Meeting problems

We've done this a couple times but getting frustrated. We're looking to meet and play the first date if there is chemistry. Everyone else seems to want to meet and greet first or have dinner. We have limited time to play, mostly Saturday's and one a month is out due to Aunt Flo. What's a good way to frame this on our online profile?

 

We also have problems setting a date. Either couples all lag replying and then reply all at once or we make a date then get all sorts of last minute offers. Seems like we try to set one date and then it falls through. We need help on strategy. We're good with more than one couple at once, but how do we suggest it for more than one couple to meet us at once.

 

My wife isn't comfortable going to someone's house to play or to have them to ours, she likes hotels. This is also causing complications.

 

Ideas, suggestions?

Ideas, suggestions?

Yes. You might try the facilities know by the names Hot Date or Booty Call at different swingers' Web sites. Make it evident. In your messages that you are ready for play. This has worked well for my wife and I.

What SW_PA_couple said is perfect for what you are looking for, it's designed to help people find each other for those quick hook-ups instead of the more drawn out meet for dinner/drinks approach. The other thing is to not only make it evident in your messages that you are ready to play, make it evident in your profile test and maybe even profile tag line that you will play on the first date.

 

One question though, did you mean you were good with playing with more than one couple at the same time, or for efficiency sake you're good with scheduling a meet with several couples at once to see if there is chemistry and then you move forward with the one you feel the most attraction to? If it's that second one, I would be careful with that approach. It has the feel of trying too hard and sounds like a good way to find some drama and mess up a good evening. So once you've decided and it's playtime, do you just tell the others, "ok, you need to leave now"? How are you going to react if say the other two couples, that you have brought together, decide they they want to hook up but you aren't part of that?

Go to a club (or a hotel takeover party).

 

We tried your approach when we first started. In a year we had at least 12 last minute cancellations. There are so many flakes online. Then we started going once a month to a club. It was easy to meet people and play. Within a couple months we were getting invites to private house parties and hotel parties. Now we rarely go to clubs because we have plenty of parties to go to and friends we know well to swing with.

 

If you go to a swing club you will meet people who are ready to play and you won't need to worry about arranging a hotel.

Hi, thanks for all the responses! To answer one question about meeting more than one couple at once. We love group sex and what we mention was about possibly asking a few couples to meet at a hotel for a meet and play together.

 

As for clubs my wife is afraid of bumping into someone she knows. The argument about them revealing themselves too doesn't work for us as we heard people talking about people they met at a swingers club out loud in the break room where we used to work. Also we are an average couple and not great with cold calls at clubs. I'd still love to go to one, but she's pretty firm about not.

 

We will have to try the hot date again, and update our profile with some sort of play on the first date thing.

Just be clear on your profile how it is you prefer to play! There are lots of people that like the meet and play on first date out there. Just like there are lots of people that don't take that approach. There is no right or wrong way you just have to try and find the ones on the same page as you. Being clear on your profile should help others like yourself find you.

 

We are a don't play on the first date couple that looks for people we can build some chemistry and friendship with so when we do have one of the free nights we would like to play with others we can get a hold of them and if it works for them too we know we will have a fun night. By making that clear on our profile we do attract the kind of people we do want to meet.

 

I can't speak for clubs, because there are none anywhere near us, but going to private parties is a great way to meet other people that are looking for now! We were just at a large private party in a neibouring city last night and would have had no problem hooking up with a number of couples we didn't know, but that wasn't what we were there for.

So how does everything try to schedule dates, for meet and greets or meet and plays with people online?

 

If you talk to just one couple it could take a month or months to either meet or find out they're not serious.

 

If you talk to several and want to meet how far in advance do you ask to meet? We will ask a couple to meet in say two weekends. When we hear back and they can't or their not serious about meeting its too late to ask another couple and we've lost a weekend we could have met or played.

 

How does everyone do it?

I know you guys are a "we want to play on the first date" couple, but many people want to have a little time to think and talk about it in between meeting and playing. Now, I also understand that your play time is limited, and you find it frustrating when you want to set up a date and people don't show, or don't want to play. Believe me, I can understand how you feel! You look forward to playing on the weekend, you get all jazzed up for it, and then the other couple cancels at the last minute...

 

Would it help to decrease the stakes for these first meetings? Maybe you could consider making first get-together as a weekday dinner or drinks thing, without playing. That way, you're not losing as much if they don't show (hey, you gotta eat anyway!), and you open yourself up to a larger audience that now includes people who are not always ready to play on the first date. Also, you may be able to schedule these weekday dinners with more people. We try to arrange dinner or drinks within a week or two out from when we talk to them. After we've met for a low-stakes weekday dinner, we know who we really want to play with, and who is probably more serious about getting together for play.

 

I expect this approach is too different from your desired path to be attractive to you, but I wanted to mention the upsides of doing things this way. I'm sorry to say that, until you get to know people some, and they you, the stakes are low, and it's just too easy for them to be inconsiderate and cancel on short notice.

 

In terms of club options, perhaps you could find a club a little ways away from your town?

That's how we play as well. We have met couples one on one, and it has worked out well, but a minority of the time. We have met great people that way, but again played less than half the time.

 

People at clubs, on premises for sure, seem to be ready to play. Worst case scenario, you can play with each other there for the viewing pleasure of other couples. It's unlikely that you will be alone for long...

Hi,

 

We generally don't play on the first date, and we have far less time to play than you do. Perhaps 1-2 days per month, (not on Saturdays or Sundays) during the summer, less during the school year. Getting all of our ducks in a row to have a night out (with lots of kids at home) takes about a week, so we're virtually never able to answer the, "Hey, loved your profile, in town for a week, want to meet and see how we hit it off?" sort of note.

 

What we tend to do is to meet people in a non-play environment (restaurant, etc) during the week; even though we can't play during the week because my wife needs to be up early for work, we can meet during that time for an hour or two. If things seem to be progressing nicely, we can then make arrangements to play the next time we can "swing" it. Doesn't make for a very spontaneous "lifestyle", but we don't have any clubs within 5 hours of us, and house parties are exceedingly few here, so that's what we need to do. You might want to consider meeting people during times you couldn't play anyway, that way you don't "use up" the time that you have to play.

 

T

We have used Angel's method as well. In fact, since during the week we can't play, it makes the mrs feel a little more secure in knowing she is going to dinner in a safe situation.

 

In our earlier days we always planned on meeting and then playing after dinner or drinks. What we found was that most of the people that seemed as eager as us, never showed, constantly pushed out the meeting, or vanished. Many people need that time to meet face to face, with no expectations, to analyze feelings about proceeding. Being inconsiderate is bad but meeting face to face with expectations to go to a hotel with this couple and have sex, and then not want to, is way more horrible. Keep in mind, there are 4 people, 4 personalities, 4 bodies and faces. Having sex with strangers puts a lot of stress on the situation.

 

To me, it seems as though there are too many expectations. There are couples out there for you but be ready to deal with a lot of frustration. Wanting to go out and play with another couple in an nsa environment usually means clubs or house parties. Delete them and choices drop drastically.

Good luck in your search and please, let us know how it's going.

Thanks Angel and JandK, great points and perspectives. I think we will try the meet and greets. We did one with a couple last weekend and my wife liked it and was against it before. Reducing the stress of it really makes sense.

We all know it can be discouraging when you have a night lined up to play with others and it doesn't pan out! We find the best way to deal with it is by looking no further then the person beside you to make that happen. Some of the best play nights the two of us have had together are nights that other people cancelled. We just take a fuck each other silly approach and have a great time. That never gets boring for us.