First-time poster here. I've been on the board for a while, but I setup a new account just for this post. I'm posting this message with a two-fold purpose: One, to bring reality to the issues and ramifications associated to the lifestyle and Two, to get some other perspectives and advice.
My wife and I started swinging a little over a year ago. We've had full swap experiences with about 7 or 8 couples since then. We always used condoms for penetration.
About 4 months ago, my wife had an abnormal pap which led to inconclusive biopsies, then a LEEP procedure. Supposedly, she's OK for now, but we won't know for sure until her 6 month follow-up. About a month ago, I was diagnosed with genital warts. I just had about 20 of them burned off (not fun at all!). The doctors are fairly convinced all of this is HPV related. They are assuming the abnormalities from her pap were more wart-like, and not cancerous as the strands of HPV are not the same for the two. There is no HPV test for men, and all the tests on her were negative. Which isn't really an indicator as the doctors say it is very difficult to truly diagnose.
So, we obviously haven't had sex with anyone (or each other for that matter) in the last few months. We've clearly agreed that the benefits of the lifestyle are absolutely not worth the costs and associated risks. (As we've learned the hard way).
We very much like the 'sexy' openness of the clubs and have talked about continuing to go, but just not playing with others. Or maybe once things straighten up maybe some mild soft-swap only play. We definitely don't want to spread anything, but we also don't want to catch anything else.
I'm really looking to get some feedback from others about: Is it wrong/uncool to go to swing clubs knowing we are not going to ever play with others? We don't want to openly publicize we have/had HPV & warts. If we do go to clubs, we'd meet new people - but don't want offend anyone if we won't play. We're thinking we'd eventually be ostracized for either being 'too-picky or too-good-for snobs' or for being contaminated!
Would anyone soft-swap with others who had HPV in the past/or quite possibly still do but with no symptoms?
We're both pretty alone and confused right now and would like to get some other perspectives. Please feel free to openly reply to this post, or if you'd prefer PM's would be great too. (Rest assured, anything PM'd will absolutely remain private!).
HPV is rampant throughout society, and as to be expected in the lifestyle. I'd offer that it is not a matter of IF you get it, it's simply a matter of WHEN... You also cannot judge a book by it's cover!!! We were very picky and selective as to who we played.
Thanks in advance.