Want to swing, but wife isn't into it anything to fill the void.

Hello everyone,

So I want to join the lifestyle, unfortunately my wife isn't going for it. I found interest when we accidentally booked a vacation to a swingers resort in Cancun.I just saw all the love that everyone had for each other (not meaning that everyone wanted to bone one another, but acceptance and non judgement)I did some research on the lifestyle and it is something that fits me and my personality 100%. I'm not trying to sleep with every woman I see I just don't believe in sexual monogamy, I think it should be shared among friends. However, I'm not going to cheat on my wife because of the love that I have for her.

I respect her decision 100% and want to figure out a way to make things work(win for her and for me). What can I do outside of pornography to help fill the void? should I bring it up to her again? or is the relationship doomed? We have been married for 2 years and I am 24 if that helps out. Thanks for everyone who read this far.

note:if you don't have anything helpful or nice please don't reply.

I think you should grow up.

You are developing a fantasy. If your wife is not into it you need to drop it, you have made your pitch, if she sees a guy she wants to hook up with she will let you know.

This is a difficult situation and I'm sorry you are in it.

For many of us, we married under the assumption of monogamy and lived that way for many years before finding out about the lifestyle. We spent a decade learning about each other as partners and building trust and communication, and a sexual repertoire together. Then we had the groundwork to talk about and be interested in non-monogamy. I don't know how you could have possibly booked a swinger resort accidentally, but here you are with knowledge of another way of life and having met happy non-monogamous couples. Obviously meeting swingers didn't have the same affect on your wife.

My recommendation would be to put aside all thoughts of being sexually open and have the best possible relationship together. Cherish each other. Talk and fuck and just be lost in each other. You are still newly-weds. Get some really good birth control. IUD or depo shots. Bringing a baby into your situation will magnify your problems immensely. If you find you just aren't that compatible in a few years then break it off, and in the future look for women who are not interested in monogamy. Otherwise, if you are great together, consider bringing it up again when you are in your 30's.

Will swinger porn help you put it out of your mind, or intensify the desire? Only you can really answer that. Honestly, I'd probably avoid watching what I can't have and find something that appeals to both you and your wife.

Thanks a lot for the advice. yeah i know it can be hard to believe we were looking for a resort to have a good time (party resort) and came across temptation in cancun lol. had no clue that it was a swingers destination

Swinging is a team sport. If you BOTH are not interested in being on the team, then there IS no team. If you try and make her interested in trying this, you will probably doom the relationship. Best suggestion: work on making your relationship as great as you can. Improve your love, trust and communication until it is rock solid. Then try talking to her about her fantasies. See what she is interested in and see if she is wanting to try and make any of them come true (no matter what they are).

The problem most couples run aground on is the man says he want to try swinging. The woman hears that she isn't good enough or that the man is asking to be able to cheat on her and things just get worse from here. If there is a GREAT, solid relationship full of love, trust and communication, then the woman can be more open to the idea (keyword is can, not will). Worst thing that can happen with working to improve your relationship is that you end up with a much stronger relationship. Best thing is...well, you end up back here telling us about your experiences. Hope you enjoy your stay in Cancun (it's really hard not to) but don't push her into doing anything she isn't on board with.

We have been to temptations. Fun resort and you don't have to swing. I am in a similar situation to you. I thought and continue to think about 3 options, 1. Giving up on the idea and getting past it (harder than it seems for me) 2. Splitting up with her to figure myself out 3. Staying and trying to deal with it - keep making suggestions and hope. Discussed the 3 options with her and she is trying to meet me half way so thus the temptations trip, and a few since then. I love her of course so would prefer we stay together.

I brought up the idea of swinging with my wife 10 years ago, it was a no , no way, forget it response from my wife , so I shelved it, she is open to the idea now but we've been through a lot together in the last 10 years , 2 kids , serious illnesses, lost loved ones, amazing holidays , the list really is endless, basically our relationship now is nothing like the one we had when we first married , we love each other more, trust is guaranteed, we talk about everything together, and as mentioned now we have history, our sex life is also better than its ever been , sure it took a dip post pregnancy and stuff but we built a good relationship over time.

So I'm saying don't lose hope but you really need to see it for what it is , it's a hobby, would you seriously consider winding up the relationship if she said "no more golf" ?

There are plenty of ways to spice up your sex life and a good start would be something that she's sure to enjoy , get a book on sensual massage and treat her to some gorgeous massages , might get her to discover her own sensuality a bit more

Hello everyone,

 

So I want to join the lifestyle, unfortunately my wife isn't going for it. I found interest when we accidentally booked a vacation to a swingers resort in Cancun.I just saw all the love that everyone had for each other (not meaning that everyone wanted to bone one another, but acceptance and non judgement)I did some research on the lifestyle and it is something that fits me and my personality 100%. I'm not trying to sleep with every woman I see I just don't believe in sexual monogamy, I think it should be shared among friends. However, I'm not going to cheat on my wife because of the love that I have for her.

 

I respect her decision 100% and want to figure out a way to make things work(win for her and for me). What can I do outside of pornography to help fill the void? should I bring it up to her again? or is the relationship doomed? We have been married for 2 years and I am 24 if that helps out. Thanks for everyone who read this far.

 

 

 

note:if you don't have anything helpful or nice please don't reply.

Well your in between a rock and a hard place, If you guys are only married a few years just forget it for now - there is so much more to do with each other then screw it up with wants that you both can not agree on for now.

So what can you do for now - well of the top of my head I'd say get one of those stick to the wall dildos and that can be your 3rd, or role play some other things - have more sex with your wife ( dude I'm over half a century and been married for just over 30 yrs so is the wife and we still go about 5 days out of 7 - lol she would like more but i have to keep her wanting right? lol )

my point is your young and so is your wife - there's time for you yet,

have you really listen to your wife why she says no way?

It comes down to this, do you want strangers more then your wife?

If you even have to think about it, you have bigger problems then not swinging.

Regards.

We first encountered the lifestyle in the 1990s. We both thought it was weird. We were not married that long. In the 00s, I wanted to try it, my wife did not. In the 10s, we both wanted to try it, we did and now we do it. Everyone has to wait until they are ready. Some people will not be ready.

Role play:kissface:

We have been to temptations. Fun resort and you don't have to swing. I am in a similar situation to you. I thought and continue to think about 3 options, 1. Giving up on the idea and getting past it (harder than it seems for me) 2. Splitting up with her to figure myself out 3. Staying and trying to deal with it - keep making suggestions and hope. Discussed the 3 options with her and she is trying to meet me half way so thus the temptations trip, and a few since then. I love her of course so would prefer we stay together.

Well I burned my 20's in a very vanilla marriage to a manipulator. Not fun. I knew there were wilder things out there but I was concentrating on the kids and career. Well long story short, I ended up broke and divorced. Then I really started having some wild times, before settling back down with my current wife. We were monogamous for ten years before I brought up the subject, however it was kinda developing on it's own as our relationship grew.

My current wife is fascinated with sex (reads more about it than I do) and we certainly had a lot of kinky, sexy lost weekends. Swinging just seemed like a natural extension of what we were currently doing.

In regards to your situation, I would recommend some honesty, with yourself about you and about your wife. How kinky, sexy, wild are you guys? Some people will absolutely never have any interest in the lifestyle. If that is the case what are you going to do? Can you honestly stay monogamous for the rest of your life? Are you having sex multiple times a week? Are you exploring other sexy kinky things together? If that's the case there maybe some hope 'down the road', yeah pretty vague. Do you know her kinks? Can she discuss them?

So gee Krome what did you do when you were monogamous? Well much the same as I do now. I am a pretty adventurous outgoing guy, so travel a lot, chase my passions that are not sex. Frankly fill my life with other things. I still do that and enjoy it immensely.

So gee Krome what happens if I don't think I can live without it? Well probably have to go your separate ways. You will not be the first 20-something to have a starter marriage. In fact I know a number of people who had a brief marriage. When I look at who my ex-wife is now compared to who I thought she was when we were married, I would say they are diametrically opposites.

I think it is fair to ask for a really great marriage that does not feel like work. A sexy, funny, kinky, real laugh out loud partner in life. If you do not have that time to reevaluate what you are doing.

Good Luck Wish You the Best

Scaredstiff:

...it's a hobby, would you seriously consider winding up the relationship if she said "no more golf" ?

Isn't this what we are talking about? Golf swings? Personally I'm a hooker (as opposed to slicer) Still this is a great analogy...this IS just a hobby that we do together...a really AWESOME hobby, but a hobby none the less.

Best suggestion: work on making your relationship as great as you can. Improve your love, trust and communication until it is rock solid. Then try talking to her about her fantasies. See what she is interested in and see if she is wanting to try and make any of them come true (no matter what they are)...If there is a GREAT, solid relationship full of love, trust and communication, then the woman can be more open to the idea (keyword is can, not will). Worst thing that can happen with working to improve your relationship is that you end up with a much stronger relationship.

I have having a difficult time trying to understand how your comments are supposed to be helpful to the Original Poster. As for your situation, you have diplayed it in another forum. Sounds like so much whining to me.

Sometimes it's comforting just to know others' are experiencing the same problems. I think stiff's comments are valid and helpful.