered 20 somethings, getting nearer to 30 somethings, but maily we have only looked for couples, there are times when we would like to find a single female to play with, not had too much luck there, but there are times we have invited a single guy to join us for a threesome, but they have also been guys that we know and trust.

 

Mainly for us, we look for couples who we can be friends with and hang out with and there not be the expectation that we have to swap partners and have sex every time we meet. But that's just us.

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...if only 9 replies out of everyone here i think that would tell me that a lot of people in their 20's aren't really interested in single men??
Not necessarily. Although we haven’t conducted an official census on this board, we think it’s a safe bet that the majority of people on this board are over 30, and many of them didn’t start swinging until they were already 30. Thus, only a small percentage this board’s membership felt compelled to answer your question.

 

Still, it seems you actually received an above-average response. There are 25 threads listed on the first page of the General Swingers Stuff forum (not including the “About the…” thread). As of this writing, only nine of those threads, including this one, have received double-digit responses. In that context, it would seem that there is an interest in single men among 20-something couples. However, perhaps a poll on this topic would be a more accurate gauge.

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thanks for all the great replies :)

 

but if only 9 replies out of everyone here i think that would tell me that a lot of people in their 20's aren't really interested in single men?? maybe? hmm ...

 

I assume your in your 20's. Why don't you go find a girlfriend your age thats open to swinging-may take a little work but it will be worth it, and then ya'll can go out and look for a single guy. Then you can say your one of those couples in their 20's that look for single guys. Seriously, You got a lot of decent response from this thread-quit whining and take some action!

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thanks for all the great replies :)

 

but if only 9 replies out of everyone here i think that would tell me that a lot of people in their 20's aren't really interested in single men?? maybe? hmm ...

I am 29, and my husband is 30....

 

Most single 20 year old Men in swinging are very, very, very immature and trying to go for the "easy lay".

 

But to answer your orig. question ... Single men are all over, single women are not..... You don't have to "look" for a single male.... they are all over.

 

If you want to "up" your odds, find a girlfriend and bring something more to the table. I am Bi, (that is the main reason we are in the lifestyle) a lot of the other women in the lifestyle are also..... You can not offer me nothing my husband does not.

 

Sounds like you are just complaning because you think its hard to find people to play with you......

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I am 29, and my husband is 30....

 

Most single 20 year old Men in swinging are very, very, very immature and trying to go for the "easy lay".

 

But to answer your orig. question ... Single men are all over, single women are not..... You don't have to "look" for a single male.... they are all over.

 

If you want to "up" your odds, find a girlfriend and bring something more to the table. I am Bi, (that is the main reason we are in the lifestyle) a lot of the other women in the lifestyle are also..... You can not offer me nothing my husband does not.

 

Sounds like you are just complaning because you think its hard to find people to play with you......

I'm not complaining at all.. I'm just making an observation about what I see. I'm not actually actively looking for anything. I honestly enjoy the open mindedness that this site has the the way they treat nice single guys here. Hence the reason I stay on this site and ask questions like this to get a different view point on issues that I think of and observe here and on other sites that I visit every now and then.

 

And I would actually argue your point about having to "look" for single men. Yes you are right they are all over. However, I bet it's harder than you think to find a nice single guy who isn't immature and just looking for the "easy lay", but then again since you aren't looking for single men and never have I guess you wouldn't know would you? ;)

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I think many new swingers are more comfortable with a MFF (less male pressures) or couples for a first experiance. Now I know 5 people will post that there first was a MMF and I know that its not uncommon, but at least the ADDS seem to be young couples looking for single females or couples.

 

We started this way and personally I think it worked a lot better for us. I still had some jealousy issues, and the fact that our first full swap was just that, instead of an MMF, made those issues easier to handle. Sure he did my wife but I did his too so we are 'even'. Now that we are experianced its not an issue at all, but switching from vanilla to swinger you can't expect to give up all your old hang ups right away.

 

Also you need to figure in the good number of bisexual/bisexual curious (and there IS such a thing as bisexual curious, my wife switched from BC to B, but it wasn't an instant thing) and a MMF won't help them explore that.

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And I would actually argue your point about having to "look" for single men. Yes you are right they are all over. However, I bet it's harder than you think to find a nice single guy who isn't immature and just looking for the "easy lay", but then again since you aren't looking for single men and never have I guess you wouldn't know would you? ;)

 

I know what you are saying, but We meet very nice single guys every weekend at the local meet and greets.....

 

You could argue, but you would be dead wrong... single men are a dime a dozen...

 

We used to get sooo many emails on sls, that we had to block single men,... we still get a bunch from single males listed as couples.

 

If you had a girlfriend and was looking for a couple... not a single male, you would know this....

 

I checked out your posts , looks like you have been looking recently... or by "not currently looking" did you mean "not in the last two minutes?"

 

Just wondering how can you look for 4 years and not meet anyone.. do you go to meet and greets , just to meet people?

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I would have to agree with HotMama on this point, one of our local clubs allows single males on Saturday nights. Their will usually be between 20 and 30 single males there and the majority of them seem to be decent enough guys. So I don't think anyone would lack choices as they seem to be pretty plentifull to me.

 

Curious24, one thing you said brought a question to mind that I've always wondered about . You said "However, I bet it's harder than you think to find a nice single guy who isn't immature and just looking for the "easy lay"".

 

Aren't all single guys that swing pretty much looking for an "easy lay"? What I am getting at is I don't see that their is anything more to get from a swinging couple, as they are allready in a commited relationship with each other and are generally not looking to add a third for anything other than sex. I've allways assumed that if the single males wanted anything other than that they would be out looking for a regular girl friend instead of looking for swingers. :confused:

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Aren't all single guys that swing pretty much looking for an "easy lay"? What I am getting at is I don't see that their is anything more to get from a swinging couple, as they are allready in a commited relationship with each other and are generally not looking to add a third for anything other than sex. I've allways assumed that if the single males wanted anything other than that they would be out looking for a regular girl friend instead of looking for swingers. :confused:

 

Maybe this is a first step into exploring a possible bisexual side of himself?

 

(Please feel free to jump all over me if I am assuming way too much, curious24 ;) )

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We were soft swap ONLY when we were in our 20's. We're both 30 now, and have moved up to full swapping with select people. We felt for us to go MFM, or even the big FMF, it would take away half the fun if they were 'soft' 3-somes.

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Curious24, one thing you said brought a question to mind that I've always wondered about . You said "However, I bet it's harder than you think to find a nice single guy who isn't immature and just looking for the "easy lay"".

 

Aren't all single guys that swing pretty much looking for an "easy lay"? What I am getting at is I don't see that their is anything more to get from a swinging couple, as they are allready in a commited relationship with each other and are generally not looking to add a third for anything other than sex. I've allways assumed that if the single males wanted anything other than that they would be out looking for a regular girl friend instead of looking for swingers. :confused:

You know it really bothers me when people "assume" things about me. It's been happening a lot lately to me and I just don't get it. Just come out and ask me :)

 

Anyway, if I was looking for an "easy lay" then I would have already had an experience. I've had a few offers in the past 4 years that I have been curious but I just didn't like the couples that have offed.

 

Maybe I'm the only single guy who is interested in swinging that would actually like to be friends with the people I swing with in and out of the bed room. It is exactly this thought that I want an "easy lay" that is keeping me away from a lot of swingers. In fact it doesn't make me very happy at all that I am looked at as an "easy lay" and that I am "used" for only a fuck.

 

I'm a person damnit. Some guys this maybe okay for them but it's not me. I want to be treated with respect and as a human being. I don't think that's asking a whole lot considering the amount of respect I give to others in and out of the lifestyle.

 

I'm also sorry that you don't see anything more that a couple can gain by having a single guy. That truely saddens me. If I ran into couples like you (no offense) I wouldn't swing with you all. I have a lot more to offer than just sex.

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I know what you are saying, but We meet very nice single guys every weekend at the local meet and greets.....

Great! :confused:

 

You could argue, but you would be dead wrong... single men are a dime a dozen...

I'm not arguing this point they are a dime a dozen.. what I AM arguing is finding that single guy who just doesn't want an "easy lay." And some how I don't think you'll understand what I'm talking about. If not then my argument is just going to fall on def ears.

 

We used to get sooo many emails on sls, that we had to block single men,... we still get a bunch from single males listed as couples.

Did you say you didn't want emails from single guys? I personally never respond or send emails to anyone that says no single guys. Even if they don't say that but their profile they have answered "couples" and "females" i don't send any kind of message. That's just me I respect the decisions of others. With this thread I'm just trying to understand the observation that I made. With all honesty I could care less who you choose to swing with.

 

If you had a girlfriend and was looking for a couple... not a single male, you would know this....

I've been around here long enough to know this is the "stereotype." Which as unfortunate as it is I'm put into as we are seeing.

 

I checked out your posts , looks like you have been looking recently... or by "not currently looking" did you mean "not in the last two minutes?"

wtf? :confused:

 

Just wondering how can you look for 4 years and not meet anyone.. do you go to meet and greets , just to meet people?

does it really matter? and why do you seem to care? hmm.. :confused:

but to answer your question i have meet some people... there haven't been meet and greats anywhere near me.. and if there were and people acted like this i wouldn't even bother going.. hell if people acted like this on here i wouldn't even be here.

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Vespertine said:
Quote
Originally Posted by good times

Aren't all single guys that swing pretty much looking for an "easy lay"? What I am getting at is I don't see that their is anything more to get from a swinging couple, as they are allready in a commited relationship with each other and are generally not looking to add a third for anything other than sex. I've allways assumed that if the single males wanted anything other than that they would be out looking for a regular girl friend instead of looking for swingers.

Maybe this is a first step into exploring a possible bisexual side of himself?

 

(Please feel free to jump all over me if I am assuming way too much, curious24 ;) )

I wanted to respond to both of these :)

 

I'm coming to find out that assuming things is were people start to get into trouble. I see assuming as science. You come up with your hypothesis (your assumption) and then you have to do your experiment to see if it's true (asking the person your assuming about if your assumption is true or not). Until you run that experiment you'll never know if it's true or not. You'll just be stuck with a hypothesis as truth and that's not good science is it?

 

I have found and I am talking to one couple who would like to be friends in and out of the bed room. They want me to go out and do things with them. They want to know what I'm thinking. They want to be friends. That's what I'm looking for. Unfortunately for me they are far away and I haven't had a chance to meet them yet.

 

With that said... I am also looking for a regular girl friend. I'm sure if you have been reading any of the posts I have been making you would see what I'm going through right now. Also, if you would read my spotlight interview you would find out a ton about me and Vespertine it would answer your question :) and thanks for asking it and not assuming it :) !!

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wtf? :confused:

 

 

does it really matter? and why do you seem to care? hmm.. :confused:

but to answer your question i have meet some people... there haven't been meet and greats anywhere near me.. and if there were and people acted like this i wouldn't even bother going.. hell if people acted like this on here i wouldn't even be here.

WTF? :confused: What I was saying, is , in your posts (you can see all the posts by a member ,ya know?) It sure seems like you are trying to pursue relationships.... Ya dig? :confused:

 

And I don't care if you meet someone or not, "And if people acted like this, you wouldn't even bother going?" Boy, for a young single male, you sure have thin skin. Maybe after 4 years and no sucess, you should hang it up Surrender

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WTF? :confused: What I was saying, is , in your posts (you can see all the posts by a member ,ya know?) It sure seems like you are trying to pursue relationships.... Ya dig? :confused:

yeah looking for a relationship with a woman.. not with a couple... (btw yes i know thanks ;) )

 

And I don't care if you meet someone or not, "And if people acted like this, you wouldn't even bother going?" Boy, for a young single male, you sure have thin skin. Maybe after 4 years and no sucess, you should hang it up Surrender

You're right I do have thin skin. The reason for it is that I don't have time to waste nor do I want to waste time with people who think and act that all single men are looking for an "easy lay".. pfft whatever.. I know for myself that's not ture and if I'm put into that category, which most people automatically do, why waste my time with them?

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Curious24, Have you tried going to Foxxies Firehouse? It's off I-35 just north of downtown. We checked it out, didn't like it that much-not much of a dance floor. However they let single guys in. We know someone who is friends with the manager-he told me on a few occasions there has been women who did a gang bang. You may want to go there and see if you can meet some couples or participate in a gang bang. Why don't you go and check it out. Then give us a report. Would like to know what its like from a single guys perspective.

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I'm a 20 something and when i was meeting couples i met one 20 something couple whom was only looking for mfm so they are out there just keep looking

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De and Ci said:
Curious24, Have you tried going to Foxxies Firehouse?

I've seen Foxxies before. Didn't know they had a website. One of the main things about it is that it's $50 for single men at the door on some nights and on busy nights it's a freak'n $100! That's just a little out of my price range :)

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Its $100 on saturday, $50 on Friday. Go on friday. $50 is also the admission for Anchovies, so it would be the same price anyway

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Maybe I'm the only single guy who is interested in swinging that would actually like to be friends with the people I swing with in and out of the bed room. It is exactly this thought that I want an "easy lay" that is keeping me away from a lot of swingers. In fact it doesn't make me very happy at all that I am looked at as an "easy lay" and that I am "used" for only a fuck.

 

I'm a 20 something for about another month so I'll post my comments to this. The only way we would consider a single person at all is knowing that someone doesn't want to become friends. Personality would still matter because that's still the biggest attraction...but I have this fear that someone who wasn't in a strong committed relationship could develop deep feelings and want more and complicate things. That goes for both single males and single females. To me there is some kind of safety knowing the male half of the couple had fun but really wants to go back with his wife. If we did do it with a single guy I would want to like him, we would need to click, but I wouldn't want it to go much further than sex and maybe a game of pool. Though I don't know that I would want him to be just a "stunt cock" I would want him to be getting pleasure too, receiving pleasure from myself, and knowing that he was making it one hell of a night for everyone involved.

 

Couples are just more interesting for me. I love being with women, I love giving a woman pleasure and receiving pleasure from a woman... It gives endless combinations with the 4 of us. I also love to watch the other couple "make love" to each other when we are through trading partners. I get more out of couples... there isn't anything that a single person could offer that I couldn't get from a couple and I get so much more from being with a couple.

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