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Lucasex

Almost there - Any suggestions for first timers?

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Hi from Colombia again! After many conversations (for years) with Mrs. Lucasex and a failed attempt of a MFM with a friend (who finally said no), we took the courage to contact a couple through a swingers website. We met a couple about three weeks ago, but there was no chemistry, although we had a nice time drinking cocktails. A second couple followed and this was much better, so much that Mrs. Lucasex wanted us to meet them again a couple of days after, with the clear intention of going further (maybe a hotel room). Unfortunately, we had to leave early, so it only went as far as a couple of beers, but it was clear that we had finally gotten the courage to take the next step. The other couple has some experience (a couple of full swaps and two MFMs), but they have been very patient and don’t consider themselves to be so far ahead of us. As a matter of fact, they said that they had never had such a good time just having drinks with another couple before.

 

The male of the other couple works about a 4-hour drive away from our city, and he gets to come home every month or so, so we are planning to meet in an intermediate town a Saturday night (probably in ten days); the female lives in our same city, and the three of us would drive to meet her husband. We plan to go dancing, have some drinks and then go somewhere else.

 

Our concern is: how do you break the ice? I mean, after we have had some drinks and danced, one of us will have to pop the question of going somewhere else. And this is when nerves take control… once we get to the hotel room, what should we do? How do we start? I have read about it here some forums, but considering this is our first time and they have some more experience (even though they don’t presume of it), we are terrified of things going wrong… should we let them make the first move? Or should we go for it? (we don’t know how is it going to feel). We are confident that we want to jump in the water with them, we trust them and they are not rushing us, but when the time comes… what?

 

Sorry again if I made any mistakes with my English (Spanish is my first language) and for asking so many questions at once. We really want to do this, but naturally fear the decisive moment. We don’t want to disappoint them either, although they have assured us that they will go at our pace (which is good, isn’t it?).

 

Thanks in advance for all your advice!

Mr. Lucasex

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Try and relax and enjoy it. It is all in good fun.

 

Your fear and apprehension is normal (in most cases). It sounds like everyone is well prepared and approaching things with their eyes wide open. All indications are that you have made a good choice. There seems to already be a lot of mutual trust and understanding, which is an excellent place to start.

 

I would suggest that you try and minimize your expectations, both for good and bad. Anything can happen. It is a big risk... that first step into new and unexplored territory. Savor the journey, regardless of the results.

 

As for "breaking the ice"... I would suggest keeping it light, and fun. Maybe a game to soften the mood (if you are feeling tense). Even something as simple as strip-poker, spin the bottle, or "truth or dare" can help with the jitters and throw in a few laughs too.

 

You could also simply just be honest with them. Share with them what you shared here. You very clearly understand where you are... help them understand that too. Odds are they will greatly appreciate your honesty, which will no doubt help in the overall bonding experience.

 

BTW... your command of the English language is excellent. No problems there.

 

Be Well... Have Fun!

 

;-)

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Our concern is: how do you break the ice? I mean, after we have had some drinks and danced, one of us will have to pop the question of going somewhere else.

 

At some point during the evening, just ask them...something like 'We don't really have any experience with this so how does one couple ask the other if they want to go someplace more private?'. Maybe even ask them before you get together how they have handled this previously.

 

As for how to start once you are there...same thing. Either discuss this before hand, maybe have the women talk about it on the drive up, or just ask. Of course if all else fails, just start passionately kissing your wife and then begin undressing her. Usually that is a hint that is fairly obvious and at some point ask if they want to trade...Both couples are there for the same reason, but sometimes it IS tough to get things going. Just remember, they want the same thing you do and are just having the same problem you are. I think you will do just fine. Good luck and be sure to report back.

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I'm going to second what luv2was and GoldCoCouple said...

 

Try to avoid expectations. Just relax and enjoy yourselves and let things happen.

 

Talk about things and be honest... and when it comes right down to it, embrace the moment.

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Many thanks for your advice! It feels so good to discuss this so openly with people that have gone through your same fears and went for it... We'll probably just flow with the moment and whatever happens, well, so be it! I'm sure it's going to feel great, and I'll let you know what happens. Thanks again folks!

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Just have a good time and if nothing happens, you still had a good time. If anything DOES happen...report it back here. Good luck.

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I would echo the advice to ask the other couple just what you asked here. Get the topic out on the table, and you may find that they are feeling a little nervous about getting started, too.

 

If, during dancing and drinks, you two are feeling some sexual chemistry with the other couple, and are getting flirty with them, and if they are responding by getting flirty right back at you, this is a very good sign that you all are interested in playing!

 

Even so, it can be awkward when you arrive in the hotel room. We have been through this awkward moment numerous times, and we have found that a good way to get past the awkwardness is to just get started! If you're confident that everybody is interested in playing, and I would imagine that you would be if you've decided to go to the hotel, then one of you could break the ice by kissing your play partner in the other couple. You'd be surprised at how well that transitions things into playing!

 

Good luck, and do let us know how it goes!

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Let me pass on some additional ideas that were given to us when we were starting out (and we are still learning). There is a discussion to have with your partner first prior to getting with another couple. The discussion has 3 areas to focus on:

1. What are your Boundaries: Where do you draw the line in terms of being with another couple? Examples might be: No anal, no pain, no pinching/biting, no intercourse...

2. What are your Intentions: What are you looking for now (with this encounter)? Examples might be passionate touch, kissing, delicate oral, teasing, watching...

3. What is your Desire: What would be your utmost fantasy? Example might be having two guys tease her and pleasure her to her delight

 

Having this discussion between you two helps set some ground rules and comfort levels.

 

Once you have this discussion and clear understanding, you can use this same format to initiate a discussion with the other couple. This gets everyone's ideas out there and helps build an understanding of comfort levels as well as a place to get started.

 

Just go at your own pace and have fun along the way!

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Wow! Thanks for all the good advice! You have given us some nice ideas that we hadn't thought about!

 

We'll tell you what happens, that's for sure!

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