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Justfunsex3

Interested in learning! Dealing with pushy people?

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We are a straight male bi-female married couple of 14 years. While not new to the lifestyle, 6 years give or take, we're still fairly inexperienced. We've mainly been involved in mff threesomes, only one couple we used to play with on a regular basis, and a single man that joined us once. We've found for us that mff with a bi-female works best, because everyone can be involved with everyone else. Our few experiences have been great, and we're excited about more! Female half works as an exotic dancer, and while it generates a lot of interest it seems to set her up as a conquest to a lot of the people we've met. Is pushy people something everyone deals with frequently? Looking forward to learning more about this lifestyle!

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Welcome to the Swingers Board! Looking forward to your voices being added to the conversations here.

 

I won't say we have never run into pushy people, because a few come to mind, but they have been few and far between. The vast majority have been very friendly and welcoming but also very respectful not to cross any boundaries, either intentionally or inadvertently. That's how we try to be too, so with most people we have felt comfortable from the start and not having to feel like you were constantly on your guard...which isn't much fun.

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Welcome, Justfunsex3. We've met some pushy people as well but on the whole, I wouldn't say we deal with it frequently. Usually, once you say no, they back off.

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Pushy people tend not to last very long in the LS. They get rejected, they get bored, they leave. Pushy leads to no, no means no, etc. Perhaps paradoxically, we find our vanilla friends are often pushier in various aspects of life.

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Thank you all for your input. It is possible because of her job, and being constantly hit on at work, she's a bit sensitive about being hit on.

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Welcome to SwingersBoard, Justfunsex3!

 

As others have mentioned, it seems like pushy people are in the minority in the lifestyle. Sorry that you have had some experiences with pushy folks. Are we talking about guys who are part of couples, solo guys, or for that matter, women? It's unfortunate that some people seem to think that her job means that she is more likely to want a quick liaison. After all, the fact that we are swingers means that we have sex with others, but we still get to be selective, insist on being friends first if we want, and generally NOT hop in the sack with every person who comes along. That should be even more the case for exotic dancers, in my opinion.

 

Is it possible for you two to avoid mentioning her exotic dancing job when you meet new people? Or is it already too much "out there" to keep it under wraps? It occurs to me that if she's very good-looking, she might get hit on a lot anyway, regardless of her job!

 

Her sensitivity to being hit on does present a conundrum for others, though. If you two met a couple that you like, how should they behave so that you understand they're interested, but don't go overboard with the flirting or requests to play?

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Most swingers are just not pushy...either the two couples get along or they don't. There's not much to be pushy with here. Now single males do have a tendency to be pushy, but with the numbers set so strongly against them, they feel the need to be pushy. Since you are not interested in mmf, just ignore them. Just remember that this is supposed to be enjoyable. If it isn't something that you both are enjoying, then just don't do it. If a couple is being pushy, excuse yourselves and don't pay them any more mind.

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:Welcome: from Oklahoma, Justfunsex! We're glad y'all have joined us!

 

We seldom found "swingers" to be pushy. Usually, they're just the opposite, refusing to be aggressive, sometimes until the evening was wearing on to the point where there was little time for sex.

 

If the information that your wife is an exotic dancer causes aggressiveness, simply don't volunteer that information. It's really not necessary to the issue.

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Yeah we have had issues with pushy people cornering the wife, both male an female. Frankly the girls can be pretty intense and just walk up to her and start running their hands over her body, etc. Grab her by the hand to lead her off somewhere, etc.

 

Guys get kinda 'surreptitiously' gropey making sure I don't see it.

 

We have also had a few instances of the follow us around the club.

 

It can be a bit tricky handling these situations without being super confrontational.

 

Most sort themselves out with a bit of patience.

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Thank you all for your input. We have had some great experiences swinging and have meet some great people and made some good friends. We're not about to give it up over a few pushy people. As for not telling people what she does for a living, unless we're going to have one night stands with random people, and not talk to them again the question eventually comes up.

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Yes, it will eventually come up but maybe start with that she is an entertainer or she 'works in a night club'. Something more generic. Still, the vast majority of swingers will only look at her occupation as an interesting topic of discussion and not as permission to be pushy or rude.

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Yeah we use really vague comments, or frankly I just make stuff up (ok, not too far from the truth).

 

Honestly it is difficult to explain what I do for a living.

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We've actually really not met pushy people. Our experience in fact has been the opposite-- indecisive "tire kickers" or those who simply disappear. Us looking like trolls probably does not help... ;)

 

MrMarvin

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One of the monthly parties we enjoy is a large 3 season (fall, winter, spring) indoor nudist party. Indoor pools, jacuzzis and a dance floor are available. Entirely nude, about 60/40% men/women and roughly same mix of nudists and LS participants. Most are polite and friendly and the single men police themselves (although 'management" is always visible). Each time there has been 3 or 4 guys who lose all semblance of manners and get quite pushy and aggressive grabbing at the ladies for sex or they sit near the pool publicly entertaining themselves and verbally getting your attention so they can be watched. Their behavior not condoned by either the nudists or LS people. They generally get tossed out, but there seems to be an unlimited pool of replacements.

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