Lies, deceit, and betrayal

I have to apologize for the delay here, I signed up for this site wanting to share something but it was still active and is now over.

My GF & I had been together almost 2 years, a few weeks ago our relationship ended.

Shes 38yo. - I am 44yo. We were both independent, physically fit and showed our attraction towards each other, sex was above normal and something very hard to fake, this connection is very important to me, we did a lot of things together had a lot in common one of the most importantthing was that we both had daughters that became best friends.

-My girlfriend had entered my life at one of its worse points, never before had I been let down, disappointed and betrayed by so many that I had allowed to be so close..

We had great times with or without our children, one of the things that I had attracted me to her was that she was independent and had made good money for a single mom.

I am well-off financially and have a successful business is still going, I am always under a lot of stress in my every day life so I really enjoyed my time with her, especially when we were all together with our daughters.

I had spent weeks trying to understand and put this into perspective.

In the end I found out the hard that I was in a relationship with a narcissist, every single thing I found out the hard way, in the end it destroyed us.

In my situation- I trusted my girlfriend to control my happiness, a narcissist feeds off of anything you share with them, you see during these situations I had known that she had my back as well, without a doubt, I was a loving father who trusted her with my daughter, and I loved her daughter my girlfriend would never do anything to compromise our relationship or ever intend to hurt me!

She used use anything I cared about as a tool to manipulate, every time we ever had a problem she fed off of how much I cared about anything and use that against me at those times..

In our two year relationship I think we had five experiences where each one she just took it a step further, I trusted her and was blinded because of our life outside of this which as far as I knew was real!

If a couple is considering other people outside of your sexual relationship then you better be honest with each other or you will be ripped apart, guaranteed.

-Never underestimate anyone, no matter how comfortable you are or how great you think your sex life is never assume someone is being honest with you, pay attention to actions not words, you have boundaries, rules, understanding if anything deviates from what you have both agreed to -stop everything immediately we are probably ending your relationship, if it doesn't it will never be the same..

In the end I thought I had a partner that I could share anything with, many times I told her I don't care how many women could be standing naked ready to fuck me and if she wasn't OK with it it would never happen, I would never let an opportunity come before her in our future with our kids, she decided to take an opportunity every time she had it making it clear what was most important to her.

There are a lot of details of what happened and how things wound up, many copy and paste which I'm not sure are 100% but I'm happy to continue this and hear about other experiences and also share more details.

-- I had to get something together to start this dialogue

- I would like to know if anybody has ever experienced anything like I have?

Obviously whatever happened is still fresh and you were just letting some of your feelings out. Hopefully you can expand as to what had happened so it will be easier to offer suggestions and help, but the bottom line is no matter what happened, isn't it better to find out the truth now instead of after dedicating much more of your life and resources on her? Swinging is a magnifying glass: if the relationship is good, it will make it better. But if the relationship isn't good, or if there is other hidden problems then you are going to get burned. The secret is trust, love and communication. Any less than 100% of all three is not going to be good enough. Two years is awhile, but you are still young and still have time to find someone who CAN give you 100% love, trust and communication. Wishing you the best as you deal with difficult times, but no matter how dark things seem now, they WILL get better.

We both spent more than 20 years each in relationships only to find out that the person we were with wasn't the right one. Leaving was hell, but it got the two of us to the place we are now and neither of us would go back and change a thing because it lead us to where we are now. Not meaning to downplay your situation, but 20+ years is much worse than 2, but it does get (much) better.

- I would like to know if anybody has ever experienced anything like I have?

I don't think I've ever seen this in a relationship, but I think we know exactly what you're describing from a personal friendship. Some of the remarks ring true.

Everyone tends to say "oh, they're a sociopath" or "oh, they're a narcissist" very flippantly these days when things go bad with someone.

All I can say is that if it's actually true, run. When you see dishonest or selfish behavior start, all you can do is try to talk about it, and if the talk doesn't yield anything productive, start distancing yourself for your own well-being. The desire to stay engaged with this person to try to prove a point or "help" them can be powerful, but they probably have a lifetime of experience screwing people over and an agenda that you don't fully understand. It will not end the way you hope.

Two years is two years. Be glad it didn't take three to figure it out.

Sounds to me that you need to discuss your failed relationship with a professional. All you'll ever receive here is perhaps sympathy and others tales of woe. Neither will help you much in dealing with the pyschological damage. Get some help.

Don't worry or feel bad you still have someone who you can count for 200% trust and love and that's your daughter the rest is icing on the cake.

NEVER allow anyone else to control your happiness. That should be yours alone to control, but it is also something that you can share.

Mistakes: Everyone makes them and it's okay. The trick is what you take away from them. Either you LEARN and make changes in how you do things to keep from repeating them or you just keep making the same mistakes over again and wonder why the outcome is always the same result.

We wish you the best as you move on.

Sorry to hear about the hard times you are going through! Lots of good advice and suggestions in the posts above.

I would like to add though that if you do move on and start another relationship with someone else down the line do not let what happened with this person stop you from having a strong, respectful and trusting one with the next one. Remember that they did not wrong you and they should not have to be treated like they did. Nothing will push away the good ones faster then being around someone who does not trust them for something they had nothing to do with and someone who has a negative outlook on what a relationship is.

Life is about good and bad experiences! The key is to embrace the good ones and realize the bad ones are a learning experience to move on from.

You're absolutely right, life is so short, I am happy I found out sooner than later, it does however blow my mind how people purposely live their lives for temporary happiness, as far as more details as to what happened, I'm happy to share but they are not important for all it did was allow the person I was with to show her true colors.

Our first experience was with other couples, we went into a very small room with an L-shaped bench, I began fucking her right next to another couple and within minutes she was in ecstasy, as I was fucking her she kept sliding closer to another woman sucking her husband's dick, eventually touching her face and acting like she didn't know addict was 2 inches from hers, like she wasn't aware yes let's just say she was a little more comfortable then she led me to believe, then we were going to the bathroom and she says no I'll stay here go ahead without me, sure I'm going to leave her here naked alone with another couple that we were just having sex next to, then she says she held the guys dick briefly because it was just there and she felt bad for him, I said what about me, the other girl that we were fucking on top of her face didn't even touch me because neither of us were giving and only you girls were supposed to be touching each other, you see her and I talked about everything in depth, we had rules and boundaries and on our first experience she broke a few of them, in the end it took her days to tell me the truth and that she just wanted to watch it was too embarrassed to tell me, and I asked her why she wanted to watch alone? I was only wanting to do any of this together only. these are little things that she would do the few times we tried to have an experience together, she made it only about her.

Yes I label her as a narcissist because I've never in my life had to prove somebody lied sometimes two and three times, she threw out lies constantly and I never really could see it until the end, I saw her as someone who just avoided conflict but she avoided whatever she would create never admitting to it or wanting to fix anything, or second experience was another that was all in her favor, on the way there I was trying to communicate with her, she was avoiding and it began to upset me to the point where I could not even get into it once we started, another girl had gone down on her and got her off right in front of me, yes I was turned on however turned off because she could have cared less whether I was enjoying myself or not, again making it all about her, the stressful times in my life and everything I was going through that actually allowed me to be just happy for her and had put my happiness aside, I wasn't even aware of this until the end, I always communicated and unfortunately things would get put on hold with our lives moving forward, our kids are plans everything return to happy times again until something presented itself, obviously the good was far outweigh the bad, our sex life was amazing and it would make me feel secure, In the end I should have been more in touch like you said, more acknowledging to the things she would avoid and held her accountable for her actions but I didn't, she would shower me with words and considering when I was going through in my life and my surroundings she was in and she knew it and took advantage..

Sounds to me that you need to discuss your failed relationship with a professional. All you'll ever receive here is perhaps sympathy and others tales of woe. Neither will help you much in dealing with the psychological damage. Get some help.

----- Fortunately I was able to get through this on my own, I was in a very dark place not because of her but because of people..

I had shared the story because it was a life's lesson, not a swinger lesson or sex lesson.

I am a hard worker, have excess full businesses & financially well-off & Living in South Florida is not a great place for a nice person who is also financially set, unfortunately I've had had friends & family take advantage of me, I'm not one of those desperate rich guys, I've done well on my own meeting women without having to go to sites or anything however most women I meet always seem to change not long after they see my cars, house & lifestyle, I am not a party animal, I purposely stay away from the very high-end beautiful fake women, I love pretty women however South Florida is loaded with fakes & Golddiggers, I've seen it all!

My girlfriend was as a single mom, I thought she was actually kind of goofy when I met her, not super attracted to her when we met but she was a good person and she had a daughter that began to interact with mine, eventually I began to fall for her and her daughter, I never viewed her as a Golddigger, I never tried to buy her with material things, I just never understood why in the situations she would do these things although now looking back I do see how she had capitalized on my lifestyle, also the material things, I didn't pay attention because this was outside of the problem area but that's what she did was use that I just never understood why, all I can say is that I was very happy and fortunate to have been able to share whatever was going on in my life with her and her daughter, I had underestimate her, another lesson..

IM OK WITH EVERYTHING-IM ONLY SHARING THE REST OF KY STORY BECAUSE PEOPLE WERE ASKING FOR THE DETAILS, - I'm sharing in hopes it can help anyone in need..

-My one and only daughter is my true partner and what helped me most get through this dark time as well as others, thank you guys for replying and not making a mockery out of my story, I hope when I'm sharing can help others for as everyone here has mentioned communicate which I did however more importantly react which I didn't, I kept looking at the temporary happiness that was getting me bye and that's not me.

I guess I was going through so much shit and I had The mistake putting her in a place to control my happiness, in those moments she took all of me for granted knowing how much I cared about her for what? To try to leave me out of a situation we were supposed to be in together? What was her thing to show me?

Fast forward to our third experience, we saw another couple and she immediately said I don't want the guy touching me, turned it into an argument to the point where I didn't want to do anything, eventually we try to have fun before leaving that night and that other couple wound up next to us, 15 minutes later that guy she never want to touching her is licking her ass while his wife left her pussy, as soon as it happened she told me to not stop them because like she always said she never wanted to guy to touch her right?

She was turning our fantasy beyond 180° Sitting on top of the other girl licking her pussy while sucking my dick she had said "do not to stop them" remember- she always Made it clear "she never wanted a man to touch her" and as they're doing that to her she had looked up to me and said she was ready for this guy to fuck her, that's right, no condoms nothing, obviously I could have fucked another girl but it ruined everything just seeing her do everything she said she never wanted to do..

I have to say that was the night it could have happened, the guy was very clean and polite and the girl was smoking hot and sexually attracted to me but it wasn't happening, my girlfriend had purposely fucked everything up and had it looking like it just happened by accident when it didn't, that night fizzled out and we went home.

I had given her more than enough time to talk after but usual she just wanted it to disappear and acted like everything was normal..

As pissed as I was I wanted to be sure that she had remembered I was OK with her doing the same thing I was doing she just had to be honest with me about it so we could experience it together,, her dishonesty was catching up with her...

I had waited days for her to be honest and communicate but she wouldn't and last year we had broken up over it, eventually she had worked her way back in, eventually things got back to normal with our lives, children doing things together, going to that place on kids like to go and enjoying our lives, The only thing left of our fantasy was that she was going to find a girl for us to be with, otherwise I was over at all and never wanted to do it again.