Monopolizing wife.

So we are fairly new to the LS. So far we have had fun except..... we met this couple and we hit it off. But then they (the guy) started wanting to get together every weekend. He got my wife's number from his wife and started texting her. My wife let me know and forwarded the texts. We had to break away from them and did. Now another guy from a different couple is doing the same thing. We went to a house party and his wife was content to mingle but he ghosted near us. Every time my wife and I would separate ( get drinks ) he would zoom in and start to try and kiss on her and get her to go upstairs. We finally had to leave as it was getting awkward. Next my wife tells he is trying to friend her on FB. Is this common? When we (wife and I) communicate with other couples we make sure all parties know about it. Nothing behind the scenes. We don't want or need the drama!

When we finally give out a phone number, it is always Mr Golds...he controls all of the conversation and contacts. Ms. Gold's number is NEVER given out. That takes care of any texting issues. Any man/couple/woman who swoops in on Ms. Gold when Mr. Gold is away is quickly removed from any chance of additional contact. Is this normal? Not in our experience and it would not be tolerated if it was.

Strangely enough they are in different groups. The first couple was from out of town. The second couple is in a group we enjoy. Granted my wife is very attractive and dresses to kill. She gets a lot of attention. But we are not exclusive to any one couple! If we were then we would be poly not swing. I'm not the jealous type but I don't like my wife or our time being monopolized. Does That Make sense?

The ms. Gave her number to the other wife who she felt really comfortable with. For the most part all the numbers we have exchanged have been with the other husbands. Like I said no communications without full disclosure.

from Oklahoma, Satx11! Thanks for posing a good question!

This is out of line with most swingers, I think. Drama is a complication none of us need. Best to end your contact with them unless they are willing to sit down, hear your concerns and act on them.

I don't agree that a couple has to be poly to be exclusive with one couple. Many folks do this to reduce the risks of STDs. My late wife and I found ourselves in exclusive relationships with an other couple from time to time, but it was not love. We just didn't know any other swinging couples at the time. Our play sessions were silly and fun. The emotion of love was not involved.

I hope y'all continue to enjoy the board!

Ah, well, if you two have made it clear to the other couples that the behavior makes you uncomfortable and that you two play together only AND they still try to play separately with your wife then cut off contact and seek out others who are more your play style.

I like two4you's approach. Since the hint seems to not be being taken, then time to put someone on the spot and make them feel a little uncomfortable and not sure how to handle it just like they are making you feel uncomfortable. Right now there's no negative for their behavior the way they see it, so they are probably that type that won't course-correct until the path they were on becomes more uncomfortable to them than a new path is.

We've met a lot of men who we call "predators" at house parties. The guy hits on my wife while his wife is nowhere to be found. Often the wife is lesbian oriented or simply disinterested in me or men or swapping. It doesn't have to always be a 2 for 2 swap, but if you are going to a picnic, it's nice to bring a sandwich and not just eat our sandwich.

Two4u had a good idea! Sorry, I like to play more than watch.

Susan here. I admit that after several years in the Lifestyle I am intolerant of anything even remotely inappropriate. I promptly and concisely end the contact. Fortunately, I have pretty good radar and give off a sensible vibe that I'm fun but no fool. The result is we've had very few concerns over the years.

I am very new to this scene, however, the first couple we are ever going to meet up tomorrow night gave us a great piece of advice. Do not trade phone numbers, at all. They recommended this smartphone app called kik. You can create a group conversation in it that all parties are involved in. This way, we always know who is saying what to who and when. It sounded like great advice and if you had it originally you may not have needed up like this.

In addition, it sounds like we are in the same city. My wife and are are moving slowly though so not looking for more than the couple we are already talking to, but perhaps in a few weeks we might be a better fit for you? We want nothing separate either. For us, this whole thing is about us, not one or the other, so any solo play is out the window.

We have had weird stuff like that happen. Just because they are swinging doesn't mean their relationship is on the same page as yours, or anything like that.

Best just to break off contact and move on.

They recommended this smartphone app called kik. You can create a group conversation in it that all parties are involved in. This way, we always know who is saying what to who and when. It sounded like great advice and if you had it originally you may not have needed up like this.

You know, that's a good suggestion. Kik is really a great app for just this type of thing.

I am very new to this scene, however, the first couple we are ever going to meet up tomorrow night gave us a great piece of advice. Do not trade phone numbers, at all. They recommended this smartphone app called kik. You can create a group conversation in it that all parties are involved in. This way, we always know who is saying what to who and when. It sounded like great advice and if you had it originally you may not have needed up like this.

 

In addition, it sounds like we are in the same city. My wife and are are moving slowly though so not looking for more than the couple we are already talking to, but perhaps in a few weeks we might be a better fit for you? We want nothing separate either. For us, this whole thing is about us, not one or the other, so any solo play is out the window.

You know, that's a good suggestion. Kik is really a great app for just this type of thing.

We have used Kik too, as well as group text. It can be helpful.

We joined a swinger site, and the very first message my wife got simply said "Does he need to know"

the wife tend to ignore me when she finds someone she likes and I remind her we are a couple and play together

We joined a swinger site, and the very first message my wife got simply said "Does he need to know"

There are plenty of men...heck an over abundance of single men who are just looking to get laid. The assumption is that if you are a swinger then you are looking to have sex with anyone and cheating is okay. Messages like that is the reason there is a delete (and usually an ignore) button.

We joined a swinger site, and the very first message my wife got simply said "Does he need to know"

Unfortunately this kind of bullshit is all to common online! We get messages like this often from single men and couples even though we are more then clear on our profiles that we only play together and think cheaters are low life pieces of crap. Then there are the people that hit you up on the chat feature and the first thing they ask is if this is the woman which we reply we are always a couple. We don't care if it is a single guy or a couple they get blocked.

We joined a swinger site, and the very first message my wife got simply said "Does he need to know"

We got several similar messages right off the bat as well. We simply deleted and ignored the single males. Having a MFM is something we have discussed and may want to try in the future, but is not something we are interested in right now. I felt that returning this messages telling then that though would just lead them on and cause it to get worse. It seems there is no shortage of single males looking to get in on any kind of action they can though, so when the time comes for that, we will be able to take our pick and just ignore them all until that time comes.

Also, after a few of these messages, I noticed my wife getting a little nervous. Talking to her about it, she was worried that single women may try the same thing with me and that while she knows I would never cheat, she still got nervous about the possibility of a woman contacting me and me doing something without her. She admitted it was silly, but could not shake the feeling. We simply made a rule that any and all communication would be discussed and done together, never separately. Not even browsing the site separately. We set up our password in such a way that neither of us knows the whole thing, I type my part while she is not looking then she types her part of it.