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When it doesn't go well...

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This is a little long, so kudos to you if you get all the way through it.

 

Mr T and I are still looking for a local couple that we can hang out with - life and kids happen, and it would be nice to find a couple who live closer than 3 hours away so that if something happens last minute, we, or they, are not out money for travel, hotels etc.

 

A few months ago Mr T and C started texting back and forth. (I am in on all texts, emails etc.). She was flirtatious, sexy (curvy and a bit overweight, but still sexy with it.) She said she and her husband were new to swinging and in fact were just in the talking stages of things. But we liked what we read - they live 15 minutes from us, they live in a secluded area, like us their kids are about ready to fly the coop, same education levels, same interests and so on.

 

Two weeks ago she told Mr T that she and L, her husband, had finally done it! They hung out with a couple they have known forever and they did full swap. She did confess that she felt jealous watching L with the woman, but thought it was because the other woman is a close personal friend. And she mentioned that she was not attracted to her friend's husband in the slightest os it made it hard for her to get into the 'swing' (like what I did there) of things.

 

Last Wednesday we got together at a local pub to get to know each other in person. She had 3 Cosmos while we were there. I don't mind alcohol in the slightest, but I normally stop after one or two (as does Mr T) as we don't need alcohol to help with nerves etc. But we had a great time with them - turns out we really do have a lot in common. She texted me and asked whether we wanted to go back to their place and go hot-tubbing.

 

We got to their place and she made herself another Cosmo. Then we ventured over to the hot tub. Obviously Mr T and I did not have swim suits with us, so we stripped down, as did L. C told us we had to turn around and close our eyes before she would get in. I laughed and told her that she was fine and that Mr T found her sexy, regardless what she thought. But she refused to budge until we did. Once in the tub she started to relax a bit. We talked about everything - music, movies, careers and so on. At one point the hot tub got really hot, so I got out and dove into the pool. L followed suit and a minute later Mr T and C stepped in. After swimming a few laps L and I were in the shallow end and L started fondling me and got hard immediately. I looked over at Mr T and C in the deep end and I could tell he had things well in hand. Then they moved back to the hot tub where C started to give Mr T a BJ. L and I followed suit and I gave him a hand job in the tub. During this time C had L get out and make her another Cosmo (and you have to know the ones at home would be stronger than the ones at the pub!)

 

At C's suggestion we got out of the tub and went back to the house where C made herself another Cosmo and we went to the bedroom. This is where things started to go wrong - and honestly - it is not all on them! I have been on birth control for the last few months as I try and regulate my cycle after the birth of the last baby a year ago. I am on week 2 of my active pills, but suddenly and without warning, I started to bleed, all over their nice bed sheets! I was absolutely mortified! I wanted to stop right then, but L and C were so gracious. The bleeding slowed down almost completely after a couple of minutes, and L said we could still have a good time.

 

C in the meantime was acting really weird with Mr T. He told me later that he was so confused. She was all over the board. She wouldn't let him go down on her, and then when he turned his head to look at me, she told him, "Don't look at them!" Our ad also states that we do not like pain at all, no pee, poop or pain is how we state it. But she pulled out a box and asked me, "Have you ever used nipple clamps before?" When I said no, she took that as invitation to put them on me. Then she got out a whip (a leather one that many soft ends, so nothing too harsh) and started hitting Mr T and then me lightly. Mr T told her to cut it out. She laughed and carried on for a minute or two.

 

But Mr T put a complete stop to the night when she whispered in his ear, "I love you." He told me that the first time she said it he thought he misheard her. He said he thought she said, "I love this/it." But by the second time there was no mistaking what she said and he called time as politely as he could. He didn't want to tell L what C had said, so he feigned a migraine (which he is prone to anyway) and we booked it out of there.

 

The following morning C texted us (we had a group text going by this time) and apologized profusely. She said she was drunk (and so hungover she couldn't go to work the next day!); then she said she thought she was coming down with a UTI/Kidney infection and that is why she didn't want Mr T to go down on her (told me privately in a text later that she did indeed have a kidney infection and that she has a chronic kidney disease that she suffers from - if that is the case, why on earth drink so much alcohol that turns to sugar and is the last thing your kidneys need?); then she said that she was jealous seeing me and L together and having such a good time.

 

Right now my boss is 7 hours ahead of me -in another country. So in the mornings I am insanely busy since I have a few hours to get everything done before his international office closes for the day; Mr T is on a huge project, so we are both very busy. Well, neither one responded to her text right away, and immediately she said we hated her, and it was all her fault but that she deserved a do-over.

 

Mr T messaged her privately (again not wanting to say anything in front of L) and told her that her telling him she loved him was not appropriate - not ever. She said she only did it to see his reaction. By this point she was literally begging for a do-over! He told her as gently as possible that we were not a good match for them and that hopefully they would find someone who is. I told her privately too that she needed to be absolutely sure that this was something they could handle as a couple. Apparently L was really angry with her the following morning, telling her she screwed everything up. He also told her that I give better hand-jobs(!) Wow - also not cool. YOU NEVER compare in that way! I just said that there are many elements that make up a successful swinging experience, including compatibility with all 4 partners, and that we just didn't have that with them.

 

So the search continues...

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It sounds like you both handled it very graciously, considering. No doubt you'll find the right couple.

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"You'll laugh about this someday . . ."

 

We were kind of laughing about it the following day. At the same time as we were dealing with her texting drama (and what I initially wrote is not even a smidge of what she said/wrote), I was dealing with an irrational woman through a business I own. It took me 45 minutes to talk her down, all while trying to text some sense into C. C later texted my husband and told him that I was 'too sensible and not emotional enough'! Anyway, I came home from work that night and said to Mr T that I feel sorry for men who have to deal with that level of irrationality in women all the time. Just a couple of hours of it and I was ready to shoot them both!

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They - the 'they' in "that's what they say", I guess - suggest that people with toxic thought processes tend to feel emotions and then back the facts into them instead of the other way around. This often happens with anxiety, for example. "I feel anxious. I'm on a plane. Planes must be the problem. Flying is dangerous. I can't fly."

 

Him being angry with her for "ruining" everything made me wonder how their relationship works, not that it's any of our business. Then she complains that you're not "emotional enough" and I thought, yeah, there it is. Good on you for getting out in a dignified way. :lol:

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...suggest that people with toxic thought processes tend to feel emotions and then back the facts into them instead of the other way around. This often happens with anxiety, for example. "I feel anxious. I'm on a plane. Planes must be the problem. Flying is dangerous. I can't fly."

I had never heard it described quite so succinctly before, but that is exactly what C was doing and also the client I was dealing with on the phone. Good to remember this in future.

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Just because you all get to the station on time, doesn't mean there isn't going to be a :trainwreck:

 

At least it was only one night and you can still move on (while they are stuck with each other...for now). Most of us have been here and still occasionally will laugh about it every now and then.

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Sort of reminds us of the old saying, "management would be easy if people weren't involved.". Perhaps a near parallel would be, "swinging would be fun if people weren't involved."

 

We have encountered odd and uncomfortable circumstances, and most likely future similar events will occur. But we can't figure out how to swing with others without the others being people.

 

Ah, but having a graceful exit strategy for uncomfortable encounters certainly should be available. Swinging since the 70's we have experienced a very low number of unhappy events. Sometimes no matter how well we sense the personalities of the other couple, we still get reminded that they are people. God has fun making people often unpredictable. After all, He must have a sense of humor to get us to say, "you want to do what with what in what position with who?"

 

Have fun....

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Sort of reminds us of the old saying, "management would be easy if people weren't involved.".

 

Funny, we say work would be easy if management wasn't involved...:lol:

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Whoa! 5 cosmos at least. Those are deadly. Even mrs.travelcpl despite her Eastern European vodka drinking prowess slows down at three. One night we got warmed up with a nice older couple at a bar with cosmos then moved to a gay and lesbian venue, closest we have to a swing bar. Mrs, TC had a few more cosmos and ended up with a very hot young bi women in the loft area. I ended up being nice to the couple but in the end we ended up with no callbacks from either the couple or unicorn. Damn cosmos.

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