Jump to content
jp0317

Help on swinging rules...

Recommended Posts

We're finalizing our rules as we want to try soft swap. We are asking for your insights again as to how u guys made yours. Furthermore, I've read in some previous advices to try couple dating with another swingers without sex first. May we ask is it ok for swingers just to date? If so where can we find those couples willing to just chill out and talk with us... help us through or talk with us on our journey. Again thank you.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post

We have often had a first get-together with a couple where we did not play. In fact, many couples will say right up front that they rarely or never play on the first date. After the first date, you may find some people who are more willing to just talk, though of course some couples will be looking to play once you've all met and decided that you're compatible.

 

About making rules, the primary thing about setting rules and limits is that you want to set up a situation where you both enjoy the experience, but do not do anything to make yourselves or each other uncomfortable, jealous, or nervous. In order to keep things simple, your list of rules and limits should probably be shorter rather than longer, if you can manage that.

 

I do want to mention something about soft swap. There is a wide range of activity that falls within the range of soft swap. At one end of the scale, it could mean the two couples mainly having sex with their own partners, with nothing more than a little bit of fondling across the couples. Or, at the other end of the scale, it could mean swapping partners and performing oral on each other, and bringing each other to orgasm with mouths and hands. You two will want to settle on how far you want things to go in the wide range of soft swap activities, and incorporate that into your discussion of rules and limits.

 

Good luck with the discussion of rules and limits. Let us know how it's going!

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post

We are one of those couples. In our profile it even says that the first meeting is just that: a meeting, usually over dinner. We all talk and see if there is any mutual attraction. After that, we all go our separate ways and see if everyone feels the same. If everyone does, we plan a second 'date' where something may (or may not) happen...it just depends how it goes. We usually try and do a first meeting rather quickly, however, because you can find out more about another couple in 5 minutes in person than you will ever find out via email or text. Look for other couples that are looking for friends with benefits when you search. The couple that we have been 'dating' for the last several years...well, sometimes we play, and other times we just go out and have an enjoyable experience together and it's all good.

 

As for rules, that is something that only the two of you can do. Decide what it is you are allowed to do and what you are not. In our case when we began we had a no kissing rule since we didn't know how we would feel seeing our SO kissing someone else (as well as lots of other rules). We later revisited this rule and found it was no longer needed so we did away with it (as well as many of the other rules) but this came only after time and we became more confident and comfortable with each other. Even now, we still have a rule that says both couples have to be there (no having part of a couple without the other present) but that is one of their rules (so of course we honor it). Only change rules when you can discuss them outside of the other couple (don't change rules WHILE you are with another couple and haven't had time to talk about it between the two of you in private) and NEVER break a rule (this damages the trust aspect). Once you have decided on your rules, be sure to communicate them to the other couple so they know what the boundaries are as well. So just talk and decide what you are willing to allow and what you are not (at this time). You will most likely find that former rules are no longer applicable as you move forward, but that should never be a given. Good luck and let us know how you are progressing.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post

We made our rules by just discussing among ourselves what we were both ok with, what we weren't sure about, and what we knew up for sure we were not ok with. As others have said, those rules have evolved over time to where there really aren't a lot of rules other than to always be talking with each other. Keeping up that communication lets you adjust on the fly instead of being boxed in ahead of time and since each situation is different, then it's good to have some flexibility in your rules instead of a one-size-fits-all strategy. When you try to have a rule so broad that it captures nearly any situation, then it can become unnecessarily limiting in others. So, just best to adapt to each new situation.

 

I don't think you'll have any problem at all finding couples who are interested in getting to know you a little first, and you them. Just state in your profile that is what you are looking for. It's not uncommon at all, we include ourselves in that group too.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post

I'll be honest, we just kind of tripped over our rules. We don't have many and the ones we do have mostly felt like common sense or expressions of preference than actual rules. Some rules, frankly, were born out of mistakes made... those are the hardest, but in some ways the best because you can't plan for everything. Sometimes, you don't even know that something is a bad idea until it's already happened. Take those as learning experiences, talk about them, grow from them and maybe resolve never to do that again (or, alternatively, discover that, hell yes, you want to do that again, soon! :) )

 

In the end, IMO, the most important rule is to always keep open, honest communication going. The rest follows.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post

We are a soft couple as well. Oral between couples and orgasms accepted! We have never done full swap with another couple although we have been playing for over three years. We also bring condoms when we play. We have a secret code, mentioned on another thread. It goes like this: "I want to do him/her" or "I want to see you do him/her"

 

We were at as club one night and started playing with another soft couple. When I suggested my girl give oral to Mr. Playmate, they had a little two minute pow wow. I only heard her say, "I thought we were soft..." They came back and we had a really good time, the main event being a 69 between the girls, with me doing my girl from behind with Mrs. Playmate sucking us both and her guy doing her kind of sideways as she laid on her back. I guess their "soft" was (used to be) a little softer than ours.

 

We play on the first date. We usually go to Scarlet Ranch in Denver, or the Mon Chalet hotel if the Ranch isn't open. We have sometimes made online dates and met at these places. Because we live in the mountains and don't get to the city that often, when we're ready to play, we're ready to play! Because we're soft, maybe 100% four way compatibility isn't totally necessary to play. I guess we're looking for that four way connection before our first full swap.

 

Yes we've had people pressure us to go farther than our rules, but so far no one's broken our cherry.

 

Tell us, Mr. an Mrs. JP, what are your rules so far? How soft are you?

Share this post


Link to post

We had more than a few rules when we started but as our comfort level increased, the rules just evaporated so that we are now left with sort of three:

1. Same room (unless we're REAL comfortable with a couple)

2. No anal (but….she would like to try a d/p)

3. No single guys (unless the stars align and they have for a couple of lucky guys over the years)

 

We don't like drama, nor do we like if we have to keep a check list in our heads of our playmates rules. We DO like orgasms and we like to share them with friends and we do play on a first meeting if all four are attracted. We try to keep things simple and yes, easy. This is recreational and supposed to be fun and we've decided that neither we nor the other couple will get any younger or better looking next week or next month. That's not to say we're not selective because we are very much so, but we have refined our process so that when we do meet a couple, we're pretty sure that we like them. When we started 14 years ago there was a learning curve, we hit some bumps and may have kissed a frog or two (we think alcohol was involved)but we've learned from our early mistakes and have had a whole lot of fun and some terrific sex along the way. Bottom line for the OP is simply this, play to the comfort level of the least comfortable between you and remember where your primary loyalty lies. Do that and the rest will fall into place.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
We are a soft couple as well. Oral between couples and orgasms accepted! We have never done full swap with another couple although we have been playing for over three years. We also bring condoms when we play. We have a secret code, mentioned on another thread. It goes like this: "I want to do him/her" or "I want to see you do him/her"

 

We were at as club one night and started playing with another soft couple. When I suggested my girl give oral to Mr. Playmate, they had a little two minute pow wow. I only heard her say, "I thought we were soft..." They came back and we had a really good time, the main event being a 69 between the girls, with me doing my girl from behind with Mrs. Playmate sucking us both and her guy doing her kind of sideways as she laid on her back. I guess their "soft" was (used to be) a little softer than ours.

 

We play on the first date. We usually go to Scarlet Ranch in Denver, or the Mon Chalet hotel if the Ranch isn't open. We have sometimes made online dates and met at these places. Because we live in the mountains and don't get to the city that often, when we're ready to play, we're ready to play! Because we're soft, maybe 100% four way compatibility isn't totally necessary to play. I guess we're looking for that four way connection before our first full swap.

 

Yes we've had people pressure us to go farther than our rules, but so far no one's broken our cherry.

 

Tell us, Mr. an Mrs. JP, what are your rules so far? How soft are you?

 

first rule that we have is no penetration. the next is within same room as we both love to see each other. my wife doesnt like the taste of cum so the third is no cum in mouth. this is the rules that we just talked about but if u can help us more it will be appreciated. but to tell u the truth we would like to see each other penetrated but for health reasons decided against it.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Guest

Rules are good because they generate discussion between the two of you. But, what I found is that I was the one who violated most of those rules, even though I was the one that wanted them. No kissing, the went out the door the first time, an MFM, as did not on the first date. Condoms a must, no swallowing, those made it to the second time and so on. So, my point is have the discussion but also be realistic when one of you decides to break the rule. You’re sexually experienced adults. In the heat of the moment, far more intense than you have yet to realize, you’ll forget about the rules.

Share this post


Link to post

Our penetration rule is somewhat negotiable. We have never crossed that line yet, but one night at the swingers hotel in Denver, we had decided top do it all the way with this younger couple, after the other dude said that his girl wanted DP. Well, that never materialized, and we kind of ditched them as the night got very late, and they kept ducking off to their room for more lines of coke. Drama! Hate it...

 

We would do full swap with a couple with four way compatibility, but that's not what we show up for. Maybe on the second date.

Share this post


Link to post
Our penetration rule is somewhat negotiable. We have never crossed that line yet, but one night at the swingers hotel in Denver, we had decided top do it all the way with this younger couple, after the other dude said that his girl wanted DP. Well, that never materialized, and we kind of ditched them as the night got very late, and they kept ducking off to their room for more lines of coke. Drama! Hate it...

 

We would do full swap with a couple with four way compatibility, but that's not what we show up for. Maybe on the second date.

were experimenting with DP too but we decided just to use toys. right now im still training my wife for anal with but plugs. we will buy a thicker dildo as she loves to feel full (were aiming for a 2.5 to 3 inch black dildo). i would love to see my petite wife stretched on both holes. by the way ever experienced bringing toys to play with others?

 

 

to every one thank u so much again for your untiring replies. we really appreciate your help guys and gals from the swinging community

Share this post


Link to post

our first rule is cleanings.....cleaning....cleaning second is alcohol...we do swing only control alcohol...other things anal,dr.oral swap are depend to you

Share this post


Link to post

One of the couples we swapped with were friends before we knew we'd both had swinging experiences. And, after we discovered each other's secret, we still went out together on dates without any swapping of partners. Now, honestly, the conversations were so much more interesting.

 

I think it was probably a month before we actually swapped partners. We'd gotten back from the theater where we'd watched a rather adult, but not X-rated, movie and I brought out one of our X-rated ones to watch. We never saw the ending.

 

As for rules, I really didn't have or need any. My wife, at first, wanted a no-intercourse rule. Because I was good with 'whatever', it was left up to her and I agreed that I'd go no further than she did. I'll never forget the evening we were watching an adult movie and making out with the other spouses, when she led the other husband down the hall to our bedroom. Even then, I waited until they returned and confirmed the rule was out the window before I took the other wife to our bed.

Share this post


Link to post

Always remember, that the rules are just the rules for now. They can (and most likely will) be changed and modified as time goes on...

Share this post


Link to post
We are one of those couples. In our profile it even says that the first meeting is just that: a meeting, usually over dinner. We all talk and see if there is any mutual attraction. After that, we all go our separate ways and see if everyone feels the same. If everyone does, we plan a second 'date' where something may (or may not) happen...it just depends how it goes. We usually try and do a first meeting rather quickly, however, because you can find out more about another couple in 5 minutes in person than you will ever find out via email or text. Look for other couples that are looking for friends with benefits when you search. The couple that we have been 'dating' for the last several years...well, sometimes we play, and other times we just go out and have an enjoyable experience together and it's all good.

 

As for rules, that is something that only the two of you can do. Decide what it is you are allowed to do and what you are not. In our case when we began we had a no kissing rule since we didn't know how we would feel seeing our SO kissing someone else (as well as lots of other rules). We later revisited this rule and found it was no longer needed so we did away with it (as well as many of the other rules) but this came only after time and we became more confident and comfortable with each other. Even now, we still have a rule that says both couples have to be there (no having part of a couple without the other present) but that is one of their rules (so of course we honor it). Only change rules when you can discuss them outside of the other couple (don't change rules WHILE you are with another couple and haven't had time to talk about it between the two of you in private) and NEVER break a rule (this damages the trust aspect). Once you have decided on your rules, be sure to communicate them to the other couple so they know what the boundaries are as well. So just talk and decide what you are willing to allow and what you are not (at this time). You will most likely find that former rules are no longer applicable as you move forward, but that should never be a given. Good luck and let us know how you are progressing.

 

Everything in this post is how we do things as well!

Share this post


Link to post

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...