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  1. #1

    Default Second Thoughts on a Friend

    We still are relatively new to this. Less than a year. We only played with my college friends. I had no idea that these friends were into this. They live 4 hours from us. I was the one who talked my husband to go and this was before we got married. I kind of cheated with one of my girlfriends before telling him. It was my first time with a girl. I think on our first time he was excited to watch me with her and he got to be with her too. Up to a very recent time nobody near us knew. My husband recently asked if his best friend could know. I was very hesitant and I reluctantly agreed. I am not a pushover though I gave in. He is a great guy and I enjoy being with him socially. I was very passive in our first time with him. My husband and I talked about that after.
    Forward to this past weekend when we were invited to a football weekend and he came with us. I know it was exciting to him. He asked so many questions on our trip up there. He never even had an idea what he was going to see. Now that he has experienced this he wants to be with us again. It's not that he is annoying but we need our space. Don't want to lose him as a friend either.


  2. #2

    Default Re: Second Thoughts on a Friend

    First of all, while I don't know about anyone else, I'm willing to give ANY woman a pass the first time they 'cheat' with another woman (as long as she tells me about it later).

    As for your husbands friend. Other than saying this is one of the reasons we don't recommend bringing in friends (most of the time they are just not ready for this type of relationship), your husband needs to let him know the ground rules. Rule one is: everything is the same as before and the two of you will let him know when (if) anything else will happen again. If he wants to act differently, then he will fid himself being left out of more and more activities. You and your husband have the relationship, he is just (for lack of a better word) a sex toy for the bedroom. If he can't accept that, then you can always find another toy. This may all be new and exciting to him, but this isn't about him.
    If you donít have to lie about sex, you donít have to lie about anything. - John Williamson

  3. #3

    Default Re: Second Thoughts on a Friend

    You never be pressured into doing anything you aren't completely sure you want to do. Your husband has to be set straight on that and he has to set the limits with his friend. As a man who couldn't wait to be with my wife's friend again I understand his wants. Then again I was the one who was pressured. I didn't mind the pressure

  4. #4

    Default Re: Second Thoughts on a Friend

    I agree that you should not have been pressured to being with his friend. It should be your choice together with your husband. If you had any doubts you needed to tell your husband and he should have picked up on your doubts. If you don't want to be with his friend anymore tell him. I'm sure he won't get mad if you tell him that you will invite again in the future as long as he doesn't go begging for it. You say you like him and most likely enjoy being with him socially. Leaving the door open for the future will allow you to continue being friends.

  5. #5

    Default Re: Second Thoughts on a Friend

    We have had good experiences with friends but it does change the dynamics a lot. We have found that there is almost an expectation of sex when we get together with some of the friends we have played with. I am saying this with the added comment that we don't have a lot of experience in this area as we are only in the lifestyle since the beginning of the summer.

  6. #6

    Default Re: Second Thoughts on a Friend

    Having sex with people you already know is comfortable and convenient. It's the best of situations compared with initiating an experience with a total stranger.

    There is nothing wrong with having sex with a friend but your relationship will take on another dynamic.

    How will you know that your friend, after having sex with you, will still respect you as a friend and not look forward to having sex with you at every encounter.

    You will have a friend in a new way.

  7. #7

    Default Re: Second Thoughts on a Friend

    Quote Originally Posted by M1F2KTJ View Post
    Having sex with people you already know is comfortable and convenient. It's the best of situations compared with initiating an experience with a total stranger.

    There is nothing wrong with having sex with a friend but your relationship will take on another dynamic.

    How will you know that your friend, after having sex with you, will still respect you as a friend and not look forward to having sex with you at every encounter.

    You will have a friend in a new way.
    We still respect each other. He is a real friend and we both like his company. You are right that he did expect sex. We did sit him down and had to tell him the rules. We don't want to lose a friend but I am not a toy for him. It wasn't easy because to have a serious conversation but it had to be said.

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