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Silly Mech

Swing with best friend? (while doing drugs)

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Hi everyone. Yeah, been doing lots of lurking and not much participating. So here it goes (be kind).

 

So for this new years it seems that my wife and I will be staying home after all instead of driving out to Los Angeles for a New Years Massive. We plan on having a fun night thanks to some *ahem* pills we just purchased from a good friend. FYI, this isn't something new but we drop casually - maybe twice a year tops - and our sexual pleasures and fantasies go a bit, um, crazy-wacky on this stuff so it's looooots of fun.

 

Anyways, I just heard from my best friend in Texas that he has absolutely no plans for NY and wants to fly down to party. We have both known this person for possibly 10 years now and I trust him with my life... and my wife (no pun intended) and we know he's clean. I've brought up the idea of inviting him into a threesome with my wife and she's finally warmed up to the idea after two years of thought and consideration. I've mentioned this to my friend a few times in the past and he says he is most definitely interested but it just has to be the right time. He drops too and he knows what we're like so this won't be a surprise, btw.

 

So it looks like it's finally going to happen and I'm just curious to hear peoples reaction and thoughts. We're both really new to this, this will be our first time in fact. I have questions, I'm just not sure what to ask so any pointers would be greatly appreciated.

 

The only thing that could get in our way is her best friend coming down to visit as well since we're intending to go there and party with her. Now as much as I'd like to nail my wife's best friend in a foursome, that will never happen and neither will the threesome while she's there, so she has to keep her butt at home.

 

So pray for me people. ;)

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Well, it sounds like you've got plenty of time to prepare.

 

The two, well three, of you have crossed the 'decision' boundary now.

 

So, instead of worrying about your decision, start anticipating and planning.

 

Your friendship with this old friend has just changed. So, start treating him differently. Let your wife and him start flirting more. Let the two of them get comfortable with sexual conversations too. It'll make it so much better when the holidays get here.

 

I don't see any need to set any 'rules' now, since you're got two months to explore what you all three are wanting.

 

Good luck, and enjoy the next two months!

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Good luck and have fun!

 

One thing that might give me pause is that it sounds like your first experience might be while you're under the influence. A good rule of thumb is that if you wouldn't do it while straight, you shouldn't do it while high or drunk, or you might regret it later. I hope this turns out to not be a factor for you, considering your plans.

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Mech,

 

I think you need to strongly consider Fuse’s advice. I don’t know what you three are planning on “dropping,” but that is the same as folks at a club or party that have to get drunk to play. If all three of you are high, then your ability to judge the situation is greatly impaired and you are running the risk of some serious regrets afterwards.

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You do a Rave parties and do some ectasy in case some of the older crowd doesn't understand your code words.

 

Now you want to have a 3some with your best friend.

 

Are you willing to lose a best friend over sex if it goes wrong? That's the question you have to ask yourself right now.

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Sweet! More responses than what my e-mail was telling me.

 

Well, it sounds like you've got plenty of time to prepare.

 

The two, well three, of you have crossed the 'decision' boundary now.

 

So, instead of worrying about your decision, start anticipating and planning.

 

Your friendship with this old friend has just changed. So, start treating him differently. Let your wife and him start flirting more. Let the two of them get comfortable with sexual conversations too. It'll make it so much better when the holidays get here.

 

I don't see any need to set any 'rules' now, since you're got two months to explore what you all three are wanting.

 

Good luck, and enjoy the next two months!

This is what I was thinking too. I've encouraged them before - mostly kissing and groping, and we are all feeling it. We do need to discuss rules again but I am getting pretty excited just thinking of it.

 

Why are you so sure a foursome won't happen?

 

Mr. Alura

Most certainly. She's told me flat-out it will never happen. The thing that irks me is the way she will kiss me or hug me when we're rolling, hell, I've even taken moderately risky pictures of her to help boost her confidence (this gets into a whole other thing that's not worth telling) and she loved that. So yeah, in so many words: not a chance.

 

Good luck and have fun!

 

One thing that might give me pause is that it sounds like your first experience might be while you're under the influence. A good rule of thumb is that if you wouldn't do it while straight, you shouldn't do it while high or drunk, or you might regret it later. I hope this turns out to not be a factor for you, considering your plans.

I can understand your point, however it's not until we are under the pills influence before we really get nutty, and we both like it better this way. I certainly am able to last a hell of a lot longer in the sack than 10 minutes, and she generally gets so much oral sex and fluffing that my jaw goes numb. So I guess the reason why we want to do this while on pills is because we can draw out the fun and excitement for prolonged periods. Hope I'm making sense with this. But thank you.

 

You do a Rave parties and do some ectasy in case some of the older crowd doesn't understand your code words.

 

Now you want to have a 3some with your best friend.

 

Are you willing to lose a best friend over sex if it goes wrong? That's the question you have to ask yourself right now.

Yup, we're ravers. Well, ex-ravers mostly but we do enjoy a good DJ. And that's a great question. Believe me I've thought hard about this and I've even spoken to him frankly about the whole thing, maybe twice now? He understands where it's coming from and he doesn't have a problem with the idea, he knows there's nothing homosexual about the offer and he respects us both. We all believe that it'll be something we just happen to share one night and that's all.

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Lets see here, lets add this all up. For starters we have

 

An inexperienced couple that has only fantasized before and is now making hard plans for a playdate.

+

illegal mind altering intoxicants

 

+

 

a vanilla single male long term friend who is now expecting to get laid on a cross country trip who is also going to be full of illegal mind altering substances

 

+

 

a potential deal busting chick who the guys that are full of the mind altering substances are hot for and want to tap but is unaware of and nonconsenting to the sexual plans being made.

 

+

 

2 months of worth of unrealistic fantasies and expectations through the fog of hallucinigens all culminating during one of the most drunken and raucus nights of the year.

 

= Oh yeah, I don't want to miss this one!!! Who needs fireworks at Times Square when we have this:facelick::eek::hahaha:::P::lol:

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Lets see here, lets add this all up. For starters we have

 

An inexperienced couple that has only fantasized before and is now making hard plans for a playdate.

+

illegal mind altering intoxicants

 

+

 

a vanilla single male long term friend who is now expecting to get laid on a cross country trip who is also going to be full of illegal mind altering substances

 

+

 

a potential deal busting chick who the guys that are full of the mind altering substances are hot for and want to tap but is unaware of and nonconsenting to the sexual plans being made.

 

+

 

2 months of worth of unrealistic fantasies and expectations through the fog of hallucinigens all culminating during one of the most drunken and raucus nights of the year.

 

= Oh yeah, I don't want to miss this one!!! Who needs fireworks at Times Square when we have this:facelick::eek::hahaha:::P::lol:

Um, yeah... thanks? It's only ecstasy pills - it's not like were doing blow off my wifes ass - so you don't have to make it sound all so terrible.

 

This is something that we've all discussed before, we're adults and we're all open to it. Plus we think this is a better road to take than with a stranger or starting a whole new friendship with another person or couple so we can swing.

 

And he's not coming down to do this specifically, in fact we haven't even mentioned anything to him about it, so for him this party trip is nothing new.

 

However in hindsight, the only thing your sarcastic manner is doing is warning me of some possible bad weather ahead, and I thank you for it.

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You may not like how IAPR put it but the reality is that they are right on target.

 

I have a feeling that NYE is not going to live up to all the fantasies you are building up and despite the X there are going to be at least 2 people sorely dissapointed in th evening.

 

On the upside, it's good that you are all talking about this NOW while there are no drugs involved in the decision making process. But regardless of that there are two big issues that will be there X or not.... 1 is the risk that any of you may wake up the next morning with regrets and ruin a friendship and 2 is the fact that there will be a 4th party at the party who doesn't want to be involved (but whom everyone else would like to be involved). So even if you don't lose the friend who does play with you, your wife needs to consider that allowing this to go down with her friend there who does not want to play may damage that friendship.

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A simple comparison between ectasy and cocaine side effects. Just wanted to see how not so terrible it really is.

 

silly mech said:
Um, yeah... thanks? It's only ecstasy pills - it's not like were doing blow off my wifes ass - so you don't have to make it sound all so terrible.

 

cocaine side effects

 

Cocaine side effects include but are not limited to:

 

Changes in blood pressure

Heart rates

Breathing rates

Nausea

Vomiting

Anxiety

Convulsions

Insomnia

Loss of appetite leading to malnutrition and weight loss

Cold sweats

Swelling and bleeding of mucous membranes

Restlessness and anxiety

Damage to nasal cavities

Damage to lungs

Possible heart attacks, strokes, or convulsions

 

 

Ecstas

 

Short-term effects of ecstasy use can include:

 

Muscle tension

Heightened senses

Hallucinations

Euphoria

Empathy for others/emotional warmth

Anxiety or paranoia

Involuntary teeth or jaw clenching

Nausea

Extreme relaxation

Severe dehydration (especially when mixed with alcohol)

Heat exhaustion

Increased body temperature up to 108 degrees (especially when dancing)

Increased blood pressure, breathing rate, and heart rate

Faintness

Chills or sweating

Blurred vision or nystagmus - rapid quivering of the pupils (while the user is feeling peak effects)

 

Long-term effects of ecstasy use can include:

 

Confusion

Depression

Sleep problems

Drug craving

Severe anxiety

Paranoia

Possible depletion of serotonin and memory.

Death

 

I also notice there is no reference to Suicide Tuesday for ecstasy. But, I guess the death part is probably covering that effect.

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JustAskJulie said:
You may not like how IAPR put it but the reality is that they are right on target.

 

I have a feeling that NYE is not going to live up to all the fantasies you are building up and despite the X there are going to be at least 2 people sorely dissapointed in th evening.

 

On the upside, it's good that you are all talking about this NOW while there are no drugs involved in the decision making process. But regardless of that there are two big issues that will be there X or not.... 1 is the risk that any of you may wake up the next morning with regrets and ruin a friendship and 2 is the fact that there will be a 4th party at the party who doesn't want to be involved (but whom everyone else would like to be involved). So even if you don't lose the friend who does play with you, your wife needs to consider that allowing this to go down with her friend there who does not want to play may damage that friendship.

 

Thanks for the advice Julie. But don't get me wrong, if my wife's friend is attending, then there will be no threesome. My wife and I will still get some time to fool around but this isn't something we'd ever consider doing while her best friend is a guest.

 

BiloxiCouple said:
A simple comparison between ectasy and cocaine side effects. Just wanted to see how not so terrible it really is.

 

 

 

cocaine side effects

 

Cocaine side effects include but are not limited to:

 

Changes in blood pressure

Heart rates

Breathing rates

Nausea

Vomiting

Anxiety

Convulsions

Insomnia

Loss of appetite leading to malnutrition and weight loss

Cold sweats

Swelling and bleeding of mucous membranes

Restlessness and anxiety

Damage to nasal cavities

Damage to lungs

Possible heart attacks, strokes, or convulsions

 

 

Ecstasy

 

Short-term effects of ecstasy use can include:

 

Muscle tension

Heightened senses

Hallucinations

Euphoria

Empathy for others/emotional warmth

Anxiety or paranoia

Involuntary teeth or jaw clenching

Nausea

Extreme relaxation

Severe dehydration (especially when mixed with alcohol)

Heat exhaustion

Increased body temperature up to 108 degrees (especially when dancing)

Increased blood pressure, breathing rate, and heart rate

Faintness

Chills or sweating

Blurred vision or nystagmus - rapid quivering of the pupils (while the user is feeling peak effects)

 

Long-term effects of ecstasy use can include:

 

Confusion

Depression

Sleep problems

Drug craving

Severe anxiety

Paranoia

Possible depletion of serotonin and memory.

Death

 

I also notice there is no reference to Suicide Tuesday for ectasy. But, I guess the death part is probably covering that effect.

We're actually very responsible, familiar and comfortable with the pills we're taking. We drop maybe twice a year and we make sure we have plenty of water to drink in case we get dehydrated, a safe environment to dance and have fun in and we're all very comfortable around each other when we do drop (friends included). We know all the precautions and warnings, and make sure no one does or at least attempts to do anything stupid.

 

Maybe what I'm not making to clear is this: the pills aren't nothing new and neither is having our friends while we're doing it. The only thing that will be different is this possibility of a threesome, and even then, this is something that all three of us have discussed openly amongst each other.

 

And thanks everyone for your input. This helps us to consider certain things before we have decided to get ahead and push for this.

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Ah, but there is a possibility of a fourth, totally unknowing what is going on. Throw a little drugs in there, and you may know what your reaction was in the past, but you won't know what it will be this time. Or his, or hers, or yours. Deal with things straight first.

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ncmd_couple said:
Ah, but there is a possibility of a fourth, totally unknowing what is going on. Throw a little drugs in there, and you may know what your reaction was in the past, but you won't know what it will be this time. Or his, or hers, or yours. Deal with things straight first.

 

Yeah, anytime there is any kind of intoxicants involved the risk of something bad happening increases dramatically. No one can ever guarantee 100% safety but it is pretty rare that anything truly bad happens when all parties are completely sober and clearheaded.

 

It does not matter what the intoxicant is, whether it be "only" ecstasy, only alcohol, only MJ, only cocaine...whatever.

 

The more under the influence you are of anything the greater your chances of doing something dumb. The more people in the room that are under the influence the more chances of everyone doing something dumb.

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Plus we think this is a better road to take than with a stranger or starting a whole new friendship with another person or couple so we can swing.

 

 

Other than the drugs this is also a legitimate concern and I'm going to be serious and not sarcastic or flippant.

 

Read through enough of the posts on this board or even pose it as another question and you will see that the vast majority of the experienced and knowledgable posters on this board will HIGHLY recommend that you not bring friends into your bedroom.

 

It is very common for people to want to make their first baby steps into swinging with established friends and it is almost always a bad idea. It really is a better road to take to meet established swingers for swinging encounters rather than vanilla friends.

 

Keep your vanilla friends vanilla and enjoy their company for golfing or fishing or whatever it is you do with them and swing with swingers.

 

I'm not joking around or making wise-guy comments this time..mixing judgement-altering drugs, vanilla friends is a bad idea. And if I am reading your response correctly this friend does not know you are planning on bringing him into your bed? If so then drugs + vanilla friend + ambush is a really really bad idea.

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Drugs and sex don't mix. Period. That's how those pesky "Did he or didn't he?" rape cases get started. That's how those "Is it really his baby", thoughts get started. And that's a definite, "Why does it burn when I pee?/Where'd those bumps come from?/Another cold? It's the middle of summer?", thoughts get started. Drink enough to relax, but not to the point of just going rawdogg. {If it's legal in your area, for out international posters} Smoke enough to get the buzz, but not enough to render yourself "erectionally challenged". If you've gotten to the "I need some help over here, someone take me to some fresh air", stage, you've gone too far, and you won't remember a thing.

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ncmd_couple said:
Ah, but there is a possibility of a fourth, totally unknowing what is going on. Throw a little drugs in there, and you may know what your reaction was in the past, but you won't know what it will be this time. Or his, or hers, or yours. Deal with things straight first.

Ugh. There is absolutely no way a fourth is going to happen. It will not. That's why I originally said "I hope she doesn't visit."

 

iapr said:
Yeah, anytime there is any kind of intoxicants involved the risk of something bad happening increases dramatically. No one can ever guarantee 100% safety but it is pretty rare that anything truly bad happens when all parties are completely sober and clearheaded.

 

It does not matter what the intoxicant is, whether it be "only" ecstasy, only alcohol, only MJ, only cocaine...whatever.

 

The more under the influence you are of anything the greater your chances of doing something dumb. The more people in the room that are under the influence the more chances of everyone doing something dumb.

I can guarantee it. We've all partied before (not swing) with each other several times before, this girl knows how flirty I can get when I'm rolling and the idea has be presented to her once before and it was like a irresistible force meeting an immovable object. Just stopped, done.

 

And on this other aspect you are bringing up, aipr. I'm not trying to be an asshole so I'm sorry if this sounds rude but did anyone here even bother to look at my profile? I'm 35 years old and I know the risks of when alcohol or drugs come into play (although none of us really drink) to a party and friends. The last time someone had to bring up such a precaution was when I was 15 years old and going to my first party. Gimme some leverage here. LOL Sheesh!:rollseye:

 

iapr said:
Other than the drugs this is also a legitimate concern and I'm going to be serious and not sarcastic or flippant.

 

Read through enough of the posts on this board or even pose it as another question and you will see that the vast majority of the experienced and knowledgeable posters on this board will HIGHLY recommend that you not bring friends into your bedroom.

 

It is very common for people to want to make their first baby steps into swinging with established friends and it is almost always a bad idea. It really is a better road to take to meet established swingers for swinging encounters rather than vanilla friends.

 

Keep your vanilla friends vanilla and enjoy their company for golfing or fishing or whatever it is you do with them and swing with swingers.

 

I'm not joking around or making wise-guy comments this time..mixing judgement-altering drugs, vanilla friends is a bad idea. And if I am reading your response correctly this friend does not know you are planning on bringing him into your bed? If so then drugs + vanilla friend + ambush is a really really bad idea.

Really? See, my wife and I have talked about a threesome scenario for maybe 5 years now and we've always thought it would be better the first time with a friend. This is someone we completely trust and we know would obey any rules and I just have such a hard time allowing a stranger into our bed.

 

Granted sure, I'm not pulling a hooker off the street but it would have be someone new for us to meet. But trying to convince my wife into spending time and attention on someone who would want to have purely for sexual desires... I'm not so sure that's gonna happen. Besides, the fantasy primarily involves a MFM situation and if I'm investing that much time to make friends with someone just to share my wife with then isn't that the same thing?

 

I'm glad you brought up this point and I will think about this a lot more. Thank you. The last thing I want is to strain my relationship with my best friend and/or my wife.

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We're actually very responsible, familiar and comfortable with the pills we're taking. We drop maybe twice a year and we make sure we have plenty of water to drink in case we get dehydrated, a safe environment to dance and have fun in and we're all very comfortable around each other when we do drop (friends included).

You do realize, I hope, that the most common cause of death with "e" is that it causes the body to retain water. Too much water that is inhibited by the drug from being sweated out or otherwise passed from your system is toxic.

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Silly Mech said:
Really? See, my wife and I have talked about a threesome scenario for maybe 5 years now and we've always thought it would be better the first time with a friend. This is someone we completely trust and we know would obey any rules and I just have such a hard time allowing a stranger into our bed.

 

Granted sure, I'm not pulling a hooker off the street but it would have be someone new for us to meet. But trying to convince my wife into spending time and attention on someone who would want to have purely for sexual desires... I'm not so sure that's gonna happen. Besides, the fantasy primarily involves a MFM situation and if I'm investing that much time to make friends with someone just to share my wife with then isn't that the same thing?

 

Yes really. I have talked to a few people who have swung with a pre-existing friend and had it turn out ok, but the overwhelming majority of people who have done that (even experienced swingers) have had a negative experience. We personally have had a negative experience and will never swing with any of our friends again in the future. There are plenty of examples of this throughout the forums here and almost all of the most experienced and level-headed posters on here advise against it. That tells me something.

 

Sure that means you would be contacting and meeting someone you don't know to fulfill this fantasy, but the big benefit there is that everyone knows the situation, everyone can talk about it openly and if things don't turn out great you are not stuck trying to maintain a friendship that is important to you. If things turn out great and a friendship develops, that it awesome. If things tank then never hearing from them again is no big deal. If you swing with your good friend there is a very real, and very serious, possibility that you will no longer have him as a friend. I say this through experience and having read the experience of many people on here. People have had life long friends who were open minded and they had no concern their friendship would suffer, only to now no longer have that person in their life.

 

Go out and meet someone for this purpose. Purely sexual. That doesn't mean you can't find someone you both get along with; someone who she has a connection with. Having a connection doesn't require friendship, I can sit down at a coffee shop and have a connection with someone in minutes. Sometimes it just happens, and it happens more often than we'd expect because normally we guard ourselves from it since we are 'monogamous' :)

 

Make it about the sex and about a fun, open and experimental night. The first time you try it, avoid the drugs. I'm not going to moralize about your drug use, but this is the kind of situation that demands your full faculties.

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You do realize, I hope, that the most common cause of death with "e" is that it causes the body to retain water. Too much water that is inhibited by the drug from being sweated out or otherwise passed from your system is toxic.

Yes, I know this. This isn't the first or even the 20th time I've had sex while on ecstasy. We're aware of all precautions.

 

Yes really. I have talked to a few people who have swung with a pre-existing friend and had it turn out ok, but the overwhelming majority of people who have done that (even experienced swingers) have had a negative experience. We personally have had a negative experience and will never swing with any of our friends again in the future. There are plenty of examples of this throughout the forums here and almost all of the most experienced and level-headed posters on here advise against it. That tells me something.

 

Sure that means you would be contacting and meeting someone you don't know to fulfill this fantasy, but the big benefit there is that everyone knows the situation, everyone can talk about it openly and if things don't turn out great you are not stuck trying to maintain a friendship that is important to you. If things turn out great and a friendship develops, that it awesome. If things tank then never hearing from them again is no big deal. If you swing with your good friend there is a very real, and very serious, possibility that you will no longer have him as a friend. I say this through experience and having read the experience of many people on here. People have had life long friends who were open minded and they had no concern their friendship would suffer, only to now no longer have that person in their life.

 

Go out and meet someone for this purpose. Purely sexual. That doesn't mean you can't find someone you both get along with; someone who she has a connection with. Having a connection doesn't require friendship, I can sit down at a coffee shop and have a connection with someone in minutes. Sometimes it just happens, and it happens more often than we'd expect because normally we guard ourselves from it since we are 'monogamous' :)

 

Make it about the sex and about a fun, open and experimental night. The first time you try it, avoid the drugs. I'm not going to moralize about your drug use, but this is the kind of situation that demands your full faculties.

Thank you for that bit of advice. I'm going to sit down and talk this over with my wife once more and see where she stands in all this after hearing this. This is something we considered before greatly but giving it another thought certainly couldn't hurt. And if she's still cool with it then we'll talk to my friend and see what he thinks.

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Thank you for that bit of advice. I'm going to sit down and talk this over with my wife once more and see where she stands in all this after hearing this. This is something we considered before greatly but giving it another thought certainly couldn't hurt. And if she's still cool with it then we'll talk to my friend and see what he thinks.

 

Cheers; look forward to hearing about what direction you both decide to take and how it turns out :)

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Lets see here, lets add this all up. For starters we have

An inexperienced couple that has only fantasized before and is now making hard plans for a playdate.

+

illegal mind altering intoxicants

+

a vanilla single male long term friend who is now expecting to get laid on a cross country trip who is also going to be full of illegal mind altering substances

+

a potential deal busting chick who the guys that are full of the mind altering substances are hot for and want to tap but is unaware of and nonconsenting to the sexual plans being made.

+

2 months of worth of unrealistic fantasies and expectations through the fog of hallucinigens all culminating during one of the most drunken and raucus nights of the year.

 

= Oh yeah, I don't want to miss this one!!! Who needs fireworks at Times Square when we have this:facelick::eek::hahaha:::P:

 

. . . . . Can I watch? :EG: This is definately gonna be good.

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Well, it's been a long time coming but it finally happened, and on the night we thought it would. Turns out my wifes best friend didn't come over after all. However the threesome with my wife and my best friend happened tonight and everything is went great. Watching my wife go down on someone other than myself was a real turn on. Unfortunately the xtc pills are working over time so neither of us could really get it up too much. So were waiting to sleep this off and try again tomorrow.

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Thanks for posting back! I'm glad to hear you had a great time and everything went well. Happy New Year!

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I'm glad everything went great and although this is very late (and completely unnecessary), I wanted to say that when I read the earlier posts, I wanted to stand up for your plan and for sometimes involving vanilla friends in threesomes!

 

Long before Mr. Ivory and I got into organized swinging, we had three separate threesomes with friends. Two went fantastically (the first, with a dear female friend, was amazingly hot, the last, with a friend of Mr. Ivory's who was a swinger, was instrumental in moving us into swinging).

 

And the middle one was fine, just some bumps in terms of what the guy ended up wanting (he was gay, thought he wanted to experiment with a woman and then really didn't want to at all. I think he was also distracted by the hotness of Mr. Ivory!). And although I felt somewhat left out of the actual event, the next two weeks our own sex was incredible.

 

Sometimes I think swingers get very doom and gloomy about basically vanilla people trying out threesomes (or more), as if you can't get it right without reading the manual, signing the consent forms and planning on joining the lifestyle. Yeah, it can go badly. So can anything! It can also go well! And if it goes well, it can still be a one time thing. Not every married couple who invites someone else into their bed has to become swingers!

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Sometimes I think swingers get very doom and gloomy about basically vanilla people trying out threesomes (or more), as if you can't get it right without reading the manual, signing the consent forms and planning on joining the lifestyle. Yeah, it can go badly. So can anything! It can also go well! And if it goes well, it can still be a one time thing. Not every married couple who invites someone else into their bed has to become swingers!

 

I don't think most of the concern is about vanilla singles being a big risk (though there is that concern), it's more about involving friends who aren't swingers (and perhaps even friends that are swingers) in your sex life. The worry is about how it will impact the friendship and whether the risk of that happening outweighs following through with it or not. Personally our experience with friends didn't go well and I'd prefer to keep my friendships rather than risk losing them by involving them in our sex life. We can always find people to join out sex life; finding great friends is hard.

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      In responding today to a post today by bear_n_bunny regarding open marriages vs. swinging, I referred to a related topic that Mrs. LC and I have long wondered about--how most swingers feel about getting to know their playmates vs. just hooking up for sex.
       
      Mrs. LC and I fall somewhere in the middle. We're generally turned off by the prospect of what Erica Jong would have called a "zipless fuck"--nameless, entirely impersonal, etc.--and we avoid situations in that direction. Yet, we have no desire to build a relationship beforehand, either. The prospect of "dating" before playing in hopes that everyone gels on a personal level is something we don't want to deal with. Nor do we particularly want to be friends afterwards. We prefer to keep friends and playmates separate.
       
      For us, if we meet, have dinner and/or drinks, and find basic chemistry exists, then that's all we need--or want, really.
       
      So, we're curious where everyone else stands. Is it necessary for you to be "friends" before you play? Are you on the other end of the spectrum, preferring to play and then say goodbye? Or are you somewhere in the middle? We've seen folks express opinions all over the spectrum, and we're curious about the norm.
    • By SJBluebirds
      Normally, we don't look at the Craigslist Ads; we've found them to be predatory and full of people looking for money.
       
      That said, we saw this one recently. It's not the usual, in that I don't think they're looking for play partners -- but Holy Cow! -- the sentiment totally resonated with us (well, me (the male-half), anyways). Almost (!) makes me wonder if I should rethink why we're always looking for new partners.
       
      Here it is:
       
      Anyone want to offer their thoughts?
    • By **Macbeth**
      Okay, the topic is a little vague, so I'll give a little info here.
       
      The wife and I are very interested in the lifestyle. We married young, and have no sexual experience apart from each other.
       
      We were both raised in very religious homes, but have made a final break from all of the baggage that is included in that. Jealousy has never really been an issue with us, and we both have close friends of the opposite sex, and have talked openly about our attraction to others. That is what actually led to us wanting to give this a try . . .
       
      We have some slightly different views on how to approach it, however.
       
      Our very long discussion on the topic eventually led us to discussing which people we know that we would actually feel comfortable sleeping with. One of the women we know was a definite on our lists (mine, and hers for me), although very few men popped up. I'm definitely straight, but she is mildly curious.
       
      We also discussed the concept of 'opening' our relationship, and giving each other the permission to pursue opportunities, should they arise.
       
      Right now, she would definitely be more comfortable with feeling out some of our friends, especially since one couple has been reasonably flirtatious and a bit of sexual tension usually develops. I'm a little leery of this, simply due to the potential damage the inquiry could do to our friendship, which is valuable to both of us. We have discussed ways of bringing it up in a such a way as to have plausible deniability if our read is wrong, but I still feel a little odd about it. Not that I wouldn't jump at the opportunity with this particular woman, but . . .
       
      I have brought up to idea of maybe finding a club and testing things out to see how it feels in a practical situation. She feels that this is a bit more extreme, and is actually more attracted to the separate encounters anyway. When you add into the fact that I don't really trust CraigsList or other sites, I'm not sure what the middle ground might be.
       
      Has anyone had experience with any of these situations? I've read the warnings about trying to bring your vanilla friends into the lifestyle, but since we're still basically vanilla still ourselves I'm curious if there is a way to determine if someone is interested or curious without simply saying "Do you guys swing?"
       
      Hopefully my rambling has made some sort of sense.
    • By deadparrot911
      Ok, so I have finished reading a great post by Uomo....but one question keeps coming up....am I alone in this thought. This is the one part that I keep heating over and over friends first. So I'm gonna quote from his post about it and what I feel under that. Just curious if any feel the same as I do.
       
       
      my reply....
      I wonder how many swingers take this view or if maybe I just don't belong here. I share most of the ideas from the original post except for this part. I always hear separate sex from love with swinging...and that's how I feel. Now do not get me wrong just because I want to play with you does not mean we cannot have idle chit chat....but to me a friend is someone who is always there...I love my friends. It is possible that maybe I don't use the term friend as lightly as most...if you are my friend I will go to hell and back for you. I don't have sex with friends because there is only one person who gets the complete friendship/love/sex package and that is my husband. So basically if I have sex with you it is just that, sex...doesn't mean I don't like you...and I will never lead anyone to believe that it is anything other than that. For me honesty is always the best policy even if it is sometimes a little harsh. To me being good friends and having sex is a nono. Maybe my term for "friends with benefits" should be "acquaintance with benefits".
       
      So am I really alone in this line of thinking?
    • By dragonblade
      Ok, so maybe that's a wrong title, but I don't know how else to put it. :surrender
       
      Here's the deal. At work, a guy that sits near me is a Jehovah's Witness. In and of itself totally not a bad thing, I'm a firm believer in "to each their own". The conversation started with " Have you ever heard of the Roman Saturnalia?" I looked it up, realized it was the Roman feast for the god Saturn back in the day that happens to correspond with Christmas. I was basically like "whoopdedoo, I know already that the Christian holidays are based (timewise) on the pagan holidays, that all came about with Constantine. Besides I'm not your 'typical Christian' and hold some very different beliefs from the norm." We delved further into that conversation.
       
      I told him that I believed that Jesus' message was love and that to me cheating and adultery were the same thing, involving lies and deceit. That responsible non-monogamy with full knowledge and consent of BOTH spouses was not a bad thing, and if God wanted everyone to be only monogamous, why did Solomon have over 700 wives and concubines, and why did God say to David after the Bathsheba incident (paraphrasing) " If you wanted any other woman, all you had to do was ask." Not "you're married!! That's WRONG!! " etc etc.
       
      Well, he brought up Matthew 5:27, 28. That Jesus spoke against adultery and lust etc. I hadn't done much research and I know that a lot of you have. I am currently trying to do so, but he wants to talk tomorrow lol. I know that several people here have delved far into these things (further than myself anyway) and that Spoo (if I remember correctly) actually has degrees in Christian Theology. Or things along those lines.. so anyone that has delved into this (particularly these verses, but in general) please help me out! I don't want to "prove him wrong" per se, just be clear on my stance and that I believe that Jesus would be cool with this and have some back up. (If that makes sense )
       
      Oh and I know about libchrist.com, and I'm looking into stuff there, but that's only one site...
       
      Soooooooo any help out there for me?
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