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  1. #1

    Default Friends(?) with benefits.

    My wife and I got into the lifestyle recently, about last six months. We did a ton of research. Actually, this forum helped to answer many questions we had before we ultimately decided to jump in.
    Jump in we did.
    We made a couple of profiles on free sites, and began talking to some couples online. At first, we really didn't know what we wanted, other than to spice up our sex lives. The first couple we spoke with, in hindsight, was pretty aggressive. I won't go into details, but we ended up hooking up with them on a first date after a few weeks of very flirtatious chatting. They ended up being a little too different from us.
    After a couple of other dates with different couples, we realized that we were looking for friends with benefits. I mean, we're not club people, and sex parties never sounded appealing to us, but we still wanted to bang other couples together! The only other couple we've hooked up with since we got into the lifestyle, seem to be what we were looking for. We made a good first impression, and on the second date, we made it to the bedroom with them. It started a little rough, and not in a good way. I had some performance issues the first time with her, but those have since been resolved. We chat with them on a regular basis(several days per week), and we've seen them several times since our first vanilla meeting. My wife and I, are looking forward to continuing to build our relationship with these two. They are good people, and I'm happy to call them friends. Friends that have a good time together on a king size bed, banging each other's spouses! All that said, I don't know how big of a part we will play in this couple's lives, but we're going to ride the wave till the end.
    Why not, it'll be fun while it lasts!


  2. #2

    Default Re: Friends(?) with benefits.

    Congratulations! You have clearly described a common pathway in the LS.

    From the outside looking in (aka vanillas, interesteds, just about to dip the toe, breathless reporters,.. )the LS is all about sex. That's what is talked about, envied, disparaged, ...

    From the inside looking out, the LS is all about your primary relationship with your spouse or S/O, and how that journey unfolds.

    For a few in the LS, it really is "all about sex".

    For many others, it is about building relationships with like-minded couples. The friendship piece really does matter. Trust, intimacy, honesty in a space where no one is embarrassed to be having fun\. Compare that to the issues of ordinary life.

  3. #3
    Swingers Board Addict adamgunn's Avatar
    Status
    Couple.
    SLS Profile
    sextiescouple

    Default Re: Friends(?) with benefits.

    Congratulations. You've found a great way to begin your LifeStyle journey. Enjoy it.

    You seem to understand one of the axioms, that things always change. When they do - you may decide to try out other fantasies, or relationship with the couple you've found may change - be open to that as well.

  4. #4

    Default Re: Friends(?) with benefits.

    I value my friendships. There's always that thought in the back of my mind that they will get bored and want to move on. That aspect of this is a bummer. Like I wrote before though, it's fun, and it will be while it lasts!

  5. #5

    Default Re: Friends(?) with benefits.

    This couple didn't end up working out with us. We found a new couple not long after I posted this thread. They are amazing people, and it's turned into so much more than swinging. We met them for the first time, alittle over a month ago, and connected with then instantly. It's been intense! We've spent time with them every weekend since we started chatting, and even took a roadtrip to Galveston last weekend. We were sure we wanted friends with benefits, but we've all come to the conclusion that this is a poly relationship. It's not what we were looking for, but it's what we found, and it's wonderful!

  6. #6

    Default Re: Friends(?) with benefits.

    wow (I know not a very civilized expression, but it's what came to mind).
    Starting to look just for fun but finding a lot more.
    Congratulations

  7. #7

    Default Re: Friends(?) with benefits.

    Update?
    If you donít have to lie about sex, you donít have to lie about anything. - John Williamson

  8. #8

    Default Re: Friends(?) with benefits.

    This relationship with this couple is growing into something quite amazing. We've spent time with them every weekend since the first weekend we met them. It's become so much more than swinging, and all four of us are completely on the same page!

  9. #9

    Default Re: Friends(?) with benefits.

    Update: We are still with this couple, and we have fallen for them! It seems this sort of thing is rare! It's been a wild ride to this point, and we did hit a little bump in the road, but it's all good now. Next up is a trip to the mountains in Colorado!


  10. #10

    Default Re: Friends(?) with benefits.



    Keep the updates coming!
    If you donít have to lie about sex, you donít have to lie about anything. - John Williamson

  11. #11

    Default Re: Friends(?) with benefits.

    Lovely! Personally, my husband and I prefer to keep things more casual and more intermittent. We have a nice group of couples we've known for sometime (some longer than others) and have wonderful get togethers now and then with at least one, if not all, of them. It's great your's has developed into a poly relationship that you really enjoy and are comfortable with. I hope it continues to go well! By the way, I'm curious, is it strictly MF swapping?

  12. #12

    Default Re: Friends(?) with benefits.

    Quote Originally Posted by Freaky.Fiona View Post
    Lovely! Personally, my husband and I prefer to keep things more casual and more intermittent. We have a nice group of couples we've known for sometime (some longer than others) and have wonderful get togethers now and then with at least one, if not all, of them. It's great your's has developed into a poly relationship that you really enjoy and are comfortable with. I hope it continues to go well! By the way, I'm curious, is it strictly MF swapping?
    It has been MF swapping. He and I have no interest in MM, although our wives have played a little while we're all in the same bed. It hasn't been strictly all four of us all of the time though. We've gone on a couple of separate dates. The most recent being this last weekend. I took his wife to a concert, because we both are really into music, and he took my wife out to a nice dinner and some drinks. We all met up afterward for a quick drink and chat. We all had a wonderful time!

  13. #13

    Default Re: Friends(?) with benefits.

    Quote Originally Posted by TandBB81 View Post
    It has been MF swapping. He and I have no interest in MM, although our wives have played a little while we're all in the same bed. It hasn't been strictly all four of us all of the time though. We've gone on a couple of separate dates. The most recent being this last weekend. I took his wife to a concert, because we both are really into music, and he took my wife out to a nice dinner and some drinks. We all met up afterward for a quick drink and chat. We all had a wonderful time!
    Oh, great! Yes, I figured if it was anything, it would be WW, not MM, as that is more typical (it's how it is with us, as I am bisexual, so I'm often with another woman, but my husband only has interest in women). Sounds more casual for your wife (and the other women) to be involved in WW activity compared to how it is for us. Very nice you were able to take the different wives out on those dates, makes things better when you can share interests like that (and did you have sex with them during the date, then the four of you get together to play again or just the latter to cap the night?). So lovely to have options like that!

  14. #14

    Default Re: Friends(?) with benefits.

    Quote Originally Posted by Freaky.Fiona View Post
    Oh, great! Yes, I figured if it was anything, it would be WW, not MM, as that is more typical (it's how it is with us, as I am bisexual, so I'm often with another woman, but my husband only has interest in women). Sounds more casual for your wife (and the other women) to be involved in WW activity compared to how it is for us. Very nice you were able to take the different wives out on those dates, makes things better when you can share interests like that (and did you have sex with them during the date, then the four of you get together to play again or just the latter to cap the night?). So lovely to have options like that!
    Actually, we didn't have any sex that night! It was just a really wonderful time had by all, and it reaffirmed to all of us what we have and how truly special it is. Our Colorado trip is coming up soon, there will be plenty of bedroom activities!

  15. #15
    Swingers Board Addict couplers's Avatar
    Status
    female in poly family

    Default Re: Friends(?) with benefits.

    Quote Originally Posted by TandBB81 View Post
    Actually, we didn't have any sex that night! It was just a really wonderful time had by all, and it reaffirmed to all of us what we have and how truly special it is.
    Watch out! All those people with "red flag" emojis will be popping up saying how you are endangering your marriages.

    Why that is, I don't know. Why should it be that it is considered a bad thing for people you're having sex with (or that your spouse is having sex with) to actually care about him or her as a person? To treat them well and enjoy activities other than sex? I never understood why someone would prefer screwing (or having your spouse screw) a stranger who would just dump them to the curb after it's over.

    It sounds like you have created four great relationships. Keep it going and keep us updated.

  16. #16

    Default Re: Friends(?) with benefits.

    Quote Originally Posted by couplers View Post
    Watch out! All those people with "red flag" emojis will be popping up saying how you are endangering your marriages.

    Why that is, I don't know. Why should it be that it is considered a bad thing for people you're having sex with (or that your spouse is having sex with) to actually care about him or her as a person? To treat them well and enjoy activities other than sex? I never understood why someone would prefer screwing (or having your spouse screw) a stranger who would just dump them to the curb after it's over.

    It sounds like you have created four great relationships. Keep it going and keep us updated.
    We have created a wonderful relationship, and the four of us have discussed at length the potential dangers of having such a relationship. As I've said, we're all on the same page. We had fun swinging, but realized after we found them, that we wanted more than just swinging, and they were looking for more too. This whole experience has been a pretty wild ride to say the least!

  17. #17

    Default Re: Friends(?) with benefits.

    So lovely you have that with them, the four of you can depend on each other, help each other and, yes, enjoy time with each other (whether it's sexually or not). Really beautiful!


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